One-Shot: Fred II, Harry/Ginny, George/Angelina, Ron/Hermione
Title: The Joke's on Hermione
Rated: PG-13
Words: 2500
A/N: This is an extended version of the drabble I wrote for Challenge 1, Round 3 of rwhg_ldws for the prompt "argument".
"So what are we supposed to do, Fred?" George asked anxiously. Why did his kids have to want to go to Muggle Primary school anyway?
"I already have most of my project finished, Dad. All I have to do is finish the display. Mum said you had to help me, since I want to melt all the small crayons to make one giant crayon. I've already built the mold."
"You made mold? Like the fuzzy stuff on bread?"
"No, Dad, this is a mold." Fred held up a cylindrical object with a pointy end. "We'll pour the melted wax into it, and it will harden, and then make a big crayon. I've already colored the paper for the wrapper, see?" Fred held up a large sheet of parchment with a colorful design on it.
"You drew that? That's brilliant! I need to hire you to design labels for some Wheezes."
"Thanks, Dad." Fred grinned sheepishly. "I need you to help me melt all these crayons, because Mum said not to use the oven by myself." George just nodded.
Fred began tearing the labels off the crayons, and George pulled out a large baking dish. They worked together to fill the dish with crayons. George lit the oven with his wand, and put the dish in.
"Dad! I'm not supposed to use magic!"
"I'm sorry, Fred. It's a magical oven. I can't light it without a wand. If it makes you feel better, I don't think it's any different to turn the oven on with a wand than to turn the knobs on a Muggle oven. If you wanted to use a Muggle oven, why didn't you ask Aunt Hermione to help you?"
"Because Aunt Hermione's helping Rosie with her project, and I don't want Rosie to copy."
George discreetly rolled his eyes. And of course Audrey and Percy just had to be on holiday this week. George was certain they'd planned it that way. It was just like Audrey to make sure he got stuck helping with a Muggle school project.
After a few minutes, George opened the oven, and saw the crayons all melted in a bubbling, gooey mess. With an oven mitt, he removed the dish, but his hand slipped and it tipped burning his hand. George shrieked and dropped the dish flinging melted wax all over the kitchen.
Protego! George pointed his wand at Fred as wax rained down upon them, wincing as the hot wax hit his skin, but thankful that his shield was successful in protecting Fred.
"Cor!" Fred exclaimed. "You okay, Dad?"
"Fine, thanks. What a mess!" George looked around at the wax spattered kitchen and his wax spattered self. "So, Fred, is it in the spirit of this assignment for me to clean this mess up with magic, or do you and I spend the afternoon cleaning and go buy more crayons?"
"I think magic's okay, especially since it will save money since we won't have to buy more crayons."
"My thinking exactly." George winked at Fred, who giggled. George flicked his wand and began to siphon the wax off the kitchen. When he was finished, he said, "How does this mold thing work?"
"I think I should fill it myself, Dad."
"All right, then." George reached in the cupboard for a pitcher and, using his wand, released the wax into it. "You can pour it out of here."
"Thanks!" Fred did just that.
***
"George Weasley! George Fabian Weasley! I know you're there! You can't ignore me forever! Come here and talk to me right now!"
George came out of his office to see a head in the fireplace in the back room of the shop. "Why, Hermione! What a lovely surprise! I thought I heard your dulcet tones . . ."
"Don't play coy with my, George! You helped Fred cheat!"
"Hermione! I'm shocked you would even suggest such a thing!"
"Rose said you used magic to help Fred. That's not allowed."
George glared at Hermione. "For your information, I used my wand to turn on the stove. Our stove can't be turned on any other way. I also used my wand to clean up the kitchen, which had absolutely nothing to do with Fred's project. If you really think I helped Fred cheat, why don't you tell his teacher, hmmmm?"
Hermione glared at George, harrumphed, and took her head out of the fire.
George waited a tick before grumbling, "Bloody Know-It-All."
He took a deep breath and sent his patronus to Harry.
***
George waved Harry over to the back booth he had claimed at The Leaky Cauldron.
"Hey George, you look like you need a pint even more than I do."
"Gee, thanks, Harry." George rolled his eyes, pushing the pint he'd already ordered for Harry towards him. "So where are your kids this evening?"
"At Hermione's. She picked them up from school today. How about yours?"
"At Mum and Dad's. Dad was thrilled to go collect them from school."
"You let Dad go . . ."
George interrupted, "I needed a pint bad enough that it was worth the risk."
Harry shrugged. "After all the years he's spent quizzing Hermione and Audrey, it'll probably be okay."
George raised an eyebrow at Harry.
"Well, I can always go obliviate the teachers if I have to." George snorted. "So what's up?"
"Our sister-in-law Flooed me today, screaming that I had helped Fred cheat on his school project."
Harry spit out a bit of his beer. "She what?"
"Yeah, just because I live in a Wizarding household and can't turn on the stove without a wand, and used my wand to clean up, she says I helped Fred cheat. She just can't admit that Fred got a better grade than Rose on that project fair and square. I don't know why our kids needed to go to Muggle Primary school anyway."
Harry rolled his eyes and grinned as he did a pretty accurate imitation of James. "But Molly and Lucy got to go to Muggle school, and they're so cool, and I want to be just like them. Can I go, Dad? Please?!"
George chuckled. "James didn't really say that, did he?"
"Not in so many words, but Molly used to babysit him all the time, so he's always wanted to do whatever she did."
"Audrey's never been this high strung about things, though." George waved to the waitress to get two more pints.
"Audrey's never been high strung at all, from what I can tell." Harry finished off his first pint as the next arrived.
"No, she hasn't. I've always liked her. Not sure what she saw in Percy, though."
Harry laughed. "Well, she's been good for him. He's way more relaxed than he used to be."
"Thankfully their kids take after their mum. Unlike Hermione and Ron. Hermione seems to have rubbed off on Ron more than he has on her, and Rose and Hugo are mini-Hermione's."
"Not quite." Harry smirked. "They both like to fly."
"There is that, I guess." George took a large sip of beer. "I wish Angelina was home."
"I wish Ginny was home, too. The kids seem to be doing better than I am." Harry took a large gulp of his pint. "Who knew a World Cup match could take this long, anyway?"
George nodded. "So what are we going to do about Hermione?"
"What do you mean?"
"Harry, Harry, Harry. As the son of a Marauder and mostly-silent partner in Weasley Wizard Wheezes, how can you actually ask that question?"
Harry smirked. "So you want to prank her?"
"Of course. I can't let her get away with accusing me of helping my son cheat. Besides, I miss Angelina and need a distraction."
"I'm with you there, mate. Ginny and I haven't been apart for this long since she was at Hogwarts. I suggested they have a different reporter replace her, but that didn't go over so well . . ."
"I wouldn't think so. Especially since she's already there, and it would cost extra to replace her. Not like they even can replace the coach, though . . ."
"So what do you want to do to Hermione?"
"I don't know . . . She knows about every Wheezes product, since I'm sure Ron tells her, and she's so damn smart, it makes her hard to prank anyway . . ."
"Hmmm . . . I may have an idea . . ."
***
"So this is a Muggle prank?" George asked Harry.
"Yes. I heard Dudley and some of his mates talk about doing this once, but it actually seemed funny and not like his usual bullying."
"You think this will really bother Hermione?"
"Of course! She'll go absolutely mental over it. And better yet, she'll think it was Ron who did it."
"A two for one deal!" George exclaimed, as he and Harry shared a mischievous laugh.
***
"Ronald Bilius Weasley! What have you done to the car?!"
"What?"
"I said, What. Have. You. Done. To. The. Car?"
"I heard what you said. Merlin! They probably heard you in Wales. I have no idea what you're talking about, Hermione."
"Our car drives twenty kilometres per litre of petrol. I just purchased petrol TWO DAYS ago, and I already had to refill the tank! Where have you been going without telling me?"
"I haven't gone anywhere!"
"I keep a record of when I purchase petrol and how far I drive, so there should still be plenty of petrol in the car. If I haven't used it, then you must have!"
"But I haven't! I haven't driven that bloody contraption in weeks!"
"Then where did the petrol go? It hasn't leaked. There's no trace of it!"
"Well, I don't know where it went! I certainly didn't drink it!"
Hermione let out an exasperated sigh. "Ronald, you are impossible!" She stormed out of the room in a temper, slamming the door behind her.
***
"RONALD BILIUS WEASLEY!"
"BLOODY HELL, WOMAN! I'M NOT DEAF!
"DON'T SHOUT AT ME!"
"YOU STARTED SHOUTING FIRST!"
Hermione took several deep breaths while Ron silently glared at her.
"I took the car into the shop today, and they said there's nothing wrong with it."
"Why would there be anything wrong with it?"
"BECAUSE IT'S LOSING PETROL FASTER THAN IT SHOULD BE!"
"WELL, I DON'T KNOW HOW THESE BLOODY MUGGLE THINGS WORK! WHY ARE YOU BLAMING ME?!"
Hermione closed her eyes and counted to ten.
"Honestly, Ronald. Who else would ever touch our car?" Hermione suddenly stopped, looking up quickly at Ron, whose face was bright red. "Maybe I have an idea . . ."
***
"I don't believe those two! I caught them red-handed!"
"Who?"
"Harry and George! They've been siphoning the petrol out of the car every time I refilled it."
"Those bloody wankers!" Hermione didn't bother to scold Ron for his language. "What'd they do with it?"
"Well, they did at least store it in appropriate containers, so they didn't waste it. They gave it back to me, so I can fill the car from the cans as needed."
Ron nodded, satisfied. "Still . . . we need to get back at them. How are we going to prank them?"
Hermione laughed. "We don't need to prank them. Now that Ginny and Angelina are back, I told them what their husbands did."
It was Ron's turn to laugh. "Brilliant!"
"I'm sorry I blamed you Ron, and I'm sorry I yelled at you." Hermione put her arms around Ron's neck and cuddled up against him. "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
"Oh, I can think of several things," Ron waggled his eyebrows at Hermione as he bent to kiss her.
***
"Harry? Are you home, love?"
Harry jumped off the couch where he'd been reading the paper and ran to hug his wife. He threw his arms around Ginny, holding her tightly. He mumbled into her hair, "I've missed you so much!" Harry tilted Ginny's chin up, and kissed her deeply. As they snogged, his hands wandered to her bum . . .
Ginny pushed away from him slightly, laughing. "Hold on, love. I missed you, too, and I promise we'll make up for lost time later, but let me at least get into the house properly."
Harry took a deep breath and nodded, grinning. "I'll make sure you keep that promise."
Ginny winked at him. "So, what'd you do to Hermione? I saw her when I checked in at work, and she was in a complete strop. I promised to have coffee with her tomorrow, so I could get home sooner."
"Oh well, George and I played a prank on her and she's a bit put out about it . . ." Harry rubbed the back of his neck, blushing.
"Really? What'd you do? And why?"
Harry told Ginny all about The Petrol Prank. "We wanted to prank her because she's being so impossible about the kids going to Muggle school. She actually accused George of helping Fred cheat."
"She did what? How dare she! George always wants a laugh, but he'd never do anything downright wrong like that!"
Harry laughed. "I think she's under the impression that you'd be angry with me . . ."
"For playing a prank?" Ginny snorted. "I'm glad you and George had some fun together while Angelina and I were out of town. Hermione needs to lighten up."
Harry chuckled. "Glad you feel that way."
Ginny ran a finger up and down Harry's chest. "Now how about if I make good on my promise?"
***
"George! George, I'm home!"
George came running around the corner of the lounge, picked Angelina up in a bear hug, and swung her around. "Angie!"
Angelina laughed, as George put her down and they kissed with a resounding smack.
Still holding each other, but far enough apart to talk, Angelina said, "So, Hermione was waiting for me when I stopped by Magical Games before heading home. She's really got her knickers in a twist! Something about a prank you and Harry played on her?" Angelina looked amused.
George explained The Petrol Prank. "After she accused me of helping Fred cheat on his school project, I had to do something."
"She did what? You would never do something like that, and neither would Fred. How dare she!"
George shrugged. "Ron said she was really upset."
"About Fred or about the prank?"
"Both, but I was referring to the prank. Ron's not mad at me, though. Apparently Hermione made it up to him quite sufficiently for thinking he had done something to the car." George and Angelina both chuckled. "Fred's at Mum and Dad's tonight, and I made dinner, unless you want to skip dinner for the moment?" George raised his eyebrows suggestively.
Angelina giggled. "I promise we will properly celebrate my return later, but right now, I'm starving!" Angelina quickly kissed George and headed for the kitchen. George followed. "George, why does the countertop feel all waxy?"
Rated: PG-13
Words: 2500
A/N: This is an extended version of the drabble I wrote for Challenge 1, Round 3 of rwhg_ldws for the prompt "argument".
"So what are we supposed to do, Fred?" George asked anxiously. Why did his kids have to want to go to Muggle Primary school anyway?
"I already have most of my project finished, Dad. All I have to do is finish the display. Mum said you had to help me, since I want to melt all the small crayons to make one giant crayon. I've already built the mold."
"You made mold? Like the fuzzy stuff on bread?"
"No, Dad, this is a mold." Fred held up a cylindrical object with a pointy end. "We'll pour the melted wax into it, and it will harden, and then make a big crayon. I've already colored the paper for the wrapper, see?" Fred held up a large sheet of parchment with a colorful design on it.
"You drew that? That's brilliant! I need to hire you to design labels for some Wheezes."
"Thanks, Dad." Fred grinned sheepishly. "I need you to help me melt all these crayons, because Mum said not to use the oven by myself." George just nodded.
Fred began tearing the labels off the crayons, and George pulled out a large baking dish. They worked together to fill the dish with crayons. George lit the oven with his wand, and put the dish in.
"Dad! I'm not supposed to use magic!"
"I'm sorry, Fred. It's a magical oven. I can't light it without a wand. If it makes you feel better, I don't think it's any different to turn the oven on with a wand than to turn the knobs on a Muggle oven. If you wanted to use a Muggle oven, why didn't you ask Aunt Hermione to help you?"
"Because Aunt Hermione's helping Rosie with her project, and I don't want Rosie to copy."
George discreetly rolled his eyes. And of course Audrey and Percy just had to be on holiday this week. George was certain they'd planned it that way. It was just like Audrey to make sure he got stuck helping with a Muggle school project.
After a few minutes, George opened the oven, and saw the crayons all melted in a bubbling, gooey mess. With an oven mitt, he removed the dish, but his hand slipped and it tipped burning his hand. George shrieked and dropped the dish flinging melted wax all over the kitchen.
Protego! George pointed his wand at Fred as wax rained down upon them, wincing as the hot wax hit his skin, but thankful that his shield was successful in protecting Fred.
"Cor!" Fred exclaimed. "You okay, Dad?"
"Fine, thanks. What a mess!" George looked around at the wax spattered kitchen and his wax spattered self. "So, Fred, is it in the spirit of this assignment for me to clean this mess up with magic, or do you and I spend the afternoon cleaning and go buy more crayons?"
"I think magic's okay, especially since it will save money since we won't have to buy more crayons."
"My thinking exactly." George winked at Fred, who giggled. George flicked his wand and began to siphon the wax off the kitchen. When he was finished, he said, "How does this mold thing work?"
"I think I should fill it myself, Dad."
"All right, then." George reached in the cupboard for a pitcher and, using his wand, released the wax into it. "You can pour it out of here."
"Thanks!" Fred did just that.
***
"George Weasley! George Fabian Weasley! I know you're there! You can't ignore me forever! Come here and talk to me right now!"
George came out of his office to see a head in the fireplace in the back room of the shop. "Why, Hermione! What a lovely surprise! I thought I heard your dulcet tones . . ."
"Don't play coy with my, George! You helped Fred cheat!"
"Hermione! I'm shocked you would even suggest such a thing!"
"Rose said you used magic to help Fred. That's not allowed."
George glared at Hermione. "For your information, I used my wand to turn on the stove. Our stove can't be turned on any other way. I also used my wand to clean up the kitchen, which had absolutely nothing to do with Fred's project. If you really think I helped Fred cheat, why don't you tell his teacher, hmmmm?"
Hermione glared at George, harrumphed, and took her head out of the fire.
George waited a tick before grumbling, "Bloody Know-It-All."
He took a deep breath and sent his patronus to Harry.
***
George waved Harry over to the back booth he had claimed at The Leaky Cauldron.
"Hey George, you look like you need a pint even more than I do."
"Gee, thanks, Harry." George rolled his eyes, pushing the pint he'd already ordered for Harry towards him. "So where are your kids this evening?"
"At Hermione's. She picked them up from school today. How about yours?"
"At Mum and Dad's. Dad was thrilled to go collect them from school."
"You let Dad go . . ."
George interrupted, "I needed a pint bad enough that it was worth the risk."
Harry shrugged. "After all the years he's spent quizzing Hermione and Audrey, it'll probably be okay."
George raised an eyebrow at Harry.
"Well, I can always go obliviate the teachers if I have to." George snorted. "So what's up?"
"Our sister-in-law Flooed me today, screaming that I had helped Fred cheat on his school project."
Harry spit out a bit of his beer. "She what?"
"Yeah, just because I live in a Wizarding household and can't turn on the stove without a wand, and used my wand to clean up, she says I helped Fred cheat. She just can't admit that Fred got a better grade than Rose on that project fair and square. I don't know why our kids needed to go to Muggle Primary school anyway."
Harry rolled his eyes and grinned as he did a pretty accurate imitation of James. "But Molly and Lucy got to go to Muggle school, and they're so cool, and I want to be just like them. Can I go, Dad? Please?!"
George chuckled. "James didn't really say that, did he?"
"Not in so many words, but Molly used to babysit him all the time, so he's always wanted to do whatever she did."
"Audrey's never been this high strung about things, though." George waved to the waitress to get two more pints.
"Audrey's never been high strung at all, from what I can tell." Harry finished off his first pint as the next arrived.
"No, she hasn't. I've always liked her. Not sure what she saw in Percy, though."
Harry laughed. "Well, she's been good for him. He's way more relaxed than he used to be."
"Thankfully their kids take after their mum. Unlike Hermione and Ron. Hermione seems to have rubbed off on Ron more than he has on her, and Rose and Hugo are mini-Hermione's."
"Not quite." Harry smirked. "They both like to fly."
"There is that, I guess." George took a large sip of beer. "I wish Angelina was home."
"I wish Ginny was home, too. The kids seem to be doing better than I am." Harry took a large gulp of his pint. "Who knew a World Cup match could take this long, anyway?"
George nodded. "So what are we going to do about Hermione?"
"What do you mean?"
"Harry, Harry, Harry. As the son of a Marauder and mostly-silent partner in Weasley Wizard Wheezes, how can you actually ask that question?"
Harry smirked. "So you want to prank her?"
"Of course. I can't let her get away with accusing me of helping my son cheat. Besides, I miss Angelina and need a distraction."
"I'm with you there, mate. Ginny and I haven't been apart for this long since she was at Hogwarts. I suggested they have a different reporter replace her, but that didn't go over so well . . ."
"I wouldn't think so. Especially since she's already there, and it would cost extra to replace her. Not like they even can replace the coach, though . . ."
"So what do you want to do to Hermione?"
"I don't know . . . She knows about every Wheezes product, since I'm sure Ron tells her, and she's so damn smart, it makes her hard to prank anyway . . ."
"Hmmm . . . I may have an idea . . ."
***
"So this is a Muggle prank?" George asked Harry.
"Yes. I heard Dudley and some of his mates talk about doing this once, but it actually seemed funny and not like his usual bullying."
"You think this will really bother Hermione?"
"Of course! She'll go absolutely mental over it. And better yet, she'll think it was Ron who did it."
"A two for one deal!" George exclaimed, as he and Harry shared a mischievous laugh.
***
"Ronald Bilius Weasley! What have you done to the car?!"
"What?"
"I said, What. Have. You. Done. To. The. Car?"
"I heard what you said. Merlin! They probably heard you in Wales. I have no idea what you're talking about, Hermione."
"Our car drives twenty kilometres per litre of petrol. I just purchased petrol TWO DAYS ago, and I already had to refill the tank! Where have you been going without telling me?"
"I haven't gone anywhere!"
"I keep a record of when I purchase petrol and how far I drive, so there should still be plenty of petrol in the car. If I haven't used it, then you must have!"
"But I haven't! I haven't driven that bloody contraption in weeks!"
"Then where did the petrol go? It hasn't leaked. There's no trace of it!"
"Well, I don't know where it went! I certainly didn't drink it!"
Hermione let out an exasperated sigh. "Ronald, you are impossible!" She stormed out of the room in a temper, slamming the door behind her.
***
"RONALD BILIUS WEASLEY!"
"BLOODY HELL, WOMAN! I'M NOT DEAF!
"DON'T SHOUT AT ME!"
"YOU STARTED SHOUTING FIRST!"
Hermione took several deep breaths while Ron silently glared at her.
"I took the car into the shop today, and they said there's nothing wrong with it."
"Why would there be anything wrong with it?"
"BECAUSE IT'S LOSING PETROL FASTER THAN IT SHOULD BE!"
"WELL, I DON'T KNOW HOW THESE BLOODY MUGGLE THINGS WORK! WHY ARE YOU BLAMING ME?!"
Hermione closed her eyes and counted to ten.
"Honestly, Ronald. Who else would ever touch our car?" Hermione suddenly stopped, looking up quickly at Ron, whose face was bright red. "Maybe I have an idea . . ."
***
"I don't believe those two! I caught them red-handed!"
"Who?"
"Harry and George! They've been siphoning the petrol out of the car every time I refilled it."
"Those bloody wankers!" Hermione didn't bother to scold Ron for his language. "What'd they do with it?"
"Well, they did at least store it in appropriate containers, so they didn't waste it. They gave it back to me, so I can fill the car from the cans as needed."
Ron nodded, satisfied. "Still . . . we need to get back at them. How are we going to prank them?"
Hermione laughed. "We don't need to prank them. Now that Ginny and Angelina are back, I told them what their husbands did."
It was Ron's turn to laugh. "Brilliant!"
"I'm sorry I blamed you Ron, and I'm sorry I yelled at you." Hermione put her arms around Ron's neck and cuddled up against him. "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
"Oh, I can think of several things," Ron waggled his eyebrows at Hermione as he bent to kiss her.
***
"Harry? Are you home, love?"
Harry jumped off the couch where he'd been reading the paper and ran to hug his wife. He threw his arms around Ginny, holding her tightly. He mumbled into her hair, "I've missed you so much!" Harry tilted Ginny's chin up, and kissed her deeply. As they snogged, his hands wandered to her bum . . .
Ginny pushed away from him slightly, laughing. "Hold on, love. I missed you, too, and I promise we'll make up for lost time later, but let me at least get into the house properly."
Harry took a deep breath and nodded, grinning. "I'll make sure you keep that promise."
Ginny winked at him. "So, what'd you do to Hermione? I saw her when I checked in at work, and she was in a complete strop. I promised to have coffee with her tomorrow, so I could get home sooner."
"Oh well, George and I played a prank on her and she's a bit put out about it . . ." Harry rubbed the back of his neck, blushing.
"Really? What'd you do? And why?"
Harry told Ginny all about The Petrol Prank. "We wanted to prank her because she's being so impossible about the kids going to Muggle school. She actually accused George of helping Fred cheat."
"She did what? How dare she! George always wants a laugh, but he'd never do anything downright wrong like that!"
Harry laughed. "I think she's under the impression that you'd be angry with me . . ."
"For playing a prank?" Ginny snorted. "I'm glad you and George had some fun together while Angelina and I were out of town. Hermione needs to lighten up."
Harry chuckled. "Glad you feel that way."
Ginny ran a finger up and down Harry's chest. "Now how about if I make good on my promise?"
***
"George! George, I'm home!"
George came running around the corner of the lounge, picked Angelina up in a bear hug, and swung her around. "Angie!"
Angelina laughed, as George put her down and they kissed with a resounding smack.
Still holding each other, but far enough apart to talk, Angelina said, "So, Hermione was waiting for me when I stopped by Magical Games before heading home. She's really got her knickers in a twist! Something about a prank you and Harry played on her?" Angelina looked amused.
George explained The Petrol Prank. "After she accused me of helping Fred cheat on his school project, I had to do something."
"She did what? You would never do something like that, and neither would Fred. How dare she!"
George shrugged. "Ron said she was really upset."
"About Fred or about the prank?"
"Both, but I was referring to the prank. Ron's not mad at me, though. Apparently Hermione made it up to him quite sufficiently for thinking he had done something to the car." George and Angelina both chuckled. "Fred's at Mum and Dad's tonight, and I made dinner, unless you want to skip dinner for the moment?" George raised his eyebrows suggestively.
Angelina giggled. "I promise we will properly celebrate my return later, but right now, I'm starving!" Angelina quickly kissed George and headed for the kitchen. George followed. "George, why does the countertop feel all waxy?"