Prejudiced Truth
Title: Prejudiced truth
Rating: R (for themes)
Pairing: one-sided!Onkey friendship!Jongyu
Type: Drabble
Length: 900w
Description: To end his dear life, that's the only escape.
Warnings: Suicidal thoughts
Author's Note: This is for a friend, who's suffering more than anyone else thinks.
A/N2: And this is the first part of my drabble challenge. Check it out here.
Truth is hardly experienced. It’s not something to be taken for granted or proven easily. But people choose to believe what they see. It is either people are too gullible or they never really cared, the later weighing more in Jinki’s opinion.
He thinks truth never existed in the first place. No one knows the real score about rumors flying around their campus, everywhere. If Lee Taemin, a second-year pretty boy dancer is really gay or not; if Jung Soo-jung, a business major is really a whore or if the used-to-be star player of Seoul University’s basketball team Choi Minho has been kicked out for sleeping with his coach’s girlfriend. Better yet, no one among his friends, inside the campus or even all over the world knows his bitter pain.
Jinki wants to die. Every single second, he thought of dying. On the contrary, people around him think he’s one of the brightest, jolliest people in the planet. The very thought pains him but there are a lot more things that brings him to his lowest.
Finance is hardly a problem to him, he’s not an outcast either and despite his mediocre academic performance (especially math, the subject should have never existed), he’s actually quite happy with his college endeavor as an architect student.
The sting on his heart is caused by two things: his family and his sexuality, a little fusion of both, actually.
He grew up on a really happy home. A pair whom he thought was match made by heaven-his father, a renowned engineer whom Jinki looked up to so much and his mother, who makes the best Korean dishes and whom Jinki loved so much. The people he wishes to wake up upon every morning along with the usual news papers, brewed coffee, freshly made breakfast and warm smiles. He longs for this kind of life, every single time that when he dream about it, he wish he won’t have wake up and face reality.
But everything will never go back to their original places. Things happened in a flash, in a blink of an eye. His beloved family broke down as if it was some kind of glass, a very precious one. And it was indeed priceless, his happiness, his everything flew away in an instant.
Everything ends when someone leaves the world, he assumed, approving the metaphor he used to dismiss.
Time passed by but Jinki never moved on. His dazzling smiles gave away that he did but they were nothing but cover-ups, a façade. Until he met this friend, a friend whose smiles were brighter than the sun, a friend whose eyes were feline that he always mention how this friend resembles the cat he used to own. That friend was Kibum.
The younger always cheered him on. Even with his blunt personality on, Jinki never disliked Kibum’s actions. He understood the way he acts and respects the way he feels. Sure, the second-year arts major brought him happiness but that was momentary. Not that he left like how his father did, he was just so close yet so far.
It was wrong of Jinki to think of Kibum in another way but he couldn’t help himself and no matter how pathetic it seems to be to people. That is because he believes that one should never consider their feelings as erroneous or flawed because the sun never felt sorry for being the sun and rain never said sorry for pouring out. Feelings are never intentional; they just come out the way you’ll never get control of.
Their shared dorm room is lightly lit; the light bulb has gone mad again, flickering on and off. Jinki lets it be, a mere light bulb can’t stop him. His thoughts are disheveled, going back and forth from past to present, highlighting his venomous journey. When he tries to think of an inspiration to stop, no one flashed in his mind.
The college student doesn’t know how he ended up sitting on their (Jonghyun and his) personal bathroom’s bathtub, soaked with water, holding a Gilette blade on his hand-the key to his success in ending his life. He supposes that his small silver metal can bring him euphoria, the happiness he never found until his family got ruined, broken.
What gave him the courage isn’t clear to him yet. Is it the indirect rejection from Kibum, confirming he’s straight and he will never like guys? Is it his mother’s new family, a new life with a homophobic husband and a daughter, his very own step sister, who never liked him in the first place? Is it his father, who left him alone in this misery? Maybe all of them, maybe a fusion of two but he does not care, he wants to leave.
First scratch and his wrist felt cold by the sharp edge. It is painful but it brings out a smile and a tear on his face. It feels good, the crimson colored substance gushing off his skin. He’s starting to become lunatic, he figures.
No more beating around the bush, he aims for his veins, looking at it with blurred expression and then in one swift movement, he ends his life. He waits for the pain, the ecstatic pain and rested his head backwards. Finally it’s all done, he thinks.
But it isn’t. Jonghyun witnessed the final stroke in awe and then tries to wake JInki up. He could hear him scream his name, as if his life depends on him. Jonghyun decides to call for ambulance and pray for the best.
“You mustn’t die, Lee Jinki.”
Rating: R (for themes)
Pairing: one-sided!Onkey friendship!Jongyu
Type: Drabble
Length: 900w
Description: To end his dear life, that's the only escape.
Warnings: Suicidal thoughts
Author's Note: This is for a friend, who's suffering more than anyone else thinks.
A/N2: And this is the first part of my drabble challenge. Check it out here.
Truth is hardly experienced. It’s not something to be taken for granted or proven easily. But people choose to believe what they see. It is either people are too gullible or they never really cared, the later weighing more in Jinki’s opinion.
He thinks truth never existed in the first place. No one knows the real score about rumors flying around their campus, everywhere. If Lee Taemin, a second-year pretty boy dancer is really gay or not; if Jung Soo-jung, a business major is really a whore or if the used-to-be star player of Seoul University’s basketball team Choi Minho has been kicked out for sleeping with his coach’s girlfriend. Better yet, no one among his friends, inside the campus or even all over the world knows his bitter pain.
Jinki wants to die. Every single second, he thought of dying. On the contrary, people around him think he’s one of the brightest, jolliest people in the planet. The very thought pains him but there are a lot more things that brings him to his lowest.
Finance is hardly a problem to him, he’s not an outcast either and despite his mediocre academic performance (especially math, the subject should have never existed), he’s actually quite happy with his college endeavor as an architect student.
The sting on his heart is caused by two things: his family and his sexuality, a little fusion of both, actually.
He grew up on a really happy home. A pair whom he thought was match made by heaven-his father, a renowned engineer whom Jinki looked up to so much and his mother, who makes the best Korean dishes and whom Jinki loved so much. The people he wishes to wake up upon every morning along with the usual news papers, brewed coffee, freshly made breakfast and warm smiles. He longs for this kind of life, every single time that when he dream about it, he wish he won’t have wake up and face reality.
But everything will never go back to their original places. Things happened in a flash, in a blink of an eye. His beloved family broke down as if it was some kind of glass, a very precious one. And it was indeed priceless, his happiness, his everything flew away in an instant.
Everything ends when someone leaves the world, he assumed, approving the metaphor he used to dismiss.
Time passed by but Jinki never moved on. His dazzling smiles gave away that he did but they were nothing but cover-ups, a façade. Until he met this friend, a friend whose smiles were brighter than the sun, a friend whose eyes were feline that he always mention how this friend resembles the cat he used to own. That friend was Kibum.
The younger always cheered him on. Even with his blunt personality on, Jinki never disliked Kibum’s actions. He understood the way he acts and respects the way he feels. Sure, the second-year arts major brought him happiness but that was momentary. Not that he left like how his father did, he was just so close yet so far.
It was wrong of Jinki to think of Kibum in another way but he couldn’t help himself and no matter how pathetic it seems to be to people. That is because he believes that one should never consider their feelings as erroneous or flawed because the sun never felt sorry for being the sun and rain never said sorry for pouring out. Feelings are never intentional; they just come out the way you’ll never get control of.
Their shared dorm room is lightly lit; the light bulb has gone mad again, flickering on and off. Jinki lets it be, a mere light bulb can’t stop him. His thoughts are disheveled, going back and forth from past to present, highlighting his venomous journey. When he tries to think of an inspiration to stop, no one flashed in his mind.
The college student doesn’t know how he ended up sitting on their (Jonghyun and his) personal bathroom’s bathtub, soaked with water, holding a Gilette blade on his hand-the key to his success in ending his life. He supposes that his small silver metal can bring him euphoria, the happiness he never found until his family got ruined, broken.
What gave him the courage isn’t clear to him yet. Is it the indirect rejection from Kibum, confirming he’s straight and he will never like guys? Is it his mother’s new family, a new life with a homophobic husband and a daughter, his very own step sister, who never liked him in the first place? Is it his father, who left him alone in this misery? Maybe all of them, maybe a fusion of two but he does not care, he wants to leave.
First scratch and his wrist felt cold by the sharp edge. It is painful but it brings out a smile and a tear on his face. It feels good, the crimson colored substance gushing off his skin. He’s starting to become lunatic, he figures.
No more beating around the bush, he aims for his veins, looking at it with blurred expression and then in one swift movement, he ends his life. He waits for the pain, the ecstatic pain and rested his head backwards. Finally it’s all done, he thinks.
But it isn’t. Jonghyun witnessed the final stroke in awe and then tries to wake JInki up. He could hear him scream his name, as if his life depends on him. Jonghyun decides to call for ambulance and pray for the best.
“You mustn’t die, Lee Jinki.”