Ficlet: More Than This. Jensen/Jared. PG-13
for winchesterxgirl Icon by sweetgirl7808 Jsquared. 700 words
More Than This
Jensen doesn’t get it at first. He thinks Jared’s just being antsy about the renewal like everyone else. He’s himself had a nightmare or two about the show being cancelled and can easily relate. So when word comes about season two and Jared looks like the weight of the world has suddenly been lifted from his shoulders, Jensen doesn’t even tease, just takes him out for beer and then tucks his drunken ass into bed at five o’clock in the morning before collapsing beside him.
When it comes around that time again next year, Jared seems even more stressed. He keeps giving Jensen these worried glances and then looking nervously away whenever Jensen catches him at it. Jensen just pets his arm and tells him not to worry, the CW’s CEOs would be morons to let them go. He doesn’t let on that he’s pretty sure they actually are morons and he’s feeling even less sure about season three than he’d been about season two. This time, when the announcement is made, they both get piss drunk and wake up tangled in each other’s arms.
They’ve barely been back to work for more than a week after the strike when Kim calls to Jensen at the catering tent that the fourth season is in the bag. After last year’s stress the casual confirmation seems anticlimactic and Jensen feels almost cheated. He strolls over to Jared’s trailer, coffee and bagel in hand and is about to knock on Jared’s door when it bursts open and Jared comes running out, tripping over his own feet and knocking the coffee and bagel right out of Jensen’s hands as he grabs him and pulls him into a tight hug.
“They’re saying… they’re saying it’s a go. The fans, they say we have a fourth season,” he chokes out, hands sweaty where they clutch at Jensen’s neck. “Is it true? Have you heard anything?”
Jensen blinks in surprise. “Dude, hey. Jare, calm down.”
Jared deflates, his extra ten feet and three hundred pounds hanging on to Jensen like his whole world's crumbling and Jensen almost stumbles under his weight.
“It’s not true? God. It’s like last year when everyone thought… And then it was just rumors and we didn’t even know until two months later and… Fuck, Jen, I can’t take it. I swear, it’s killing me.”
“Hey, hey. No. It’s true. We’re coming back. Jare, we’re coming back. It’s okay.” This time he does stumble when Jared buries his face in Jensen’s neck, shaking. “Hey, Jare. Come on. Are you crying?”
“No.” The hitching breath denies his word and Jensen pats him awkwardly on the back, not sure what the hell is going on or how to handle it.
“It’s just a show, Jare,” he says soothingly. “Whenever we get cancelled, you’re gonna find something else, you know that.”
Apparently that was the completely wrong thing to say because Jared jerks back, staring at him all hurt and confused. “We get cancelled? I don’t want something else. I don’t want some… one else.”
And suddenly Jensen gets it.
They never do this here. Never use endearments or are publicly affectionate, not in that way, because even though Jensen suspects most of the guys know, he prefers thinking they don’t. But right now he doesn’t care who sees or hears them because Jared looks like Jensen just told him his dog’s dying and Jensen feels so damn stupid for not having realized what’s been going on in Jared’s head, what he’s been suffering through in silence, every single time. He cups Jared’s face, rubbing his thumb soothingly over the cheekbone.
“Jared, baby. It’s just a show,” he says gently. “But us, you and me, we’re not. They can cancel the show but they can’t cancel us. Ok, Jare?”
Jared blinks. There are tears in his eyes and his lower lip twitches. “When this is over…?”
“I still have my house in LA,” Jensen says and smiles. “ It’s big enough for the both of us. And your dogs.”
About ten crewmembers have walked by, eyeing them with more amusement than surprise, by the time Jared finally lets him up for air. So much for secrecy.