The Twist of Fates Chapter 4
Title: The Twist of Fates (Chapter 4)
Category: CSI/Other
Pairing: Catherine/ ????
Rating: M
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of CSI. Nor do I mean any disrespect with portrayal of real people. I also do not wish what is written in this story upon anyone.
Summary: One top priority case can change the lives of two women forever.
Title: The Twist of Fates (Chapter 4)
Category: CSI/Other
Pairing: Catherine/ ????
Rating: M
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of CSI. Nor do I mean any disrespect with portrayal of real people. I also do not wish what is written in this story upon anyone.
Summary: One top priority case can change the lives of two women forever.
This story is dedicated to Kitnkabootle
Chapter 1: http://ff-addict-555.livejournal.com/3354.html#cutid1
Cath's POV
My eyes wander down to Meryl's hand tangled so tightly with my own. I watch as my thumb drifts across the back of her hand. Her skin is soft; her hand strong. I am lost for words, but now I understand why Meryl was waiting for a reaction.
Crushed is the only way I can describe the web of emotions weaving within me. Floating silently between us is the knowledge that things between us will have to change.
Sighing I find Meryl's eyes and smile softly at her. “Okay.” The distance forming between us is invading my mind and spreading like fire. Sometimes it is the tiny things that wedge between the solid bonds of two people and change their relationship forever. I hope that this isn't one of those times.
I try to pull my hand away from Meryl's, but her grip tightens. Glancing at her she send me a shy expression before placing her other hand over mine. “Not yet.”
Leaning back on the couch I close my eyes and absorb the pain that is trickling into my heart. Though I don't know why it is there I accept it.
What I am feeling is foolish. I know I am the only one whose emotions are overreacting, because a loved one is flying in. I have become an emotional wreak since I met Meryl last night and I wish it would stop. “What time does Don's plane land?”
“Eight. Catherine why does it feel as if things are cha...” There is a knock on the door interrupting Meryl's question. I remove my hand from hers knowing it might be the last time I feel the comfort of it in my own.
“Come in.” Sara steps inside as I stand to move to my desk. Through the pain life keeps moving; it never stops for anyone.
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Peeking out from behind the curtains of my kitchen window I pick out all of the vehicles that I know belong to the press. “Hey Meryl?”
I hear footsteps behind me. Turning I smile at her. Meryl's demeanor has become more relaxed as the hours trickle by, putting space between her and her attack.
“I don't know if you should go out there. The press is still swarming.” I glance at the clock. “Do you want me to drive around back and you meet me out there?”
“No. Let's just go, and get it over with. They are bound to get their hands on a picture one way or another.”
“Okay.” I pass her and run my hand up and down her arm before heading toward my room.
I come back out with a hooded sweatshirt and two pairs of sunglasses. I pass the sweatshirt to Meryl and a pair of sunglasses.
“Thank you.” I smile at her and make my way to the front door. I know Meryl has her own things here, and it makes my heart flutter to know she is wearing mine instead.
“Are you ready?” Meryl takes a deep breath behind me and I look at her over my shoulder. I have to smile when I discover she is wearing the LVPD cap I gave her earlier.
“I guess so,” She replies as she attempts to return my smile.
I open the door and put my hand on her lower back pushing her out first. I made sure earlier that the passengers side of the car was facing the front door.
Meryl rushes into the car before the press make it half way too us, but that doesn't mean there weren't pictures taken. By the time I am opening my door the members of the press are shouting questions at me across the yard. For precaution I lock the car doors before pulling out of the driveway.
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I slam on the brakes in front of the airport; once again almost running over paparazzi. “He's over there,” Meryl says quietly. I spot an older man with gray hair. I cautiously pull up to him while keeping my eyes on the maniac driver with the camera behind me.
Unlocking the doors I get out and walk over to him. I hold out a hand, “Hi, I'm Catherine Willows. It's nice to meet you.”
“Don Gummer. How is Mary doing?” I pause at the use of her real name.
“The best that she can under the circumstances. She's doing better since she's been at my place. It's away from everything, you know?”
He nods and sends me a small smile. I smile back and help him get his luggage into the trunk. “I appreciate all that you are doing for Mary. I heard it was getting you into a bit of trouble.”
“It is no trouble at all. She is a kind woman and a good friend.” He glances at me at the word friend, but I ignore him.
I open the back door and he climbs in. By this point the paparazzi is crowding around me, yelling questions, and trying to get the first scoop. I get in the car and lock the doors. Taking out my phone I call Brass and find out if there is anything we can do about the press at this point. I pull out of the airport ignoring the fact that there are at least ten people in front of my car.
I glance at Meryl once we are on the highway, and I find her eyes closed as Don rubs her shoulders. I return my attention to the road not wanting to interrupt. I can feel my jealousy rising, and I focus on fighting it back. That is her husband, and he has every right to touch her, to love her.
Suddenly it clicks, and I realize why I feel the way I do. I'm attracted to Meryl, and not the way I thought I was. I groan, and out of the corner of my eye I see Meryl watching me.
My throat begins to close up as my heart races. I take deep breaths trying to still he whirlwind of emotions that has formed with my realization. Tears form, and I attempt to focus on something small. Something that won't remind me of Meryl, or the train wreck I am quickly becoming. But I can feel the weight of her stare on me, on my heart.
This is too fast. It is not normal. It is right. I can feel it in my soul. Through the mild torture I have experienced in the past day I know this is right. It is unexpected, and unwelcomed, but anyone who has met Meryl would understand it only takes a moment to fall in love with her.
I bite the inside of my cheek as tears dry in my eyes, yet a sadness settles in my heart. I feel a warm hand on my arm. Glancing over at Meryl concern dances across her face. I subtly shake my head and she removes her hand, but her eyes continue to burn holes in me. I sigh and pull into my driveway, and turn off the engine.
“Let me unlock the door first.” I say while I watch the paparazzi swarming. I note the unmarked police cars, and officers stepping out of them. Just as I had requested. “That will give the officers time to block off a pathway.”
“Okay.” Meryl responds quietly. I catch her eyes and detect the sadness and confusion beneath her well placed mask.
I do as I said I would, and then walk over to James, the leading officer, who is quickly placing his men as the paparazzi advance. “Thanks for doing this James.”
“No problem Ms. Willows. We have to do it more often than you realize.”
I place a hand on his shoulder, “Good luck.”
I help Don take his suitcases into the house. I can hear the nonstop flashes of cameras. “Is it usually this bad?”
“No. Most of the time there is one maybe two people. They tend to be good about Mary's privacy. But considering what has happened...it is headline news. Everybody wants to be the one to get the inside story.”
Lifting a suitcase out of the trunk I detect a movement in the corner of my eye. My eyes dart to the doorway to discover Meryl watching us from inside. I send her a sad smile.
She returns the gesture with a smile just as sad as my own.
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I am browsing my email when I hear Lindsay open the front door. It closes before her voice reaches my ears. “MOM!?! Mom why are the paparazzi outside?”
“I'm in the kitchen Lindsay; no need to shout.”
She enters the room. “What's going on? I thought no one knew about Meryl staying here?”
“That's changed. I don't know who has leaked to the press, but I am going to find out. How was your day?”
“Good. We got the results for the Kiss Me Kate auditions.” She stops and I can tell she wants me to ask.
“And?”
“I'm going to be Kate.” I look up, and she smiles brightly at me.
“Linzz that is great! I'm so proud of you baby.” Standing up I hug her. It still gets to me every time I realize she is the same height I am now. “When is the show?”
“Not until the spring. I'll let you know the exact dates later. Where's Meryl?”
“She and Don are in the guest room.”
“Who's Don?”
“Her husband.” Lindsay looks at me with surprise. I can feel her eyes probing me, searching for more. As usual I have the feeling Lindsay knows more about what is going on inside of me than I do.
I sit back down at the kitchen table.“Shouldn't you be getting ready for work?” Lindsay asks casually as she begins to search the fridge for something to eat.
“Do you want me to make you something?” She shakes her head no. “Linzz I won't be going into work for a little while.”
“Why?” She ask through a mouthful of apple. I put my hand up and she tosses me one.
“I'm...” I've never wanted to have to tell Lindsay something like this. I don't want her to be disappointed in me. When she was younger she didn't understand. We didn't get along all of the time, and she was always angry. Mostly I fear with me, but now she is old enough to understand, and her disappointment will seep all the way through my bones. Reluctantly I inform her, “I've been suspended.”
“For how long?” Her tone is questioning. Just as Meryl's has been since my miniature panic attack in the car. Their voices stir my guilt and reverberate in my mind.
“A week. It's no big deal Lindsay. I was out of line and I got what I deserved.”
“What happened.” She takes a seat in the chair next to me.
“I was unethical when interrogation a suspect. Let's talk about something else.”
“Okay when did Meryl's husband get here?”
“Something else.” I snap back. The look in my daughter's eyes let's me know she is aware of what she is doing.
“Geez someone is touchy tonight. I've got to go do my homework. I am going to be home late again tomorrow night I have rehearsal.”
“Alright.” Lindsay leaves the room. I hear her talking to someone in the hall.
As I respond to my emails my mind inevitably wanders back to the woman residing in my guest room.
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“Hey” Her voice caresses my ears as it makes it's way into my brain, where her soft tone will be captured forever.
I advert my attention from the paperback in my hands to Meryl. I send her a small smile. “Hey,” I respond before returning to my book, which has been begging to be read for quite some time.
“Could I talk to you?” I can sense the insecurity in her voice. My eyes snap up while concern floods my brain.
“Of course.” I motion for her to sit next to me. Discreetly I allow my eyes wander over her form as she takes her place next to me. Her jeans are tight not leaving much room for imagination. Her t-shirt is simple and white, and hangs loosely and hugs tightly in all of the right places. I can sense the tension in the air surrounding Meryl. “What's wrong sweetheart?”
My heart flutters when that small smile appears on her face from my words. She opens her mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. “You are avoiding me. It's been two days Catherine, since you have said more than five words to me”
I bit my bottom lip knowing there is no use denying it. I was avoiding my own pain by pushing Meryl away, and refusing to spend time with her and Don. All I was doing though is stalling, because she will be leaving any day now, and I didn't get to spend time with Meryl. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I will have to continually live with the pain of loving her for the rest of my life, because only that can explain the lack of time and commitment I have put into feeling this way. Or maybe I am overreacting; maybe being in the presence of someone famous did go to my head, and in a week everything will go back to the way it was before.
I don' know if I could live with the dullness of the past. I haven't been able to feel like this for as long as I can remember. I love, even my daughter sometimes, with a layer of numbness over my emotions. I don't think it means I love any less, because I love Lindsay more than anyone in the world. However the way I feel when I look at her; how my heart swells with pride and love; it's muted compared to what I could feel.
But with Meryl it's different. That's why my emotions are too overwhelming, because I can't remember the last time I could feel without a barrier. I feel alive again.
“I'm sorry. I was being selfish.” I turn my eyes toward the ground; embarrassed of my actions.
“Why did you do it Catherine?” I glance at Meryl. She deserves the truth, but I don't think I can give it to her.
“I'm not sure.” Her eyes tell me that she knows I'm lying. I feel like a little kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar. I want Meryl to know how I feel. I want to be honest with her because she deserves it. Then again I don't want her to know. I know there is no way that my feelings would be reciprocated.
“Catherine, please.” I gaze into her stormy eyes. They are so open; so willing to let me in. Meryl needs to know, because I hurt her. I can see that, but there is something more behind, that something that is guarded and indecipherable.
“I'm...I'm scared Meryl.” I try to get up. Try to run.
“Don't.” I face Meryl. Her beautiful blonde hair is pulled back in a loose ponytail. My eyes sadly wander her beautiful face. Her high cheekbones. Her sparkling yet stormy eyes. Down the bridge of her slightly crooked nose to her oval lips. Behind the healing wounds is a breathtaking woman.
When my eyes meet Meryl's, truly meet hers, with no barriers my knees go weak. I nod and sit down next to her.
Meryl's gaze is shy when she reaches out and takes my hand. I intertwine our fingers without looking away from Meryl. My body is tensing; it's not able to ignore the fact that Meryl's husband is here. Any contact with Meryl feels as if it is wrong. Right but wrong.
“Where's Don?” Meryl tugs on my hand, pulling me back into the couch. I rest my head on the comfortable cushion behind my head.
“An officer called him, and asked him to go down to the station so that they could ask him a few questions.”
“Probably if he's noticed anything or anyone strange in the past couple of months. Why aren't you there with him?”
She leans back next to me. “With my line of work, Catherine, we get used to doing things alone. It works for us. We've been together for the better half of our lives. It's not that I didn't offer to go, but he said he didn't want me to have to deal with the press again. If we had been more worried about why they were questioning him I would have insisted I be there.”
I listen to Meryl. She doesn't have to explain herself to me like that. “You don't have to defend yourself Meryl. I know you have your own way of doing things. I'm not making assumptions.”
I spot a smile caressing her lips from the corner of my eye. A smile forms on my own lips. “He also said it seems like we might need time alone together to talk.”
“How are you holding up? I know it seems like I've been distant, but I was still worried about you. I still watched for the warning signs that you weren't doing well. I care about you Meryl.”
“I know you do. I care about you too Catherine. That's why I was so worried when you stopped communicating with me. I am doing okay. I can actually get a few hours of sleep once in a while. Being here gives me a chance to distract myself.”
“If you can't sleep you can always visit me. I'm used to the graveyard hours; I'll be awake.”
Meryl's thumb gently runs across the back of my hand before tracing small circles against the skin there.
“I thought I heard you moving around last night. CSI Riley said the case should be closed tomorrow.”
My heart clenches. “You're lucky. Cases never go this fast. Everything else was put aside for your case.”
“I wish that it wasn't. Other people's cases are just as important if not more important than mine.”
My gaze into her eyes. Fall as deeply as I dare to, “You are an amazing person Meryl,” I whisper. Our faces are inches apart. My lips itch to kiss her. I want to know what it feels like. I want to know if Meryl's lips are as soft and plump as they appear. I need to know if there would be the crackle of electricity between us when out lips touch.
“Thank you.” She is so close I can feel her warm breath flutter across my face. I pull back knowing the longer I stay near Meryl the more dangerous the situation becomes, and the more unpredictable my actions will become.
Meryl's hand fits perfectly in mine, and her arm is warm pressed against mine. “Do you want to watch a movie?”
“Sure.” Meryl shifts beside me. If I didn't know better I would say she just removed more distance from between us.
I think about the movies we own. “How about Out of Africa.” Meryl chuckles lightly. “Oh wait, you've probably already seen that one already.” Her quite laughter fills me with warmth.
“Catherine?”
“Yeah hun?”
“Why are you scared?”
I look down at our joint hands. “Things are different. They have to be.” Meryl surprises me by sighing and resting her head on my shoulder.
Quietly Meryl asks, “Do they?”
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There is a quiet knock on my bedroom door. I glance at the clock; three o' clock. Setting down my book I get up and open the door. Meryl is standing in front of me. Her hair is disheveled there are tears in her eyes, and she is covered in a layer of sweat. Don is standing behind her, further back, his silhouette is illuminated by the light of the guest room.
“What's going on?” I can hear the panic in my tone.
Meryl shakes her head as tears stream down her face. She is gasping for air, and as she runs her hands through her hair I notice that she is trembling. “What happened?” My tone is sharp. I stare at Don expectantly.
“I think she had a nightmare. Mary won't let me near her, and she won't tell me what is going on.”
“Meryl?” She opens her bloodshot eyes as new tears create a watery barrier before falling.
I hear Lindsay's door open, “What's going on?”
“Nothing babe go back to bed.” I hear her whispering to Don and he replies. Lindsay's door shuts.
Cautiously I move toward Meryl. I don't want to upset her any further. “Meryl, sweetheart,” Her eyes flash in recognition, “Can you tell me what's happening?” Sobs begin to rack her body as she crumples into herself.
I close he gap between us; my arms wrapping around her for support and comfort. Meryl's arms circle my back and her fingers grasp at my shirt. She leans into me, and I begin to whisper comforting words into her ears. I reassure her everything will be alright. I remind her that I am here and that she is safe.
Slowly I guide Meryl toward my bed. I sense Don's concerned gaze locked on us, but I ignore it. I attempt to forget that he is there. That he is causing distance between Meryl and I.
My legs hit the edge of the bed, and I turn Meryl and help her sit down. She clings to me; I can hear her gasping “Don't leave me. Please don't leave me.”
“I'm not going anywhere sweetheart. I am going to help you onto the bed okay?” She nods, and reluctantly loosens her hold on me. I help her lean against propped up pillows and take a seat next to her. Sobs are still sporadically rocking her body. Meryl rests her head on my shoulder and tightens her arm around my waist.
I whisper to her; everything and nothing. I know that Don is still watching, yet I gently kiss the top of her head before continuing my perpetual stream of nonsense. It must be working, because Meryl is relaxing in my arms. Sleep is invading her exhausted body. Her embrace around me loses strength, but remains in place.
Don enters the room. I feel guilty running my hand through Meryl's hair, holding her closely, while her husband is worried sick about her. “Do you want to trade places?”
He perches on the edge of the bed and shakes his head no. Quietly he responds, “I can see why Mary speaks so highly of you Catherine.” His eyes slide over his wife's sleeping form. “Mary needs to rest she hasn't slept well in months, but even less recently.”
“Are you sure you don't want to sleep in here?” My mind screams that this is inappropriate while my heart yells at it to stop lying.
“I'm sure. Mary trusts you. You make her feel safe. She needs you right now. That's why she came to you.”
“That's not necessarily true Don. The crime against Meryl was committed by a man. She might not be able to stand a man's touch at the moment. Not even yours. She could have gone to anyone as long as they were the right gender.” Meryl stirs in my arms and groans before burying her face in my neck.
“But she came to you. If she has another nightmare tonight she will need you. I know that she is in capable hands, and I will be able to sleep because of that. Mary hasn't said so, but I can see you two are close. She needs a friend Catherine... Right now Mary needs a friend.”
He gets up and leaves the room; switching the light off in the process.
There is something about Don. He is wise and he does not ask questions. It is obvious that he loves Meryl very much, and that is something I can understand more than I should. I like him, which makes the situation even worse.
TBC...