[FIC] Affair On Stage (Sesame Street - Ernie/Bert)
title: Affair On Stage
fandom: Sesame Street
pairing: Ernie/Bert (non-graphic)
rating (as requested): PG
requested by draggystack in this post.
notes: I found the request by accident, clicked out of curiosity, and then was very surprised when my name started popping up in the comments. Perverts, all of you! How dare you assume I would ever write something like this… XP
also, the request was surprisingly hard to fulfill - I'm not sure it's what you wanted, draggystack. >.O
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Affair On Stage
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There was just one problem with how things had turned out. The producers couldn't very well take Ernie and Bert out of the show, because while the kids didn't necessarily like Bert - strict, straight-laced Bert with his pin stripe shirt, the long face, and the sparse hair - they did like youthful, energetic Ernie. That Bert wasn't as straight-laced as everyone thought, and that Ernie wasn't the giggling idiot everyone perceived him to be didn't matter. They were two important inhabitants of Sesame Street, and couldn't be excluded in the shows. So, the producers decided they had to explain the new situation somehow. After all, that was the concept of the show in the first place.
Sesame Street prided itself on being a progressive, modern TV show for kids. They had a vampire that couldn't count, a bear that told bad jokes, a monster living in a trash can, and altogether, having a gay couple buggering each other on-camera wouldn't be a big problem. Or so they thought.
And while the new situation - or 'The Gay Relationship Between Ernie And Bert' as some insiders on the show called it - wasn't perceived as big problem, it was still a small one, since someone had to do the explaining; someone had to bring pictures and showing material, and so far, public statements of Ernie and Bert were being considered 'full of surprises and not suitable for children', which excluded the happy new couple from doing the explanatory interview themselves.
In the end, the producers had to ask Kermit, because everybody else was smart enough to refuse, or simply didn't want to. The humans felt uncomfortable, either with the concept of homosexuality, or the concept of two hand puppets doing each other up the ass. The other puppets knew Ernie would make improper comments at sensible times, and Bert was likely to try and talk the situation down until no one would know anymore whether they were serious or not. This posed a problem.
They needed a commentator - someone to show pictures, and explain the workings. And maybe when everything was over, they could show an eight second insert of the happy couple in an innocent position. They planned to have the stage designers make a Victorian, conservative looking couch, just for that shot. The producers agreed on that at five in the morning, after calling for Chinese take-out three times. Kermit wasn't informed until an hour before the show, for fear he'd try to get out of it by wiggling his cute, green, fuzzy ass.
The children were prepared by the previous programs running on Sesame Street. The Count van Count counted to 101, using pictures of the male-on-male kama sutra. Fozzy, the bear, told jokes about a man coming into a hotel with no money, and Oscar the Grouch 'found' a tube of KY in his trash can. This was as far as the producers were ready to go for the main program.
Kermit had been prepared as well as could be, with Miss Piggy watching the hair dresser a little too closely. The flamboyant pig suddenly saw gay sex everywhere and was considerably upset for her froggy husband. She saw his lithe green form as potential target, and protested loudly against the whole production. The editor arranged for a song writer to come and get her a solo performance in one of the next shows, which was accepted with a huff and a scrunched up snout, but seemed to pacify her nonetheless.
With the last protesting voice out of the way, the show was ready to be run. Ernie and Bert weren't needed, so the photographer did the couch shot beforehand, so they wouldn't have to worry about that. Ernie and Bert managed exactly thirteen seconds, before Ernie got horny again and took Bert right there on the couch, through two layers of fuzz and cheap fabric. The photographer was never the same again, and to this day, he is rumored to be behind the infamous Yiffy-Con pictures of Lulu and Catty in leopard underwear.
Kermit wasn't prepared for anything like that at all, and shook the whole time, his little green arms flailing around while he pointed at the pictures, explaining things about lube, stretching, and anal cavities. He barely made it through the scene without stuttering, and ended it flushed and flustered with a few words of heartfelt congratulations.
The show received top ratings - the best viewing figures since the apple pie episode of Seventh Heaven a few years back, and everyone was quite proud, if a bit anxious about the feedback. The Christian community was considerably upset and threatened with a ban of Sesame Street articles in children's bedrooms, whereas a certain high-profile scientific magazine proposed a study on teenage boys and their masturbation habits with Sesame Street plush toys.
Mothers, fathers and grandmothers called from everywhere, but only one letter made it on the wall of the production bureau's cork board. A mother declared how glad she was that the show was preparing kids so adequately. She herself had an eight year old son who liked dressing up far too much and had begged for a Barbie doll for the past four Christmases - she was glad that someone was taking the necessary steps to educate her son, so his first time wouldn't be too painful. She had even gone as far as to tape the episode for later showing.
All in all, the new situation didn't damage the spirit of Sesame Street, and the producers embraced the audience's warm welcome of the new couple as a chance to finally explain things about Telly's Big (Bird) Secret and the Grover Affair. After all, that was the concept of the show in the first place.
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fandom: Sesame Street
pairing: Ernie/Bert (non-graphic)
rating (as requested): PG
requested by draggystack in this post.
notes: I found the request by accident, clicked out of curiosity, and then was very surprised when my name started popping up in the comments. Perverts, all of you! How dare you assume I would ever write something like this… XP
also, the request was surprisingly hard to fulfill - I'm not sure it's what you wanted, draggystack. >.O
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Affair On Stage
+
There was just one problem with how things had turned out. The producers couldn't very well take Ernie and Bert out of the show, because while the kids didn't necessarily like Bert - strict, straight-laced Bert with his pin stripe shirt, the long face, and the sparse hair - they did like youthful, energetic Ernie. That Bert wasn't as straight-laced as everyone thought, and that Ernie wasn't the giggling idiot everyone perceived him to be didn't matter. They were two important inhabitants of Sesame Street, and couldn't be excluded in the shows. So, the producers decided they had to explain the new situation somehow. After all, that was the concept of the show in the first place.
Sesame Street prided itself on being a progressive, modern TV show for kids. They had a vampire that couldn't count, a bear that told bad jokes, a monster living in a trash can, and altogether, having a gay couple buggering each other on-camera wouldn't be a big problem. Or so they thought.
And while the new situation - or 'The Gay Relationship Between Ernie And Bert' as some insiders on the show called it - wasn't perceived as big problem, it was still a small one, since someone had to do the explaining; someone had to bring pictures and showing material, and so far, public statements of Ernie and Bert were being considered 'full of surprises and not suitable for children', which excluded the happy new couple from doing the explanatory interview themselves.
In the end, the producers had to ask Kermit, because everybody else was smart enough to refuse, or simply didn't want to. The humans felt uncomfortable, either with the concept of homosexuality, or the concept of two hand puppets doing each other up the ass. The other puppets knew Ernie would make improper comments at sensible times, and Bert was likely to try and talk the situation down until no one would know anymore whether they were serious or not. This posed a problem.
They needed a commentator - someone to show pictures, and explain the workings. And maybe when everything was over, they could show an eight second insert of the happy couple in an innocent position. They planned to have the stage designers make a Victorian, conservative looking couch, just for that shot. The producers agreed on that at five in the morning, after calling for Chinese take-out three times. Kermit wasn't informed until an hour before the show, for fear he'd try to get out of it by wiggling his cute, green, fuzzy ass.
The children were prepared by the previous programs running on Sesame Street. The Count van Count counted to 101, using pictures of the male-on-male kama sutra. Fozzy, the bear, told jokes about a man coming into a hotel with no money, and Oscar the Grouch 'found' a tube of KY in his trash can. This was as far as the producers were ready to go for the main program.
Kermit had been prepared as well as could be, with Miss Piggy watching the hair dresser a little too closely. The flamboyant pig suddenly saw gay sex everywhere and was considerably upset for her froggy husband. She saw his lithe green form as potential target, and protested loudly against the whole production. The editor arranged for a song writer to come and get her a solo performance in one of the next shows, which was accepted with a huff and a scrunched up snout, but seemed to pacify her nonetheless.
With the last protesting voice out of the way, the show was ready to be run. Ernie and Bert weren't needed, so the photographer did the couch shot beforehand, so they wouldn't have to worry about that. Ernie and Bert managed exactly thirteen seconds, before Ernie got horny again and took Bert right there on the couch, through two layers of fuzz and cheap fabric. The photographer was never the same again, and to this day, he is rumored to be behind the infamous Yiffy-Con pictures of Lulu and Catty in leopard underwear.
Kermit wasn't prepared for anything like that at all, and shook the whole time, his little green arms flailing around while he pointed at the pictures, explaining things about lube, stretching, and anal cavities. He barely made it through the scene without stuttering, and ended it flushed and flustered with a few words of heartfelt congratulations.
The show received top ratings - the best viewing figures since the apple pie episode of Seventh Heaven a few years back, and everyone was quite proud, if a bit anxious about the feedback. The Christian community was considerably upset and threatened with a ban of Sesame Street articles in children's bedrooms, whereas a certain high-profile scientific magazine proposed a study on teenage boys and their masturbation habits with Sesame Street plush toys.
Mothers, fathers and grandmothers called from everywhere, but only one letter made it on the wall of the production bureau's cork board. A mother declared how glad she was that the show was preparing kids so adequately. She herself had an eight year old son who liked dressing up far too much and had begged for a Barbie doll for the past four Christmases - she was glad that someone was taking the necessary steps to educate her son, so his first time wouldn't be too painful. She had even gone as far as to tape the episode for later showing.
All in all, the new situation didn't damage the spirit of Sesame Street, and the producers embraced the audience's warm welcome of the new couple as a chance to finally explain things about Telly's Big (Bird) Secret and the Grover Affair. After all, that was the concept of the show in the first place.
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