A Reason to Let Go (Sawyer/Kate)
Author's Note: Okay… this is my first Lost fic, so, please, be nice! It was hard to write it, because I’m a little crazy, yes, but I don’t share the crazy minds the people who created our dear show have, so I had all kinds of issues with the plot. I read it lots of times and I’m pretty sure it makes sense… LOL. And also, English is not my first language, so be aware that some things may sound weird or wrong…
This fic is dedicated to Polly (
ms_pollygreen), for all the freak outs, theories and long chats about Lost and Skate - there wouldn’t be a fic, if it wasn’t for all the talks we had! =-D
A REASON TO LET GO
The rain falls really hard, the strongest storm they have seen since they have gotten to the Island. She stands alone on the beach, feeling the cold drops soaking her, but she can’t move. She can still hear the gunshots and the screaming and she still feels the dread she had felt for the past couple of days. It was awful and so many people had died. So many people can be dying still. She shivers with the thought, but doesn’t move. She is waiting for a sign.
The Island had been attacked a couple of days before, by different people at different times. The helicopters had arrived and people had started shooting from the sky. It had been a mess and they had lost so much… But now she just stands on the beach, looking at the jungle, and waiting. She sees some kind of movement, but she doesn’t let her hopes high. She prepares to shoot; if she has to, she’ll have no mercy.
A voice calls her name and, while it’s a familiar voice, it’s not the one she’s waiting for, so she lowers her gun but still doesn’t move. Jack talks about how dangerous it is for her to stay there, and that they have to go and hide, as they don’t know what can happen, as they can’t be sure of who’s “out there”. She asks if he heard something from the people on the Barracks, but he didn’t and she gets more worried.
He says she shouldn’t worry, and explains to her that the people on the Barracks are on the Barracks because they chose to be and she just can’t believe him. She rolls her eyes, slightly annoyed and remembers him that the people on the Barracks are on the Barracks because they thought the rescuing people were dangerous. Which, given their current situation, proved to be very right…
He keeps insisting that she has to leave the beach and go hide, because they can’t know how dangerous it is and she ends up agreeing with him. She survived until now, so she won’t risk her life standing there. But while they’re carefully running through the jungle, she’s paying attention to every sound she hears. She needs to know if they were attacked too. She needs to know if they are okay. She needs to hear something about him.
They’re hiding on the caves where they once lived and Sayid is there trying to fix one of the helicopters so they can escape. She hears him and Jack talking about what they will do, but she’s not paying attention. She thinks she’s hears distant gunshots and she’s suddenly tense. She hates not knowing what’s happening, she hates that she can’t be sure of anything and, mostly, she hates that she’s so worried about him after everything that happened the last time they were together.
The gunshots are sounding more real to her now and she looks for Jack and Sayid to warn them, but she sees they noticed it too. Guns in hand, the three of them tensely wait for whatever is coming their way. They’re ready to fight; they’re not going down easily. But the gunshots stop suddenly and they hear a baby crying. Claire! They look around, not knowing exactly where she is, and Kate is the first one to see movement. But it’s not Claire who’s holding Aaron; it’s a very hurt Hurley, who falls down as soon as Kate takes the baby from his arms.
There’s blood everywhere, but Jack says the wounds are superficial and Hurley’s going to be okay. Kate is trying to calm Aaron down so she walks away from them, swaying the baby softly, as she had seen Claire doing many times. She’s more worried than she was before, but she won’t do anything harsh. She’ll calm Aaron and then she’ll talk to Jack who, she believes, will have asked all the questions they want to know.
The baby is almost asleep when Jack approaches them. He’s all wet from the rain, but she can see blood all over him. He says that Hurley is asleep now and that he’ll be fine in a couple of hours. He had said little, but enough. The Barracks had been attacked the day before, and the intruders had surprised everyone. In the midst of the running, Claire had been hurt and had given the baby to Hurley, begging him to take care of Aaron, at whatever cost. And Hurley had run, without looking back.
“What about the rest of them?” Kate’s voice was barely a whisper, not only because she doesn’t want to wake the baby, but also because she didn’t trust her voice not to break. “Are they all… dead?”
“He doesn’t know.” Jack answers, softly. “It’s hard to know now.”
She nods and, subconsciously, hugs Aaron tightly, looking away. The rain is still strong and she doesn’t hear anything but its drops all around them. She knows Jack will want to leave as soon as the helicopter is ready, with or without rain, and she’s trying to find excuses to stay. Because she won’t leave unless she’s sure they’re dead. She can’t leave them behind, not in this hell, not when they’re being attacked like that.
Kate can’t keep holding Aaron like that as there’s still need to be on the watch for any intruders, so they lay the baby down on an off-hand crib next to Hurley, who’s starting to feel better and says he’ll take care of Aaron. And as soon as he’s settled, they hear gunshots again, almost at the same time as Sayid announces that the helicopter is ready to go.
There’s only six of them, plus Aaron, and it’s all the helicopter can take. Jin is helping Jack with Hurley and Sun is taking the baby, so they can leave as soon as possible. The gunshots are getting closer and they can tell it’s more dangerous to stay there than to fly with the rain, but Kate can’t force herself to walk. She’s still looking around; she’s still waiting for something.
Jack yells her name desperately, but she won’t go, she won’t leave their people behind. If they’re still alive, they’ll need help and it’s not fair to leave on a helicopter and never come back, not after all they have been through as a group. He argues that she’s being stupid, that she has to save herself, but she won’t listen, she doesn’t care.
“Damn it, Kate, he’s not coming here!” Jack finally loses his patience and says what he knows she doesn’t want to hear. “If he’s alive, which I don’t think it’s a possibility, he’s not coming here for you! He said he doesn’t want to leave! What are you waiting for, a tearful goodbye? We’re fighting for survival here, Kate!”
“I know that, Jack!” She screams back because she’s lost her patience too. He just doesn’t understand, does he? “I just need to know, okay? I can’t leave not knowing!”
He’s about to answer, angrily, for sure, when a sudden movement catches their attention. They draw their guns again, ready to shoot whoever shows up and when they hear a gunshot, now insanely close to where they are, they’re almost sure it’s the end. But when someone stumbles from the middle of the jungle, gun in hand, it’s not a stranger.
“What the hell are you two doing standing there? Don’t tell me you made some kind of suicidal pact!”
It’s Sawyer and, apart some cuts and bruises, he seems fine and Kate rolls her eyes at his words, more to hide her relief than to actually demonstrate how annoyed she is. But he’s seriously worried and explains how they were running from some intruders, when Claire got hurt, and they got separated. He ran to the place where he was sure he would find someone, but one of the attackers had followed him there and he had no other choice but to shoot him, which explained the noise they had heard moments before his approach.
So it’s even more dangerous to stay where they are, since it’s clear they’re about to be discovered. Sayid starts the helicopter and Jack begs, once more, for her to come. But she’s not listening to him anymore, nothing else matters. Now that Sawyer is there, and he’s fine and healthy, she really doesn’t want to go. It’s not like she has something for her out there, right?
“No way, Freckles, you ain’t staying here!” He can see what she’s planning even before she actually decides, but it’s not a joke and he won’t let her risk her life. “You’re getting your pretty self into that helicopter and you’re flying away from here. Right now!”
“Why? If you’re not coming, why do I have to? You said it yourself, there’s nothing out there but prison for me.” She’s not going without a fight; she’s not willing to let him there, not when it’s so risky. “You come with us, or I’m staying here. It’s your choice!”
She’s challenging him and she can see how angry he’s getting, but she doesn’t move. They hear more gunshots and suddenly he’s holding her by her arms, his eyes darkened with anger and worry.
“Listen to me, Kate, you’re going away on that helicopter and you’re not coming back. Never, do you hear me?” He now looks to Jack, who’s still standing there. “You all go and you make up some story about being the only survivors. I don’t care what you’re saying, but you ain’t coming back! If we live or if we die, it won’t matter, because they’re not sending anyone else this way, understand?” Jack nods and Sawyer turns his attention to Kate, who’s looking at him with wide-eyes. “Do you understand, Kate?”
“Come with us, James.” She’s pleading now and she hates it, but she can’t help herself. “Come with us and we can make up some story and never come back. But, please, don’t ask me to leave you here and forget everything about it! It’s not fair!”
“I can’t go! Not when there’s still some of… some of us here, Kate. I’m staying and I’m fighting, but you’re not. You’re going home right now!” She’s bits her bottom-lip and he knows she’s about to cry and that she’s still fighting, but he can’t waste much time. “Freckles, there’s no arguing here. If I have to shove you into that helicopter I’ll do it, you know that.” His voice is softer now and she sees the worry in his eyes. He doesn’t want her to die; he needs to know she’s alive and well. “Go home, Kate. Go… find yourself a life or something like that.”
“Sawyer, don’t…” She still wants to fight, because she cares too much to let go easily, but she knows him well enough to understand she doesn’t have a choice. “Give me a date, then, to come back.”
“No, no coming back, Kate. You go and you don’t look back. Do you hear me?” She doesn’t answer, and they hear the guns and steps and it’s obvious that there are people coming. “No coming back. Say it, Kate, promise me. You’re not coming back!” He’s furious and if she didn’t know him, she would be scared. But she already saw that look many times and she understands. “Say it, Kate!”
“I’m not coming back.” It’s a whisper and her voice breaks with every word, but it’s the promise he was waiting for and he relaxes his grip on her arms for a fraction of a second. But then he looks at her and he knows it’s the last time, so he can’t help but pull her into his arms again, crushing her lips with his, in a deep, desperate kiss.
It’s much more than a simple goodbye kiss and they both know that. They’re completely open to each other for the first time in a long time, almost as if they both want the other to know how much it mattered. How real it was. Saywer’s hands are on her face, on her hair, pulling her closer and Kate is giving herself entirely to him, not caring about anything else but his lips, his arms and his love.
They both wanted it to last forever, but they’re suddenly aware of the rain, the helicopter’s noise and the danger all around them. Sawyer is the one who pulls away first and gives her a crooked smile.
“G’bye, Freckles. Take care, alright?” He brushes her soaked hair from her forehead. “Don’t do anything stupid.” She nods and then he pulls her into Jack’s arms “Take her, Doc. And remember: do NOT come back. Never!”
He waits for them to get on board and gives a little smile when sees Kate taking Aaron from Sun’s arms. She locks eyes with him the whole time, almost as if she doesn’t want to let go. He can hear shots and screams and knows he has to fight, but he will wait until she’s out of sight. He thinks they deserve it.
Inside the helicopter, Kate holds Aaron close and sighs deeply when the Island starts to disappear. It’ll be hard, she’s sure of that, but she made him a promise, and she’ll do her best to keep it. They’ll come up with a plausible story and they’re never coming back… It hurts and she’s pretty sure it won’t get easier, but she’ll do what he told her to do. At least this time…
THE END
This fic is dedicated to Polly (
ms_pollygreen), for all the freak outs, theories and long chats about Lost and Skate - there wouldn’t be a fic, if it wasn’t for all the talks we had! =-D
A REASON TO LET GO
The rain falls really hard, the strongest storm they have seen since they have gotten to the Island. She stands alone on the beach, feeling the cold drops soaking her, but she can’t move. She can still hear the gunshots and the screaming and she still feels the dread she had felt for the past couple of days. It was awful and so many people had died. So many people can be dying still. She shivers with the thought, but doesn’t move. She is waiting for a sign.
The Island had been attacked a couple of days before, by different people at different times. The helicopters had arrived and people had started shooting from the sky. It had been a mess and they had lost so much… But now she just stands on the beach, looking at the jungle, and waiting. She sees some kind of movement, but she doesn’t let her hopes high. She prepares to shoot; if she has to, she’ll have no mercy.
A voice calls her name and, while it’s a familiar voice, it’s not the one she’s waiting for, so she lowers her gun but still doesn’t move. Jack talks about how dangerous it is for her to stay there, and that they have to go and hide, as they don’t know what can happen, as they can’t be sure of who’s “out there”. She asks if he heard something from the people on the Barracks, but he didn’t and she gets more worried.
He says she shouldn’t worry, and explains to her that the people on the Barracks are on the Barracks because they chose to be and she just can’t believe him. She rolls her eyes, slightly annoyed and remembers him that the people on the Barracks are on the Barracks because they thought the rescuing people were dangerous. Which, given their current situation, proved to be very right…
He keeps insisting that she has to leave the beach and go hide, because they can’t know how dangerous it is and she ends up agreeing with him. She survived until now, so she won’t risk her life standing there. But while they’re carefully running through the jungle, she’s paying attention to every sound she hears. She needs to know if they were attacked too. She needs to know if they are okay. She needs to hear something about him.
They’re hiding on the caves where they once lived and Sayid is there trying to fix one of the helicopters so they can escape. She hears him and Jack talking about what they will do, but she’s not paying attention. She thinks she’s hears distant gunshots and she’s suddenly tense. She hates not knowing what’s happening, she hates that she can’t be sure of anything and, mostly, she hates that she’s so worried about him after everything that happened the last time they were together.
The gunshots are sounding more real to her now and she looks for Jack and Sayid to warn them, but she sees they noticed it too. Guns in hand, the three of them tensely wait for whatever is coming their way. They’re ready to fight; they’re not going down easily. But the gunshots stop suddenly and they hear a baby crying. Claire! They look around, not knowing exactly where she is, and Kate is the first one to see movement. But it’s not Claire who’s holding Aaron; it’s a very hurt Hurley, who falls down as soon as Kate takes the baby from his arms.
There’s blood everywhere, but Jack says the wounds are superficial and Hurley’s going to be okay. Kate is trying to calm Aaron down so she walks away from them, swaying the baby softly, as she had seen Claire doing many times. She’s more worried than she was before, but she won’t do anything harsh. She’ll calm Aaron and then she’ll talk to Jack who, she believes, will have asked all the questions they want to know.
The baby is almost asleep when Jack approaches them. He’s all wet from the rain, but she can see blood all over him. He says that Hurley is asleep now and that he’ll be fine in a couple of hours. He had said little, but enough. The Barracks had been attacked the day before, and the intruders had surprised everyone. In the midst of the running, Claire had been hurt and had given the baby to Hurley, begging him to take care of Aaron, at whatever cost. And Hurley had run, without looking back.
“What about the rest of them?” Kate’s voice was barely a whisper, not only because she doesn’t want to wake the baby, but also because she didn’t trust her voice not to break. “Are they all… dead?”
“He doesn’t know.” Jack answers, softly. “It’s hard to know now.”
She nods and, subconsciously, hugs Aaron tightly, looking away. The rain is still strong and she doesn’t hear anything but its drops all around them. She knows Jack will want to leave as soon as the helicopter is ready, with or without rain, and she’s trying to find excuses to stay. Because she won’t leave unless she’s sure they’re dead. She can’t leave them behind, not in this hell, not when they’re being attacked like that.
Kate can’t keep holding Aaron like that as there’s still need to be on the watch for any intruders, so they lay the baby down on an off-hand crib next to Hurley, who’s starting to feel better and says he’ll take care of Aaron. And as soon as he’s settled, they hear gunshots again, almost at the same time as Sayid announces that the helicopter is ready to go.
There’s only six of them, plus Aaron, and it’s all the helicopter can take. Jin is helping Jack with Hurley and Sun is taking the baby, so they can leave as soon as possible. The gunshots are getting closer and they can tell it’s more dangerous to stay there than to fly with the rain, but Kate can’t force herself to walk. She’s still looking around; she’s still waiting for something.
Jack yells her name desperately, but she won’t go, she won’t leave their people behind. If they’re still alive, they’ll need help and it’s not fair to leave on a helicopter and never come back, not after all they have been through as a group. He argues that she’s being stupid, that she has to save herself, but she won’t listen, she doesn’t care.
“Damn it, Kate, he’s not coming here!” Jack finally loses his patience and says what he knows she doesn’t want to hear. “If he’s alive, which I don’t think it’s a possibility, he’s not coming here for you! He said he doesn’t want to leave! What are you waiting for, a tearful goodbye? We’re fighting for survival here, Kate!”
“I know that, Jack!” She screams back because she’s lost her patience too. He just doesn’t understand, does he? “I just need to know, okay? I can’t leave not knowing!”
He’s about to answer, angrily, for sure, when a sudden movement catches their attention. They draw their guns again, ready to shoot whoever shows up and when they hear a gunshot, now insanely close to where they are, they’re almost sure it’s the end. But when someone stumbles from the middle of the jungle, gun in hand, it’s not a stranger.
“What the hell are you two doing standing there? Don’t tell me you made some kind of suicidal pact!”
It’s Sawyer and, apart some cuts and bruises, he seems fine and Kate rolls her eyes at his words, more to hide her relief than to actually demonstrate how annoyed she is. But he’s seriously worried and explains how they were running from some intruders, when Claire got hurt, and they got separated. He ran to the place where he was sure he would find someone, but one of the attackers had followed him there and he had no other choice but to shoot him, which explained the noise they had heard moments before his approach.
So it’s even more dangerous to stay where they are, since it’s clear they’re about to be discovered. Sayid starts the helicopter and Jack begs, once more, for her to come. But she’s not listening to him anymore, nothing else matters. Now that Sawyer is there, and he’s fine and healthy, she really doesn’t want to go. It’s not like she has something for her out there, right?
“No way, Freckles, you ain’t staying here!” He can see what she’s planning even before she actually decides, but it’s not a joke and he won’t let her risk her life. “You’re getting your pretty self into that helicopter and you’re flying away from here. Right now!”
“Why? If you’re not coming, why do I have to? You said it yourself, there’s nothing out there but prison for me.” She’s not going without a fight; she’s not willing to let him there, not when it’s so risky. “You come with us, or I’m staying here. It’s your choice!”
She’s challenging him and she can see how angry he’s getting, but she doesn’t move. They hear more gunshots and suddenly he’s holding her by her arms, his eyes darkened with anger and worry.
“Listen to me, Kate, you’re going away on that helicopter and you’re not coming back. Never, do you hear me?” He now looks to Jack, who’s still standing there. “You all go and you make up some story about being the only survivors. I don’t care what you’re saying, but you ain’t coming back! If we live or if we die, it won’t matter, because they’re not sending anyone else this way, understand?” Jack nods and Sawyer turns his attention to Kate, who’s looking at him with wide-eyes. “Do you understand, Kate?”
“Come with us, James.” She’s pleading now and she hates it, but she can’t help herself. “Come with us and we can make up some story and never come back. But, please, don’t ask me to leave you here and forget everything about it! It’s not fair!”
“I can’t go! Not when there’s still some of… some of us here, Kate. I’m staying and I’m fighting, but you’re not. You’re going home right now!” She’s bits her bottom-lip and he knows she’s about to cry and that she’s still fighting, but he can’t waste much time. “Freckles, there’s no arguing here. If I have to shove you into that helicopter I’ll do it, you know that.” His voice is softer now and she sees the worry in his eyes. He doesn’t want her to die; he needs to know she’s alive and well. “Go home, Kate. Go… find yourself a life or something like that.”
“Sawyer, don’t…” She still wants to fight, because she cares too much to let go easily, but she knows him well enough to understand she doesn’t have a choice. “Give me a date, then, to come back.”
“No, no coming back, Kate. You go and you don’t look back. Do you hear me?” She doesn’t answer, and they hear the guns and steps and it’s obvious that there are people coming. “No coming back. Say it, Kate, promise me. You’re not coming back!” He’s furious and if she didn’t know him, she would be scared. But she already saw that look many times and she understands. “Say it, Kate!”
“I’m not coming back.” It’s a whisper and her voice breaks with every word, but it’s the promise he was waiting for and he relaxes his grip on her arms for a fraction of a second. But then he looks at her and he knows it’s the last time, so he can’t help but pull her into his arms again, crushing her lips with his, in a deep, desperate kiss.
It’s much more than a simple goodbye kiss and they both know that. They’re completely open to each other for the first time in a long time, almost as if they both want the other to know how much it mattered. How real it was. Saywer’s hands are on her face, on her hair, pulling her closer and Kate is giving herself entirely to him, not caring about anything else but his lips, his arms and his love.
They both wanted it to last forever, but they’re suddenly aware of the rain, the helicopter’s noise and the danger all around them. Sawyer is the one who pulls away first and gives her a crooked smile.
“G’bye, Freckles. Take care, alright?” He brushes her soaked hair from her forehead. “Don’t do anything stupid.” She nods and then he pulls her into Jack’s arms “Take her, Doc. And remember: do NOT come back. Never!”
He waits for them to get on board and gives a little smile when sees Kate taking Aaron from Sun’s arms. She locks eyes with him the whole time, almost as if she doesn’t want to let go. He can hear shots and screams and knows he has to fight, but he will wait until she’s out of sight. He thinks they deserve it.
Inside the helicopter, Kate holds Aaron close and sighs deeply when the Island starts to disappear. It’ll be hard, she’s sure of that, but she made him a promise, and she’ll do her best to keep it. They’ll come up with a plausible story and they’re never coming back… It hurts and she’s pretty sure it won’t get easier, but she’ll do what he told her to do. At least this time…
THE END