Dialogue Workshop Submission #2
ETA: Sorry about the formatting problem. The preview looked good and then the internet crashed on me and since it was very late, I just shut everything down and went to bed.
Here's our second submission for the Dialogue Workshop. Please take time to give a critique and try to do so for the first one that was posted earlier.
As always, please try to be fair and honest when reviewing, and remember that it's perfectly acceptable to review the fics anonymously.
There are many things you can provide concrit on with a dialogue piece, here are a few, but feel free to comment on other things: characterization and voice, flow and clarity, use of tags with dialogue. Try to indicate what the author has done well in addition to things that could be improved.
Workshop 1: Dialogue
Characters: Zoe and Mal, implied Mal/Simon, spoilers for TLB.
Word Count: 211
“Sir, River said we got a wave from Badger?”
“Sure did. Says he’s got a couple of transport jobs for us. Didn’t give much by way of details, but it sounded like we’d be moon-hoppin’ along the Rim for a bit.”
“Kinda surprised to hear from the man, considering where we left him last.”
“Was taken aback myownself, but it was him alright, ugly hat and all. Noticed he had a new tie, though.”
“He must be awful riled about how we treated him after that job Ott screwed us over on. Can’t imagine we’re on the top of his list to pass a job to.”
“Are you tryin’ to imply something about Persephone’s most esteemed businessman? I’m shocked, really.”
“This job wouldn’t be takin' us anywhere near Whitefall, would it sir?”
“Zoe, I’m beginning to think that you don’t trust me.”
“So that’s a yes, then.”
“I promise I won’t get close enough for Patience to shoot me again.”
“I’m more concerned on what our good doctor will say. Don’t think he’ll be too pleased about pullin’ another one of that woman’s bullets outta your flesh.”
“Technically, the last one was just a graze.”
“You really think he’ll see it that way, sir?”
“Don’t really wanna answer that, Zo'.”
“Mm.”
Here's our second submission for the Dialogue Workshop. Please take time to give a critique and try to do so for the first one that was posted earlier.
As always, please try to be fair and honest when reviewing, and remember that it's perfectly acceptable to review the fics anonymously.
There are many things you can provide concrit on with a dialogue piece, here are a few, but feel free to comment on other things: characterization and voice, flow and clarity, use of tags with dialogue. Try to indicate what the author has done well in addition to things that could be improved.
Workshop 1: Dialogue
Characters: Zoe and Mal, implied Mal/Simon, spoilers for TLB.
Word Count: 211
“Sir, River said we got a wave from Badger?”
“Sure did. Says he’s got a couple of transport jobs for us. Didn’t give much by way of details, but it sounded like we’d be moon-hoppin’ along the Rim for a bit.”
“Kinda surprised to hear from the man, considering where we left him last.”
“Was taken aback myownself, but it was him alright, ugly hat and all. Noticed he had a new tie, though.”
“He must be awful riled about how we treated him after that job Ott screwed us over on. Can’t imagine we’re on the top of his list to pass a job to.”
“Are you tryin’ to imply something about Persephone’s most esteemed businessman? I’m shocked, really.”
“This job wouldn’t be takin' us anywhere near Whitefall, would it sir?”
“Zoe, I’m beginning to think that you don’t trust me.”
“So that’s a yes, then.”
“I promise I won’t get close enough for Patience to shoot me again.”
“I’m more concerned on what our good doctor will say. Don’t think he’ll be too pleased about pullin’ another one of that woman’s bullets outta your flesh.”
“Technically, the last one was just a graze.”
“You really think he’ll see it that way, sir?”
“Don’t really wanna answer that, Zo'.”
“Mm.”