(no subject)
RULED BY THE MOON
Chapter 18
Title: Ruled by the Moon
Author: Me, nellie_darlin
Disclaimer: Not mine. Jo's.
Pairing/Characters: Remus/Sirius
Rating: R
Warnings: None
Genre: Everything! Tis Lupin's Life!
A/N: Many millions of thanks to lyras for the beta-ing, and her endless patience with my vacillating and sometimes shocking writing habits. Feedback is adored.
A/N 2: The poem Sirius quotes is Evening, by Ronald Duncan.
Summary: Being an account of the life of Remus J Lupin, Esquire, from his first day at Hogwarts to his last on this earth. In many chapters. Also starring Sirius Black, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, and the various inhabitants of Hogwarts and the wizarding world.
Teaser: It was McGonagall who saved them, charging towards them with her wand out, bun askew and face framed with flying wisps of hair.
Chapter 18
Seventh Year
It was McGonagall who saved them, charging towards them with her wand out, bun askew and face framed with flying wisps of hair.
“Alastor!” she cried as she approached; Remus couldn’t swear to it but he thought he saw their captor flinch. “Alastor Moody, what on earth do you think you’re doing?”
They were all still frozen, of course, but if they hadn’t been, Remus knew James and Sirius would have started forward eagerly. Alastor Moody? Alastor Moody the Auror?
“Captives, Minerva!” Moody shouted gleefully, the wild light of battle still burning in his eyes. “Four captives, finally proving there’s an active recruitment drive among the young!”
“Moody,” McGonagall thundered, “I believe your enthusiasm has run away with your common sense! These are my students!”
“Doesn’t stop ‘em being Death Eaters! Constant vigilance, Minerva!”
“Don’t tell me about vigilance, Alastor. These are Gryffindors!”
“What, that one?” Moody barked, pointing at Sirius. “He’s a Black if ever I saw one, the spit of old Lycoris.”
“He’s Sirius Black, you - you twerp!” McGonagall shouted, beside herself. “Sorted into Gryffindor and now living with the Potters. With James Potter, that boy there, who happens to be Head Boy! Would you like to meet the others? Lily Evans, Head Girl. Remus Lupin, prefect.”
“Lucius Malfoy was a prefect,” Moody growled, although he was looking marginally less sure of himself. “And besides, Imperius, Polyjuice -”
“Have you even bothered talking to them? No, I didn’t think so. Honestly, Alastor, I thought you had more sense! Release them. No? Fine, allow them to speak.” Grumbling under his breath and muttering something that sounded suspiciously like “interfering old bag…” Moody modified the spell so that although they still couldn’t move their limbs, their mouths were free.
“Thank you, Moody,” McGonagall said, cutting off James’s immediate protests with a wave of her hand. “Tell me, Mr Potter, how many detentions have you served at Hogwarts?”
“One hundred and fifteen,” James said proudly, and Remus heard one of the Aurors behind them whistle and mutter, “And he’s Head Boy?”
Professor McGonagall nodded, and turned to Sirius. “And you, Mr Black - that total is how many less than yours?”
“Nineteen,” Sirius replied promptly.
“Happy, Alastor?”
“Anyone can look at the records, Minerva,” Moody pointed out, “and what about the other three?” But faced with her wild-eyed glare, even more intimidating in the red glow of the fires behind them, he pursed his mouth and said, “Fine. I believe you.”
“Thank you,” McGonagall said with evident relief. “Now can I take these poor children away and look after them? They’ve been in a battle, Alastor, and they could do with a hot drink.”
“But - interrogation -”
“I can manage,” McGonagall cut in. “And Dumbledore is on his way.”
At the mention of Dumbledore the last of Moody’s resistance crumbled. “Fine,” he said crossly. “But don’t come crying to me if they murder you all in your beds. Finite incantatem.” Gesturing to his Aurors he stomped away, a forbidding figure with a strange loping gait.
~*~
“So,” McGonagall said, when they were settled in a back parlour of the Leaky Cauldron, each nursing a steaming Butterbeer. “Tell me what happened. Mr Potter?”
“We’d come to get our books,” James began, “and we were just walking down Diagon Alley when there were loud cracks -”
“How many?”
“Ten?” James guessed, looking at Sirius.
“I’d say ten or twelve,” Sirius agreed.
“So we heard these cracks, but distant, down the other end of the street, beyond Gringotts. And then the screaming started, and everyone started running towards us, away from whatever it was. And we stood there, wondering what to do, because no one was fighting, you know? Everyone was just running, and we wanted to help. So we agreed to go, and we ran the other way, past everyone, although it was hard because there were a lot of people. And then there was an explosion, and everyone ran faster, and we nearly got separated but we grabbed onto each other and kept pushing. And then I saw Evans on the other side of the street. She was with Rilly - Amaryllis Jones - and she was shouting at this guy -”
“He was a ministry official,” Lily explained. “He was just panicking. I wanted him to help.”
“She was amazing,” James said, looking at her with such pride that she blushed and looked away.
“I’m sure,” McGonagall said shortly, although her eyes were kind. “What happened next?”
Now Sirius took up the story. “We’d got to Flourish and Blotts by now, where Diagon Alley bends, and we could see smoke rising from a shop just round the corner but we couldn’t see anything else, and then this guy came charging round the corner, chased by two - two Death Eaters. And they - they were firing spells at him, and he was dodging, and then one hit him. And he died.” And he swallowed, eyes wide. “And then they saw Evans. But she’d seen them first and stunned one before they’d got the spell out, and Remus got the other -”
“- I told you, she was amazing -”
“- and then there were about six cracks behind us and it was the MLE Squad and some Aurors, including my cousin Ted - Tonks - and he grabbed us and said, ‘Can you use a wand? Well?’ and I said yes, and so he said, ‘Come on then, all of you,’ and we ran with him round the corner.” Sirius had been speaking quickly but uncomfortably, and now he took a breath, then continued with his eyes on the table. “Most people had escaped now, into the Cauldron or into shops, but there were a few fighting the Death Eaters, and two were already down. We helped at first - surprise - but there were still eight of them, all very good, and because we had to take cover we were firing blind a lot of the time. There were a few of our side who were hit, but Evans and Pete looked after them. Rilly had stayed behind to tie up the Death Eaters we’d stunned and guard them, but we haven’t seen her since -”
“She’s fine,” McGonagall told them, and they all sagged with relief. “Her prisoners have been taken into custody. She was very brave.”
“That’s good to hear.”
“So what happened then?” McGonagall prompted.
“Then -” and now Sirius paused, unable to quite find the words. “I don’t know exactly what happened. More people Apparated in, I know that much, but I don’t know who they were, because they weren’t MLE or Aurors, and they definitely weren’t Death Eaters because they immediately started attacking them, and suddenly the tables turned and we were winning. And then, maybe five minutes after these people arrived, the remaining Death Eaters - about five of them - Disapparated. One of the strangers called Ted over, spoke to him, and then the strangers Disapparated too.”
“Did you recognise this stranger?” McGonagall asked with a strange urgency.
“No,” Sirius replied. “I’m sorry, I didn’t. He seemed vaguely familiar - he looked young enough to have been at Hogwarts when we were, maybe twenty-four or something? But I couldn’t say for sure.”
None of the others could place the stranger either, but Remus noticed that instead of alarmed, McGonagall looked relieved.
“Professor,” James said then, “who were these strangers? Why did they just leave?”
“I don’t know,” McGonagall said smoothly, but Remus was certain she was lying. “But I assure you -”
But she stopped, interrupted by a commotion outside.
“-my son, you can’t stop me -”
“No one’s trying to stop you, Madam, but -”
“Let me go! I need to see my son!”
The door slammed open and Mrs Potter was framed in the doorway, still in her apron and with her grey hair framing her head like a halo.
“James,” she breathed, clutching her hands to her chest, and then with two strides she was by his side.
“Mum,” he said, and allowed himself to be fiercely hugged.
“James, James, thank god you’re safe, I came as soon as I heard, it’s all over the news, but here you are, safe and sound! And Sirius, too, oh, my darling,” and Sirius was subjected to a bone-crushing embrace. “And Remus and Peter, all safe, it’s too much to hope for.”
And she smiled at Lily, who flushed a little but smiled back. James, also a little pink, said, “Mum, this is Lily Evans. She’s - she’s a Gryffindor.”
“Nice to meet you, Lily,” Mrs Potter said, reaching over the table and shaking Lily’s hand, “and I’m glad that you’re safe too.”
“Thank you, Mrs Potter,” Lily replied.
Finally Mrs Potter turned to McGonagall. “Minerva,” she said, “thank you for looking after them. I do hope you weren’t involved?”
“You’re welcome,” McGonagall said with a bow. “And no, I arrived too late. I was just hearing the children’s story to pass on to the Headmaster.”
“Ah, well, I’m very sorry to have interrupted you,” Mrs Potter replied, and now her fear had been removed, Remus knew she’d noticed her disarray.
“No interruption at all,” McGonagall assured her. “We were finished.”
“Excellent, excellent, then you will have no objection to my taking them home?”
“None at all.”
“My dear,” Mrs Potter said, turning to Lily, “these boys are all staying with me, so I will take them home - are you all right to get home? Is there anyone I can owl to come and collect you?”
“No, no,” Lily said quickly. “I - I’m fine. It’s not far. Thank you. I’ll be fine.”
“Well -” Mrs Potter said, unconvinced. “As long as you Floo, I suppose, you’ll be fine, Minerva will look after you -”
“She won’t be Flooing, Mum,” James said, and Lily glared at him. “She’ll have to get a train back to Guildford.”
“Muggleborn, eh?” Mrs Potter said, tutting. “No, that won’t do. You’d better come with us, dear.”
“Oh no, no,” Lily exclaimed, horrified. “No, Mrs Potter, I couldn’t intrude.”
“You wouldn’t be intruding, dear. We have plenty of space, and I won’t hear of you going all that way, on your own, after such an ordeal. Come back with us, have some supper, send an owl to your parents, then we can take you home tomorrow.”
“Mrs Potter, it’s very kind of you, but I couldn’t,” Lily protested, but James had obviously inherited his tactical deafness from his mother, and her protests were ignored.
“That’s settled then. James, you’ll go on the sofa, Sirius can have the camp bed, and Lily can have the spare room. Don’t worry, dear, I’ll change the sheets.”
~*~
After supper, Remus knocked on Lily’s door.
“It’s me, Remus. Can I come in?”
He found Lily sitting up in bed, dressed in one of Mrs Potter’s voluminous nightgowns, her red hair hanging loose down her back.
“You look nice,” he said, and she blushed.
“Thanks,” she said, laying aside her book. “Sit down.”
“No, I won’t disturb you. I just - wanted to check if you were OK.”
“What, in the hall of the enemy? Nah, I’m fine. More than fine. It’s - I wouldn’t have wanted to be alone tonight.”
“Your parents -” Remus began, but stopped. “No,” he said, “never mind.”
“Exactly. At least - well, we were all there. We all know.”
“Yeah. You were very brave today, you know.”
“So were you. And Black and Potter -”
“Unexpected?” Remus said with a grin.
“Rather. I never knew they could be - sensible. Capable.”
Remus nodded, smiling. Sexy, isn’t it? he wanted to say, but he thought that’d be pushing it a little. “There’s more to them than meets the eye,” he said instead.
“Definitely,” Lily said. “Potter - well, I think I can maybe see why Dumbledore picked him. If that’s what he’s like underneath.”
Remus merely smiled, a suspicion growing in his mind. “He’s a great friend,” he said. “An idiot, but a great friend. And I think he’s sort of growing out of his idiot phase. Although he’ll never be what you’d call sensitive.”
Lily laughed. “No, I can’t imagine he would be.”
“He’s a good guy,” Remus said again. “Anyway, I’ll leave you to your book. Mrs P will probably come and say good night, too. Remember, if you need anything, just help yourself. And if you need company, don’t worry about waking me up. I’m used to it.”
“Thank you, Remus.” When Remus was at the door, Lily called his name. “I - I never disliked him,” she said wistfully. “He was just - Potter.”
Remus just smiled. “Good night, Lily.”
~*~
On the twenty-fifth of September, 1977, towards midnight, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black left their fellow Gryffindors celebrating the first Quidditch win of the season (any excuse for a party) and stumbled up the stairs to their dormitory. Too drunk to be subtle, Sirius had his hand in Remus’s back pocket and Remus had his arm around Sirius’s waist; their heads were close, their bodies closer, their uncertain steps frequently making them collide.
“Pete will notice,” Remus muttered as they turned the corner.
“Pete knows what’s good for him,” Sirius growled back. “Come on.”
The dormitory was in darkness when they entered, and in the quiet and the privacy Remus found himself backed up against the door, Sirius’s thigh between his, his sweet, whisky-smelling breath warm against his mouth. Remus grinned, looking up at Sirius and his moon-illuminated face, his cheekbones and the curve of his lips outlined in blue.
Strange, he thought, how for everyone else in the world moonlight is romantic.
“Shall we shag, then?” Sirius suggested innocently.
“Not while I’m bloody here you won’t,” came James’s voice from somewhere in the shadows, and Sirius whirled round.
“Prongs?” he whined, “Prongs, you promised!”
And then James switched on his bedside light; he had propped himself up on his elbow and was looking over his shoulder at them, his hair even more of a mess than usual and his shirt crumpled.
Sirius peered drunkenly at him. “Prongs, have you pulled?” he exclaimed, and then James’s companion sat up.
“Didn’t anyone teach you to knock, Black?” she snapped, and Sirius gaped.
“Evans?”
~*~
“So, go on then,” Peter urged at breakfast. “Tell us what happened?”
“Well, nothing happened,” James said, scowling at Sirius who just sniffed and looked away.
“Not last night, I know about last night, I was asking how it actually happened.”
“Probably drugged her,” Sirius sneered, and James frowned.
“I didn’t drug her, Sirius. She wanted to. She - well, apparently, I’ve changed.”
“You have,” Sirius muttered, “boring git.”
Remus kicked him. “You’ve been great, Prongs,” he said. “Being head boy suits you.”
“I - well, it’s been better than I thought,” James admitted. “Not that I’m like you, Remus, of course - never will be. But - I like it. And it gave me a chance to get close to Evans.”
“You going to call her Evans when you’re married, Prongs?”
James flushed but ploughed on, lifting his chin slightly. “We had some good chats, and when I realised that she might actually like me a bit, I sort of - relaxed. Or something. It suddenly wasn’t so hard to talk to her. And the easier it was, the easier it got. Sort of.”
“You had some good chats? You’ve turned into a fucking girl, Prongs - no wonder Dykey McDykerson likes you.”
“Don’t call her that,” James snapped, jumping to his feet.
“Why not? She’s a fucking lezzie dyke who doesn’t know when to shut up.”
“Pot calling the kettle BLACK,” James said.
“I’m not a dyke.”
“You’re a fucking queer and you don’t know when to shut up. Hypocrite.”
“I’m not a hypocrite!” Sirius shouted, dangerously angry now, and Remus shot a worried look across the table at Peter.
“Sirius -” Peter began nervously.
“Shut up, Peter,” Sirius spat.
“No, you shut up, Black,” James said, leaning across the table to jab Sirius in the chest.
“Don’t you fucking touch me,” Sirius said, batting his hand away. “Your whore’s probably given you some disease, I don’t want to get it.”
“You -” James exclaimed, two bright spots of anger burning on his cheeks. “You -”
“What?” Sirius taunted, “Cat got your tongue?”
There was a moment where James struggled with himself, obviously itching to punch Sirius but knowing that the middle of the Great Hall with McGonagall already watching was not the best place. He just stood glaring at Sirius, unconsciously clutching the badge pinned to his chest, until finally he asked coldly, “Oh, can’t you call your dog off, Remus?” before picking up his bag and storming out.
“Wanker,” Sirius muttered.
~*~
“So,” Remus said carefully, lighting Sirius’s cigarette, “are you going to tell me what that was all about?”
“What what was all about?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Remus said, in his disappointment unable to keep from sarcasm, “perhaps your tantrum at breakfast?”
Sirius pursed his lips and looked away. “It’s nothing,” he said, angrily blowing out smoke.
“Like fuck it is.”
Remus used that tone so rarely that Sirius jerked a little, startled, and when he looked round Remus’s expression was stern and unforgiving. The first hint of shame crept into his eyes but he remained defiant.
“She’s a bitch and he’s a wanker,” he said, “that’s all it is.”
Remus paused, blew out smoke. “It’s not that, is it?” he asked, a touch warmer, more sympathetic. “You can’t bear the fact that Lily likes James, can you?”
Sirius didn’t answer, only scuffed his shoes on the edge of a broken flagstone.
“You feel jealous,” Remus continued, “because you have to share James.”
“She doesn’t deserve him,” Sirius mumbled, and now he was not unpleasant, merely a little broken, and Remus shifted his cigarette to his left hand and slipped his right into Sirius’s.
“James has liked Lily for years,” he said softly. “What’s changed?”
“She’s not supposed to like him.”
And Remus understood - as long as Lily was a fantasy, James was safe. James was his. James’s borderline-stalking had become a joke - more than that, had become the status quo. And with Lily’s sudden about-turn, everything that Sirius relied on had been turned upside down. Such emotions in anyone else would have been ridiculous, but in Sirius they were understandable - if a little hurtful, reinforcing the Sirius-James bond. Sirius always felt too much, Remus knew this. Felt too much and thought too little, and a certain childish innocence - coupled with a childish cruelty - was an unexpected but understandable part of Sirius’s psyche.
“You’re so irrational,” Remus said affectionately, giving Sirius’s hand a squeeze. “James doesn’t think any less of you just because he’s got Lily. Did he stop liking you so much when he first started fancying her? Did you like him less when you went out with Cleo?” Or now you’re with me? he added mentally, unable to say it aloud.
“Oh, I don’t know,” Sirius said wretchedly, dropping his cigarette to the floor and stamping it out viciously with his foot. “It’s - it’s not - I don’t know what it is. Or why. It’s just - wrong.”
“But you like Lily?”
“In her place, yes.”
“I take it her place is not with James?”
Sirius frowned. Remus tried another tack.
“You know James is over the moon about this,” he said. “He really loves her. This is his dream come true. But he was talking about breaking up with her.” Sirius looked up, surprised, and Remus continued, “I don’t think he’d actually do it, not now. But he considered it, because you were unhappy. And to be honest, that’s far more than you deserve.” Sirius hung his head, gnawing on his lip. “We know you, Sirius,” Remus went on, “so we know that when you’re upset you can say things you don’t mean. But James - James was really hurt this morning. I’m not going to tell you what to do - I wouldn’t even if I thought you’d listen to me. But just think about it, yeah?”
And he gave Sirius a peck on the cheek and walked off, feeling rather pleased with himself.
~*~
Sirius got used to it, just as Remus knew he would, as soon as he saw that Lily wasn’t intending to steal James away from him.
“It’s fine,” she told him sometime in early October, “there are certain things that James needs to get out of his system every so often - I’d rather he did that with you.”
And Sirius grinned and said, “Same here. With you, I mean. Wanking him off got boring after a while.”
And Lily laughed and blushed and hit him, and although Sirius insisted on calling her “the ball-and-chain” from then on, James knew it was affectionate and he never minded.
~*~
It was May, exams were over, and Remus was feeling a curious sense of deja vu.
“The question is,” Remus said, pointing firmly at Peter, “the question really is, is why do we always end up on the bloody roof?”
“Why not?” Sirius said expansively. “Just look, Remus. Look at that. That’s why we always end up on the roof.”
And it was beautiful - ten shades of grey and black, hills, lake and forest, with the castle stretched below them, lights winking at every window and pouring from the Great Hall, and above them a gloriously clear May sky.
“Poof,” James said affectionately. “Poofy poof. Admiring views.”
“It’s pretty.”
“You’re pretty. You’re a girl.”
“I have a cock. D’you wanna see it?”
“Mentally you’re a girl.”
“Being soppy isn’t girly,” Lily objected. “Nor is admiring views. Men can admire views. Girls can too. Doesn’t make it girly. Look at Wordsworth. Look at any of the Romantic poets.”
“Oh, shut up with your Wordsworth,” Sirius said, “that really doesn’t prove your point because he’s the bloody soppiest of the lot. Try, ‘The red fox, the sun, Tears the throat of the evening; makes the light of the day Bleed into the ocean.’ Ten times better than bloody Wordsworth.”
“Christ, he’s quoting poetry now, Lily, you know you’re not supposed to encourage him.”
“Why not? It’d do you good.”
“I’ll do you good,” James threatened, nuzzling her neck, and Lily snorted but tilted her head to give him better access, almost purring under the touch of his mouth.
“Oh, save it for later, you two,” Sirius complained. “And pass us the bloody whisky.”
“Pass it over here when you’re done?” Peter asked, and Sirius did so, taking a swig and then passing it over.
“I’m going to miss this,” Remus murmured then, half to himself.
“I’m not going to miss exams,” James said.
“Me neither,” Peter agreed.
“Tough luck, Prongs, this isn’t the last of them if you really want to be an Auror.”
“Don’t look so bloody smug, Pads, you’ll be doing ‘em too.”
“No,” Remus said, “no, I’m going to miss this. Hogwarts. Us. Everything.”
“We’re not going anywhere,” James told him kindly.
“I’m definitely not going anywhere,” Sirius said, grinning, and shifted a little to press a kiss to Remus’s temple.
“I know, I know. It’s just - it won’t be the same.” Remus was struggling to express himself, unsure how best to explain this heaviness in his stomach, a sort of proto-nostalgia. “I don’t want to leave.”
There was a moment where it looked like Sirius was going to make another joke, but then he said, “I know what you mean.”
“Hogwarts is home,” Lily said softly.
“Hogwarts is safe,” Peter put in.
“Hogwarts is -” Remus attempted, but still the words eluded him, “Hogwarts is Hogwarts.”
“I quite want to go,” James said thoughtfully. “I like it here and all, but I’m feeling a bit claustrophobic. I want to go home, I want to get on with my life. I don’t want all the rules.”
“Course you don’t,” Lily said, but then there was silence, as all four thought about exactly why Hogwarts was preferable to anywhere else.
“It’s easy for you to say, Prongs,” Remus said quietly. “You - well, you’re you.”
“Yeah, I’m me,” James said a little blearily. “Why’s it easy for me to say?”
But he was drunk, they all were, and even if Remus had been able to find the right words, he doubted James would have really understood.
“Never mind,” he said, forcing a smile. “Just thinking aloud. Pass the whisky, Pete, there’s a good lad.”
And behind them, the moon set quietly behind Hogwarts’ turrets.
next
Prologue | one | two | three | four | five | six
seven | eight | nine | ten | eleven | twelve | thirteen
| fourteen | fifteen | sixteen | seventeen | eighteen
Chapter 18
Title: Ruled by the Moon
Author: Me, nellie_darlin
Disclaimer: Not mine. Jo's.
Pairing/Characters: Remus/Sirius
Rating: R
Warnings: None
Genre: Everything! Tis Lupin's Life!
A/N: Many millions of thanks to lyras for the beta-ing, and her endless patience with my vacillating and sometimes shocking writing habits. Feedback is adored.
A/N 2: The poem Sirius quotes is Evening, by Ronald Duncan.
Summary: Being an account of the life of Remus J Lupin, Esquire, from his first day at Hogwarts to his last on this earth. In many chapters. Also starring Sirius Black, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, and the various inhabitants of Hogwarts and the wizarding world.
Teaser: It was McGonagall who saved them, charging towards them with her wand out, bun askew and face framed with flying wisps of hair.
Chapter 18
Seventh Year
It was McGonagall who saved them, charging towards them with her wand out, bun askew and face framed with flying wisps of hair.
“Alastor!” she cried as she approached; Remus couldn’t swear to it but he thought he saw their captor flinch. “Alastor Moody, what on earth do you think you’re doing?”
They were all still frozen, of course, but if they hadn’t been, Remus knew James and Sirius would have started forward eagerly. Alastor Moody? Alastor Moody the Auror?
“Captives, Minerva!” Moody shouted gleefully, the wild light of battle still burning in his eyes. “Four captives, finally proving there’s an active recruitment drive among the young!”
“Moody,” McGonagall thundered, “I believe your enthusiasm has run away with your common sense! These are my students!”
“Doesn’t stop ‘em being Death Eaters! Constant vigilance, Minerva!”
“Don’t tell me about vigilance, Alastor. These are Gryffindors!”
“What, that one?” Moody barked, pointing at Sirius. “He’s a Black if ever I saw one, the spit of old Lycoris.”
“He’s Sirius Black, you - you twerp!” McGonagall shouted, beside herself. “Sorted into Gryffindor and now living with the Potters. With James Potter, that boy there, who happens to be Head Boy! Would you like to meet the others? Lily Evans, Head Girl. Remus Lupin, prefect.”
“Lucius Malfoy was a prefect,” Moody growled, although he was looking marginally less sure of himself. “And besides, Imperius, Polyjuice -”
“Have you even bothered talking to them? No, I didn’t think so. Honestly, Alastor, I thought you had more sense! Release them. No? Fine, allow them to speak.” Grumbling under his breath and muttering something that sounded suspiciously like “interfering old bag…” Moody modified the spell so that although they still couldn’t move their limbs, their mouths were free.
“Thank you, Moody,” McGonagall said, cutting off James’s immediate protests with a wave of her hand. “Tell me, Mr Potter, how many detentions have you served at Hogwarts?”
“One hundred and fifteen,” James said proudly, and Remus heard one of the Aurors behind them whistle and mutter, “And he’s Head Boy?”
Professor McGonagall nodded, and turned to Sirius. “And you, Mr Black - that total is how many less than yours?”
“Nineteen,” Sirius replied promptly.
“Happy, Alastor?”
“Anyone can look at the records, Minerva,” Moody pointed out, “and what about the other three?” But faced with her wild-eyed glare, even more intimidating in the red glow of the fires behind them, he pursed his mouth and said, “Fine. I believe you.”
“Thank you,” McGonagall said with evident relief. “Now can I take these poor children away and look after them? They’ve been in a battle, Alastor, and they could do with a hot drink.”
“But - interrogation -”
“I can manage,” McGonagall cut in. “And Dumbledore is on his way.”
At the mention of Dumbledore the last of Moody’s resistance crumbled. “Fine,” he said crossly. “But don’t come crying to me if they murder you all in your beds. Finite incantatem.” Gesturing to his Aurors he stomped away, a forbidding figure with a strange loping gait.
~*~
“So,” McGonagall said, when they were settled in a back parlour of the Leaky Cauldron, each nursing a steaming Butterbeer. “Tell me what happened. Mr Potter?”
“We’d come to get our books,” James began, “and we were just walking down Diagon Alley when there were loud cracks -”
“How many?”
“Ten?” James guessed, looking at Sirius.
“I’d say ten or twelve,” Sirius agreed.
“So we heard these cracks, but distant, down the other end of the street, beyond Gringotts. And then the screaming started, and everyone started running towards us, away from whatever it was. And we stood there, wondering what to do, because no one was fighting, you know? Everyone was just running, and we wanted to help. So we agreed to go, and we ran the other way, past everyone, although it was hard because there were a lot of people. And then there was an explosion, and everyone ran faster, and we nearly got separated but we grabbed onto each other and kept pushing. And then I saw Evans on the other side of the street. She was with Rilly - Amaryllis Jones - and she was shouting at this guy -”
“He was a ministry official,” Lily explained. “He was just panicking. I wanted him to help.”
“She was amazing,” James said, looking at her with such pride that she blushed and looked away.
“I’m sure,” McGonagall said shortly, although her eyes were kind. “What happened next?”
Now Sirius took up the story. “We’d got to Flourish and Blotts by now, where Diagon Alley bends, and we could see smoke rising from a shop just round the corner but we couldn’t see anything else, and then this guy came charging round the corner, chased by two - two Death Eaters. And they - they were firing spells at him, and he was dodging, and then one hit him. And he died.” And he swallowed, eyes wide. “And then they saw Evans. But she’d seen them first and stunned one before they’d got the spell out, and Remus got the other -”
“- I told you, she was amazing -”
“- and then there were about six cracks behind us and it was the MLE Squad and some Aurors, including my cousin Ted - Tonks - and he grabbed us and said, ‘Can you use a wand? Well?’ and I said yes, and so he said, ‘Come on then, all of you,’ and we ran with him round the corner.” Sirius had been speaking quickly but uncomfortably, and now he took a breath, then continued with his eyes on the table. “Most people had escaped now, into the Cauldron or into shops, but there were a few fighting the Death Eaters, and two were already down. We helped at first - surprise - but there were still eight of them, all very good, and because we had to take cover we were firing blind a lot of the time. There were a few of our side who were hit, but Evans and Pete looked after them. Rilly had stayed behind to tie up the Death Eaters we’d stunned and guard them, but we haven’t seen her since -”
“She’s fine,” McGonagall told them, and they all sagged with relief. “Her prisoners have been taken into custody. She was very brave.”
“That’s good to hear.”
“So what happened then?” McGonagall prompted.
“Then -” and now Sirius paused, unable to quite find the words. “I don’t know exactly what happened. More people Apparated in, I know that much, but I don’t know who they were, because they weren’t MLE or Aurors, and they definitely weren’t Death Eaters because they immediately started attacking them, and suddenly the tables turned and we were winning. And then, maybe five minutes after these people arrived, the remaining Death Eaters - about five of them - Disapparated. One of the strangers called Ted over, spoke to him, and then the strangers Disapparated too.”
“Did you recognise this stranger?” McGonagall asked with a strange urgency.
“No,” Sirius replied. “I’m sorry, I didn’t. He seemed vaguely familiar - he looked young enough to have been at Hogwarts when we were, maybe twenty-four or something? But I couldn’t say for sure.”
None of the others could place the stranger either, but Remus noticed that instead of alarmed, McGonagall looked relieved.
“Professor,” James said then, “who were these strangers? Why did they just leave?”
“I don’t know,” McGonagall said smoothly, but Remus was certain she was lying. “But I assure you -”
But she stopped, interrupted by a commotion outside.
“-my son, you can’t stop me -”
“No one’s trying to stop you, Madam, but -”
“Let me go! I need to see my son!”
The door slammed open and Mrs Potter was framed in the doorway, still in her apron and with her grey hair framing her head like a halo.
“James,” she breathed, clutching her hands to her chest, and then with two strides she was by his side.
“Mum,” he said, and allowed himself to be fiercely hugged.
“James, James, thank god you’re safe, I came as soon as I heard, it’s all over the news, but here you are, safe and sound! And Sirius, too, oh, my darling,” and Sirius was subjected to a bone-crushing embrace. “And Remus and Peter, all safe, it’s too much to hope for.”
And she smiled at Lily, who flushed a little but smiled back. James, also a little pink, said, “Mum, this is Lily Evans. She’s - she’s a Gryffindor.”
“Nice to meet you, Lily,” Mrs Potter said, reaching over the table and shaking Lily’s hand, “and I’m glad that you’re safe too.”
“Thank you, Mrs Potter,” Lily replied.
Finally Mrs Potter turned to McGonagall. “Minerva,” she said, “thank you for looking after them. I do hope you weren’t involved?”
“You’re welcome,” McGonagall said with a bow. “And no, I arrived too late. I was just hearing the children’s story to pass on to the Headmaster.”
“Ah, well, I’m very sorry to have interrupted you,” Mrs Potter replied, and now her fear had been removed, Remus knew she’d noticed her disarray.
“No interruption at all,” McGonagall assured her. “We were finished.”
“Excellent, excellent, then you will have no objection to my taking them home?”
“None at all.”
“My dear,” Mrs Potter said, turning to Lily, “these boys are all staying with me, so I will take them home - are you all right to get home? Is there anyone I can owl to come and collect you?”
“No, no,” Lily said quickly. “I - I’m fine. It’s not far. Thank you. I’ll be fine.”
“Well -” Mrs Potter said, unconvinced. “As long as you Floo, I suppose, you’ll be fine, Minerva will look after you -”
“She won’t be Flooing, Mum,” James said, and Lily glared at him. “She’ll have to get a train back to Guildford.”
“Muggleborn, eh?” Mrs Potter said, tutting. “No, that won’t do. You’d better come with us, dear.”
“Oh no, no,” Lily exclaimed, horrified. “No, Mrs Potter, I couldn’t intrude.”
“You wouldn’t be intruding, dear. We have plenty of space, and I won’t hear of you going all that way, on your own, after such an ordeal. Come back with us, have some supper, send an owl to your parents, then we can take you home tomorrow.”
“Mrs Potter, it’s very kind of you, but I couldn’t,” Lily protested, but James had obviously inherited his tactical deafness from his mother, and her protests were ignored.
“That’s settled then. James, you’ll go on the sofa, Sirius can have the camp bed, and Lily can have the spare room. Don’t worry, dear, I’ll change the sheets.”
~*~
After supper, Remus knocked on Lily’s door.
“It’s me, Remus. Can I come in?”
He found Lily sitting up in bed, dressed in one of Mrs Potter’s voluminous nightgowns, her red hair hanging loose down her back.
“You look nice,” he said, and she blushed.
“Thanks,” she said, laying aside her book. “Sit down.”
“No, I won’t disturb you. I just - wanted to check if you were OK.”
“What, in the hall of the enemy? Nah, I’m fine. More than fine. It’s - I wouldn’t have wanted to be alone tonight.”
“Your parents -” Remus began, but stopped. “No,” he said, “never mind.”
“Exactly. At least - well, we were all there. We all know.”
“Yeah. You were very brave today, you know.”
“So were you. And Black and Potter -”
“Unexpected?” Remus said with a grin.
“Rather. I never knew they could be - sensible. Capable.”
Remus nodded, smiling. Sexy, isn’t it? he wanted to say, but he thought that’d be pushing it a little. “There’s more to them than meets the eye,” he said instead.
“Definitely,” Lily said. “Potter - well, I think I can maybe see why Dumbledore picked him. If that’s what he’s like underneath.”
Remus merely smiled, a suspicion growing in his mind. “He’s a great friend,” he said. “An idiot, but a great friend. And I think he’s sort of growing out of his idiot phase. Although he’ll never be what you’d call sensitive.”
Lily laughed. “No, I can’t imagine he would be.”
“He’s a good guy,” Remus said again. “Anyway, I’ll leave you to your book. Mrs P will probably come and say good night, too. Remember, if you need anything, just help yourself. And if you need company, don’t worry about waking me up. I’m used to it.”
“Thank you, Remus.” When Remus was at the door, Lily called his name. “I - I never disliked him,” she said wistfully. “He was just - Potter.”
Remus just smiled. “Good night, Lily.”
~*~
On the twenty-fifth of September, 1977, towards midnight, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black left their fellow Gryffindors celebrating the first Quidditch win of the season (any excuse for a party) and stumbled up the stairs to their dormitory. Too drunk to be subtle, Sirius had his hand in Remus’s back pocket and Remus had his arm around Sirius’s waist; their heads were close, their bodies closer, their uncertain steps frequently making them collide.
“Pete will notice,” Remus muttered as they turned the corner.
“Pete knows what’s good for him,” Sirius growled back. “Come on.”
The dormitory was in darkness when they entered, and in the quiet and the privacy Remus found himself backed up against the door, Sirius’s thigh between his, his sweet, whisky-smelling breath warm against his mouth. Remus grinned, looking up at Sirius and his moon-illuminated face, his cheekbones and the curve of his lips outlined in blue.
Strange, he thought, how for everyone else in the world moonlight is romantic.
“Shall we shag, then?” Sirius suggested innocently.
“Not while I’m bloody here you won’t,” came James’s voice from somewhere in the shadows, and Sirius whirled round.
“Prongs?” he whined, “Prongs, you promised!”
And then James switched on his bedside light; he had propped himself up on his elbow and was looking over his shoulder at them, his hair even more of a mess than usual and his shirt crumpled.
Sirius peered drunkenly at him. “Prongs, have you pulled?” he exclaimed, and then James’s companion sat up.
“Didn’t anyone teach you to knock, Black?” she snapped, and Sirius gaped.
“Evans?”
~*~
“So, go on then,” Peter urged at breakfast. “Tell us what happened?”
“Well, nothing happened,” James said, scowling at Sirius who just sniffed and looked away.
“Not last night, I know about last night, I was asking how it actually happened.”
“Probably drugged her,” Sirius sneered, and James frowned.
“I didn’t drug her, Sirius. She wanted to. She - well, apparently, I’ve changed.”
“You have,” Sirius muttered, “boring git.”
Remus kicked him. “You’ve been great, Prongs,” he said. “Being head boy suits you.”
“I - well, it’s been better than I thought,” James admitted. “Not that I’m like you, Remus, of course - never will be. But - I like it. And it gave me a chance to get close to Evans.”
“You going to call her Evans when you’re married, Prongs?”
James flushed but ploughed on, lifting his chin slightly. “We had some good chats, and when I realised that she might actually like me a bit, I sort of - relaxed. Or something. It suddenly wasn’t so hard to talk to her. And the easier it was, the easier it got. Sort of.”
“You had some good chats? You’ve turned into a fucking girl, Prongs - no wonder Dykey McDykerson likes you.”
“Don’t call her that,” James snapped, jumping to his feet.
“Why not? She’s a fucking lezzie dyke who doesn’t know when to shut up.”
“Pot calling the kettle BLACK,” James said.
“I’m not a dyke.”
“You’re a fucking queer and you don’t know when to shut up. Hypocrite.”
“I’m not a hypocrite!” Sirius shouted, dangerously angry now, and Remus shot a worried look across the table at Peter.
“Sirius -” Peter began nervously.
“Shut up, Peter,” Sirius spat.
“No, you shut up, Black,” James said, leaning across the table to jab Sirius in the chest.
“Don’t you fucking touch me,” Sirius said, batting his hand away. “Your whore’s probably given you some disease, I don’t want to get it.”
“You -” James exclaimed, two bright spots of anger burning on his cheeks. “You -”
“What?” Sirius taunted, “Cat got your tongue?”
There was a moment where James struggled with himself, obviously itching to punch Sirius but knowing that the middle of the Great Hall with McGonagall already watching was not the best place. He just stood glaring at Sirius, unconsciously clutching the badge pinned to his chest, until finally he asked coldly, “Oh, can’t you call your dog off, Remus?” before picking up his bag and storming out.
“Wanker,” Sirius muttered.
~*~
“So,” Remus said carefully, lighting Sirius’s cigarette, “are you going to tell me what that was all about?”
“What what was all about?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Remus said, in his disappointment unable to keep from sarcasm, “perhaps your tantrum at breakfast?”
Sirius pursed his lips and looked away. “It’s nothing,” he said, angrily blowing out smoke.
“Like fuck it is.”
Remus used that tone so rarely that Sirius jerked a little, startled, and when he looked round Remus’s expression was stern and unforgiving. The first hint of shame crept into his eyes but he remained defiant.
“She’s a bitch and he’s a wanker,” he said, “that’s all it is.”
Remus paused, blew out smoke. “It’s not that, is it?” he asked, a touch warmer, more sympathetic. “You can’t bear the fact that Lily likes James, can you?”
Sirius didn’t answer, only scuffed his shoes on the edge of a broken flagstone.
“You feel jealous,” Remus continued, “because you have to share James.”
“She doesn’t deserve him,” Sirius mumbled, and now he was not unpleasant, merely a little broken, and Remus shifted his cigarette to his left hand and slipped his right into Sirius’s.
“James has liked Lily for years,” he said softly. “What’s changed?”
“She’s not supposed to like him.”
And Remus understood - as long as Lily was a fantasy, James was safe. James was his. James’s borderline-stalking had become a joke - more than that, had become the status quo. And with Lily’s sudden about-turn, everything that Sirius relied on had been turned upside down. Such emotions in anyone else would have been ridiculous, but in Sirius they were understandable - if a little hurtful, reinforcing the Sirius-James bond. Sirius always felt too much, Remus knew this. Felt too much and thought too little, and a certain childish innocence - coupled with a childish cruelty - was an unexpected but understandable part of Sirius’s psyche.
“You’re so irrational,” Remus said affectionately, giving Sirius’s hand a squeeze. “James doesn’t think any less of you just because he’s got Lily. Did he stop liking you so much when he first started fancying her? Did you like him less when you went out with Cleo?” Or now you’re with me? he added mentally, unable to say it aloud.
“Oh, I don’t know,” Sirius said wretchedly, dropping his cigarette to the floor and stamping it out viciously with his foot. “It’s - it’s not - I don’t know what it is. Or why. It’s just - wrong.”
“But you like Lily?”
“In her place, yes.”
“I take it her place is not with James?”
Sirius frowned. Remus tried another tack.
“You know James is over the moon about this,” he said. “He really loves her. This is his dream come true. But he was talking about breaking up with her.” Sirius looked up, surprised, and Remus continued, “I don’t think he’d actually do it, not now. But he considered it, because you were unhappy. And to be honest, that’s far more than you deserve.” Sirius hung his head, gnawing on his lip. “We know you, Sirius,” Remus went on, “so we know that when you’re upset you can say things you don’t mean. But James - James was really hurt this morning. I’m not going to tell you what to do - I wouldn’t even if I thought you’d listen to me. But just think about it, yeah?”
And he gave Sirius a peck on the cheek and walked off, feeling rather pleased with himself.
~*~
Sirius got used to it, just as Remus knew he would, as soon as he saw that Lily wasn’t intending to steal James away from him.
“It’s fine,” she told him sometime in early October, “there are certain things that James needs to get out of his system every so often - I’d rather he did that with you.”
And Sirius grinned and said, “Same here. With you, I mean. Wanking him off got boring after a while.”
And Lily laughed and blushed and hit him, and although Sirius insisted on calling her “the ball-and-chain” from then on, James knew it was affectionate and he never minded.
~*~
It was May, exams were over, and Remus was feeling a curious sense of deja vu.
“The question is,” Remus said, pointing firmly at Peter, “the question really is, is why do we always end up on the bloody roof?”
“Why not?” Sirius said expansively. “Just look, Remus. Look at that. That’s why we always end up on the roof.”
And it was beautiful - ten shades of grey and black, hills, lake and forest, with the castle stretched below them, lights winking at every window and pouring from the Great Hall, and above them a gloriously clear May sky.
“Poof,” James said affectionately. “Poofy poof. Admiring views.”
“It’s pretty.”
“You’re pretty. You’re a girl.”
“I have a cock. D’you wanna see it?”
“Mentally you’re a girl.”
“Being soppy isn’t girly,” Lily objected. “Nor is admiring views. Men can admire views. Girls can too. Doesn’t make it girly. Look at Wordsworth. Look at any of the Romantic poets.”
“Oh, shut up with your Wordsworth,” Sirius said, “that really doesn’t prove your point because he’s the bloody soppiest of the lot. Try, ‘The red fox, the sun, Tears the throat of the evening; makes the light of the day Bleed into the ocean.’ Ten times better than bloody Wordsworth.”
“Christ, he’s quoting poetry now, Lily, you know you’re not supposed to encourage him.”
“Why not? It’d do you good.”
“I’ll do you good,” James threatened, nuzzling her neck, and Lily snorted but tilted her head to give him better access, almost purring under the touch of his mouth.
“Oh, save it for later, you two,” Sirius complained. “And pass us the bloody whisky.”
“Pass it over here when you’re done?” Peter asked, and Sirius did so, taking a swig and then passing it over.
“I’m going to miss this,” Remus murmured then, half to himself.
“I’m not going to miss exams,” James said.
“Me neither,” Peter agreed.
“Tough luck, Prongs, this isn’t the last of them if you really want to be an Auror.”
“Don’t look so bloody smug, Pads, you’ll be doing ‘em too.”
“No,” Remus said, “no, I’m going to miss this. Hogwarts. Us. Everything.”
“We’re not going anywhere,” James told him kindly.
“I’m definitely not going anywhere,” Sirius said, grinning, and shifted a little to press a kiss to Remus’s temple.
“I know, I know. It’s just - it won’t be the same.” Remus was struggling to express himself, unsure how best to explain this heaviness in his stomach, a sort of proto-nostalgia. “I don’t want to leave.”
There was a moment where it looked like Sirius was going to make another joke, but then he said, “I know what you mean.”
“Hogwarts is home,” Lily said softly.
“Hogwarts is safe,” Peter put in.
“Hogwarts is -” Remus attempted, but still the words eluded him, “Hogwarts is Hogwarts.”
“I quite want to go,” James said thoughtfully. “I like it here and all, but I’m feeling a bit claustrophobic. I want to go home, I want to get on with my life. I don’t want all the rules.”
“Course you don’t,” Lily said, but then there was silence, as all four thought about exactly why Hogwarts was preferable to anywhere else.
“It’s easy for you to say, Prongs,” Remus said quietly. “You - well, you’re you.”
“Yeah, I’m me,” James said a little blearily. “Why’s it easy for me to say?”
But he was drunk, they all were, and even if Remus had been able to find the right words, he doubted James would have really understood.
“Never mind,” he said, forcing a smile. “Just thinking aloud. Pass the whisky, Pete, there’s a good lad.”
And behind them, the moon set quietly behind Hogwarts’ turrets.
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Prologue | one | two | three | four | five | six
seven | eight | nine | ten | eleven | twelve | thirteen
| fourteen | fifteen | sixteen | seventeen | eighteen