Fic: Welcome To Where Time Stands Still. A "Doors" timestamp. RPS. AU J2. PG-13 3/3
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
Jared looks down at the thick folder in his hands then puts it down on the table in front of them. “You sure?” he asks and Ben nods.
“Files get lost. Not often but it happens. No one will question it.” He pauses. “You should find answers to most of your questions there. If something is unclear or... Well, you have my number.”
Jared nods and stands up. He waits while Chris reluctantly shakes the man’s hand before wiping his palm on his thigh like he can’t help feeling disgusted, still. Jared rolls his eyes but it’s not his problem really so he just gives Ben a small apologetic smile and follows him to the door.
“So what really happened to Mason?” he asks quietly just when Ben is about to leave. “I was watching you earlier, when you said he’d backed off as soon as Jensen told him no. You were lying. He didn’t, did he? What happened?”
Ben stands silent for a while but then he looks up, eyes wary. “He had a faint silver mark on his shoulder, shaped like a hand. It faded away before the coroner arrived but I could have sworn it looked like someone grabbed him from behind, forcefully pulling him away. I didn’t tell anyone because it seemed absurd and once it was gone I wasn’t even sure if it had been real or if I just imagined it.”
Jared breathes out. “So it is true. He really can’t be hurt, not even when he’s drugged stupid. Thank God!” He gives Ben a wry smile. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m really sorry for the boy dying. But I can’t be sorry about Jensen being protected. If he wasn’t it would be too easy for bad people to hurt him. He zones out a lot. And not always in the most secure places.”
Ben hesitates but then he nods. “I can’t say I disagree with you. I just wish it hadn’t happened. The boy was disturbed but he wasn’t evil. I blame myself more than I could ever blame him. Or Jensen.” He turns away but Jared catches him by the arm, stopping him.
“So you think Jensen did it?” he asks in a low voice. “That he made the boy kill himself?”
Ben shakes his head. “No,” he says firmly. “It was his own decision. I’m sure of that.”
Jared searches Ben’s eyes for any signs that he might be lying but there’s nothing. “What more did Mason’s last note say?” he asks.
Ben frowns as if he’s trying to remember and then he quietly recites, “’Forgive me Father for my trespassing. I lay my hands on Your angel, seeking to sin, and You lay Your hand upon me, saving my soul. His beauty was my downfall, Your strength my salvation. I have been purified.”
Jared stares at him. “Seriously?”
Ben shrugs. “Most of his notes were written like scripture. Vague and at times very hard to decipher. I assumed Jensen had pushed him away but maybe something... well, magical happened that changed Mason’s mind. Whatever it was it kept him from giving in to what he’d been battling with his whole life, the great sin of homosexuality. His opinion, not mine,” he hastens to add when Jared frowns at him. “He was very religious.”
“I thought the Bible frowned upon suicide,” Jared says stiffly.
Ben smiles a little sadly. “From what I could read out of his notes I don’t think he saw it as suicide. I think to him it was more of a sacrifice, offering his sinful body to God in hopes He might purify his soul.”
Jared nods, lips thin. “I’m sorry, I guess I’m being prejudiced. I gave up on religion a long time ago.”
“Because of Jensen?” Ben asks, sounding genuinely curious.
Jared shakes his head. “Not really, I’d started doubting before I met him, but when I found out what he was it pretty much sealed the deal.” He bites his lip, thoughtful. “Funny thing is I think Jensen still believes. Or maybe more that he wants to believe that there is a reason behind him being here beyond just being a freak of nature. That he’s as much God’s creation as the rest of us.”
“You don’t think he is?”
Jared shrugs. “I don’t know or even particularly care why we’re here, but I think he was born for a reason. Like maybe he was supposed to be a gift to us. From Nature herself. And we screwed it up.”
“Well,” Ben says, picking up his briefcase as he gives Jared a small smile, “if that’s true I think you’re doing a pretty damn good job of fixing what we messed up. When he’s with you he looks happy. Like he’s finally where he’s supposed to be. So maybe you were born for each other.”
Jared doesn’t answer because he doesn’t know what to say. It’s what he wants to believe and most times he does but then there are the moments when he feels like he’s not enough. That Jensen should have more than just a nice apartment and a good job and someone who loves him. That he was destined for more and the only reason he ended up with Jared is because Jared was his first friend. If things had been different, if his parents had been more understanding, if Jensen had stayed in school, if he hadn’t been forced to hide what he was but instead had been able to show the world there was something more out there... He could have had the whole world at his feet. Instead he has... Jared.
Jared waits until the elevator door closes on a still smiling Ben before turning around and heading back into the apartment. He picks up the thick folder from the sofatable, weighing it thoughtfully in his hand before gripping it tight and heading for the kitchen. Chris is there,, putting away their now clean glasses. “He gone?” he mutters as he hears Jared enter, back still turned as he wipes the counter.
“Yeah.” Jared sits down, watching Chris putter around in the kitchen, making sure everything is clean and in its place. “You keep your own kitchen as spotless as this one?” he asks curious.
Chris throws him a glance. “Only if I know Jensen’s coming over,” he says. “Why?”
“Nothing.” Jared purses his lips. “Do you think he’s happy enough?”
Chris turns slowly around, eyeing him. “Do you mean in general or with you?”
“Both, I guess. I can’t help wondering if this is enough for him. It somehow feels like he should want more because... well, he is more.”
Chris just shakes his head at him. “He wants you. It’s the only thing he’s ever wanted. Someone to love him and that someone to be you. He got both. If you think he’s not happy you’re a goddamn idiot.”
Jared raises his eyebrows, smiling a little. “Thanks. I guess.”
“You’re welcome.” Chris takes a last quick look over the kitchen before squaring his shoulders. “I’ll be going then. Might still get some use of the rest of the weekend.” He pauses in the doorway, eyeing the thick folder where it lies innocently on the table. “Those files, you gonna read them?”
Jared shrugs. “If Jensen wants me to. You want to read them?”
Chris shakes his head. “I’d rather I didn’t know half of what I do know. Don’t feel the need to add to it. But...” He clears his throat. “If there’s something I should know you’ll tell me, okay?”
“If it’s okay with Jensen,” Jared says carefully.
Chris huffs. “It better be,” he mutters. “Just ‘cos I don’t live here anymore don’t mean he can keep secrets from me. If he does I’ll kick his ass. You can tell him that.”
Jared grins. “I will.”
He waits until he hears the front door close before standing up. His fingers stray over the thick folder on the table before passing it with a grimace. As much as he wants to understand what Jensen went through it’s not a discovery he’s looking forward to. The small glimpses he got yesterday as Jensen flipped through the first pages were enough to make him dread reading the rest.
Jared checks his watch. It’s only two o’clock in the afternoon but Jensen looked emotionally drained after the whole ordeal. Jared figures he’ll give him another hour before waking him up. It’s a nice enough day, they could go for a walk, pick up Harley from Steve, then have some coffee and maybe visit the park. Make a few believers happy with a flower show. Jared smiles at the thought. It’s going to be a good day, he can feel it.
~♫~:~♫~:~♫~:~♫~:~♫~
They’re walking through an endless field of red poppies, hands clasped, the sun shining warm and bright down on them. “Florian, that’s a boy’s name,” he’s saying.
“Yes, but only if you have cruel parents,” Jared answers with a smile.
“What’s wrong with flowers?” Jensen continues, ignoring him. “I don’t get it.” Jared laughs and Jensen shoots him a frown. “No seriously, how can someone not like flowers?” he says, spreading his arms to indicate the amazing beauty around them. “It’s like saying you don’t like water or sun or nature. Then how are you supposed to live?”
“Jen, you’re ranting again,” Jared tells him, laughter in his voice.
“Well, it’s stupid,” Jensen grumbles.
“Aww, baby, let it go,” Jared laughs, pulling him in and kissing the top of his head. “Flowers are very pretty. And very, very manly.”
Jensen punches him in the arm then looks up at him with a frown. “Ok, what’s with the baby talk?” he asks with a raise of his eyebrow. “You’ve never called me that before.”
“I haven’t?” Jared asks back, sounding genuinely surprised. “Huh. I guess maybe I’ve been thinking about it lately.”
“Mushy endearments?” Jensen scoffs. “You want me to start calling you pumpkin?”
“No.” Jared snorts then glances at Jensen, looking slightly uncertain. “No, I mean babies. You know, kids. As in us maybe having some. One day. You know. Maybe.” He shrugs, face flushed.
Jensen stops. The world seems to hold its breath.”Oh,” he says uncertain. “I didn’t know you wanted that.”
“You mean, you didn’t know you wanted that,” a familiar voice says.
Jensen goes still. Then he turns and faces not Jared but himself, green eyes studying him,all thoughtful and with a slight hint of pity. Jensen swallows. “No,” he says quietly.” I didn’t know I wanted that. And I really wish you hadn’t told me.”
His other self shrugs.”Not like it’s my choice. It’s your head, remember?”
Jensen opens his mouth to point out it’s actually their head when...
“Jensen? Jensen. Hey.” Jared smiles down at him, eyes warm and happy. “Thought I’d wake you up before you dream the day away.”
Jensen blinks. He can feel his face heating. “You saw my dream?” he asks carefully.
“No. I knocked first so...” Jared palms his face, rubbing a thumb gently over his cheek. “Anything you want to talk about?”
Jensen looks at him, at the easy smile, at the slight flush in his cheeks, at the happiness in his eyes. He takes a deep breath and smiles back. “Nah,” he says. “Nothing important. Just saw the foal again.”
Jared’s face lights up. “You did?” He shakes his head in wonderment. “God, that’s something I never expected to see. A baby unicorn, how amazing is that?” He leans over and kisses Jensen on the nose before smiling down at him. “Now come on, let’s go to the Park and freak out that cult of yours. I’m thinking tulips, everywhere!”
He looks so mischievous Jensen can’t help laughing and he lets Jared easily pull him to his feet. “You know it’s October, right?” he says as he pulls on his jeans.”Tulips are mostly a spring flower.”
Jared sighs dramatically. “Pumpkins then. Ooh, how about this? We turn every single flower in the park orange! And the trees. And the grass. And...”
By the time they make it out the door Jensen is laughing so loud every single person in New York City is smiling happily without having the faintest clue why.
fin
These are the pieces Jensen's piano plays for Dr. Ben Teller:
Reflections / Thelonious Monk (5:02) (It cuts off at the end but I haven't been able to find a better version.)
Yesterday by The Beatles / Charles Parker (2:50)
Beethoven: Bagatelle in A minor Wo023 "Für Elise" / Balazs Szokolay (3:09)
Hope you enjoyed and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
Jared looks down at the thick folder in his hands then puts it down on the table in front of them. “You sure?” he asks and Ben nods.
“Files get lost. Not often but it happens. No one will question it.” He pauses. “You should find answers to most of your questions there. If something is unclear or... Well, you have my number.”
Jared nods and stands up. He waits while Chris reluctantly shakes the man’s hand before wiping his palm on his thigh like he can’t help feeling disgusted, still. Jared rolls his eyes but it’s not his problem really so he just gives Ben a small apologetic smile and follows him to the door.
“So what really happened to Mason?” he asks quietly just when Ben is about to leave. “I was watching you earlier, when you said he’d backed off as soon as Jensen told him no. You were lying. He didn’t, did he? What happened?”
Ben stands silent for a while but then he looks up, eyes wary. “He had a faint silver mark on his shoulder, shaped like a hand. It faded away before the coroner arrived but I could have sworn it looked like someone grabbed him from behind, forcefully pulling him away. I didn’t tell anyone because it seemed absurd and once it was gone I wasn’t even sure if it had been real or if I just imagined it.”
Jared breathes out. “So it is true. He really can’t be hurt, not even when he’s drugged stupid. Thank God!” He gives Ben a wry smile. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m really sorry for the boy dying. But I can’t be sorry about Jensen being protected. If he wasn’t it would be too easy for bad people to hurt him. He zones out a lot. And not always in the most secure places.”
Ben hesitates but then he nods. “I can’t say I disagree with you. I just wish it hadn’t happened. The boy was disturbed but he wasn’t evil. I blame myself more than I could ever blame him. Or Jensen.” He turns away but Jared catches him by the arm, stopping him.
“So you think Jensen did it?” he asks in a low voice. “That he made the boy kill himself?”
Ben shakes his head. “No,” he says firmly. “It was his own decision. I’m sure of that.”
Jared searches Ben’s eyes for any signs that he might be lying but there’s nothing. “What more did Mason’s last note say?” he asks.
Ben frowns as if he’s trying to remember and then he quietly recites, “’Forgive me Father for my trespassing. I lay my hands on Your angel, seeking to sin, and You lay Your hand upon me, saving my soul. His beauty was my downfall, Your strength my salvation. I have been purified.”
Jared stares at him. “Seriously?”
Ben shrugs. “Most of his notes were written like scripture. Vague and at times very hard to decipher. I assumed Jensen had pushed him away but maybe something... well, magical happened that changed Mason’s mind. Whatever it was it kept him from giving in to what he’d been battling with his whole life, the great sin of homosexuality. His opinion, not mine,” he hastens to add when Jared frowns at him. “He was very religious.”
“I thought the Bible frowned upon suicide,” Jared says stiffly.
Ben smiles a little sadly. “From what I could read out of his notes I don’t think he saw it as suicide. I think to him it was more of a sacrifice, offering his sinful body to God in hopes He might purify his soul.”
Jared nods, lips thin. “I’m sorry, I guess I’m being prejudiced. I gave up on religion a long time ago.”
“Because of Jensen?” Ben asks, sounding genuinely curious.
Jared shakes his head. “Not really, I’d started doubting before I met him, but when I found out what he was it pretty much sealed the deal.” He bites his lip, thoughtful. “Funny thing is I think Jensen still believes. Or maybe more that he wants to believe that there is a reason behind him being here beyond just being a freak of nature. That he’s as much God’s creation as the rest of us.”
“You don’t think he is?”
Jared shrugs. “I don’t know or even particularly care why we’re here, but I think he was born for a reason. Like maybe he was supposed to be a gift to us. From Nature herself. And we screwed it up.”
“Well,” Ben says, picking up his briefcase as he gives Jared a small smile, “if that’s true I think you’re doing a pretty damn good job of fixing what we messed up. When he’s with you he looks happy. Like he’s finally where he’s supposed to be. So maybe you were born for each other.”
Jared doesn’t answer because he doesn’t know what to say. It’s what he wants to believe and most times he does but then there are the moments when he feels like he’s not enough. That Jensen should have more than just a nice apartment and a good job and someone who loves him. That he was destined for more and the only reason he ended up with Jared is because Jared was his first friend. If things had been different, if his parents had been more understanding, if Jensen had stayed in school, if he hadn’t been forced to hide what he was but instead had been able to show the world there was something more out there... He could have had the whole world at his feet. Instead he has... Jared.
Jared waits until the elevator door closes on a still smiling Ben before turning around and heading back into the apartment. He picks up the thick folder from the sofatable, weighing it thoughtfully in his hand before gripping it tight and heading for the kitchen. Chris is there,, putting away their now clean glasses. “He gone?” he mutters as he hears Jared enter, back still turned as he wipes the counter.
“Yeah.” Jared sits down, watching Chris putter around in the kitchen, making sure everything is clean and in its place. “You keep your own kitchen as spotless as this one?” he asks curious.
Chris throws him a glance. “Only if I know Jensen’s coming over,” he says. “Why?”
“Nothing.” Jared purses his lips. “Do you think he’s happy enough?”
Chris turns slowly around, eyeing him. “Do you mean in general or with you?”
“Both, I guess. I can’t help wondering if this is enough for him. It somehow feels like he should want more because... well, he is more.”
Chris just shakes his head at him. “He wants you. It’s the only thing he’s ever wanted. Someone to love him and that someone to be you. He got both. If you think he’s not happy you’re a goddamn idiot.”
Jared raises his eyebrows, smiling a little. “Thanks. I guess.”
“You’re welcome.” Chris takes a last quick look over the kitchen before squaring his shoulders. “I’ll be going then. Might still get some use of the rest of the weekend.” He pauses in the doorway, eyeing the thick folder where it lies innocently on the table. “Those files, you gonna read them?”
Jared shrugs. “If Jensen wants me to. You want to read them?”
Chris shakes his head. “I’d rather I didn’t know half of what I do know. Don’t feel the need to add to it. But...” He clears his throat. “If there’s something I should know you’ll tell me, okay?”
“If it’s okay with Jensen,” Jared says carefully.
Chris huffs. “It better be,” he mutters. “Just ‘cos I don’t live here anymore don’t mean he can keep secrets from me. If he does I’ll kick his ass. You can tell him that.”
Jared grins. “I will.”
He waits until he hears the front door close before standing up. His fingers stray over the thick folder on the table before passing it with a grimace. As much as he wants to understand what Jensen went through it’s not a discovery he’s looking forward to. The small glimpses he got yesterday as Jensen flipped through the first pages were enough to make him dread reading the rest.
Jared checks his watch. It’s only two o’clock in the afternoon but Jensen looked emotionally drained after the whole ordeal. Jared figures he’ll give him another hour before waking him up. It’s a nice enough day, they could go for a walk, pick up Harley from Steve, then have some coffee and maybe visit the park. Make a few believers happy with a flower show. Jared smiles at the thought. It’s going to be a good day, he can feel it.
~♫~:~♫~:~♫~:~♫~:~♫~
They’re walking through an endless field of red poppies, hands clasped, the sun shining warm and bright down on them. “Florian, that’s a boy’s name,” he’s saying.
“Yes, but only if you have cruel parents,” Jared answers with a smile.
“What’s wrong with flowers?” Jensen continues, ignoring him. “I don’t get it.” Jared laughs and Jensen shoots him a frown. “No seriously, how can someone not like flowers?” he says, spreading his arms to indicate the amazing beauty around them. “It’s like saying you don’t like water or sun or nature. Then how are you supposed to live?”
“Jen, you’re ranting again,” Jared tells him, laughter in his voice.
“Well, it’s stupid,” Jensen grumbles.
“Aww, baby, let it go,” Jared laughs, pulling him in and kissing the top of his head. “Flowers are very pretty. And very, very manly.”
Jensen punches him in the arm then looks up at him with a frown. “Ok, what’s with the baby talk?” he asks with a raise of his eyebrow. “You’ve never called me that before.”
“I haven’t?” Jared asks back, sounding genuinely surprised. “Huh. I guess maybe I’ve been thinking about it lately.”
“Mushy endearments?” Jensen scoffs. “You want me to start calling you pumpkin?”
“No.” Jared snorts then glances at Jensen, looking slightly uncertain. “No, I mean babies. You know, kids. As in us maybe having some. One day. You know. Maybe.” He shrugs, face flushed.
Jensen stops. The world seems to hold its breath.”Oh,” he says uncertain. “I didn’t know you wanted that.”
“You mean, you didn’t know you wanted that,” a familiar voice says.
Jensen goes still. Then he turns and faces not Jared but himself, green eyes studying him,all thoughtful and with a slight hint of pity. Jensen swallows. “No,” he says quietly.” I didn’t know I wanted that. And I really wish you hadn’t told me.”
His other self shrugs.”Not like it’s my choice. It’s your head, remember?”
Jensen opens his mouth to point out it’s actually their head when...
“Jensen? Jensen. Hey.” Jared smiles down at him, eyes warm and happy. “Thought I’d wake you up before you dream the day away.”
Jensen blinks. He can feel his face heating. “You saw my dream?” he asks carefully.
“No. I knocked first so...” Jared palms his face, rubbing a thumb gently over his cheek. “Anything you want to talk about?”
Jensen looks at him, at the easy smile, at the slight flush in his cheeks, at the happiness in his eyes. He takes a deep breath and smiles back. “Nah,” he says. “Nothing important. Just saw the foal again.”
Jared’s face lights up. “You did?” He shakes his head in wonderment. “God, that’s something I never expected to see. A baby unicorn, how amazing is that?” He leans over and kisses Jensen on the nose before smiling down at him. “Now come on, let’s go to the Park and freak out that cult of yours. I’m thinking tulips, everywhere!”
He looks so mischievous Jensen can’t help laughing and he lets Jared easily pull him to his feet. “You know it’s October, right?” he says as he pulls on his jeans.”Tulips are mostly a spring flower.”
Jared sighs dramatically. “Pumpkins then. Ooh, how about this? We turn every single flower in the park orange! And the trees. And the grass. And...”
By the time they make it out the door Jensen is laughing so loud every single person in New York City is smiling happily without having the faintest clue why.
fin
These are the pieces Jensen's piano plays for Dr. Ben Teller:
Reflections / Thelonious Monk (5:02) (It cuts off at the end but I haven't been able to find a better version.)
Yesterday by The Beatles / Charles Parker (2:50)
Beethoven: Bagatelle in A minor Wo023 "Für Elise" / Balazs Szokolay (3:09)
Hope you enjoyed and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!