Comments | ff_exchange: Chocobo Down - Fic - To be a Summoner (Final Fantasy IX)

pearlrose86 in ff_exchange

Chocobo Down - Fic - To be a Summoner (Final Fantasy IX)

Sep 08, 2009 22:27

Title: To be a Summoner
Medium: Fic~
Request(s): Dagger and Eiko, learning what it is to be a summoner. They're the last of their kind. Any background or cultural details regarding Madain Sari are a plus.
Fandom(s): Final Fantasy IX
Characters/Pairings: Eiko, Garnet, Madain Sari moogles
Rating/Warnings: PG
Feedback: Looking forward to it.
Spoilers ( Read more... )

ff09 [char] garnet, ff09 [char] eiko, [medium] fic, ! [round 002], [tag] gen, ! [round 002] extra: chocobo down, ff09 [all] final fantasy ix

Comments 4

lassarina September 10 2009, 21:04:44 UTC

I like this story very much, especially the story of how the city was founded. I also like the implication that power comes with responsibility, and the style of reparations.

However, you still have a lot of verb tense issues - I caught at least a dozen places where it shifted into present tense. For next time I would suggest maybe reading it over again to catch those.

pearlrose86 September 10 2009, 21:35:27 UTC

I thank you for the constructive criticism, even though I'm a bit mortified at the moment to realize I still didn't catch all of the tense issues. (Okay, a lot mortified.) I'll see if I can go back and catch a few more at some point.

And thank you for the nice comment as well. I do like this story, even though the execution isn't working out quite the way I had hoped.

lassarina September 10 2009, 21:36:40 UTC

Sorry to be a downer :(

But yes, I like the core of the story very much, and the interaction between them is very nice. I didn't mention it before, but I like Garnet's sense of disconnect from her heritage, and her desire to learn more about it.

pearlrose86 September 10 2009, 21:41:50 UTC

Eh, it is a useful and legitimate comment and how else can one improve unless someone is going to point out my wicked tense issues? And wicked they are, if there's still a dozen mistakes after I went back and edited another dozen or so myself, anyway! It's a useful comment, not so much a downer one.

I was replaying Madain Sari this afternoon, and I'm tempted to go back and do more with it now that I have my facts a little straighter. There's a great deal of mythos buried in the rubble, and it's enjoyable to think about.

And thank you! I had been hoping that I'd hit that note with Garnet.