WLIIA (UK)/Top Gear :: Crushed pt1 :: Rated PG-13
Title: Crushed
Chapter: 1/?
Fandom: Whose Line UK/Top Gear
Pairings: Paul Merton/Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond/James May
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Tony doesn't understand why Paul wants to be there. Paul doesn't understand why Tony doesn't.
Disclaimer: This fic is in no way intended to portray a true representation of the people involved. As far as I know, this never happened.
Beta: The fabulous cryforthemoon
Cross-posted to britline and topgearslash. Submitted to fanfic100 for prompt 042 - Triangle.
Crushed
Chapter One
Tony scowled as he pulled into the car park. "Remind me again, why are we here?"
Paul looked up with a start, trying to disguise the fact that he'd just been checking his reflection. "We're here because Jeremy invited us and it seemed rude not to."
"But you hate cars. Or at least, you've never been all that interested in them." Tony parked and switched the engine off. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Like I said, it seemed rude to decline the offer." Paul was already moving to leave the car. "You didn't have to come."
Tony froze, seatbelt unclipped but still over him, as he registered what Paul had said. Of course, they weren't a couple; never had been, despite the obvious chemistry that everyone commented on. But Tony had grown used to himself and Paul doing things together - even after the chaos of his breakdown, they had remained close - and Paul's last comment had stung.
Paul had taken several steps away from the car before he realised that Tony hadn't followed. With a sigh of frustration, he called, "Well come on then, if you're coming."
Tony reluctantly got out of the car, double-checking that everything was locked before walking to Paul's side. His feet dragged, and he tensed as he heard Paul's impatient sigh. Unable to hold back, he snapped, "What's the hurry?"
"Gentlemen, you made it!"
Paul and Tony both looked up as Jeremy approached. Casting a sideways glance at his companion, Tony couldn't help but frown - was that genuine excitement he saw in Paul's eyes? It was a rare sight indeed and certainly one that Tony could never recall receiving himself. What was it about Jeremy that made him so special?
Paul didn't so much as glance at Tony as he moved to meet Jeremy. "I said we'd be here and here we are."
Tony's frown deepened as he watched the handshake, both men allowing the touch to linger just that little bit too long. He was beginning to wonder why Paul had even asked him to come; since they'd arrived, Paul had barely been aware that Tony even existed.
He looked up with a start as he sensed someone in front of him. Jeremy smirked a little, hand already held out. "Not interrupting anything, am I?"
Tony's eyes darted from Jeremy to Paul. Both were watching him, a faintly amused look in their eyes that made Tony feel incredibly uncomfortable. Still, he wasn't about to run away - he was past all that.
Forcing himself to smile, he finally replied, "Sorry, I was just...thinking."
"You can't be bored already, it's not even started." Paul raised an eyebrow. "I know you have a low attention span, but really..."
"There you are!"
The three men looked up as two familiar figures approached. The shorter of the two, the one who had spoken, reached them first and continued, "They're looking for you."
"And? If they haven't found me yet, they obviously aren't looking hard enough." Jeremy turned back to Paul. "You remember Hammond and May, don't you?"
Tony had to fight to stay silent as Paul nodded at this - so Paul had been here before? Or at least, had been somewhere that it would be feasible for him to have met these people.
"Tony?"
He looked up with a start as Paul's voice cut into his thoughts. The others were all looking at him expectantly and he realised he'd tuned out their conversation again. "Sorry?"
The smirk returned to Jeremy's lips - Tony wondered if it had ever truly left - as he prompted, "Shall we? Or are you planning to stay in the car park?"
Tony looked away, afraid that staring at that smug face for much longer would drive him to do something he'd regret. Fighting to maintain a light tone, he quipped, "Well, it is a very nice car park."
"Don't be stupid." Richard hooked his arm around Tony's. "We're not leaving you alone out here. You're not a bloody chauffer."
Tony looked up at this, surprised at the mild undertone lacing the other man's voice. He knew better than to ask, at least with Paul and Jeremy in earshot; instead, he simply replied, "Well, if you insist. Please, lead on."
~*~
As they'd watched rehearsals, Tony had begun to piece things together. He had determined, even before Paul had confirmed, that Richard and James were an item - the indicators were subtle, but obvious if you knew what to look for. The legs apparently casually touching when they were sat down, the glances filled with messages understood only by them - behaviour that could be dismissed as close friendship, but with much deeper intent.
He'd also begun to piece things together about Paul and Jeremy. This was rather an easier thing to achieve, given how long he had known Paul, but it was a lot harder to accept. The signals were a lot more subtle - neither Paul nor Jeremy were particularly easy to read unless you knew what you were looking for - but Tony recognised them and hated every one.
Now they were on a break, waiting for the audience to arrive so that filming could begin. As soon as the break was announced, Paul had been at Jeremy's side, the pair of them launching into scathing tirades about current affairs while sitting as close as possible without being obvious. Richard and James, already lost in each other to begin with, were making the most of the opportunity to relax with each other before the cameras rolled and they had to be professional again.
Tony had gone outside to smoke and brood.
He stared morosely at the smoke spiralling from the cigarette in his hand, the remains of three more at his feet. When was the last time he had chain-smoked to this extent? Certainly, he couldn't recall having done so since he had finally been forced to confront the fact that he needed help. He had been so grateful to Paul for finding him, and a foolish part of him had hoped to ignite what had never had a chance to start before. Apparently, it would never have a chance to start now, either.
"Tony?"
He looked up to see James watching him, the concern evident in his expression. Trying to stall what he thought would be the inevitable question, Tony asked, "No Richard?"
"He and Jeremy are busy insulting each other, as usual." James leant against the wall, eyes still fixed on Tony. "You didn't know, did you?"
"Know what?" Tony brought the cigarette back to his lips, knowing he would regret asking.
"About Paul and Jeremy."
"So they are, then?" Tony felt a part of him die inside at the confirmation of his worst fear. "I thought as much."
"James, they want you in wardrobe."
James looked up at Paul's voice, nodding in acknowledgement before turning back to Tony. "I'll be about after the show if you need me. I'm sure I can find something to distract Hammond with."
Tony smiled a little at this. "Thank you. I'll bear that in mind."
As James left, Tony turned to regard Paul. James' words rang clear in his head and his fists clenched almost of their own accord.
"Shit!"
The hiss of pain brought Paul to his side. "Tony?"
"Forgot about the fucking fag." Tony glared up at his friend. "Not that you care, of course."
Paul didn't flinch at the accusation. "Of course I care, you daft git. You think I enjoy seeing my friend hurt himself?"
Tony paced away, examining his hand as he snapped, "It's nothing. So you can fuck off back to lover boy and leave me alone."
Paul frowned. "Tony..."
"Which part of 'fuck off' did you not understand?" Tony didn't look up, fumbling to light the new cigarette he had held to his lips. "I really don't understand why you dragged me here in the first place."
Paul took a few hesitant steps forward. "Do you want me to leave, or can I answer that?"
Tony shrugged, taking a long drag of his cigarette and refusing to respond. He heard Paul come even closer, but still refused to look up - he wouldn't let Paul see how much it was killing him to think about him and Jeremy.
Paul stopped a safe distance from Tony, choosing to read the silence as a prompt that he should continue. "I was going to tell you. It just never seemed the right time to say anything."
"Oh that's right, because I'm so bloody fragile." Tony turned and glared at Paul. "So, instead you decided to drag me here, make me feel like utter shit and let me work things out for myself?"
Paul frowned at this. "Why do you care so much anyway?" he countered. "What, am I not allowed to have anyone else in my life apart from you? Because I'm sorry to disappoint you, Tony, but you don't own me."
Tony looked down, and Paul felt a twinge of guilt at the thought that he'd pushed his friend too far. In a much gentler tone, he offered, "You're still one of my closest friends."
Tony refused to look up. "It doesn't matter. Go back to him, to them. I'll be in the car when you're ready to leave."
"Tony." Paul moved to his side, lightly touching his shoulder. "You've been edgy all day. What's going on?"
"You still don't get it, do you?" Tony finally looked up, the threat of his temper flaring up again evident in his voice. "Or maybe you do, and this is your way of telling me...I could have accepted it, Paul. I still wouldn't have liked it, maybe, but at least I'd have been better prepared."
"Prepared for what?" Paul let his hand drop from Tony's shoulder, aware of just how close to snapping Tony was. "It's not like you and I ever..." He trailed off, finally beginning to understand.
"No," Tony agreed softly. "And now we never will."
Chapter: 1/?
Fandom: Whose Line UK/Top Gear
Pairings: Paul Merton/Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond/James May
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Tony doesn't understand why Paul wants to be there. Paul doesn't understand why Tony doesn't.
Disclaimer: This fic is in no way intended to portray a true representation of the people involved. As far as I know, this never happened.
Beta: The fabulous cryforthemoon
Cross-posted to britline and topgearslash. Submitted to fanfic100 for prompt 042 - Triangle.
Crushed
Chapter One
Tony scowled as he pulled into the car park. "Remind me again, why are we here?"
Paul looked up with a start, trying to disguise the fact that he'd just been checking his reflection. "We're here because Jeremy invited us and it seemed rude not to."
"But you hate cars. Or at least, you've never been all that interested in them." Tony parked and switched the engine off. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Like I said, it seemed rude to decline the offer." Paul was already moving to leave the car. "You didn't have to come."
Tony froze, seatbelt unclipped but still over him, as he registered what Paul had said. Of course, they weren't a couple; never had been, despite the obvious chemistry that everyone commented on. But Tony had grown used to himself and Paul doing things together - even after the chaos of his breakdown, they had remained close - and Paul's last comment had stung.
Paul had taken several steps away from the car before he realised that Tony hadn't followed. With a sigh of frustration, he called, "Well come on then, if you're coming."
Tony reluctantly got out of the car, double-checking that everything was locked before walking to Paul's side. His feet dragged, and he tensed as he heard Paul's impatient sigh. Unable to hold back, he snapped, "What's the hurry?"
"Gentlemen, you made it!"
Paul and Tony both looked up as Jeremy approached. Casting a sideways glance at his companion, Tony couldn't help but frown - was that genuine excitement he saw in Paul's eyes? It was a rare sight indeed and certainly one that Tony could never recall receiving himself. What was it about Jeremy that made him so special?
Paul didn't so much as glance at Tony as he moved to meet Jeremy. "I said we'd be here and here we are."
Tony's frown deepened as he watched the handshake, both men allowing the touch to linger just that little bit too long. He was beginning to wonder why Paul had even asked him to come; since they'd arrived, Paul had barely been aware that Tony even existed.
He looked up with a start as he sensed someone in front of him. Jeremy smirked a little, hand already held out. "Not interrupting anything, am I?"
Tony's eyes darted from Jeremy to Paul. Both were watching him, a faintly amused look in their eyes that made Tony feel incredibly uncomfortable. Still, he wasn't about to run away - he was past all that.
Forcing himself to smile, he finally replied, "Sorry, I was just...thinking."
"You can't be bored already, it's not even started." Paul raised an eyebrow. "I know you have a low attention span, but really..."
"There you are!"
The three men looked up as two familiar figures approached. The shorter of the two, the one who had spoken, reached them first and continued, "They're looking for you."
"And? If they haven't found me yet, they obviously aren't looking hard enough." Jeremy turned back to Paul. "You remember Hammond and May, don't you?"
Tony had to fight to stay silent as Paul nodded at this - so Paul had been here before? Or at least, had been somewhere that it would be feasible for him to have met these people.
"Tony?"
He looked up with a start as Paul's voice cut into his thoughts. The others were all looking at him expectantly and he realised he'd tuned out their conversation again. "Sorry?"
The smirk returned to Jeremy's lips - Tony wondered if it had ever truly left - as he prompted, "Shall we? Or are you planning to stay in the car park?"
Tony looked away, afraid that staring at that smug face for much longer would drive him to do something he'd regret. Fighting to maintain a light tone, he quipped, "Well, it is a very nice car park."
"Don't be stupid." Richard hooked his arm around Tony's. "We're not leaving you alone out here. You're not a bloody chauffer."
Tony looked up at this, surprised at the mild undertone lacing the other man's voice. He knew better than to ask, at least with Paul and Jeremy in earshot; instead, he simply replied, "Well, if you insist. Please, lead on."
~*~
As they'd watched rehearsals, Tony had begun to piece things together. He had determined, even before Paul had confirmed, that Richard and James were an item - the indicators were subtle, but obvious if you knew what to look for. The legs apparently casually touching when they were sat down, the glances filled with messages understood only by them - behaviour that could be dismissed as close friendship, but with much deeper intent.
He'd also begun to piece things together about Paul and Jeremy. This was rather an easier thing to achieve, given how long he had known Paul, but it was a lot harder to accept. The signals were a lot more subtle - neither Paul nor Jeremy were particularly easy to read unless you knew what you were looking for - but Tony recognised them and hated every one.
Now they were on a break, waiting for the audience to arrive so that filming could begin. As soon as the break was announced, Paul had been at Jeremy's side, the pair of them launching into scathing tirades about current affairs while sitting as close as possible without being obvious. Richard and James, already lost in each other to begin with, were making the most of the opportunity to relax with each other before the cameras rolled and they had to be professional again.
Tony had gone outside to smoke and brood.
He stared morosely at the smoke spiralling from the cigarette in his hand, the remains of three more at his feet. When was the last time he had chain-smoked to this extent? Certainly, he couldn't recall having done so since he had finally been forced to confront the fact that he needed help. He had been so grateful to Paul for finding him, and a foolish part of him had hoped to ignite what had never had a chance to start before. Apparently, it would never have a chance to start now, either.
"Tony?"
He looked up to see James watching him, the concern evident in his expression. Trying to stall what he thought would be the inevitable question, Tony asked, "No Richard?"
"He and Jeremy are busy insulting each other, as usual." James leant against the wall, eyes still fixed on Tony. "You didn't know, did you?"
"Know what?" Tony brought the cigarette back to his lips, knowing he would regret asking.
"About Paul and Jeremy."
"So they are, then?" Tony felt a part of him die inside at the confirmation of his worst fear. "I thought as much."
"James, they want you in wardrobe."
James looked up at Paul's voice, nodding in acknowledgement before turning back to Tony. "I'll be about after the show if you need me. I'm sure I can find something to distract Hammond with."
Tony smiled a little at this. "Thank you. I'll bear that in mind."
As James left, Tony turned to regard Paul. James' words rang clear in his head and his fists clenched almost of their own accord.
"Shit!"
The hiss of pain brought Paul to his side. "Tony?"
"Forgot about the fucking fag." Tony glared up at his friend. "Not that you care, of course."
Paul didn't flinch at the accusation. "Of course I care, you daft git. You think I enjoy seeing my friend hurt himself?"
Tony paced away, examining his hand as he snapped, "It's nothing. So you can fuck off back to lover boy and leave me alone."
Paul frowned. "Tony..."
"Which part of 'fuck off' did you not understand?" Tony didn't look up, fumbling to light the new cigarette he had held to his lips. "I really don't understand why you dragged me here in the first place."
Paul took a few hesitant steps forward. "Do you want me to leave, or can I answer that?"
Tony shrugged, taking a long drag of his cigarette and refusing to respond. He heard Paul come even closer, but still refused to look up - he wouldn't let Paul see how much it was killing him to think about him and Jeremy.
Paul stopped a safe distance from Tony, choosing to read the silence as a prompt that he should continue. "I was going to tell you. It just never seemed the right time to say anything."
"Oh that's right, because I'm so bloody fragile." Tony turned and glared at Paul. "So, instead you decided to drag me here, make me feel like utter shit and let me work things out for myself?"
Paul frowned at this. "Why do you care so much anyway?" he countered. "What, am I not allowed to have anyone else in my life apart from you? Because I'm sorry to disappoint you, Tony, but you don't own me."
Tony looked down, and Paul felt a twinge of guilt at the thought that he'd pushed his friend too far. In a much gentler tone, he offered, "You're still one of my closest friends."
Tony refused to look up. "It doesn't matter. Go back to him, to them. I'll be in the car when you're ready to leave."
"Tony." Paul moved to his side, lightly touching his shoulder. "You've been edgy all day. What's going on?"
"You still don't get it, do you?" Tony finally looked up, the threat of his temper flaring up again evident in his voice. "Or maybe you do, and this is your way of telling me...I could have accepted it, Paul. I still wouldn't have liked it, maybe, but at least I'd have been better prepared."
"Prepared for what?" Paul let his hand drop from Tony's shoulder, aware of just how close to snapping Tony was. "It's not like you and I ever..." He trailed off, finally beginning to understand.
"No," Tony agreed softly. "And now we never will."