Fight for what's yours
Jensen has to deal with a lot of things: the fact that he's in love with Jared is one. But when Chris asks Jared out, everything changes. Tiny trembles were felt as I pressed him closer and it was clear he was fighting the rising tears. Those beautiful eyes peered up through lashes damp with moisture and his broken voice whispered, “Can I stay?” “Oh, Jay…” I murmured, tugging him along the couch until he was practically in my lap and sliding my arms firmly around his torso, giving him the support he needed.
12,000 words, NC-17, Jared/Chris, Jared/Jensen, mentions of non-con (past), bottom!Jared, protective!Jensen, hurt/comfort
♥
I know it’s corny and lame, but I fell in love with Jared the moment I laid eyes on him.
I was following Eric around the Supernatural set, being introduced to the crew I would be working with for the next few years or so, when the bald man’s face suddenly lit up and he pointed across the lot, “And that’s Jared, your brother.”
I followed the man’s finger and my gaze fell on a tall guy with hair falling haphazardly over his eyes and a generous smile on his lips. The brunette was wearing simple jeans - slightly faded and with tears over the knees, but the denim hugged him in a way that was both comfortably loose and tight enough to hint at muscled limbs and a tight ass. His broad shoulders and torso were clad in a plain white tee - again, nothing much, but it hung perfectly on him, tapering down to his narrow waist and hips.
Before him, two massive dogs yapped happily, competing for his attention despite him dishing it out so easily, and it was clear that the pups worshipped him. The man dropped to his knees, arms opening to pull the mutts into his arms and his laughter echoed across the lot.
By the time we reached him, he was sprawled on his back, pressed down by gigantic paws and being subjected to a shower of dog drool. I was almost disappointed when Eric broke the spell and introduced us, but that dissipated the moment Jared looked up, his sparking eyes falling on me, making me feel like I was the centre of his world.
In that moment, something in my chest sputtered and I stepped forward without thought, offering a hand up. Without missing a beat, Jared’s hand slid into mine and he let me hoist him up, using the momentum to pull me into a hug as soon as he was upright.
I knew then that the sweet, innocent man had stolen something from me.
♥
It was never painful, loving him. Well, at least not in the beginning. It was just another thing that got me to roll out of bed each morning: the knowledge that in a few hours I would be on the receiving end of his dimples.
We bounced off each other easily. We got each other. It wasn’t long before inside jokes caused us to collapse into peels of laughter, sometimes so much so that we would have tears streaming down our cheeks and would have to lean against one another for support. All caused by a single raised eyebrow. It drove the crew and directors crazy, but without it life on set would have been completely different.
The kid went around during the first season, learning everyone’s names and forging friendships with each and every one of the people we worked with. He didn’t care about position or status, he had no ulterior motives; he just turned his eyes on someone and made them feel like his whole being was focused on them. But it was never a lie: Jared honestly cared about Susie’s mother who was getting on and Mark’s fear of spiders. That was just how he was, and people loved him. I wasn’t alone in that.
I knew he had Sandy. To tell you the truth, I didn’t mind. She was separate from us. But she was important to Jared. I wasn’t the slightest bit surprised to find out Jared was just as attentive a lover as he was a friend; loyal to the point of smacking me when I pointed out a passing girl to him. When Sandy came to visit, I tried to keep my distance, letting them make up for lost time, but more often than not, Jared would unthinkingly include me in his weekend plans.
It still makes me smile when I think of how he waved his arms about, talking enthusiastically about how cool the beach was going to be, and when I told him to have fun, he’d sent me a confused, wide-eyed look before informing me that I better bring sunscreen or else I’d get even more freckles. That of course resulted in the usual fight as to whether I actually have freckles - which I don’t.
But that was how it went. I just watched him a little more than a best friend would, admiring the way the sun glanced off his golden tan, and sneaking glances at his endless stretch of legs and the way his shirt rose up when he stretched.
He was perfect in every way and he had the sweetest disposition I’d ever seen in anyone, male or female. Sensitive to people’s emotions, he used that ability to adjust his behaviour accordingly, being extra bouncy when exhaustion dragged us all down on set and we needed a booster, or becoming more subdued and focused when the exhaustion was just longing to get the work done as quickly as possible.
It didn’t seem possible that he could be so perfect, and in the first few months, I found myself waiting for his faults to emerge. Discovering them to be eating too much candy and loving his pups too much, I realised that perfection was indeed possible.
♥
Introducing him to Chris and Steve was interesting, particularly with Chris. The long-haired man was just so completely different to Jared that they may as well have been polar opposites. Where Jared’s sweet, Chris’s grouchy. Where Jared’s bouncy, Chris’s lazy. Where Jared’s a relationship type, Chris’s a wham, bam, thank you, ma’am type of guy. Where Jared’s sensitive and never intends to offend or hurt anyone, Chris’s oblivious and blunt, never censoring his language regardless of who might be in the vicinity.
So, the way Chris ignored Jared’s attempts to engage in conversation should have been expected; Chris’s a bastard after all. But Jared looked slightly hurt, his eyes dropping to his beer until I laid a hand on his shoulder, causing him to meet my concerned gaze and muster up a smile for me.
♥
I began to need him more than I’d ever needed anyone. It drove me crazy not to know where he was or who he was with, and text messages would flicker back and forth throughout our separations.
It terrified me when I would wake up in the morning with my first thought being of him. But it was inevitable, my feelings only growing as time passed.
I let him in, let him see me at my absolute worst and he did the same. When scenes got too tough, we got each other out of the Winchesters’ heads. He was always there when I needed him and I tried to do the same for him.
I’d told him I was gay and Danneel was just a friend, but he didn’t care or make a big deal about it. His quiet acceptance meant a lot to me and when he pulled me into a warm embrace, I sank into it for a few moments, allowing him to take some of my weight. “You’re an idiot,” he’d murmured fondly, “As if it would bother me. But thank you for telling me.”
♥
When he told me his plans to get engaged to Sandy, I was happy for him. I honestly was. Sure, there was a spike of pain that raced through me, but I was okay. It wasn’t as if I’d ever expected anything to happen. Having him as my best friend was more than anyone could ever hope for.
It was amusing to watch his incessant planning. He wanted the proposal to be absolutely perfect. Eventually his pleading eyes coerced me into helping, and I found myself stringing up one end of a massive banner while he tied up the other, both of us trying to ignore the cars racing beneath us.
Of course, once Sandy said yes, I was left with a hollow pit in my chest for a few days before I could get myself out of the funk, but that was to be expected.
♥
I had never understood how it could be possible to cry for another person’s pain until Sandy called off their engagement.
Jared said that it was a mutual agreement, but as usual, I could tell when he was lying. However, the full extent of his pain was only discovered by me about a fortnight after the news came.
It was around one in the morning when my doorbell rang, and opening revealed a distraught Jared, his eyes so wide and vulnerable, the first thing I did was yank him into my arms. He was so fragile, allowing me to manhandle him towards the living room, where I deposited him on the couch beside me. Tiny trembles were felt as I pressed him closer and it was clear he was fighting the rising tears. Those beautiful eyes peered up through lashes damp with moisture and his broken voice whispered, “Can I stay?”
“Oh, Jay…” I murmured, tugging him along the couch until he was practically in my lap and sliding my arms firmly around his torso, giving him the support he needed. What worried me most was his lack of protest at being handled like a mannequin, although the way he just curled into me was adorable and way too cute: his arms loose around my neck, face tucked in the dip of my shoulder, his whole body moulding into my hollows as if made to fit in my arms.
When the oncoming storm took over and he dissolved into harsh sobs, I sat uselessly; only able to run my hands up and down his back, pressing him closer. The tears sprung to my eyes unbidden: the consequence of bearing witness to his pain, and I buried my face in his chestnut locks as we rode it out.
After that night, our relationship shifted, becoming more intimate. We touched more; we talked more, and became something indefinable, something past ‘best friends’.
The first time I consciously noticed it, we were in the make-up trailer and Jared was busy sucking at a lollipop, his lips rosy red and sticky around it, way too obscene for my liking. Without conscious thought, I reached over, snagged the end of it and slipped it out of his mouth, turning back to the mirror with a smirk on my lips at his whine of protest as I popped it into my own mouth. Jared didn’t even notice what was wrong, just continued grumbling until he found another lollipop in his candy stash; but it was the matching shocked expressions on the make-up girls’ faces that clued me in, and I realised that the deliciousness I was tasting was probably that of the candyman beside me. My cheeks had flushed and burned, but the damage was done.
Even after I moved in with him, I wasn’t bothered that people thought we were a couple. Neither was Jared, in fact, he fuelled the rumours every chance he could. Sometimes it hurt, having to deal with the constant unfairness of it all, wanting Jared in every way possible, everyone thinking I had him in all the ways possible, and only having him up to a certain point. But the problem with trying to get depressed around Jared was that it was practically impossible, one dimpled grin, one glance from sparkling eyes, one random hug, and I would swell with warmth once again.
My life was good. All my plans were with Jared, even so far as to stay in when he was feeling tired despite raring to go earlier. My favourite moments were those spent curled up on the couch after a long day, our exhausted limbs falling haphazardly and nothing but comfort between us.
Sometimes I wondered whether he too wanted to do more than just lean casually up against me. But I was never brave enough to tell him how I felt. I never told anyone, actually. The thought of the precious relationship that we had being chipped or severed always snapped my mouth shut.
♥
It was about three months after Jared’s broken engagement when we were out with Chris and Steve at the beach. My eyes had barely flickered from the toned Adonis laughing and splashing in the waves, his hair blowing every which way and his insanely sexy shorts clinging to him like a second skin.
Jared didn’t ever know just how hot he looked. Sure, he knew he wasn’t bad looking, but he thought that was all he was. He’s so self conscious about some things, and always preferred wearing baggy hoodies to skin-tight shirts, despite his washboard abs and perfectly toned body. Sometimes I just wanted to strangle him for being so obliviously sexy.
But, there I was, ogling him from behind my sunglasses, when Chris nudged me, jerking my gaze away from the water cascading down Jared’s chest. “Hey, Jensen?” he asked gruffly, “Is Jared seeing anyone?”
Desperately trying to keep the flush from my cheeks, I managed to stutter out, “Uh… no… I don’t think… why?”
Chris shrugged and that had been the end of the conversation as Jared had raced up the beach, dripping with water as he dive-bombed me, stealing a groan from my lips as I tried to roll him off me. Laughing, he just shuffled around, stretching his legs out perpendicular to me and using my stomach as his pillow. Jared grinned up at the older man beside me, “Hey, Chris.”
Chris smiled and reached out to poke the kid’s bare belly, causing him to wriggle and squirm with laughter. “Jens, save me…” he got out between giggles, throwing his arms over my chest, “Save me!”
Smirking, I wrapped my arms around him and yanked him backwards, flipping him onto my other side, safely away from the deviously grinning Chris. “I’ll save you,” I whispered into Jared’s ear, making the man snort and sling his arms around me, cheering, “My hero!” and we all burst out into peals of laughter.
Steve raised the sunglasses from his eyes and muttered, “Damn kids,” but he was betrayed by the smile tugging at his lips.
♥
It was two weeks after that incident when Jared shuffled into my room, looking for all the world as if he had seen a ghost. Quickly scooting over to make room for him, I waited until he was tucked safely beneath the duvet before asking what it was.
Looking up at me with those eyes of his, he mumbled something inaudible and his cheeks lost their ashen pallor, flushing an adorable pink as he tugged the duvet higher.
“What was that?” I asked softly, shifting closer until our sides were pressed reassuringly together.
“I think Chris likes me,” he whispered.
Still confused, I nodded, “Yeah, sure he does. We all do.”
“No…” Jared moaned in frustration, “I think he asked me on a date!”
“What?”
I had known Chris batted for both teams but I never thought he’d be into Jared, which was stupid of me because who wouldn’t be into Jared?
Curling towards me, Jared hid his face in the dip of my shoulder and mumbled, “He called me just now and asked me if I wanted to go to the lake tomorrow. I told him I’d see if you felt like it, but then he said, not you, just me and him. What does that mean? I… Jens, I’m straight… I mean, I think I’m straight…. Am I straight?”
He sounded so lost and confused that I just hugged him closer despite my inner turmoil. All I felt like doing was hiding the kid away, never letting Chris or anyone else near him; I wanted to tell him he belonged to me and that if he was having a sexuality crisis I should be the one helping him through it. But instead, like a coward, I just whispered, “Well, do you like Chris back?”
“I… I don’t know…” Jared pressed his face against my neck, inhaling deeply, “I just… I can see he’s hot… but I… I never thought about… Maybe? I don’t know… Jens, I don’t know.”
Instead of kissing him until the only guy he could think of was me, I just told him to see how it went.
♥
They got together. And all I could think about was that I had missed my chance. If I had only confessed and told Jared how I felt, I could have been the one holding him like that, I could’ve been the one teasing him into a kiss, I could’ve been the one with the most perfect man in the world as my lover, I could have been where Chris was.
When Steve found out about the relationship, the man paled and pulled me aside telling me that Chris didn’t do relationships and that Jared was going to get hurt. All I could think about was the series of dates the pair had gone on over the past month, and I disagreed with Steve despite my burning desire to storm in and rip Chris away from my best friend.
They hadn’t gotten much further than kissing as far as I knew, and I knew practically everything as I was Jared’s confident and he never kept a thing from me. He was becoming more infatuated with the man, and his excitement prior to seeing the singer would have been adorable had it not hurt so much.
It was two weeks later when Jared’s date ran through until the morning after. He limped in at about eleven the next day, looking dishevelled and like sex on legs. His cheeks were flushed and his lips were raw, a vicious hicky visible at the side of his neck and yesterday’s clothes on. When he sat down tenderly and couldn’t hide the wince, all I wanted to do was slam him up against the wall and seal my lips over his throat, erasing any traces of Chris and marking him as my own. But I just smirked at him and slid over a mug of coffee.
The ache of longing in my chest never blew away, growing stronger and stronger each day until it came so that I would always have to look away when Chris was there. I began to dread hearing about the relationship from Jared and was relieved when he finally stopped telling me.
I think that was why it took me so long to notice. I looked away from Jared for the first time.
♥
“Jeez, Jared,” on of the girls from costume wardrobe muttered, causing me to glance over.
Jared was standing glumly while Dianne adjusted the waist of Sam’s jeans. The jeans barely clung to his slim hips and I wondered just when he’d gotten so skinny.
Taking a closer glance at my friend, I realised he didn’t look too great. There were shadows beneath his eyes and the spark in his eyes had dimmed.
The moment I got him alone, I began interrogating him. But instead of his usually forthcoming chatter, he barely murmured a word.
“You used to tell me everything,” I muttered, frustrated and hurt over the fact that he wasn’t talking to me. Jared had always opened up to me and right then he was like a closed book.
“I’m fine, Jensen… Just a bit tired, that’s all.”
“Is it Chris?” I had to ask.
He stopped, his shoulders tensing as if he was gearing up to say something important. But then, after a beat, he left.
As I watched his retreating back, a terrified emptiness filled me and I had no clue what I was supposed to do. He was scarcely around the house nowadays and it was so silent without his easy laughter and warm smiles. I missed him even though I was with him every day.
When I called Steve, his response was subdued, worried. “Jensen. I told you, Chris doesn’t do relationships. For him it’s all about the thrill of a new conquest, the lust and need. He never hangs around long enough for anything else. I had hoped with Jared it would be different…”
“You mean he’s cheating on Jared?” I growled into the phone.
♥
“Jay?” I called softly as I edged into the room, “You awake?”
I could tell from his breathing that he was, but I decided to give him the option. Finally his hoarse reply broke the silence and I quickly moved across the room, slipping in under his covers, lying on my side to peer down at him.
“Tell me if I need to kill Chris and I’ll do it. I will slaughter him if he’s the one hurting you.”
His eyes shimmered but remained fixed on the ceiling even as I nudged closer, pulling him against me. After a few moments of nothing but breathing, he tilted his head towards me, his lips parting softly. “Jens… is there… is there something wrong with me?”
“What?”
Closing his eyes, he pressed his nose to my arm, “Is there something… something bad about me?”
“No, Jay… You know there isn’t a thing wrong with you…” I brushed my nose softly over his brow, “You know that.”
“Then why... why does it keep happening to me?… I saw him, Jens… I saw him in the bathroom mirror… with… with…”
Dampness seeped through my shirt and, when I didn’t make any move to pull away, Jared let out a soft, broken sob and slid his arms around me. He clutched me tightly as he choked out, “Am I that bad in bed? Am I… that bad a boyfriend? I don’t… Jens, what do I do wrong to make… I never told you why… why Sandy broke it off, did I? There was…” he let out a hoarse laugh, “There was someone else… someone better… someone who wasn’t me… and now… Chris? I don’t… Jen, I don’t know what to do… I don’t want to be alone… I don’t want to… it hurts so much…it hurts…”
“Shhhh,” I soothed gently, curling around him and slinging a leg protectively over his, encasing him in my arms, “They don’t deserve you, man. You know you’re worth more than all that. You’re perfect, Jare… Perfect…”
“Why can’t I just be loved?” he breathed, “I just want someone to love who won’t hurt me. I just…” he trailed off, dropping his head on my arm as exhaustion began to creep in.
After gazing down at his beautiful, tear-streaked face for a long while, I bent down to whisper a soft, “Do you trust me,” in his ear.
His breath caught and he nodded without thought, “You know I do.”
“Good.” Finally doing what I should have done months earlier, I pressed my lips to his, swallowing his gasp and applying gentle pressure until his mouth softened beneath mine and he exhaled slowly. His hand slid up the side of my face, fingers threading through my hair as he pulled me back down.
“Jen…” he breathed, lips parting under the teasing of my tongue, allowing me to plunge into his warmth. As our tongues met and battled, he let out a soft whimper, falling limp against the pillow as I pressed closer.
His face twisted into something unrecognisable, and he turned his eyes away, whispering faintly, “Don’t. Please… don’t…”
Instantly falling still, I ran a hand down his cheek, “Jare… what is it?”
A silent tear trickled from his eyes as they slid closed and his voice was barely there when he murmured, “I know you’d do anything for me, but this… this is too much.”
“Jay,” I pulled his face towards me, forcing him to meet my gaze, “I’ve wanted to do this since the very first day I met you, that’s how long I’ve been holding back.”
“Oh…” he blinked and that was the end of his resistance.
As I scattered open-mouthed kisses down his bare chest, lingering over his nipples, he cried out, gasping beautifully. His back arched enough for me to slide my arm under, holding him up against me, and my fingers slid up to fist in his soft curls as he dropped his head back into my palm, baring his neck for my greedy mouth to taste.
He whimpered softly as my teeth sealed over his vulnerable throat, sucking my ownership into his skin. “Jens…” he murmured, trying to turn his head for a kiss only to have me mouthing down beneath his ear, whispering damply, “I’ve got you, Jare… I’ve got ya.”
A shudder moved through him as his eyes fluttered closed, his hands tightening their grip of my shirt minutely.
I pulled back enough to have a clear view of his debauched form, brushing the hair back from his face and smiling as he nuzzled into my touch. “So perfect,” I breathed, kissing the tip of his nose softly. A shy smile spread over his lips, so I kissed his nose again, this time producing a giggle and a blush.
His eyes flickered open and narrowed, as if daring me to comment. I just smirked innocently and sealed our lips together, silencing us both
As my palms slid up to cradle the sides of his face, his eyes fluttered closed and he leant into my touch, making me swell with warmth and have to swallow down the desperate urge to tuck him safely into my arms and never let go. That would have just been possessive… and kind of creepy.
Instead, I slid my hands down his muscled torso and beneath him, cupping his ass and squeezing slightly. His stifled hiss didn’t go unnoticed by me, and I pulled back in concern. “You okay?”
An adorable flush of pink spread across his cheeks and he lowered his eyes, “Yeah… just… just a bit sore still…”
“How long ago…?”
“Uhm… last week Friday… he… I… I saw him… on… on Saturday with…”
“Friday? And you’re still sore?”
Jared blushed further and began gnawing his bottom lip. “It… uh… got better… after the first… the first few times… Got used to it…”
“Jesus, Jay! It’s not meant to be that… that painful!” my hands waved angrily through the air. “He hurt you? Every single time you had sex, he hurt you?”
“Jen… just... calm down, he didn’t… it just… I’m just inexper-“
“-No, don’t you finish that sentence, Jared! You were a fucking virgin and he didn’t prep you properly! I’m going to kill him. I am going to fucking slaughter him and feed him to sewer rats. He fucking… he fucking hurt you… he fucking hurt you… Why the hell didn’t you tell me? Jared, fucking hell! It’s not supposed to hurt that much!”
“’m sorry…” Jared mumbled faintly, his eyes downcast and almost submissive…
An awful thought occurred to me and I gently tilted his chin up, forcing him to meet my gaze. “Jared… what did Chris do to you?”
“I… it was… Jen…” Jared begged softly, tears trickling down his cheeks. “Just… don’t….”
“No one, Jared. Fucking, no one, gets to hurt you like that, you hear me? Jesus, why didn’t you tell me?”
As his lips parted to respond, I closed the distance between us and swallowed down his words. Every few moments, I growled angrily against his lips and murmured, “Fucking kill him.”
Jared’s body trembled beneath mine as the man tried to hold it together, but eventually he pulled back, his hand softly pressing at my chest as his glistening eyes peered up at me helplessly. “Can… I can’t…” he bit his lip and his eyes slid down, focusing on my neck. “It’s… it’s too…” Taking a deep breath, he stammered on, “Can we not… not go so fa… fast? I… I just…” A drop of blood beaded on his bottom lip, rosy red against his skin. “I mean… if… if you want… we can… but...”
My only response was to flop down on my back and slide my arms around his shivering form, yanking him across my chest and burying my face in his hair.
“Fuck, Jared…” I swore softly, fighting the rising moisture in my eyes. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”
“I’m sorry, Jens…” he choked out, his own tears dampening the skin of my neck. “It’s okay…it’s… we can… you can do it now if… if you want…”
Tightening my arms around him to the point of pain, I sobbed softly in his hair, “Why didn’t you tell me he was hurting you like this? Why… why didn’t I notice? Why didn’t… why didn’t I see? I’m sorry, Jare… Fuck… I’m so sorry…. I should have seen. I should have… I should have claimed you as mine ages ago… I should… I should’ve…. You honestly think I would… force you to have sex with me when you’re this fucking vulnerable? Fuck, Jay… How did it get this bad?”
His arms wrapped around my torso, clutching me desperately. “You’re not mad at me?”
Gently cupping his chin, I raised his head up, forcing him to meet my gaze, trying to convey how much I meant my words, “Never, Jared. You’re… god… you have no idea what you mean to me, do you? I’m going to make that bastard regret the day he was born.”
“But…” Jared’s hands tentatively moved over my chest, “He’s your best friend… you… you love him…”
My fingers skimmed soothingly through his hair as I shook my head slightly. “No, Jared. You’re my best friend. The only one I love is you.”
His breath caught and his wide eyes stared up at me for a few seconds before he quickly looked away.
I didn’t have a clue how this skittish kid had slipped into my best friend or when it had happened, but I knew that I’d do anything to get my friend back.
“Jared,” I murmured, gently thumbing at the hollows in his cheeks, “It’s true. And after I’ve finished with him, that fucking bastard can go to hell for all I care.”
As another teardrop slid down his pale face, I softly brushed it away and pressed a kiss in its wake. “You and me, Jay… You and me…”
He sagged down against me, burying his face in the crook of my neck as his hands fisted loosely in my shirt. I trailed my fingers down across his shoulders, gently pressing him closer and locking him in my arms.
♥
CONTINUED