THE FANDOM HIGHTIMES: Volume 4, Fifth Edition!
RIKKU SPEAKS:
It was just about a year ago that I stopped downtown at a deserted store and found a strange, chirpy kitten alone inside. A friend (Valentine!) helped me scoop him up and take him home. I named the kitten Cuban Pete, but I usually call him Petey, when I'm not calling him Stupid or Silly-head. (Look, he earned those.)
I don't think he's the smartest of cats. He likes to meow at walls and then head-butt them. If I poke him in the face with his own tail, he'll lick it. And he's woken me up a few times by chewing intently on my nose.
But the thing is, pets aren't there to solve complex math equations or debate the meaning of life with you, are they? They're just little furballs (or non-furry balls) that love and accept you, no matter what kind of day you're having. And then occasionally hork up on some of the stuff you're particularly fond of.
It's a small price to pay, really.
Arms: Anyone Can Have 'Em
by Lee Adama
When I first came to Fandom High, I was expecting a lot of things: homework, roommates, unfamiliar technology, unfamiliar people and unfamiliar locations. What I wasn't expecting was the attention my arms would garner. And, believe me, it's not unwanted attention. It's just unexpected. Back home, no one really cared. Or, if they did, they didn't tell me which makes sense since my father tended to be the mouthpiece of the family. If people want to look at my arms, I'm all for that. If people even want to touch, that's fine. There's a limit, of course, because I have my life to think about but I don't care if people want to look and touch.
Some people ask me if I do anything to get my arms to look the way that they do. All I can tell you is that I have semi decent genes and a pretty consistent workout regiment. It's a lot of weight lifting, pull ups and some cardio to round off the routine but mostly, it's just taking care of yourself. I don't take any enhancement type pills or anything like that unless vitamins count and if they do, I only take them because they're shaped like a cartoon character and I kind of think they taste good.
During the winter months, I probably won't be showing off my arms as much as I did in the past months due to the simple fact that it's going to be frakking cold outside. For those that will miss them, I apologize. Stop by my room sometime if you really want to see them.
But really, I don't think they're much to write home about. They're kind of big and bulky and, with the height that I am, they can make my head look rather small which isn't a confession I'd ever thought I'd write in a newspaper article but what the hell, right? Full disclosure. They do have their benefits (lifting, pulling, pushing, cracking, squeezing) but, for the most part, they're just bulky arms.
And anyone and everyone can attain bulky arms like mine. I promise. If you get on a regimen, take care of yourself, you should end up like me in a short while. And, if you don't, you can blame me, find me and punch me in the mouth.
by T. R. Wexler
This Week: Covent Garden Flowers
Sometimes, a flower can really brighten up a person's day. It also helps a great deal that the source for flowers here on Fandom Island these days happens to be such a delight herself! In my exploration of new businesses here on the island, I move on this week to Covent Garden Flowers, located on 35 Mallard Way and owned by one Miss Eliza Doolittle. And, for being from England and everything, Eliza is a wonderful example of living the American sort of dream of starting with nothing and building into something very successful. The shop is named after the place where Eliza used to sell flowers on the street, a very simple and humble beginning of pawning violets and daisies to anyone willing to spare a pence or two (which I think is called tuppence; I didn't get a chance to ask Jeff before publication).
At Covent Garden Flowers, which has an E in it, you'll find a wide variety of different flowers, floral arrangements, and they also do special ordering, customizing, and deliveries. Add that to the fact that Eliza is a very fun person to talk to and interact with, and I can only think of one other place that could possibly be better to order your flowers and gift baskets from, and that's, of course, Turtle & Canary, but this reporter may be biased in that opinion.
A very modest persona with a slight but understandable aversion to crocogators, flattered by the chance for an interview, Eliza is always sure to have plenty of violets on stock, as they're her favorite flower, reminders of her humble beginnings on the streets of London. She's certainly been in the business for a long time, with extensive business experience and she's been on nothing but a path to success the moment she started! It's no small thing to go from a corner to your own international shop! Not only that, but she finds Fandom Island to be, quote, "utterly barmy...I love it!"
by Cal Stephanides
This Week: Ice cream.
My name is Cal Stephanides and I am here to tell you about a very important thing. That very important thing is, of course, ice cream. Many of you are aware that we are moving into the winter months, which means colder weather, but I, inspired by my own recent splurges into the rediscovery of this miraculous treat, urge you to please remember ice cream.
Ice cream is a staple of many experiences, good and bad; if you are not from a world where ice cream is often consumed, or even exists, I suggest that you take advantage and try to devour as much as it as you can. The rest of us tend to reserve ice cream for very special occasions, making it dear to our hearts and a pain in the head if we eat it too fast.
After all, what is a birthday cake without ice cream? What better cure for the common breakup is there than a giant tub of ice cream (and maybe rebound sex, which can also involve ice cream; it is that versatile)? On my first days on my own on the streets of San Francisco, I actually lived entirely on a diet of ice cream sundaes. It was like the final cherry on the top of my delicious rebellion, because there was no way I could do that at home. Sure, I didn't have a place to sleep at night or a roof over my head, but I had ice cream, so all was right in the world for those moments.
And, finally, please also remember, for your own sake, that yellow snow does not, I repeat, does not equal yellow ice cream!
by Warren Peace
Okay. This is my ranting column. You guys should know that by now. I come, I see, I grump, and then I rant.
That is how this cranky columnist thing is supposed to work.
So what is up with this past week? It was a good week. I mean, the TA substituted in the class I don't particularly care for last Wednesday, I didn't turn into any sort of weird, small creature. A nice girl stopped by my workplace with chocolate, and another one tried to bond with me. Which was... weird. But heck, even I have to admit that sometimes it's better than people standing on the other side of the room and whispering conspiratorially.
Good weeks don't make for decent rant material. And sure, the guy with the arms came home with something small and fuzzy and kind of noisy on Tuesday, and maybe the mutated teddy-bear thing didn't come with care and feeding instructions. But it's cute, so I can't even complain about that.
Come on, Fandom. Throw something at me. I've always had something to gripe about before. I'm tough. I can take it.
Now that I've said that, expect me to be changed into something small and furry before the week is through. That would be just my luck, wouldn't it?
For now, I'll just shut my flaming trap.
Scorpio
October 24 - November 22
Your health is the issue this week, Scorpy. It's not so bad though, more like VD rather than the Cancer. Though, dude, watch for those July people, they fight mean.
Saggitarius
November 23 - December 21
Blinking neon signs are telling you to go after your crush! Lose that virtue and hit the bar tonight!
Capricorn
December 22 - January 20
Oh my god, you are so getting arrested for anything bad you may or may not have done. Stick with the plan and things will be okay.
Aquarius
January 21 - February 19
Take a step back, aqua dude. You need some time and space from what's come before. And ice cream. Lots of ice cream.
Pisces
February 20 - March 20
People so love telling you how hot you are. Enjoy it while it lasts, Pisces 'cause wrinkle city is right around the corner.
Aries
March 21 - April 20
Blaze a new trail this week! So like, eat spicy food and rock out to country music. You won't regret it.
Taurus
April 21 - May 21
Slowing down might not feel comfortable right now, but it's the right thing to do. Yes, dirty.
Gemini
May 22 - June 22
It's a good week to take a chance and jump that guy you've been giving the eye in class. Follow things to their natural conclusion and you won't be sorry!
Cancer
June 23 - July 23
Okay Cancer, despite your illness you are totes on for hosting a party this week. Try not to over-share about your girl time though. It's kinda gross.
Leo
July 24 - August 23
Be prepared. Stop and Turtle & Canary for some condoms today.
Virgo
August 24 - September 23
Steer clear of other people's dramas this week. They'll give you nothing but like, trouble.
Libra
September 24 - October 23
This week is all about charisma and compromise. New people are distracting even if they're hot, so work something out to get the best of both worlds.
Coffee Pin-Up
credits:
editor: Rikku
words: Lee Adama, Toby Moraitis, Warren Peace, Rikku, Cal Stephanides, T. R. Wexler
pictures: The fabulous Chloe Sullivan, the amazing Rory Gilmore, the marvelous Peter Parker, and the humble Rikku
adviser: Ghanima Atreides
Questions? Concerns? Got a hot tip? Send a letter to the editor: letters.fhightimes@fandomhigh.edu!