Chronicles of the U.S.S. Enterprise, Part 1/7
Title: Chronicles of the U.S.S. Enterprise, Part 1/7
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Characters: Ensemble
Rating: PG/PG-13 for now.
Word Count: 3091
A.N: Inspired by several prompts on the kink meme, but it kind of took off.
Chronicles of the U.S.S. Enterprise, Part 1/7
To: ltc.lmccoy@ent.sft
From: ltc.sspock@ent.sft
Re: Re: Hyperactive midgets in sickbay wreaking havoc w/ my hyp
2259.34 0947
Dr. McCoy:
It has come to my attention that your department had been mistakenly entrusted with childcare duties for the refugees from the Milwayan orphanage.
The situation has been rectified, and Ensign Riley will collect the children for supervision at 1700 hours.
-Lt. Commander Spock
P.S. Please desist from referring to the children as midgets. They are all in the acceptable height percentile for their ages, and Lt. Uhura has informed me that this is a derogatory term commonly employed by childish adults, or those with limited vocabularies.
To: lt.kriley@enterprise.sft
From: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
Re: Kids
2259.34 1723
Scotty needs you in Engineering. Frye's stuck in another j tube. Drop the kids off in the officer's lounge for now; I have to debrief them anyway.
-Kirk.
P.S. If they've been good, the replicator across the hall from my quarters makes chocolate frosties and blueberry lollipops. The password's grandmaster kirkilator. TELL ANYONE AND YOU WILL BE MOPPING FLOORS FOR A YEAR.
To: lt.hsulu@enterprise.sft
From: ens.pchekov@enterprise.sft
Re: HELP, DISASTER
2259.34 1742
Hikaru-
I had small accident and am in sick bay and must break the date tonight. What should I say? She will think I am - what do you call it - being a player?
Please advise.
-Pavel
To: ltc.lmccoy@enterprise.sft
From: ltc.sspock@enterprise.sft
Re: Captain Kirk
2259.34 1756
Dr. McCoy:
The Captain appears to have disappeared. I believe he is, as the phrase is, 'playing hooky.' Attempts to contact him via intercom and personal message have failed. As his closest personal friend, your assistance in this matter would be greatly appreciated.
-Lt. Commander Spock
To: ens.pchekov@enterprise.sft
From: lt.hsulu@enterprise.sft
Re: Don't Panic
2259.34 1759
Pavel-
Don't worry, she's crazy about you - who wouldn't be? Just tell her what happened and offer to make it up to her - oh, tell her you're definitely interested. Just make sure she knows you've got a really good reason for blowing her off again.
-Hikaru
P.S. I get off at 2100. Is there anything you want from the mess?
To: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
From: ltc.lmccoy@enterprise.sft
Re: URGENT supplies for refugees
2259.34 1802
Bones-
Do you have any empty hypos lying around?
Also, can you ask if Chapel has some of those finger paints she bought for her niece? I'll give her my last bottle of bourbon.
-Jim
To: ltc.sspock@enterprise.sft
From: ltc.lmccoy@enterprise.sft
Re: Re: Captain Kirk
2259.34 1806
Spock-
He's playing with some of the kids in the officer's lounge. I wouldn't bother him if I were you; Chekov got shot in the eye with a rubber band after he tried to get Jim to sign off on something.
-McCoy
To: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
From: ltc.lmccoy@enterprise.sft
Re: Honestly, Jim, it's a sick bay, not a toy store
2259.34 1811
No, you can't take my hypos to play with. I don't even want to know what you'd do with those. Teach the kids how to play Go Fish. Better yet, leave the kids with someone who won't pollute their innocent minds. Now go get some godammed rest and leave the babysitting to the ensigns.
Christine says she wants the bourbon and the password for your personal replicator.
-McCoy
To: ens.mlandon@enterprise.sft
From: ens.pchekov@enterprise.sft
Re: Date
2259.34 1901
Dear Martha,
I am afraid I have been injured in the line of duty and will be unable to make it tonight, as Dr. McCoy must keep me for observation because dermal regenerators are 'tricky' when it comes to eyes.
I am very sorry. Please do not take this as a sign of disinterest. I am very interested and look forward to reviewing the equations for transmotional warp with you at lunch tomorrow.
Yours,
Pavel.
To: lt.jgaila@enterprise.sft
From: lt.hsulu@enterprise.sft
Re: FML. Seriously.
2259.34 1932
Gaila,
Guess who just asked me for advice on keeping his girlfriend of the week? And guess who just gave it? *headdesks* Are you up for a drink tonight after your shift? Sorry to bother you - again - but I need to talk.
-Sulu
To: lt.nuhura@enterprise.sft
From: yeo.jrand@enterprise.sft
Re: Heads up.
2259.34 1944
Nyota-
Go to the rec room. Right now. I don't have high enough security clearance to lock the door myself.
-Janice
P.S. Nice fig leaf. Is it really that big?
P.P.S. I'm just kidding. It's really not funny. Well. Maybe a little. But please don't tell him I said so.
To: ltc.lmccoy@enterprise.sft
From: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
Re: Don't go in the rec lounge if you value your li
2259.34 1951
Bones-
I think I did something stupid. I'm hiding in your quarters until the kids and I can recalibrate the surface cleaner to account for finger paints. Apparently, the texture of the indigo shade fucks up the sensors.
If Spock comes by, tell him you haven't seen me.
-Jim.
P.S. Harry likes your socks with the reindeer on them. Can he use them for sock puppets? I promised him I'd show him how to make those.
P.P.S. Milo is surprised Joanna's related to you. He says she's pretty. Very pretty. He wants to know how old she is.
To: lt.nuhura@enterprise.sft
From: lt.jgaila@enterprise.sft
Re: Confused
2259.34 2013
Nyota-
Someone has sketched a picture of 'Spock in the Garden of Eden' in the rec room. Is this some Terran custom similar to the pictures Commander Pike keeps in his quarters? I asked Janice, but she began laughing and refused to answer. Did I say something wrong?
-Jane Gaila
To: lt.hsulu@enterprise.sft
From: lt.jgaila@enterprise.sft
Re: Re: FML. Seriously.
2259.34 2017
Sulu,
I told you you should have told him after he broke up with Cadet Galliulin during shore leave. Some times I do not understand you humans; if you like someone, why do you not just say so and have sex? You make things so complicated. You should be more like your captain - though it appears that he, too, has been contaminated with this stupidity lately.
I will be in the officer's lounge after I get off at 2300, if you wish to talk.
-Gaila.
To: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
From: ltc.mccoy@enterprise.sft
RE: You're an even bigger idiot than I thought, and tha
2259.34 2023
Jim-
1. You're quite possibly the stupidest human being I've ever met.
2. Spock's out for your blood. He came by and M'Benga heard him growling.
3. It's past ten. Get those children to bed. Circadian rhythms were invented for a reason.
4. No. Use your own damn socks.
5. Definitely no. And I'm scheduling Milo for a session with the psychiatris. God knows you've probably contaminated him enough already. Next thing you know, I'll be treating him for STDs.
-McCoy
To: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
From: ltc.spock@enterprise.sft
Re: Vandalism
2259.34 2116
Captain:
Someone has vandalized the recreation lounge. The vandalism appears to be directed at me, and is of a rather...personal nature. I hereby request permission to institute martial law until the perpetrator is found. With your permission, I will investigate and deal with him/her in a suitable manner.
-Lt. Commander Spock
U.S.S. Enterprise
To: yeo.jrand@enterprise.sft
From: ens.mlandon@enterprise.sft
Re: Men should stab themselves and di
2259.34 2118
Dear Yeoman Rand-
So I was supposed to go to dinner with Ensign Chekov this evening, and he canceled - again. Third time this month. He says he's interested, but I'm just not sure. I went down to the sick bay to see him, and he had his friend there, Lt. Sulu. And he looked - I dunno. If he weren't such a good kisser, I'd have dumped his scrawny ass after that mission on the planet with the pollen.
Maybe it's because he's still just eighteen? It's only three years, but maybe our age difference is just too much right now. I just thought - he seemed so nice, and I really love talking with him, but - was it too soon after Gary? Maybe it's not Chekov, maybe it's me. I don't know. Maybe this was just a bad idea to begin with. :(.
Well. Have to go. Scotty's getting on my ass about the dilithium synthesizers again. Girl talk in your room after my shift?
-Martha.
P.S. Kevin told me that someone painted a picture of Spock and Uhura naked in the rec room. Is he serious?
To: lt.jgaila@enterprise.sft
From: lt.nuhura@enterprise.sft
Re: Re: Confused
2259.34 2121
Dear Jane,
Janice was being silly. I believe she found the drawing amusing. This is not a Terran custom; it is simply a juvenile prank. I have my suspicions as to who drew it, but will wait for the results of the investigation. Please pay it no mind.
-Nyota.
P.S. I was going to stop off in the sick bay to check in on Chekov, but Tellura IV just sent me a ton of transmissions to decode. Would you mind checking in on him for me? I'll owe you one.
To: ltc.lmccoy@enterprise.sft
From: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
Re: BONES
2259.34 2123
Bones -
I can't get Matilda to sleep - she keeps crying. What do I do?
-Jim.
P.S. Your shift ended half an hour ago. If you're still doing paperwork, I'm getting Chapel to drag you down here whether you like it or not.
P.P.S. And you better not. Chapel's got that hot blonde thing going on, but she's your subordinate.
P.P.P.S. Shit. I'm starting to sound like Barnett. I'm only twenty-six - I can't sound like an admiral!
P.P.P.P.S. Matilda still won't stop crying. She seems to like it if I sing (maybe she should go to the psychiatrist too). Should I feed her?
To: lt.cchapel@enterprise.sft
From: yeo.jrand@enterprise.sft
Re: My room, tonight.
2259.34 2136
Christine-
Martha Landon's in the middle of a Chekov crisis. We're planning a girl's night at 0015. Are you in?
-Janice.
P.S. Could you bring some of your homemade caramel popcorn? It's fab, and she could really use a pick-me-up.
To: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
From: ltc.lmccoy@enterprise.sft
Re: Re: BONES
2259.34 2138
Jim-
Sorry. Got held up with a situation. Apparently, half of Communication's coming down with a stomach virus. It's not pretty.
Also: I'm sending Flo up with something for Matilda. Try not to scar the children.
-Bones.
P.S. Cheer up, kid, you're nothing like Barnett. Barnett's an admiral in the city with the highest Orion immigrant population on Earth. You're a captain stuck on a starship in the middle of space for five years with 752 people you're not supposed to have sex with.
To: ens.ngreen@enterprise.sft
From: ens.rricardo@enterprise.sft
Re: Dead man walking onboard
2259.34 2148
Dude-
Barrett just told me Rand just told him Martha told her Kevin told her that someone drew a picture of Spock and Uhura getting it on in the rec room.
Guess we'll find out who when Spock shunts him out an airlock.
-Ricky 'the Red' Ricardo, Baby
To: ltc.mscott@enterprise.sft
From: lt.jgaila@enterprise.sft
Re: Consolation
2259.34 2156
Dear Mr. Scotty,
I am meeting with a Terran who has just been indirectly rejected by his chosen partner because he is too cowardly to say anything for fear of direct rejection. Should I bring a small token of sympathy for him? Janice Rand said that chocolate always helps, but in my experience, gifts of chocolate often have sexual connotations to them.
Thank you for your help,
Jane Gaila.
To: yeo.jrand@enterprise.sft
From: ens.mlandon@enterprise.sft
Re: Tonight
2259.34 2202
Sorry, Yeoman Rand - think I've got the stomach flu. I'm spending the night in sick bay. I'll see you tomorrow.
Thanks anyway,
Martha Landon.
To: lt.cchapel@enterprise.sft
From: yeo.jrand@enterprise.sft
Re: Tonight
2259.34 2208
Christine-
Looks like Landon can't make it. Want to come anyway? We can turn it into a 'perpetually single girl commiseration night' if you'd like. I hear the retro film club's playing one of those Sister Cathy mysteries in the mess in fifteen minutes.
-Janice.
To: lt.jgaila@enterprise.sft
From: ltc.mscott@enterprise.sft
Re: Re: Concering Human Consolation
2259.34 2231
Well, I always find a good sandwich bracing, lass.
-Scotty
P.S. That was some fantastic work on the inertial dampeners yesterday! Where did you pick up a trick like that?
To: ltc.sspock@enterprise.sft
From: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
Re: Re: Vandalism
2259.34 2232
Spock-
I'll handle this. Extreme measures are not necessary. Just - uh, send out one of your Big Brother emails and meet in my office tomorrow morning at 0830 to discuss.
-Jim.
To: ltc.lmccoy@enterprise.sft
From: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
Re: Shit I'm screwed
2259.34 2248
Bones.
I'm screwed. Spock is out for blood. Help me. I need a plan.
You owe me for that time in British Colombia.
-Jim.
P.S. Tilly fell asleep right away. What was in that stuff? Booze?
To: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
From: ltc.lmccoy@enterprise.sft
Re: Re: Shit I'm screwed
2259.34 2251
Jim-
Sorry, kid, but I'd rather make it to thirty-five with my genitals intact.
-McCoy.
P.S. Looks like I'll be in sick bay all night, so just stay in my quarters with the kids if you'd want. NO SOCKPUPPETS.
To: ALL
From: ltc.sspock@enterprise.sft
Re: Vandalism in the recreational lounge
2259.35 0012
Fellow crewmembers:
According to Starfleet regulation 131.07, subsection C, while officers off duty aboard a starship may be granted certain liberties, it is still required that they maintain a sense of decorum while in the service of the Federation. Failure to do so will result in serious repercussions.
The case of vandalism in the officer's lounge is currently under investigation. Should the perpetrators come forward now, they will be treated with leniency.
I urge you all to review your Handbooks of Starfleet Regulation and continue to conduct yourselves professionally.
-Lt. Commander Spock
U.S.S. Enterprise
To: ens.rmcginnis@enterprise.sft
From: lt.pfinnegan@enterprise.sft
Re: News
2259.35 0126
Randy-
Did you hear that Spock and Uhura were caught getting it on in the rec room? Apparently, Commander Scott got it all on tape.
I heard Kirk's livid about it - like he has room to talk. I heard one time he got caught in a threesome with McCoy and Lt. Gaila in a classroom at the Academy by Admiral Pike - and he still didn't get kicked out. Fucking teacher's pet.
Who knows? Maybe they'll get a demotion over this.
-Pete F.
To: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
From: ltc.lmccoy@enterprise.sft
Re: In preparation for your meeting with Spo
2259.35 0338
Attached file: jamest.kirkaeulogybyl.h.mccoy.rtf
Open and Save Document?
To: lt.nuhura@enterprise.sft
From: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
Re: Meeting with Spock tomorrow. I nee
2259.35 0624
Uhura-
I know you said no, but I'm begging you. Help me. It was just a joke! The kids started it! And the fig leaf was all Milo's idea. So please, please just ease things up with Spock.
I'll give you Alpha shift for a month, plus my Advanced Finnish lecture recordings, and I'll let you institute the basic xenolinguistics appreciation seminars for the ensigns.
Please. I'm begging you.
-Jim.
To: ltc.lmccoy@enterprise.sft
From: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
Re: Re: In preparation for your meeting with Spo
2259.35 0626
Ha. Ha. Very touching.
That's the last time I ever save you from a nefarious belly dancer, you ingrate.
To: ens.rmcginnis@enterprise.sft
From: lt.hsulu@enterprise.sft
Re: Botany Sim
2259.35 0713
Dear Ensign McGinnis,
I've come down with the stomach flu and will be unable to run the botany simulation this afternoon. Please;lskdf without me. I will resume my duties tomorrow.
Sincerely,
Lt. Sulu
P.S. Would you prefer it if I called you Cupcake? I heard it's a nickname of asdf;kssfjal
To: ens.pchekov@enterprise.sft
From: lt.hsulu@enterprise.sft
Re: Dammit
2259.35 0714
Pavel-
Stop throwing things at me. I'm trying to write PMs.
-Hikaru.
P.S. Do you know if turkey sandwiches have any cultural significance for Orions?
To: lt.hsulu@enterprise.sft
From: ens.pchekov@enterprise.stf
Re: You are boring.
2259.35 0715
Hikaru-
I have been lying in this bed for AGES. Dr. McCoy will not let me do work so I do not strain my eyes. Entertain me.
Oh, I heard you had a hot date with Lt. Gaila last night. She is very nice. She stopped by to say hello for Uhura and told me she liked my hair. Did it go well? Did you reach second base?
Details.
-Pavel.
P.S. I do not think so. I will investigate this when I get my own PADD back. I do not think Nurse Davis would like me to research cultural practices of Orion girls on her PADD. I did that once and got several viruses.
To: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
From: lt.nuhura@enterprise.sft
Re: Re: Meeting with Spock tomorrow. I nee
2259.35 0716
I don't think so. You brought this on yourself; you can get yourself out of it, captain.
Uhura.
P.S. By the way, I learned Finnish last summer during shore leave.
To: ens.pchekov@enterprise.sft
From: lt.hsulu@enterprise.sft
Re: Re: You are boring
2259.35 0717
None of your business, Pavel. And it wasn't a date.
Let me sleep, I'm tired. Why don't you go talk to Martha? I heard she's in the next ward over. Though it's not like you two spend a lot of time talking.
Hikaru.
To: lt.kriley@enterprise.sft
From: guest@enterprise.sft
2259.35 0730
Dear Ensine Riley
Thank you for the icecream. Capten Jim said I should right a thank you note. Harry and Tilly say thank you too but Harry does not right english he is from germany well his parents were and Tilly is too little to talk a lot. Capten Jim lent me a padd to right with it is cool.
Milo Dos Santos.
To: lt.jgaila@enterprise.sft
From: ens.pchekov@enterprise.sft
Re: Problem
2250.35 0816
Dear Lt. Gaila,
I am sorry for bothering you, but I heard you give good advice and you said last night if I had any problems to ask you.
It is Lt. Sulu. I am worried about him. I think he is angry at me but I do not know why. He has been moody for several weeks now and right now we are in the sick bay next to each other and he will not talk to me. He is pretending to sleep and told me to go see my girlfriend.
What should I do? I am not very good with people.
Thank you,
Pavel Chekov.
To: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
From: ltc.lmccoy@enterprise.sft
Re: Why are there still children in my be
2250.35 0818
Jim-
There are midgets in my bed, so I'm stealing yours.
Good luck with your meeting. Don't wake me unless he rips out your jugular. Chapel can handle pretty much anything else.
-McCoy.
P.S. Don't tell Chapel I said that.
To: lt.jgaila@enterprise.sft
From: lt.cchapel@enterprise.sft
Re: Oh God, I'm an idiot
2259.35 0832
Jane-
I did something stupid. Really, really, really stupid. I don't know what to do.
So last night, Janice and I were heading over to watch the Retro film when we got stuck in a storage closet, and one thing led to another, and...well. I think I said something wrong afterwards. Janice won't talk to me.
I need to talk. The lounge on Deck C, fifteen minutes?
-Christine.
Part 2/7 located here
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Characters: Ensemble
Rating: PG/PG-13 for now.
Word Count: 3091
A.N: Inspired by several prompts on the kink meme, but it kind of took off.
Chronicles of the U.S.S. Enterprise, Part 1/7
To: ltc.lmccoy@ent.sft
From: ltc.sspock@ent.sft
Re: Re: Hyperactive midgets in sickbay wreaking havoc w/ my hyp
2259.34 0947
Dr. McCoy:
It has come to my attention that your department had been mistakenly entrusted with childcare duties for the refugees from the Milwayan orphanage.
The situation has been rectified, and Ensign Riley will collect the children for supervision at 1700 hours.
-Lt. Commander Spock
P.S. Please desist from referring to the children as midgets. They are all in the acceptable height percentile for their ages, and Lt. Uhura has informed me that this is a derogatory term commonly employed by childish adults, or those with limited vocabularies.
To: lt.kriley@enterprise.sft
From: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
Re: Kids
2259.34 1723
Scotty needs you in Engineering. Frye's stuck in another j tube. Drop the kids off in the officer's lounge for now; I have to debrief them anyway.
-Kirk.
P.S. If they've been good, the replicator across the hall from my quarters makes chocolate frosties and blueberry lollipops. The password's grandmaster kirkilator. TELL ANYONE AND YOU WILL BE MOPPING FLOORS FOR A YEAR.
To: lt.hsulu@enterprise.sft
From: ens.pchekov@enterprise.sft
Re: HELP, DISASTER
2259.34 1742
Hikaru-
I had small accident and am in sick bay and must break the date tonight. What should I say? She will think I am - what do you call it - being a player?
Please advise.
-Pavel
To: ltc.lmccoy@enterprise.sft
From: ltc.sspock@enterprise.sft
Re: Captain Kirk
2259.34 1756
Dr. McCoy:
The Captain appears to have disappeared. I believe he is, as the phrase is, 'playing hooky.' Attempts to contact him via intercom and personal message have failed. As his closest personal friend, your assistance in this matter would be greatly appreciated.
-Lt. Commander Spock
To: ens.pchekov@enterprise.sft
From: lt.hsulu@enterprise.sft
Re: Don't Panic
2259.34 1759
Pavel-
Don't worry, she's crazy about you - who wouldn't be? Just tell her what happened and offer to make it up to her - oh, tell her you're definitely interested. Just make sure she knows you've got a really good reason for blowing her off again.
-Hikaru
P.S. I get off at 2100. Is there anything you want from the mess?
To: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
From: ltc.lmccoy@enterprise.sft
Re: URGENT supplies for refugees
2259.34 1802
Bones-
Do you have any empty hypos lying around?
Also, can you ask if Chapel has some of those finger paints she bought for her niece? I'll give her my last bottle of bourbon.
-Jim
To: ltc.sspock@enterprise.sft
From: ltc.lmccoy@enterprise.sft
Re: Re: Captain Kirk
2259.34 1806
Spock-
He's playing with some of the kids in the officer's lounge. I wouldn't bother him if I were you; Chekov got shot in the eye with a rubber band after he tried to get Jim to sign off on something.
-McCoy
To: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
From: ltc.lmccoy@enterprise.sft
Re: Honestly, Jim, it's a sick bay, not a toy store
2259.34 1811
No, you can't take my hypos to play with. I don't even want to know what you'd do with those. Teach the kids how to play Go Fish. Better yet, leave the kids with someone who won't pollute their innocent minds. Now go get some godammed rest and leave the babysitting to the ensigns.
Christine says she wants the bourbon and the password for your personal replicator.
-McCoy
To: ens.mlandon@enterprise.sft
From: ens.pchekov@enterprise.sft
Re: Date
2259.34 1901
Dear Martha,
I am afraid I have been injured in the line of duty and will be unable to make it tonight, as Dr. McCoy must keep me for observation because dermal regenerators are 'tricky' when it comes to eyes.
I am very sorry. Please do not take this as a sign of disinterest. I am very interested and look forward to reviewing the equations for transmotional warp with you at lunch tomorrow.
Yours,
Pavel.
To: lt.jgaila@enterprise.sft
From: lt.hsulu@enterprise.sft
Re: FML. Seriously.
2259.34 1932
Gaila,
Guess who just asked me for advice on keeping his girlfriend of the week? And guess who just gave it? *headdesks* Are you up for a drink tonight after your shift? Sorry to bother you - again - but I need to talk.
-Sulu
To: lt.nuhura@enterprise.sft
From: yeo.jrand@enterprise.sft
Re: Heads up.
2259.34 1944
Nyota-
Go to the rec room. Right now. I don't have high enough security clearance to lock the door myself.
-Janice
P.S. Nice fig leaf. Is it really that big?
P.P.S. I'm just kidding. It's really not funny. Well. Maybe a little. But please don't tell him I said so.
To: ltc.lmccoy@enterprise.sft
From: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
Re: Don't go in the rec lounge if you value your li
2259.34 1951
Bones-
I think I did something stupid. I'm hiding in your quarters until the kids and I can recalibrate the surface cleaner to account for finger paints. Apparently, the texture of the indigo shade fucks up the sensors.
If Spock comes by, tell him you haven't seen me.
-Jim.
P.S. Harry likes your socks with the reindeer on them. Can he use them for sock puppets? I promised him I'd show him how to make those.
P.P.S. Milo is surprised Joanna's related to you. He says she's pretty. Very pretty. He wants to know how old she is.
To: lt.nuhura@enterprise.sft
From: lt.jgaila@enterprise.sft
Re: Confused
2259.34 2013
Nyota-
Someone has sketched a picture of 'Spock in the Garden of Eden' in the rec room. Is this some Terran custom similar to the pictures Commander Pike keeps in his quarters? I asked Janice, but she began laughing and refused to answer. Did I say something wrong?
-Jane Gaila
To: lt.hsulu@enterprise.sft
From: lt.jgaila@enterprise.sft
Re: Re: FML. Seriously.
2259.34 2017
Sulu,
I told you you should have told him after he broke up with Cadet Galliulin during shore leave. Some times I do not understand you humans; if you like someone, why do you not just say so and have sex? You make things so complicated. You should be more like your captain - though it appears that he, too, has been contaminated with this stupidity lately.
I will be in the officer's lounge after I get off at 2300, if you wish to talk.
-Gaila.
To: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
From: ltc.mccoy@enterprise.sft
RE: You're an even bigger idiot than I thought, and tha
2259.34 2023
Jim-
1. You're quite possibly the stupidest human being I've ever met.
2. Spock's out for your blood. He came by and M'Benga heard him growling.
3. It's past ten. Get those children to bed. Circadian rhythms were invented for a reason.
4. No. Use your own damn socks.
5. Definitely no. And I'm scheduling Milo for a session with the psychiatris. God knows you've probably contaminated him enough already. Next thing you know, I'll be treating him for STDs.
-McCoy
To: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
From: ltc.spock@enterprise.sft
Re: Vandalism
2259.34 2116
Captain:
Someone has vandalized the recreation lounge. The vandalism appears to be directed at me, and is of a rather...personal nature. I hereby request permission to institute martial law until the perpetrator is found. With your permission, I will investigate and deal with him/her in a suitable manner.
-Lt. Commander Spock
U.S.S. Enterprise
To: yeo.jrand@enterprise.sft
From: ens.mlandon@enterprise.sft
Re: Men should stab themselves and di
2259.34 2118
Dear Yeoman Rand-
So I was supposed to go to dinner with Ensign Chekov this evening, and he canceled - again. Third time this month. He says he's interested, but I'm just not sure. I went down to the sick bay to see him, and he had his friend there, Lt. Sulu. And he looked - I dunno. If he weren't such a good kisser, I'd have dumped his scrawny ass after that mission on the planet with the pollen.
Maybe it's because he's still just eighteen? It's only three years, but maybe our age difference is just too much right now. I just thought - he seemed so nice, and I really love talking with him, but - was it too soon after Gary? Maybe it's not Chekov, maybe it's me. I don't know. Maybe this was just a bad idea to begin with. :(.
Well. Have to go. Scotty's getting on my ass about the dilithium synthesizers again. Girl talk in your room after my shift?
-Martha.
P.S. Kevin told me that someone painted a picture of Spock and Uhura naked in the rec room. Is he serious?
To: lt.jgaila@enterprise.sft
From: lt.nuhura@enterprise.sft
Re: Re: Confused
2259.34 2121
Dear Jane,
Janice was being silly. I believe she found the drawing amusing. This is not a Terran custom; it is simply a juvenile prank. I have my suspicions as to who drew it, but will wait for the results of the investigation. Please pay it no mind.
-Nyota.
P.S. I was going to stop off in the sick bay to check in on Chekov, but Tellura IV just sent me a ton of transmissions to decode. Would you mind checking in on him for me? I'll owe you one.
To: ltc.lmccoy@enterprise.sft
From: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
Re: BONES
2259.34 2123
Bones -
I can't get Matilda to sleep - she keeps crying. What do I do?
-Jim.
P.S. Your shift ended half an hour ago. If you're still doing paperwork, I'm getting Chapel to drag you down here whether you like it or not.
P.P.S. And you better not. Chapel's got that hot blonde thing going on, but she's your subordinate.
P.P.P.S. Shit. I'm starting to sound like Barnett. I'm only twenty-six - I can't sound like an admiral!
P.P.P.P.S. Matilda still won't stop crying. She seems to like it if I sing (maybe she should go to the psychiatrist too). Should I feed her?
To: lt.cchapel@enterprise.sft
From: yeo.jrand@enterprise.sft
Re: My room, tonight.
2259.34 2136
Christine-
Martha Landon's in the middle of a Chekov crisis. We're planning a girl's night at 0015. Are you in?
-Janice.
P.S. Could you bring some of your homemade caramel popcorn? It's fab, and she could really use a pick-me-up.
To: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
From: ltc.lmccoy@enterprise.sft
Re: Re: BONES
2259.34 2138
Jim-
Sorry. Got held up with a situation. Apparently, half of Communication's coming down with a stomach virus. It's not pretty.
Also: I'm sending Flo up with something for Matilda. Try not to scar the children.
-Bones.
P.S. Cheer up, kid, you're nothing like Barnett. Barnett's an admiral in the city with the highest Orion immigrant population on Earth. You're a captain stuck on a starship in the middle of space for five years with 752 people you're not supposed to have sex with.
To: ens.ngreen@enterprise.sft
From: ens.rricardo@enterprise.sft
Re: Dead man walking onboard
2259.34 2148
Dude-
Barrett just told me Rand just told him Martha told her Kevin told her that someone drew a picture of Spock and Uhura getting it on in the rec room.
Guess we'll find out who when Spock shunts him out an airlock.
-Ricky 'the Red' Ricardo, Baby
To: ltc.mscott@enterprise.sft
From: lt.jgaila@enterprise.sft
Re: Consolation
2259.34 2156
Dear Mr. Scotty,
I am meeting with a Terran who has just been indirectly rejected by his chosen partner because he is too cowardly to say anything for fear of direct rejection. Should I bring a small token of sympathy for him? Janice Rand said that chocolate always helps, but in my experience, gifts of chocolate often have sexual connotations to them.
Thank you for your help,
Jane Gaila.
To: yeo.jrand@enterprise.sft
From: ens.mlandon@enterprise.sft
Re: Tonight
2259.34 2202
Sorry, Yeoman Rand - think I've got the stomach flu. I'm spending the night in sick bay. I'll see you tomorrow.
Thanks anyway,
Martha Landon.
To: lt.cchapel@enterprise.sft
From: yeo.jrand@enterprise.sft
Re: Tonight
2259.34 2208
Christine-
Looks like Landon can't make it. Want to come anyway? We can turn it into a 'perpetually single girl commiseration night' if you'd like. I hear the retro film club's playing one of those Sister Cathy mysteries in the mess in fifteen minutes.
-Janice.
To: lt.jgaila@enterprise.sft
From: ltc.mscott@enterprise.sft
Re: Re: Concering Human Consolation
2259.34 2231
Well, I always find a good sandwich bracing, lass.
-Scotty
P.S. That was some fantastic work on the inertial dampeners yesterday! Where did you pick up a trick like that?
To: ltc.sspock@enterprise.sft
From: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
Re: Re: Vandalism
2259.34 2232
Spock-
I'll handle this. Extreme measures are not necessary. Just - uh, send out one of your Big Brother emails and meet in my office tomorrow morning at 0830 to discuss.
-Jim.
To: ltc.lmccoy@enterprise.sft
From: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
Re: Shit I'm screwed
2259.34 2248
Bones.
I'm screwed. Spock is out for blood. Help me. I need a plan.
You owe me for that time in British Colombia.
-Jim.
P.S. Tilly fell asleep right away. What was in that stuff? Booze?
To: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
From: ltc.lmccoy@enterprise.sft
Re: Re: Shit I'm screwed
2259.34 2251
Jim-
Sorry, kid, but I'd rather make it to thirty-five with my genitals intact.
-McCoy.
P.S. Looks like I'll be in sick bay all night, so just stay in my quarters with the kids if you'd want. NO SOCKPUPPETS.
To: ALL
From: ltc.sspock@enterprise.sft
Re: Vandalism in the recreational lounge
2259.35 0012
Fellow crewmembers:
According to Starfleet regulation 131.07, subsection C, while officers off duty aboard a starship may be granted certain liberties, it is still required that they maintain a sense of decorum while in the service of the Federation. Failure to do so will result in serious repercussions.
The case of vandalism in the officer's lounge is currently under investigation. Should the perpetrators come forward now, they will be treated with leniency.
I urge you all to review your Handbooks of Starfleet Regulation and continue to conduct yourselves professionally.
-Lt. Commander Spock
U.S.S. Enterprise
To: ens.rmcginnis@enterprise.sft
From: lt.pfinnegan@enterprise.sft
Re: News
2259.35 0126
Randy-
Did you hear that Spock and Uhura were caught getting it on in the rec room? Apparently, Commander Scott got it all on tape.
I heard Kirk's livid about it - like he has room to talk. I heard one time he got caught in a threesome with McCoy and Lt. Gaila in a classroom at the Academy by Admiral Pike - and he still didn't get kicked out. Fucking teacher's pet.
Who knows? Maybe they'll get a demotion over this.
-Pete F.
To: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
From: ltc.lmccoy@enterprise.sft
Re: In preparation for your meeting with Spo
2259.35 0338
Attached file: jamest.kirkaeulogybyl.h.mccoy.rtf
Open and Save Document?
To: lt.nuhura@enterprise.sft
From: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
Re: Meeting with Spock tomorrow. I nee
2259.35 0624
Uhura-
I know you said no, but I'm begging you. Help me. It was just a joke! The kids started it! And the fig leaf was all Milo's idea. So please, please just ease things up with Spock.
I'll give you Alpha shift for a month, plus my Advanced Finnish lecture recordings, and I'll let you institute the basic xenolinguistics appreciation seminars for the ensigns.
Please. I'm begging you.
-Jim.
To: ltc.lmccoy@enterprise.sft
From: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
Re: Re: In preparation for your meeting with Spo
2259.35 0626
Ha. Ha. Very touching.
That's the last time I ever save you from a nefarious belly dancer, you ingrate.
To: ens.rmcginnis@enterprise.sft
From: lt.hsulu@enterprise.sft
Re: Botany Sim
2259.35 0713
Dear Ensign McGinnis,
I've come down with the stomach flu and will be unable to run the botany simulation this afternoon. Please;lskdf without me. I will resume my duties tomorrow.
Sincerely,
Lt. Sulu
P.S. Would you prefer it if I called you Cupcake? I heard it's a nickname of asdf;kssfjal
To: ens.pchekov@enterprise.sft
From: lt.hsulu@enterprise.sft
Re: Dammit
2259.35 0714
Pavel-
Stop throwing things at me. I'm trying to write PMs.
-Hikaru.
P.S. Do you know if turkey sandwiches have any cultural significance for Orions?
To: lt.hsulu@enterprise.sft
From: ens.pchekov@enterprise.stf
Re: You are boring.
2259.35 0715
Hikaru-
I have been lying in this bed for AGES. Dr. McCoy will not let me do work so I do not strain my eyes. Entertain me.
Oh, I heard you had a hot date with Lt. Gaila last night. She is very nice. She stopped by to say hello for Uhura and told me she liked my hair. Did it go well? Did you reach second base?
Details.
-Pavel.
P.S. I do not think so. I will investigate this when I get my own PADD back. I do not think Nurse Davis would like me to research cultural practices of Orion girls on her PADD. I did that once and got several viruses.
To: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
From: lt.nuhura@enterprise.sft
Re: Re: Meeting with Spock tomorrow. I nee
2259.35 0716
I don't think so. You brought this on yourself; you can get yourself out of it, captain.
Uhura.
P.S. By the way, I learned Finnish last summer during shore leave.
To: ens.pchekov@enterprise.sft
From: lt.hsulu@enterprise.sft
Re: Re: You are boring
2259.35 0717
None of your business, Pavel. And it wasn't a date.
Let me sleep, I'm tired. Why don't you go talk to Martha? I heard she's in the next ward over. Though it's not like you two spend a lot of time talking.
Hikaru.
To: lt.kriley@enterprise.sft
From: guest@enterprise.sft
2259.35 0730
Dear Ensine Riley
Thank you for the icecream. Capten Jim said I should right a thank you note. Harry and Tilly say thank you too but Harry does not right english he is from germany well his parents were and Tilly is too little to talk a lot. Capten Jim lent me a padd to right with it is cool.
Milo Dos Santos.
To: lt.jgaila@enterprise.sft
From: ens.pchekov@enterprise.sft
Re: Problem
2250.35 0816
Dear Lt. Gaila,
I am sorry for bothering you, but I heard you give good advice and you said last night if I had any problems to ask you.
It is Lt. Sulu. I am worried about him. I think he is angry at me but I do not know why. He has been moody for several weeks now and right now we are in the sick bay next to each other and he will not talk to me. He is pretending to sleep and told me to go see my girlfriend.
What should I do? I am not very good with people.
Thank you,
Pavel Chekov.
To: capt.jkirk@enterprise.sft
From: ltc.lmccoy@enterprise.sft
Re: Why are there still children in my be
2250.35 0818
Jim-
There are midgets in my bed, so I'm stealing yours.
Good luck with your meeting. Don't wake me unless he rips out your jugular. Chapel can handle pretty much anything else.
-McCoy.
P.S. Don't tell Chapel I said that.
To: lt.jgaila@enterprise.sft
From: lt.cchapel@enterprise.sft
Re: Oh God, I'm an idiot
2259.35 0832
Jane-
I did something stupid. Really, really, really stupid. I don't know what to do.
So last night, Janice and I were heading over to watch the Retro film when we got stuck in a storage closet, and one thing led to another, and...well. I think I said something wrong afterwards. Janice won't talk to me.
I need to talk. The lounge on Deck C, fifteen minutes?
-Christine.
Part 2/7 located here