So You Want to be the Nation's Next Top Model; Episode One :: Premiere!
And so it finally came that the big premiere of the CW's hottest new series, So You Want to be the Nation's Next Top Model, was on the air, a great tension of high fashion of high fierce-ness as hundreds of emaciated finalists (and a few "plus-size" ones, too) tried to make their way into the competition, although some of it might have been spoiled by viewers at home thanks to Internet leaks and the fact that the finalists were all on the intro.
Brace yourself! For a whole lot of screaming and really bad acting as the troupe of "celebrity" panel judges, lead by Tyra Banks herself, lead the hopefuls through a very bad theme regarding outer space modeling, fashion-forward and out of this world.
"My boyfriend's actually in space," one contestant, a very tall, broody-looking young man with hair in his eyes, identified as Chad, 19, Fandom Island, MD, said at one point to the others waiting with him.
"What, like an astronaut?" asked another, an equally brooding but contrasty pale young man identified as Mat, 20, Reno, NV.
There was a long, long pause. "Errrr, something like that," Chad replied.
There was occasionally scenes like this, models talking over other models, subtitles needed to understand what they were saying, some of them bitchily ragging on the others inbetween the classic moments of them going in front of the judges, filled with good walks, bikini bodies, bad walks, and quite a lot of failure to remember designers names.
Chad, on his own audition, didn't seem to have a problem, rattling off a list of his favourites and concluding with, "Plus, my boyfriend and I named one of our cats, Galliano."
"Why," commented an appropriate gender ambiguous judge, "am I not surprised he has a boyfriend?"
"Your name is Yasutora, but it says here they call you Chad? Why is that? Are you embarrassed about your Japanese heritage because you don't think it's as mainstream beautiful?"
The editing crew had helpfully put in crickets to match Chad's expression to that question.
"Uhh, it's just what everyone calls me?" he offered helpfully. And then they made him go change into a Speedo to strut across the stage.
Rinse, lather, repeat. Model after model, a quick photoshoot of just a headshot, and then the judges ripped them apart, tore them down, and picked a handful of them.
And then went through the same process again, this time interspersed with a very nice catfight between Bianca, 18, Norfolk, VA and Vereneschia, 19, Detroit, MI that involved the tearing off of a "bad ass rat mohowk weave." There was also a considerable amount of bitchfacing over two healthier models and over which one of them would be the "fat one" and how none of them really thought that Jon, 21, Moose Dropping Creek, Alaska really had what it took.
And then the moment of truth showed up, at least half an hour of drawing out who would get on the show and who would be forced to be filmed crying their eyes out over the death of their dreams of being a reality show super model, and the final thirteen were picked, in presumably no order, thought there would be diagramed conspiracy theories about the winner based on the order posted on ONTD before the end of the night:
Vereneschia, 19, Detroit, MI The Girl who Ripped off the Other Girl's Weave
Miles, 24, Arcadia, FL The Guy with the NOSE.
Dianna, 20, Green Bay, WI The Sacrificial Blonde (?)
Chad, 19, Fandom Island, MD The Really, Really Tall Guy
Anne, 20, St. Paul, MN The One the Found at a Mall
Viki, Oklahoma City, OK the Bitch in Sheep's Clothing
Brenton, 20, American Falls, ID The One who is Totally Straight. Really.
Tara, 18, Augusta, MA The "Plus-Size" Girl
Jake, 18, Seattle, WA The One that Divides the Fangirls
Rebekah, 20, Cadillac, MI The Quirky Girl
Jon, 21, Moose Dropping Creek, AK He's from ALASKA.
India, 22, New York, NY The Girl with Previous Experience
Seth, 23, San Francisco, CA The Guy with the Hat.
NOW QUICK! Go, go! To the Intrawebz to start badmouthing them! And stay tuned for next week!
[[ OOC or questions welcome; everyone in Fandom's free to have caught the show, of course! Special bonus points for identifying as many of the models as you can! ]]