The New Year's Party That Never Was (multifandom, multipair).
Title: The New Year's Party That Never Was (And Never Will Be).
Fandom(s): Bones, Boston Legal, CSI, Studio 60, V.I.P.
Pairings: hints of/implied/etc: Catherine/Brennan/Jeannie, Shirley/Lori, Tasha/Val, and Matt/Danny).
Author Note: Look, I just... I don't know, okay? I opened a word document one day and words fell out everywhere and then there was this. For femslash100's remainder #100 and also #57, #58, #59, #56 -- crack, blood, water, toy. I think the crack is in the crackfic, which is the only way I can classify this :P
1.
"Holy shit, look at that!"
"Nikki! Language!"
"Val, look!"
"I don't care, missy," Val reprimands from her position in Tasha's lap. "Swearing is always bad."
"And why is it always 'holy' shit?" Matt asks, leaning across Danny to look at Nikki. "How come God finds a way into everything?"
"Because he knows all and sees all, Matthew," Harriet says, looking at him smugly from across the table. "He is omniscient and infallible."
"Bullshit," Matt says, ignoring Danny's warning glare in favour of looking around for support. "Does anyone else think that's bullshit?"
"Language!"
"I agree with you," Brennan says. "There's no scientific proof that God exists."
"Thank you!"
"There's no proof he doesn't, either!"
"Booth. If you look at it logically--"
"Don't start with that 'logically' crap, Bones," Booth says, shaking his head. "There are plenty of things we can't see that we believe in, and plenty of things we can't prove that people take as fact--"
"Oh right, name three..."
"You really want to start this now, huh? Okay--"
"Um, hello? Tempe?" Jeannie cuts in, looking from one end of the table to the other. "Cath? Do you not want to, maybe, try doing your crime-solving thing?"
Neither of them respond and, to Jeannie, the fact that no one's actually doing anything even after Nikki brought the very dead body on the floor to their attention, is beyond disbelief.
"HEY!" she yells, startling the room into silence. "DOESN'T ANYONE CARE THAT THERE'S A DEAD GUY ON THE FLOOR?!"
2.
There's an extended moment of silence and then half the room bolts towards her.
Catherine's one of the first, shouting her claim over the blood spatter and pausing to kiss Jeannie on the way past. Brennan's right behind her, looking intrigued and focused, and she touches Jeannie's arm reassuringly on her way to join the growing group.
"Any bugs are mine!" Hodgins yells.
"I'll take the body," Brennan adds.
"Denny Crane!"
"Which means if anyone needs a lawyer, we're available!"
"Except me!" Lori calls over, interrupting Alan, "I don't like murder cases."
"And me," Shirley adds, taking a sip of her drink, "Because I just don't want to."
Denny raises his glass to them in a toast and proceeds to watch the others in fascination.
"Is anyone else wishing they were somewhere else right now?" Matt asks, pulling a face as he turns away.
"Kinda, yeah," Harriet says. "This isn't exactly how I thought New Year's would go."
"I'm only surprised we haven't been shot at," Tasha mutters, recoiling when Val pokes her.
"I'll have you know I haven't been shot at in over a month," she says proudly.
"...so you're choosing to ignore the guy that tried to run you down in the street?"
"You're the one that specified shot at," Val says with a shrug and a mischievous smile. "So yes, I'm ignoring that guy. And his disgusting, greasy hair."
She mock-shudders and Tasha rolls her eyes before asking with mock-sweetness,
"Does anyone have a glass of water?"
3.
"Water?" Danny asks. "I'm sure the waiter can bring you some."
"A large glass," Tasha smiles, more devil than angel. "To pour over my girlfriend."
Danny laughs and Val says "Hey!" in a wounded tone that's quickly followed by a pout.
"I've considered that route myself once or twice," Danny says, smiling back at Tasha as he glances at Matt.
"Good thing you never took it," Matt says smartly, "Or you'd be sleeping on the couch tonight."
"Which is exactly where Tasha's going to be," Val sulks, glaring at Tasha. "Because she's mean."
"C'mon, Val, you'll never stick to that," Tasha whispers in Val's ear, making her shiver. "You have no willpower when it comes to me."
"I do too," Val mutters, turning her head instinctively to kiss Tasha. "When I want to."
"No you don't," Lori says, smiling sweetly when Val looks at her. "Not from what I've seen."
"Do you have to cause trouble?" Shirley sighs, looking at her with affectionate annoyance.
"Exactly," Tasha cuts in. "And who asked you anyway?"
"Tasha!" Val scolds. "Be nice. She's a little sensitive sometimes," she adds to Shirley.
"I am not sensitive," Tasha snaps automatically.
"God, Tasha, chill--"
"See!" Matt says. "God! And right there-- he's back in the conversation!"
"Matthew--"
"Matt--"
"Please tell me we're not still having this conversation," Booth says, arriving back at the table with Brennan in tow.
"If it's any consolation," Danny sighs, offering him a helpless shrug. "I'd love to be able to tell you that."
4.
"There's nothing wrong with discussion, Booth," Brennan says reasonably, breaking the lingering silence as she takes a seat next to Jeannie, who smiles and curls toward her.
"This isn't discussion, Bones," Booth says in exasperation. "It never is with you and your squinty little way of looking at things."
"Squinty?" Danny echoes. "What the hell is that?"
"Please note, yet another religious concept..." Matt throws in, then yelps when someone kicks him hard under the table.
"You know what, God does exist," Booth says in exasperation. "Because He sent all of you here to test me! To toy with my beliefs and strip me of my sanity."
"Does he always go on like this?" Jeannie asks, leaning her head against Brennan's shoulder.
"Not always," Brennan says as Catherine joins them, tossing her bloody gloves into a nearby bin.
"What's happening with him now?" Harriet asks, nodding her head towards the body.
"The victim?" Catherine asks. "He had a wallet in his pocket with ID and the cause of death's fairly obvious if you look--"
"No, thanks."
"--so we've called the local PD."
"That's it?" Tasha asks. "You're turning the case over to the locals?"
"Hey," Catherine shrugs. "It's New Year's Eve. I have people to be with. Better things to do."
"I'm definitely in favour of the plan where you can spend time with us," Jeannie says, backing her up, and Brennan nods her own fervent agreement as Catherine kisses them both.
They have a party to enjoy after all.
Fandom(s): Bones, Boston Legal, CSI, Studio 60, V.I.P.
Pairings: hints of/implied/etc: Catherine/Brennan/Jeannie, Shirley/Lori, Tasha/Val, and Matt/Danny).
Author Note: Look, I just... I don't know, okay? I opened a word document one day and words fell out everywhere and then there was this. For femslash100's remainder #100 and also #57, #58, #59, #56 -- crack, blood, water, toy. I think the crack is in the crackfic, which is the only way I can classify this :P
1.
"Holy shit, look at that!"
"Nikki! Language!"
"Val, look!"
"I don't care, missy," Val reprimands from her position in Tasha's lap. "Swearing is always bad."
"And why is it always 'holy' shit?" Matt asks, leaning across Danny to look at Nikki. "How come God finds a way into everything?"
"Because he knows all and sees all, Matthew," Harriet says, looking at him smugly from across the table. "He is omniscient and infallible."
"Bullshit," Matt says, ignoring Danny's warning glare in favour of looking around for support. "Does anyone else think that's bullshit?"
"Language!"
"I agree with you," Brennan says. "There's no scientific proof that God exists."
"Thank you!"
"There's no proof he doesn't, either!"
"Booth. If you look at it logically--"
"Don't start with that 'logically' crap, Bones," Booth says, shaking his head. "There are plenty of things we can't see that we believe in, and plenty of things we can't prove that people take as fact--"
"Oh right, name three..."
"You really want to start this now, huh? Okay--"
"Um, hello? Tempe?" Jeannie cuts in, looking from one end of the table to the other. "Cath? Do you not want to, maybe, try doing your crime-solving thing?"
Neither of them respond and, to Jeannie, the fact that no one's actually doing anything even after Nikki brought the very dead body on the floor to their attention, is beyond disbelief.
"HEY!" she yells, startling the room into silence. "DOESN'T ANYONE CARE THAT THERE'S A DEAD GUY ON THE FLOOR?!"
2.
There's an extended moment of silence and then half the room bolts towards her.
Catherine's one of the first, shouting her claim over the blood spatter and pausing to kiss Jeannie on the way past. Brennan's right behind her, looking intrigued and focused, and she touches Jeannie's arm reassuringly on her way to join the growing group.
"Any bugs are mine!" Hodgins yells.
"I'll take the body," Brennan adds.
"Denny Crane!"
"Which means if anyone needs a lawyer, we're available!"
"Except me!" Lori calls over, interrupting Alan, "I don't like murder cases."
"And me," Shirley adds, taking a sip of her drink, "Because I just don't want to."
Denny raises his glass to them in a toast and proceeds to watch the others in fascination.
"Is anyone else wishing they were somewhere else right now?" Matt asks, pulling a face as he turns away.
"Kinda, yeah," Harriet says. "This isn't exactly how I thought New Year's would go."
"I'm only surprised we haven't been shot at," Tasha mutters, recoiling when Val pokes her.
"I'll have you know I haven't been shot at in over a month," she says proudly.
"...so you're choosing to ignore the guy that tried to run you down in the street?"
"You're the one that specified shot at," Val says with a shrug and a mischievous smile. "So yes, I'm ignoring that guy. And his disgusting, greasy hair."
She mock-shudders and Tasha rolls her eyes before asking with mock-sweetness,
"Does anyone have a glass of water?"
3.
"Water?" Danny asks. "I'm sure the waiter can bring you some."
"A large glass," Tasha smiles, more devil than angel. "To pour over my girlfriend."
Danny laughs and Val says "Hey!" in a wounded tone that's quickly followed by a pout.
"I've considered that route myself once or twice," Danny says, smiling back at Tasha as he glances at Matt.
"Good thing you never took it," Matt says smartly, "Or you'd be sleeping on the couch tonight."
"Which is exactly where Tasha's going to be," Val sulks, glaring at Tasha. "Because she's mean."
"C'mon, Val, you'll never stick to that," Tasha whispers in Val's ear, making her shiver. "You have no willpower when it comes to me."
"I do too," Val mutters, turning her head instinctively to kiss Tasha. "When I want to."
"No you don't," Lori says, smiling sweetly when Val looks at her. "Not from what I've seen."
"Do you have to cause trouble?" Shirley sighs, looking at her with affectionate annoyance.
"Exactly," Tasha cuts in. "And who asked you anyway?"
"Tasha!" Val scolds. "Be nice. She's a little sensitive sometimes," she adds to Shirley.
"I am not sensitive," Tasha snaps automatically.
"God, Tasha, chill--"
"See!" Matt says. "God! And right there-- he's back in the conversation!"
"Matthew--"
"Matt--"
"Please tell me we're not still having this conversation," Booth says, arriving back at the table with Brennan in tow.
"If it's any consolation," Danny sighs, offering him a helpless shrug. "I'd love to be able to tell you that."
4.
"There's nothing wrong with discussion, Booth," Brennan says reasonably, breaking the lingering silence as she takes a seat next to Jeannie, who smiles and curls toward her.
"This isn't discussion, Bones," Booth says in exasperation. "It never is with you and your squinty little way of looking at things."
"Squinty?" Danny echoes. "What the hell is that?"
"Please note, yet another religious concept..." Matt throws in, then yelps when someone kicks him hard under the table.
"You know what, God does exist," Booth says in exasperation. "Because He sent all of you here to test me! To toy with my beliefs and strip me of my sanity."
"Does he always go on like this?" Jeannie asks, leaning her head against Brennan's shoulder.
"Not always," Brennan says as Catherine joins them, tossing her bloody gloves into a nearby bin.
"What's happening with him now?" Harriet asks, nodding her head towards the body.
"The victim?" Catherine asks. "He had a wallet in his pocket with ID and the cause of death's fairly obvious if you look--"
"No, thanks."
"--so we've called the local PD."
"That's it?" Tasha asks. "You're turning the case over to the locals?"
"Hey," Catherine shrugs. "It's New Year's Eve. I have people to be with. Better things to do."
"I'm definitely in favour of the plan where you can spend time with us," Jeannie says, backing her up, and Brennan nods her own fervent agreement as Catherine kisses them both.
They have a party to enjoy after all.