[Fic] No Secrets
Title: No Secrets
Author: Feyla
Rating: G
Length: 1,126 words - one-shot
Summary: The bad thing about living in a room with four others for six years though is that they know all of your habits, and most of your secrets.
Notes: This was something that I started one morning before class because of a comment that maryl_z had said on an entry in my journal. I had used the line you see in the summary in something else I had written and the posted it on my journal to see if anyone could come up with the fandom it belonged to. She guessed DBSK and although it wasn’t, I could see how it would fit them so well and I wanted to write something, and so this was written. It’s a very simple piece really that is a general fic. YooChun is the main focus of the piece and it’s some late night thoughts of his.
Disclaimer: After just having said that this piece is the late night thoughts of YooChun, I do need to clarify it’s still just fiction, like everything else here. I don’t have any idea if he actually thinks like this and will probably never find out, so this is just my imagination at work.
Thanks: Much thanks to maryl_z who betaed this little piece for me. It’s always so helpful to have another set of eyes look over something and see where something just needs to be changed. I made most of the corrections you suggested because looking at them they either made sense or needed to be done, except for two I think where I wasn’t sure on them so I left it as it was. Thanks so much for your help!
No Secrets
The nights are getting longer again. There are more hours of darkness, making it harder to get rid of these dark thoughts swimming around in my mind. They aren’t so bad during the day when the light washes them away, but at night when the darkness sweeps in around me, it’s hard to remember the warmth of the sun. It’s times like these when I can’t escape thoughts of my past and the life that I left behind, the family that I left to come here. I wonder what they’re doing.
My brother is just starting high school, such a difficult time. I want to be there for him. On nights like these I get scared that I won’t recognize him when I see him again. Talking to him on the phone whenever the time can be spared cannot compare to actually being there with him. I wonder if he’s really doing alright when he tells me he is. Without actually being there he could be feeding happy lies with tears running down his face. I want to be there for him at times like these.
Down the hall I can hear laughter, but I don’t want to join in with whatever the other members are doing. My melancholy mood would just ruin their cheerful one, so I settle down further into the blankets surrounding me, taken from their beds. They provide the warmth missing from this night.
The bad thing about living in a room with four others for six years though is that they know all of your habits, and most of your secrets. There isn’t much I can hide from them, and what I can manage to hide doesn’t stay that way for very long. So even though I haven’t said anything and I’m not even in the same room as the others, a little while later I hear footsteps coming down the hall towards me. Soon the covers are pulled back and a warm body slides in bed to me. We lay like that for a while, side by side, until he turns to me.
JaeJoong knows me well. He knows that I need to be alone sometimes, that I like to be alone sometimes, but then there are times when I need someone to come find me. “Are you thinking of your family?” he asks, and I don’t answer. He doesn’t push me to answer, and knows that I am. He doesn’t say anything else for a while just wraps me in his arms and runs his hands through my hair. I slowly relax and then start talking.
“He’ll be starting high school in a week.” He doesn’t ask who, he already knows. “He’ll be in a new school, with even more people than before. What if I don’t know him when I see him again? Everyone changes so much during high school. I want to be there for him now, to really be there for him. I don’t want to be here talking to him on the phone when I actually have the time and it’s not a horribly unreasonable hour for him to be awake. I want to be there. I want him here. I want to be with him. I’m his older brother, I’m supposed to take care of him but I’m on the other side of the world with barely enough time to eat, much less call my brother and talk for more than five minutes.”
As I talk JaeJoong simply holds me tighter, listening as intently as if this is the first time and not the thousandth that he’s heard this. He just lets me talk. He knows I need to say all of this and hear it as more than just thoughts floating around in my head.
When I’m finished he’s silent for a few minutes. He keeps running his fingers through my hair soothingly and I settle down into his embrace again.
“Maybe you can’t be there for your brother physically like you want to be, but he knows you care about him. He knows that if you were there you would be doing as much as you could for him.”
“How can he know that when I’m half a world away?” I interrupt him, my temporary calm leaving me. He doesn’t even pause to think, or act like I’ve really interrupted him, he just keeps talking. “He knows because he sees the way you take care of JunSu and ChangMin. He knows how much you care for them, and if you care for them so much, then how much more do you care for him? He understands that you can’t be there, and that you’re doing as much as you can. He’s talked to us and he knows. He can see. We’re your family here, and you take care of us; we take care of each other. He knows that if you were there, if he was here, you’d be doing just as much for him."
I’m silent at this response and JaeJoong doesn’t push for a response. He knows he’s gotten his point across. We lay there for a long time, not saying anything, until I hear his breathing even out as he slowly falls asleep and the fingers that are running through my hair stop.
I’ve almost drifted off to sleep myself when I hear footsteps coming down the hall again and the door cracks open. I open my eyes to see YunHo looking down at us silently. He doesn’t say anything, only bends down and hugs me tight, placing a gentle kiss on my cheek before moving around to the other side of the bed to crawl in beside JaeJoong. JaeJoong is fully asleep and doesn’t even stir, but accepts YunHo’s warmth gladly. YunHo then picks up where JaeJoong left off when he fell asleep and gently strokes my hair. I can feel myself being lulled back to the sleepy state I was in before noticing him, and this time I give in to sleep.
I wake up to a harsh jolt some time later and have no idea what is going on. Trying to figure out what is happening and where I am exactly, I push myself up with one arm, only to be pulled back down again with a whispered, “It’s just JunSu and ChangMin.” It takes a moment for me to process everything, but when I feel a warmth at my back and an arm creep around my waist to rest on JaeJoong’s belly, I realize JunSu and ChangMin have pushed the beds together and joined us.
I settle back down and relax surrounded by the members who are my family, just like JaeJoong said. They are my family here and now; my home away from home.
~fin
-and why is it that half the stuff I write is in first person? I don't even like first person and I'm writing in it half the time? This just makes no sense.
Author: Feyla
Rating: G
Length: 1,126 words - one-shot
Summary: The bad thing about living in a room with four others for six years though is that they know all of your habits, and most of your secrets.
Notes: This was something that I started one morning before class because of a comment that maryl_z had said on an entry in my journal. I had used the line you see in the summary in something else I had written and the posted it on my journal to see if anyone could come up with the fandom it belonged to. She guessed DBSK and although it wasn’t, I could see how it would fit them so well and I wanted to write something, and so this was written. It’s a very simple piece really that is a general fic. YooChun is the main focus of the piece and it’s some late night thoughts of his.
Disclaimer: After just having said that this piece is the late night thoughts of YooChun, I do need to clarify it’s still just fiction, like everything else here. I don’t have any idea if he actually thinks like this and will probably never find out, so this is just my imagination at work.
Thanks: Much thanks to maryl_z who betaed this little piece for me. It’s always so helpful to have another set of eyes look over something and see where something just needs to be changed. I made most of the corrections you suggested because looking at them they either made sense or needed to be done, except for two I think where I wasn’t sure on them so I left it as it was. Thanks so much for your help!
No Secrets
The nights are getting longer again. There are more hours of darkness, making it harder to get rid of these dark thoughts swimming around in my mind. They aren’t so bad during the day when the light washes them away, but at night when the darkness sweeps in around me, it’s hard to remember the warmth of the sun. It’s times like these when I can’t escape thoughts of my past and the life that I left behind, the family that I left to come here. I wonder what they’re doing.
My brother is just starting high school, such a difficult time. I want to be there for him. On nights like these I get scared that I won’t recognize him when I see him again. Talking to him on the phone whenever the time can be spared cannot compare to actually being there with him. I wonder if he’s really doing alright when he tells me he is. Without actually being there he could be feeding happy lies with tears running down his face. I want to be there for him at times like these.
Down the hall I can hear laughter, but I don’t want to join in with whatever the other members are doing. My melancholy mood would just ruin their cheerful one, so I settle down further into the blankets surrounding me, taken from their beds. They provide the warmth missing from this night.
The bad thing about living in a room with four others for six years though is that they know all of your habits, and most of your secrets. There isn’t much I can hide from them, and what I can manage to hide doesn’t stay that way for very long. So even though I haven’t said anything and I’m not even in the same room as the others, a little while later I hear footsteps coming down the hall towards me. Soon the covers are pulled back and a warm body slides in bed to me. We lay like that for a while, side by side, until he turns to me.
JaeJoong knows me well. He knows that I need to be alone sometimes, that I like to be alone sometimes, but then there are times when I need someone to come find me. “Are you thinking of your family?” he asks, and I don’t answer. He doesn’t push me to answer, and knows that I am. He doesn’t say anything else for a while just wraps me in his arms and runs his hands through my hair. I slowly relax and then start talking.
“He’ll be starting high school in a week.” He doesn’t ask who, he already knows. “He’ll be in a new school, with even more people than before. What if I don’t know him when I see him again? Everyone changes so much during high school. I want to be there for him now, to really be there for him. I don’t want to be here talking to him on the phone when I actually have the time and it’s not a horribly unreasonable hour for him to be awake. I want to be there. I want him here. I want to be with him. I’m his older brother, I’m supposed to take care of him but I’m on the other side of the world with barely enough time to eat, much less call my brother and talk for more than five minutes.”
As I talk JaeJoong simply holds me tighter, listening as intently as if this is the first time and not the thousandth that he’s heard this. He just lets me talk. He knows I need to say all of this and hear it as more than just thoughts floating around in my head.
When I’m finished he’s silent for a few minutes. He keeps running his fingers through my hair soothingly and I settle down into his embrace again.
“Maybe you can’t be there for your brother physically like you want to be, but he knows you care about him. He knows that if you were there you would be doing as much as you could for him.”
“How can he know that when I’m half a world away?” I interrupt him, my temporary calm leaving me. He doesn’t even pause to think, or act like I’ve really interrupted him, he just keeps talking. “He knows because he sees the way you take care of JunSu and ChangMin. He knows how much you care for them, and if you care for them so much, then how much more do you care for him? He understands that you can’t be there, and that you’re doing as much as you can. He’s talked to us and he knows. He can see. We’re your family here, and you take care of us; we take care of each other. He knows that if you were there, if he was here, you’d be doing just as much for him."
I’m silent at this response and JaeJoong doesn’t push for a response. He knows he’s gotten his point across. We lay there for a long time, not saying anything, until I hear his breathing even out as he slowly falls asleep and the fingers that are running through my hair stop.
I’ve almost drifted off to sleep myself when I hear footsteps coming down the hall again and the door cracks open. I open my eyes to see YunHo looking down at us silently. He doesn’t say anything, only bends down and hugs me tight, placing a gentle kiss on my cheek before moving around to the other side of the bed to crawl in beside JaeJoong. JaeJoong is fully asleep and doesn’t even stir, but accepts YunHo’s warmth gladly. YunHo then picks up where JaeJoong left off when he fell asleep and gently strokes my hair. I can feel myself being lulled back to the sleepy state I was in before noticing him, and this time I give in to sleep.
I wake up to a harsh jolt some time later and have no idea what is going on. Trying to figure out what is happening and where I am exactly, I push myself up with one arm, only to be pulled back down again with a whispered, “It’s just JunSu and ChangMin.” It takes a moment for me to process everything, but when I feel a warmth at my back and an arm creep around my waist to rest on JaeJoong’s belly, I realize JunSu and ChangMin have pushed the beds together and joined us.
I settle back down and relax surrounded by the members who are my family, just like JaeJoong said. They are my family here and now; my home away from home.
~fin
-and why is it that half the stuff I write is in first person? I don't even like first person and I'm writing in it half the time? This just makes no sense.