Wow... I really liked this. I'm a sucker for all Evan sisters story, but this one is really good. I liked the way it started with Lily's first use of magic, and how it frightened Petunia, and the bicycle scene brought a nice balance to it.
I always wonder what sort of parents the Evans were, to let such animosity develop between sisters. Because I imagine Petunia wasn't very nice, but for such a family discord to happen, I imagine Lily and the parents were far from faultless either.
The way Lily threatened Petunia with her wand... no, just no. I know my mother would have smacked me for that, even if my sister had been awful to me.
The last scene was really heart-breaking. Poor Harry, caught once again in a feud that should have nothing to do with him.
The way Lily threatened Petunia with her wand... no, just no. I know my mother would have smacked me for that, even if my sister had been awful to me. I was unsure about that. It sort of wrote itself in by accident and became too important. But then, Petunia is scared of the magic, not of what Lily might do to her. And I agree that it's not all Petunia's fault. There's a gorgeous Narni/Harry Potter crossover which does very well with the discord between the sisters.
The last scene has been with me, waiting to be written, for such a long time now. I'm so glad I was able to make it work.
A very nice story, looking at lots of interesting aspects of the sisters' lives. I liked the style a lot, the different snapshots.
Just two small things I wanted to point out: Lily decided to take that as a compliment and smiled as she sipped her. I think you meant to add "tea". And in the summary, it says "for" instead of "four" - I point this one out in particular because I know I almost skipped the fic because of it, which is incredibly snobby of me, but just in case I wouldn't want you to lose readers, since this is a very worthwhile fic.
This felt so very real...the interactions between sisters, the jealousy. I loved the detail of the tea set and its color, it took me right back to being a little girl (I can remember mine with really surprising clarity). The bike, too, the way a little sister would want the older's things...
"A girl as pretty as you doesn't need to do so much school, do you?" Mr Dursley asked, seeming genuinely confused.
This too, felt real, especially that he meant well while he said it...that whole scene with the Dursleys was quietly heartbreaking, and then to follow it up with the argument and nastiness in the kitchen. So very well done!
I almost cut the teaset. But I couldn't because it's my father's - he wanted a teaset for his sixth birthday, and his parents weren't entirely pleased.
The actual scenes came reasonably easily, once I'd discovered which ones I needed to write. I'm so! pleased it worked. Especially the Dursleys, it seemed so strange writing about them (Vernon's parents - I mean really, are we sure he ever had any).
Oh, that worked so well: it had a definite period feel, and the family dynamics were very clearly delineated in a few words. You see the slight...ruthlessness, maybe? in Lily and it's interesting how you linked it to the Marauders. The people felt really realistic, and it was neatly closed without feeling glib or unlifelike.
Thank you so much. it was neatly closed without feeling glib or unlifelike. I'm so glad I was able to do that.
There's a line in one of copperbadge's fics, that contempt also breeds familiarity. And I think that works for Lily. Also, she'd have gone through Sirius leaving his family.
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I always wonder what sort of parents the Evans were, to let such animosity develop between sisters. Because I imagine Petunia wasn't very nice, but for such a family discord to happen, I imagine Lily and the parents were far from faultless either.
The way Lily threatened Petunia with her wand... no, just no. I know my mother would have smacked me for that, even if my sister had been awful to me.
The last scene was really heart-breaking. Poor Harry, caught once again in a feud that should have nothing to do with him.
Reply
The way Lily threatened Petunia with her wand... no, just no. I know my mother would have smacked me for that, even if my sister had been awful to me.
I was unsure about that. It sort of wrote itself in by accident and became too important. But then, Petunia is scared of the magic, not of what Lily might do to her. And I agree that it's not all Petunia's fault. There's a gorgeous Narni/Harry Potter crossover which does very well with the discord between the sisters.
The last scene has been with me, waiting to be written, for such a long time now. I'm so glad I was able to make it work.
Reply
Just two small things I wanted to point out: Lily decided to take that as a compliment and smiled as she sipped her. I think you meant to add "tea". And in the summary, it says "for" instead of "four" - I point this one out in particular because I know I almost skipped the fic because of it, which is incredibly snobby of me, but just in case I wouldn't want you to lose readers, since this is a very worthwhile fic.
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Thank you so much for catching those errors. I'm off to fix them now.
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"A girl as pretty as you doesn't need to do so much school, do you?" Mr Dursley asked, seeming genuinely confused.
This too, felt real, especially that he meant well while he said it...that whole scene with the Dursleys was quietly heartbreaking, and then to follow it up with the argument and nastiness in the kitchen. So very well done!
Great story!
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I almost cut the teaset. But I couldn't because it's my father's - he wanted a teaset for his sixth birthday, and his parents weren't entirely pleased.
The actual scenes came reasonably easily, once I'd discovered which ones I needed to write. I'm so! pleased it worked. Especially the Dursleys, it seemed so strange writing about them (Vernon's parents - I mean really, are we sure he ever had any).
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And thanks for the note. I'll see what I can do to update that. I was going off the Australian system - all I know.
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it was neatly closed without feeling glib or unlifelike.
I'm so glad I was able to do that.
There's a line in one of copperbadge's fics, that contempt also breeds familiarity. And I think that works for Lily. Also, she'd have gone through Sirius leaving his family.
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