Fic: Down the Vibrant String (R) Logan/Veronica, Lilly
Title: Down the Vibrant String
Author: Truemyth
Pairing / Character: Logan/Veronica, Lilly
Rating: R
Word Count: 3,865ish
Summary: Logan/Veronica smut heals all. No really.
Spoilers / Warnings: Through “Ain’t No Magic Mountain High Enough” 2x13 / Smut and Ghosts. That’s two ways to read “Ooo.”
Author’s Note: Written for the loveathons Cupid Challenge. Beta’d by the supercalafragalisticespialadocious sarah_p.
X-posted to loveathons and veronicamarsfic.
Down the Vibrant String
Sometimes, a nudge is all you need.
A gentle whisper unfurled like soft sin inside the inner shell of her ear.
“Come on dorkus, what are you waiting for? He came to your rescue, now say thank you like a good girl - bad girl - whatever.”
Veronica never processed the words, never felt the phantom chill of Lilly’s hair as Lilly leaned against the balcony railing to watch. Lilly held her breath - which was more of a figure of speech for the slight pressing of the lips and temporary stillness of the body, a habit learned when there was still breath to hold - and watched as Veronica darted forward quickly, raising herself on the balls of her feet for a moment to press her lips sweetly to Logan’s as he leaned against the wall of the Camelot. His dark eyes were riveted to Veronica’s face, as she pulled away, in a look that Lilly knew only too well. Lilly clapped softly, giddy now that her months of careful maneuvering and gentle suggestions were finally paying off.
Veronica turned to go with a brief shake of her head to ward off the odd chilliness when she passed through Lilly’s ghostly form. But Logan reached for her, as Lilly had known he would, and Veronica’s arms were open in welcome before his head had even reached the moment of mandatory nose tilt.
Although it had been her goal all along, Lilly was still surprised by the waves of emotion that rolled off the embracing couple. Sweet passion and wild, glorious confusion poured from them and pressed her ephemeral body through the railing so that she drifted on sweeping eddies of joy. The excitement of newly discovered passion strummed the spectral being of Lilly Kane as she rode high on the lust and other delicious emotions she was finally able to feel. The other ghost had been right. It was possible to feel something again, if you were connected to the mortals, if the emotions ran hot enough. Lilly hovered besides her two favorite people in the world and watched as their first kiss broke and they gazed at each other with awe and confusion. They took one single breath, in unison, and Lilly gasped in surprise to feel a current of air expel from her transparent throat.
They pulled away from each other and Veronica moved swiftly down the stairs and to her car as the energy dissipated. Lilly spiraled to the ground, watching Logan, watching Veronica as she drove away.
She was determined. They would kiss again. They would do more than kiss. And Lilly would be able to feel, for full seconds at a time, as if she wasn’t fading into oblivion.
*****
God, could these two be more stubborn?
Veronica and Logan danced around the issue of their kiss at the Camelot with the skill of the Russian ballet, and batted soft puns back and forth to each other as if they were bored children playing catch at a summer picnic, even as their eyes followed every move the other made. Lilly, no stranger to sexual desire herself, knew how their mouths must water and the lower muscles of their abdomens must tighten as naughty thoughts flickered through their brains. Sometimes, if she sat close enough to one of them, she could almost feel it too, and the stress of the nearly re-experienced tension was driving her mad. She had sat through four days of journalism class and still none of her careful prodding yielded results. She longed for the ability to leap into Veronica’s body and ravage Logan on the central layout desk, or, possessing Logan, push Veronica into the dark room and fall to his knees before her in the glow of the red light. But Lilly’s grip on reality was growing less, not more, and she could only buzz through the subconscious thoughts of each, like an irritating fly vibrating with repressed passion.
When Logan arrived at the Mars Investigations office, Lilly didn’t even bother to get up from her slouching rest on the couch. But then Veronica did her kick-ass detective thing and Lilly watched as the corner of Logan’s mouth twitched up in honest admiration and Lilly began to feel the tingle of hope again. He circled the desk and leaned over Veronica’s chair as she worked, and Lilly sighed as the warmth of his feelings brought an honest flush to her cheeks.
Then, before she knew what was happening, Logan was on the phone and the ice of grave descended again as he mentioned Aaron. Fucking Aaron. Lilly trailed forlornly after the pair as they rushed towards dinner at the one place she had avoided consistently since her death.
*****
Lilly was only half listening as Logan and Veronica meandered towards the X-terra. She was trying hard not to think about Aaron, his belt out, crazed glint in his eyes as he had smiled that same smile he used when he looked down at her amid rumpled sheets. She stared through her hand as she made a fist and then relaxed it again. She could see the cement of the clean driveway through the white flesh. He had done this to her.
The sound of her name focused her attention. Weevil. Well, god, could you blame a girl, Logan? And yet, it actually made her sad that he claimed he didn’t blame her any more. But, what was this? Moving on?
And now the world fell away. Now Aaron was the transparent nothing as Logan cupped Veronica’s cheek under the starry sky and they kissed again. It was different from the Camelot, more like a warm, slow joy that bubbles outwards, like the precious laughter the two were sharing now. Foreheads touched and Lilly moaned as their mouths returned to each other again and again. She reached out her hands to touch them and gasped again. The difference was subtle, but it was there… her hands were not as transparent as before.
She followed eagerly into the SUV and suffered through Veronica’s quaint memories. None of it mattered. What mattered was that this was going to work. She could be whole again.
*****
What followed were the both the best and worst weeks of Lilly’s death to date. Each time Logan looked at Veronica when he thought no one could see him, Lilly’s spectral heart contracted from the sheer need. Each time Veronica touched him, Lilly felt the warmth of the hand on her own flesh. The ability to experience an actual physical sensation was heaven after over a year of the sensory deprivation of death.
But it was also like a drug that she could never get enough of. The pleasure that Veronica gasped into the dark air of the janitor’s cupboard or the girl’s restroom was equal to that which Lilly had only managed when fully naked in her past life. The idea of what the two of them would be like - unclothed and horizontal - made Lilly’s head spin and her soul ache.
She helped them along sometimes. Her hand would overlap Veronica’s as it slipped under the hem of Logan’s shirt or cupped the strong muscles of his neck and rejoiced in the heat of his flesh. She urged Logan to flick his tongue across the sensitive point behind Veronica’s earlobe and collapsed panting at their feet when Veronica’s ecstasy washed over her.
But they were holding back, each of them worrying about Duncan and about the kids at school, and not about what was truly important. Lilly had watched them both for over a year. This was the happiest either had been since her death and, instead of wallowing in the elation each inspired in the other; they were waiting for the other shoe to drop.
*****
Okay, so maybe they were right about the shoe.
Lilly had raged at Veronica to speak to Logan about her suspicions. She had yelled at herself for throwing out the fucking note that Logan had written and keeping the shot glass. She had watched with quiet fear as Logan had balanced on the edge of the bridge, and her relief at Weevil’s arrival had dissipated just as quickly as Logan’s kick to his head. She had been late arriving on the scene of Aaron’s struggle with Veronica. Just in time to ride the truck that wiped the smug expression from his face.
That had been a sweet moment, but not sweet enough, because the energy it had taken to lock the driver’s steering column had left her feeling like a hollow shell. She barely recognized the man who ranted at the police about his daughter and vengeance.
*****
Lilly had never understood Veronica’s obsession with virginity and ‘going slow,’ even when she was alive. It was irritating the hell out of her now. Logan was being a virtual saint for a teenage boy with a hot girlfriend, and they still hadn’t gotten past second base. Lilly needed more than that. She needed to feel the wind on her face, smell the wet asphalt and see in colors more vibrant than her current pastel existence.
Veronica was trying to cut another date short before she was swept away with passion, and Lilly couldn’t stand it. She reached into Logan’s brain and found the quiet room where he kept his secret thoughts. She pulled a glimmering truth to the forefront just as Veronica finished a witty rejoiner.
“No, what I’m trying to say is that I’m in love with you,” Logan spoke solemnly.
Though she tried to play it off as a new joke, Lilly could see that the words had found their mark. Maybe now - or in a few weeks from now - Lilly would finally find out how far passion’s magic could take her into the waking world. She grinned smugly as the couple settled back on the seat and the heat began to well in her again.
Sounds rumbled outside the car and she looked up in time to experience a shotgun blast directly through her face. There were some benefits to death.
Logan and Veronica were okay, and Lilly began to plot for their next date when she noticed Veronica’s strained expression.
Oh fuck.
No, no, no.
Don’t be that girl again, Veronica. Please.
*****
Lilly sat on the kitchen counter, facing away from the couple on the couch. She didn’t want to acknowledge what was happening, even though she had seen it coming for weeks. The incident at the community pool was simply the straw that broke the camel’s back. Veronica had been spooked from the moment of the shotgun blast.
Lilly flinched when Logan broke the table lamp. She wanted to break things too, but she also understood where Veronica was coming from.
Why did emotions have to be so complicated? Why couldn’t they just fuck like bunnies and enjoy themselves? Of course, that tactic hadn’t really worked out well for Lilly.
Lilly hung her head as she heard Keith manhandling Logan out of the apartment. There wasn’t anything she could do here, and it didn’t look like she’d be gaining any new vitality soon. She choose to conserve her energy for a time when it would have the greatest effect and moved, finally, to join Veronica as she sat, shell-shocked, on the small couch. Lilly wished she could pat her hand.
*****
Could none of them feel it? Death hung heavy in the foul air of the bus, but the mortals carried out their business of bored staring and blown spit wads as if they had more than mere minutes on this side of life. Idiots.
Maybe they were too wrapped up in their own lives. Secret pregnancies, calculated stalking, suppressed sexuality, and money owed to big, scary men: none of it was going to matter when the tires left the road.
But it wouldn’t take Veronica.
It took more than half of the strength she’d developed over the summer but she reached out and ran towards Weevil.
“Veronica,” she giggled. “Come on, dorkus.”
*****
It was frustrating as hell watching Kendall fuck Logan. Oh, it was entertaining and always gratifying to see that Logan had remembered all those old tricks she’d taught him. But, with that much sweat and groans and pulsating flesh… would it have killed them to feel any actual emotion for each other? She felt like she was watching a well-choreographed stage show, with less clothing than you’d find in Vegas. Her heart didn’t beat. Her breath didn’t catch and her lungs didn’t fill. Which was unfortunate, because she would have dearly loved to sigh an enormous yawn each time Kendall hammed up her climax.
Lilly knew Logan was good, but, damnit woman, no man made you sing opera.
Lilly found herself turning reluctantly to Veronica and Duncan. She’d avoided their groping sessions in the past because - well, there were only so many sides she really wanted to see of her brother. But she was getting desperate as her colors faded and her mind began to wander at inappropriate times.
The moment in the coffee shop was perfect. The older woman was babbling about love and missed opportunities and Veronica’s thoughts were wandering in that direction anyways. It hadn’t taking much at all to give her a nudge, just a little push, before Lilly could watch the shiver of epiphany run up Veronica’s spine.
How nice would it have been if she had run to Logan?
As it was, the most awkward night of Lilly’s un-life had ensued. She had alternated between feeling sorry that Veronica’s first conscious sexual experience was this boring and wanting to slap the hell out of Veronica for bringing her to the point where she had to learn that Duncan had a mole the shape of Mickey Mouse on his left ass cheek.
After that, Lilly had stayed away from Veronica and Duncan any time they decided to take their clothes off. Sometimes, fading away was preferable.
*****
Psychics give ghosts a bad name. What the hell had the woman been thinking, telling Veronica to stay away from Logan on her behalf? Madame Sophie had totally made Lilly’s list, and she had better pray that Lilly never got her strength back, because she was going to be in for some major poltergeist activities if that happened. Lilly entertained herself with thoughts of vats of pigs’ blood falling at inconvenient times.
The MammaMax thing was funny, though.
*****
Things got easier again, after Duncan left, but even as the tenuous friendship was formed and stolen glances were cast, Lilly despaired of ever reclaiming the warmth of last summer, let alone the burning furnace she craved. Her mind drifted into hazy places as she watched Veronica snipe at Logan good-naturedly, and Logan flirt with sarcastic spite even as he gazed at her silently when her back was turned. The world was whitewashed now, and the pale hands in front of her face were the impossible contrast of white on white. She bled into the world and the fall of her eyelids did not save her from the muted starkness, for they had long ago become as transparent as glass. She spent days staring at the amber patterns of the glass art windows in Logan’s hotel suite because they still managed to bring some color to her world. Which is where she was when Veronica knocked on the door the night before their senior graduation.
Veronica looked different, shifting from one foot to the other, asking to come inside. Her eyes shone as if lit from within, as she made her way to the center of the living room, and Lilly moved towards her like the proverbial moth, even as Logan stepped besides her and murmured something about the bus crash and catching someone. He reached out to touch the side of her cheek and Lilly now saw that Veronica had a healing cut there, a fine, dark red line, throbbing with so much vitality that Lilly whimpered.
Then, Logan’s fingers actually touched Veronica’s skin, and Lilly’s nostrils filled with the sent of ozone, as if lightning had struck nearby and charged the air. She saw the fine golden hairs along Logan’s arm rise and this time, when she pressed her lips together and held still, Lilly wasn’t pretending to hold onto air. A small breath of life welled in her chest and she might have cried, if the dead could summon tears.
Veronica was breathing heavily and she took a step back and lifted her hand to brush Logan’s aside, but he countered the movement by catching her hand in his. As his eyes held her gaze, he moved his thumb in a simple caress along the inner web of delicate flesh between Veronica’s palm and thumb. Logan’s lips were parted, but he didn’t speak. He implored with his eyes and waited for Veronica’s response.
Lilly flew to Veronica’s side and surveyed her old friend. She could see all the doubt and hurt that still swirled in her breast. She could feel Veronica’s fear as if it was her own. Veronica didn’t fear Logan and what he would do. She feared how he made her feel in the act of surrender, and the fact that she might lose a part of herself even as she came away with more than she had to start with. Lilly understood this feeling but she had no time for it. Death was one thing. It sucked and there was pain and then there was boredom. But at least it was something. And even now… Lilly could feel the void calling her as she stood between the couple. Oblivion was the true thing to fear. And so, Lilly leaned forward and begged, using all her remaining strength, washing the world to a blinding slate of white as she cried into Veronica’s mind.
Please. Love. Live. For me.
For the longest moment, an eternity in the tick of a second hand, the world remained a vacant emptiness. Then color bloomed as Veronica moved into Lilly, towards Logan, her eyes radiant, her skin vibrant, her lips red and moist as she lifted them to his and they kissed through Lilly.
It was as sweet as the first kiss had been, but there was no confusion now. Logan’s hands rose to Veronica’s shoulders and Lilly followed, her fingers pressing with his against the fabric of her coat before sliding in and under. Lilly felt Veronica’s hands moving on Logan’s torso and under his shirt. This time, she lifted, pulling the t-shirt off and over his head, as the two moved quickly to the open bedroom doors.
They never broke contact with each other completely and neither did Lilly. With Veronica, Lilly molded the curves of Logan’s back and hips, lingering at each. With Logan, Lilly tasted the flesh in the small dimple of Veronica’s collarbone, smacking their lips at the faint salt until Veronica giggled. With both, she enjoyed each kiss until she was no longer sure whose tongue she felt, and she fell back to the edge of the bed and watched the couple embrace.
They were beautiful together. Veronica was small and pale, but her lithe, toned limbs wrapped perfectly around Logan’s glorious gold. His dark head moved down the path of her alabaster midriff while her golden locks snaked across the black bed linen as she tossed her head and laughed and sighed in equal measure.
Lilly felt her skin begin to glow as she watched the fine rose blush creep up the side of Veronica’s neck. Her hands attempted to fist the coverlet as Veronica’s were doing and she was amazed to feel a slight traction between the faintly shining digits and the soft cotton. Lilly’s gaze flew to Logan’s head between the twin columns of Veronica’s thighs. It was a familiar sight, and she was washed away on a tidal wave of memories and Veronica’s projected sensations. Logan’s name was shouted by two voices and Lilly felt pain for the first time since the ashtray had collided with her head.
Lilly fell sideways on the bed as Logan climbed up Veronica’s body, and she wanted to tell him to stop as he nibbled the side of her neck and rested his forehead against hers. Even when the orgasm had faded, the sensations were coming too quickly. She felt for both of them at once. Veronica curved her hand across Logan’s hipbone and Lilly felt both the hand and the hip, and, all the while, Logan had begun to play at Veronica’s breasts with hand and mouth and the pleasure cut deep into Lilly as she began to burn. She was aflame with their touching and they were too far gone to be affected by her cry. Lilly watched with horror as Veronica guided Logan’s hips towards her own. In desperation, Lilly rolled off the bed, but the link would not be severed.
As the pain left her mouth on endless moan of anguish, Lilly began to realize that it wasn’t the physical sensations that were overloading her poor, incorporeal form. For she also felt each and every one of Veronica and Logan’s emotions as the couple moved together on the bed above her. They loved. They loved each other so much that it hurt them on occasion, and now, it was ripping Lilly apart.
They were moving faster now, eyes locked only on each other, and Lilly was sightless to all else. The pressure built past anything she had ever known and still, the elastic of her soul was strained to move still higher, farther until -
She burst into flames.
Surely that is what had happened. She was gone.
This was oblivion.
With all the colors of an off-white ceiling and crazy green fish hanging from the wall. And the dark comforter resting on the floor at her side. And the soft carpet on her bare back.
Lilly blinked.
Nothing had changed? She sat up and saw that Logan had rolled to one side and gathered Veronica to him. They were talking softly and were still wrapped up in each other. Logan kissed Veronica’s forehead, and Lilly tensed for the sensation.
But there was nothing.
Slowly, Lilly turned to face the bathroom mirror and found herself looking back. She moved back away with a start and felt the bump of the bed at her lower thighs. The dead didn’t cast reflections. The dead could not touch things casually. Lilly felt a wild hope race through her as she carefully reached out to a magazine left lying on the nightstand. The glossy pages pressed a cool balm against the pads of her fingers and she felt a sting at the corner of her eyes. A swipe of the hand came away with moisture. The dead could not cry.
Lilly forgot about the couple and moved through the doors. She glanced at her naked body and quickly borrowed Veronica’s discarded clothing. After all, they’d always done that when she had been alive. Alive. She was alive again.
With great pleasure, Lilly Kane touched the doorknob, opened the door, and stepped out into the vibrant world.
Alive.
Thanks for reading. If you are interested, my other fictions can be found here.
Author: Truemyth
Pairing / Character: Logan/Veronica, Lilly
Rating: R
Word Count: 3,865ish
Summary: Logan/Veronica smut heals all. No really.
Spoilers / Warnings: Through “Ain’t No Magic Mountain High Enough” 2x13 / Smut and Ghosts. That’s two ways to read “Ooo.”
Author’s Note: Written for the loveathons Cupid Challenge. Beta’d by the supercalafragalisticespialadocious sarah_p.
X-posted to loveathons and veronicamarsfic.
Down the Vibrant String
Sometimes, a nudge is all you need.
A gentle whisper unfurled like soft sin inside the inner shell of her ear.
“Come on dorkus, what are you waiting for? He came to your rescue, now say thank you like a good girl - bad girl - whatever.”
Veronica never processed the words, never felt the phantom chill of Lilly’s hair as Lilly leaned against the balcony railing to watch. Lilly held her breath - which was more of a figure of speech for the slight pressing of the lips and temporary stillness of the body, a habit learned when there was still breath to hold - and watched as Veronica darted forward quickly, raising herself on the balls of her feet for a moment to press her lips sweetly to Logan’s as he leaned against the wall of the Camelot. His dark eyes were riveted to Veronica’s face, as she pulled away, in a look that Lilly knew only too well. Lilly clapped softly, giddy now that her months of careful maneuvering and gentle suggestions were finally paying off.
Veronica turned to go with a brief shake of her head to ward off the odd chilliness when she passed through Lilly’s ghostly form. But Logan reached for her, as Lilly had known he would, and Veronica’s arms were open in welcome before his head had even reached the moment of mandatory nose tilt.
Although it had been her goal all along, Lilly was still surprised by the waves of emotion that rolled off the embracing couple. Sweet passion and wild, glorious confusion poured from them and pressed her ephemeral body through the railing so that she drifted on sweeping eddies of joy. The excitement of newly discovered passion strummed the spectral being of Lilly Kane as she rode high on the lust and other delicious emotions she was finally able to feel. The other ghost had been right. It was possible to feel something again, if you were connected to the mortals, if the emotions ran hot enough. Lilly hovered besides her two favorite people in the world and watched as their first kiss broke and they gazed at each other with awe and confusion. They took one single breath, in unison, and Lilly gasped in surprise to feel a current of air expel from her transparent throat.
They pulled away from each other and Veronica moved swiftly down the stairs and to her car as the energy dissipated. Lilly spiraled to the ground, watching Logan, watching Veronica as she drove away.
She was determined. They would kiss again. They would do more than kiss. And Lilly would be able to feel, for full seconds at a time, as if she wasn’t fading into oblivion.
*****
God, could these two be more stubborn?
Veronica and Logan danced around the issue of their kiss at the Camelot with the skill of the Russian ballet, and batted soft puns back and forth to each other as if they were bored children playing catch at a summer picnic, even as their eyes followed every move the other made. Lilly, no stranger to sexual desire herself, knew how their mouths must water and the lower muscles of their abdomens must tighten as naughty thoughts flickered through their brains. Sometimes, if she sat close enough to one of them, she could almost feel it too, and the stress of the nearly re-experienced tension was driving her mad. She had sat through four days of journalism class and still none of her careful prodding yielded results. She longed for the ability to leap into Veronica’s body and ravage Logan on the central layout desk, or, possessing Logan, push Veronica into the dark room and fall to his knees before her in the glow of the red light. But Lilly’s grip on reality was growing less, not more, and she could only buzz through the subconscious thoughts of each, like an irritating fly vibrating with repressed passion.
When Logan arrived at the Mars Investigations office, Lilly didn’t even bother to get up from her slouching rest on the couch. But then Veronica did her kick-ass detective thing and Lilly watched as the corner of Logan’s mouth twitched up in honest admiration and Lilly began to feel the tingle of hope again. He circled the desk and leaned over Veronica’s chair as she worked, and Lilly sighed as the warmth of his feelings brought an honest flush to her cheeks.
Then, before she knew what was happening, Logan was on the phone and the ice of grave descended again as he mentioned Aaron. Fucking Aaron. Lilly trailed forlornly after the pair as they rushed towards dinner at the one place she had avoided consistently since her death.
*****
Lilly was only half listening as Logan and Veronica meandered towards the X-terra. She was trying hard not to think about Aaron, his belt out, crazed glint in his eyes as he had smiled that same smile he used when he looked down at her amid rumpled sheets. She stared through her hand as she made a fist and then relaxed it again. She could see the cement of the clean driveway through the white flesh. He had done this to her.
The sound of her name focused her attention. Weevil. Well, god, could you blame a girl, Logan? And yet, it actually made her sad that he claimed he didn’t blame her any more. But, what was this? Moving on?
And now the world fell away. Now Aaron was the transparent nothing as Logan cupped Veronica’s cheek under the starry sky and they kissed again. It was different from the Camelot, more like a warm, slow joy that bubbles outwards, like the precious laughter the two were sharing now. Foreheads touched and Lilly moaned as their mouths returned to each other again and again. She reached out her hands to touch them and gasped again. The difference was subtle, but it was there… her hands were not as transparent as before.
She followed eagerly into the SUV and suffered through Veronica’s quaint memories. None of it mattered. What mattered was that this was going to work. She could be whole again.
*****
What followed were the both the best and worst weeks of Lilly’s death to date. Each time Logan looked at Veronica when he thought no one could see him, Lilly’s spectral heart contracted from the sheer need. Each time Veronica touched him, Lilly felt the warmth of the hand on her own flesh. The ability to experience an actual physical sensation was heaven after over a year of the sensory deprivation of death.
But it was also like a drug that she could never get enough of. The pleasure that Veronica gasped into the dark air of the janitor’s cupboard or the girl’s restroom was equal to that which Lilly had only managed when fully naked in her past life. The idea of what the two of them would be like - unclothed and horizontal - made Lilly’s head spin and her soul ache.
She helped them along sometimes. Her hand would overlap Veronica’s as it slipped under the hem of Logan’s shirt or cupped the strong muscles of his neck and rejoiced in the heat of his flesh. She urged Logan to flick his tongue across the sensitive point behind Veronica’s earlobe and collapsed panting at their feet when Veronica’s ecstasy washed over her.
But they were holding back, each of them worrying about Duncan and about the kids at school, and not about what was truly important. Lilly had watched them both for over a year. This was the happiest either had been since her death and, instead of wallowing in the elation each inspired in the other; they were waiting for the other shoe to drop.
*****
Okay, so maybe they were right about the shoe.
Lilly had raged at Veronica to speak to Logan about her suspicions. She had yelled at herself for throwing out the fucking note that Logan had written and keeping the shot glass. She had watched with quiet fear as Logan had balanced on the edge of the bridge, and her relief at Weevil’s arrival had dissipated just as quickly as Logan’s kick to his head. She had been late arriving on the scene of Aaron’s struggle with Veronica. Just in time to ride the truck that wiped the smug expression from his face.
That had been a sweet moment, but not sweet enough, because the energy it had taken to lock the driver’s steering column had left her feeling like a hollow shell. She barely recognized the man who ranted at the police about his daughter and vengeance.
*****
Lilly had never understood Veronica’s obsession with virginity and ‘going slow,’ even when she was alive. It was irritating the hell out of her now. Logan was being a virtual saint for a teenage boy with a hot girlfriend, and they still hadn’t gotten past second base. Lilly needed more than that. She needed to feel the wind on her face, smell the wet asphalt and see in colors more vibrant than her current pastel existence.
Veronica was trying to cut another date short before she was swept away with passion, and Lilly couldn’t stand it. She reached into Logan’s brain and found the quiet room where he kept his secret thoughts. She pulled a glimmering truth to the forefront just as Veronica finished a witty rejoiner.
“No, what I’m trying to say is that I’m in love with you,” Logan spoke solemnly.
Though she tried to play it off as a new joke, Lilly could see that the words had found their mark. Maybe now - or in a few weeks from now - Lilly would finally find out how far passion’s magic could take her into the waking world. She grinned smugly as the couple settled back on the seat and the heat began to well in her again.
Sounds rumbled outside the car and she looked up in time to experience a shotgun blast directly through her face. There were some benefits to death.
Logan and Veronica were okay, and Lilly began to plot for their next date when she noticed Veronica’s strained expression.
Oh fuck.
No, no, no.
Don’t be that girl again, Veronica. Please.
*****
Lilly sat on the kitchen counter, facing away from the couple on the couch. She didn’t want to acknowledge what was happening, even though she had seen it coming for weeks. The incident at the community pool was simply the straw that broke the camel’s back. Veronica had been spooked from the moment of the shotgun blast.
Lilly flinched when Logan broke the table lamp. She wanted to break things too, but she also understood where Veronica was coming from.
Why did emotions have to be so complicated? Why couldn’t they just fuck like bunnies and enjoy themselves? Of course, that tactic hadn’t really worked out well for Lilly.
Lilly hung her head as she heard Keith manhandling Logan out of the apartment. There wasn’t anything she could do here, and it didn’t look like she’d be gaining any new vitality soon. She choose to conserve her energy for a time when it would have the greatest effect and moved, finally, to join Veronica as she sat, shell-shocked, on the small couch. Lilly wished she could pat her hand.
*****
Could none of them feel it? Death hung heavy in the foul air of the bus, but the mortals carried out their business of bored staring and blown spit wads as if they had more than mere minutes on this side of life. Idiots.
Maybe they were too wrapped up in their own lives. Secret pregnancies, calculated stalking, suppressed sexuality, and money owed to big, scary men: none of it was going to matter when the tires left the road.
But it wouldn’t take Veronica.
It took more than half of the strength she’d developed over the summer but she reached out and ran towards Weevil.
“Veronica,” she giggled. “Come on, dorkus.”
*****
It was frustrating as hell watching Kendall fuck Logan. Oh, it was entertaining and always gratifying to see that Logan had remembered all those old tricks she’d taught him. But, with that much sweat and groans and pulsating flesh… would it have killed them to feel any actual emotion for each other? She felt like she was watching a well-choreographed stage show, with less clothing than you’d find in Vegas. Her heart didn’t beat. Her breath didn’t catch and her lungs didn’t fill. Which was unfortunate, because she would have dearly loved to sigh an enormous yawn each time Kendall hammed up her climax.
Lilly knew Logan was good, but, damnit woman, no man made you sing opera.
Lilly found herself turning reluctantly to Veronica and Duncan. She’d avoided their groping sessions in the past because - well, there were only so many sides she really wanted to see of her brother. But she was getting desperate as her colors faded and her mind began to wander at inappropriate times.
The moment in the coffee shop was perfect. The older woman was babbling about love and missed opportunities and Veronica’s thoughts were wandering in that direction anyways. It hadn’t taking much at all to give her a nudge, just a little push, before Lilly could watch the shiver of epiphany run up Veronica’s spine.
How nice would it have been if she had run to Logan?
As it was, the most awkward night of Lilly’s un-life had ensued. She had alternated between feeling sorry that Veronica’s first conscious sexual experience was this boring and wanting to slap the hell out of Veronica for bringing her to the point where she had to learn that Duncan had a mole the shape of Mickey Mouse on his left ass cheek.
After that, Lilly had stayed away from Veronica and Duncan any time they decided to take their clothes off. Sometimes, fading away was preferable.
*****
Psychics give ghosts a bad name. What the hell had the woman been thinking, telling Veronica to stay away from Logan on her behalf? Madame Sophie had totally made Lilly’s list, and she had better pray that Lilly never got her strength back, because she was going to be in for some major poltergeist activities if that happened. Lilly entertained herself with thoughts of vats of pigs’ blood falling at inconvenient times.
The MammaMax thing was funny, though.
*****
Things got easier again, after Duncan left, but even as the tenuous friendship was formed and stolen glances were cast, Lilly despaired of ever reclaiming the warmth of last summer, let alone the burning furnace she craved. Her mind drifted into hazy places as she watched Veronica snipe at Logan good-naturedly, and Logan flirt with sarcastic spite even as he gazed at her silently when her back was turned. The world was whitewashed now, and the pale hands in front of her face were the impossible contrast of white on white. She bled into the world and the fall of her eyelids did not save her from the muted starkness, for they had long ago become as transparent as glass. She spent days staring at the amber patterns of the glass art windows in Logan’s hotel suite because they still managed to bring some color to her world. Which is where she was when Veronica knocked on the door the night before their senior graduation.
Veronica looked different, shifting from one foot to the other, asking to come inside. Her eyes shone as if lit from within, as she made her way to the center of the living room, and Lilly moved towards her like the proverbial moth, even as Logan stepped besides her and murmured something about the bus crash and catching someone. He reached out to touch the side of her cheek and Lilly now saw that Veronica had a healing cut there, a fine, dark red line, throbbing with so much vitality that Lilly whimpered.
Then, Logan’s fingers actually touched Veronica’s skin, and Lilly’s nostrils filled with the sent of ozone, as if lightning had struck nearby and charged the air. She saw the fine golden hairs along Logan’s arm rise and this time, when she pressed her lips together and held still, Lilly wasn’t pretending to hold onto air. A small breath of life welled in her chest and she might have cried, if the dead could summon tears.
Veronica was breathing heavily and she took a step back and lifted her hand to brush Logan’s aside, but he countered the movement by catching her hand in his. As his eyes held her gaze, he moved his thumb in a simple caress along the inner web of delicate flesh between Veronica’s palm and thumb. Logan’s lips were parted, but he didn’t speak. He implored with his eyes and waited for Veronica’s response.
Lilly flew to Veronica’s side and surveyed her old friend. She could see all the doubt and hurt that still swirled in her breast. She could feel Veronica’s fear as if it was her own. Veronica didn’t fear Logan and what he would do. She feared how he made her feel in the act of surrender, and the fact that she might lose a part of herself even as she came away with more than she had to start with. Lilly understood this feeling but she had no time for it. Death was one thing. It sucked and there was pain and then there was boredom. But at least it was something. And even now… Lilly could feel the void calling her as she stood between the couple. Oblivion was the true thing to fear. And so, Lilly leaned forward and begged, using all her remaining strength, washing the world to a blinding slate of white as she cried into Veronica’s mind.
Please. Love. Live. For me.
For the longest moment, an eternity in the tick of a second hand, the world remained a vacant emptiness. Then color bloomed as Veronica moved into Lilly, towards Logan, her eyes radiant, her skin vibrant, her lips red and moist as she lifted them to his and they kissed through Lilly.
It was as sweet as the first kiss had been, but there was no confusion now. Logan’s hands rose to Veronica’s shoulders and Lilly followed, her fingers pressing with his against the fabric of her coat before sliding in and under. Lilly felt Veronica’s hands moving on Logan’s torso and under his shirt. This time, she lifted, pulling the t-shirt off and over his head, as the two moved quickly to the open bedroom doors.
They never broke contact with each other completely and neither did Lilly. With Veronica, Lilly molded the curves of Logan’s back and hips, lingering at each. With Logan, Lilly tasted the flesh in the small dimple of Veronica’s collarbone, smacking their lips at the faint salt until Veronica giggled. With both, she enjoyed each kiss until she was no longer sure whose tongue she felt, and she fell back to the edge of the bed and watched the couple embrace.
They were beautiful together. Veronica was small and pale, but her lithe, toned limbs wrapped perfectly around Logan’s glorious gold. His dark head moved down the path of her alabaster midriff while her golden locks snaked across the black bed linen as she tossed her head and laughed and sighed in equal measure.
Lilly felt her skin begin to glow as she watched the fine rose blush creep up the side of Veronica’s neck. Her hands attempted to fist the coverlet as Veronica’s were doing and she was amazed to feel a slight traction between the faintly shining digits and the soft cotton. Lilly’s gaze flew to Logan’s head between the twin columns of Veronica’s thighs. It was a familiar sight, and she was washed away on a tidal wave of memories and Veronica’s projected sensations. Logan’s name was shouted by two voices and Lilly felt pain for the first time since the ashtray had collided with her head.
Lilly fell sideways on the bed as Logan climbed up Veronica’s body, and she wanted to tell him to stop as he nibbled the side of her neck and rested his forehead against hers. Even when the orgasm had faded, the sensations were coming too quickly. She felt for both of them at once. Veronica curved her hand across Logan’s hipbone and Lilly felt both the hand and the hip, and, all the while, Logan had begun to play at Veronica’s breasts with hand and mouth and the pleasure cut deep into Lilly as she began to burn. She was aflame with their touching and they were too far gone to be affected by her cry. Lilly watched with horror as Veronica guided Logan’s hips towards her own. In desperation, Lilly rolled off the bed, but the link would not be severed.
As the pain left her mouth on endless moan of anguish, Lilly began to realize that it wasn’t the physical sensations that were overloading her poor, incorporeal form. For she also felt each and every one of Veronica and Logan’s emotions as the couple moved together on the bed above her. They loved. They loved each other so much that it hurt them on occasion, and now, it was ripping Lilly apart.
They were moving faster now, eyes locked only on each other, and Lilly was sightless to all else. The pressure built past anything she had ever known and still, the elastic of her soul was strained to move still higher, farther until -
She burst into flames.
Surely that is what had happened. She was gone.
This was oblivion.
With all the colors of an off-white ceiling and crazy green fish hanging from the wall. And the dark comforter resting on the floor at her side. And the soft carpet on her bare back.
Lilly blinked.
Nothing had changed? She sat up and saw that Logan had rolled to one side and gathered Veronica to him. They were talking softly and were still wrapped up in each other. Logan kissed Veronica’s forehead, and Lilly tensed for the sensation.
But there was nothing.
Slowly, Lilly turned to face the bathroom mirror and found herself looking back. She moved back away with a start and felt the bump of the bed at her lower thighs. The dead didn’t cast reflections. The dead could not touch things casually. Lilly felt a wild hope race through her as she carefully reached out to a magazine left lying on the nightstand. The glossy pages pressed a cool balm against the pads of her fingers and she felt a sting at the corner of her eyes. A swipe of the hand came away with moisture. The dead could not cry.
Lilly forgot about the couple and moved through the doors. She glanced at her naked body and quickly borrowed Veronica’s discarded clothing. After all, they’d always done that when she had been alive. Alive. She was alive again.
With great pleasure, Lilly Kane touched the doorknob, opened the door, and stepped out into the vibrant world.
Alive.
Thanks for reading. If you are interested, my other fictions can be found here.