Fic: The Fire Within, chapter 5. AU Human. Liam/Spike. NC-17
This was actually two chapters but then I thought it was a bit short so I joined them into one. Which means I only have 9 chapters done instead of 10. *frowns* Oh well. Enjoy!
Title: The Fire Within, chapter 5
Author: felisblanco
Pairing: Liam/Spike
Rating: NC-17
Previous chapters are here
The Fire Within, Chapter 5
Spike leaned against the sink, keeping his head bowed as he took deep breaths to calm down. Jesus! What was he thinking?
He raised his head and stared at himself in the mirror. His face was smeared with dry blood, his lower lip was swollen and he was quite sure he would have a bruise covering his left cheek at least. The dried blood on his hands tugged at his still tender skin. That wasn’t what was bothering him though.
He didn’t blame Liam for taking a swing at him, the things he’d said had been pretty horrible but they had gotten him the result he wanted. Anger was a far better emotion than self-pity. Anger gave you strength. Anger told you the truth whereas wallowing in your own misery built skyscrapers of deceptive inability. Liam’s anger had allowed him to let loose some of all the tension inside him and that made him a lot less dangerous, both to himself and others. And that was sure worth a couple of punches.
Spike turned on the tabs and splashed his face with cold water. It stung his lip but it felt good against his flushed skin. Then he ran his hand repeatedly over his face until he’d rubbed off all the blood before reaching for a towel. Again he studied himself in the mirror. He didn’t look like he starred in some lame horror flick any more but that troubled look was still in his eyes.
What was he doing?
Okay, so he did fancy the bloke. More than fancied him, he had to admit. There was something about him that hit him right in the pit of his belly. Something… But then there was the fact that Liam was so fucking screwed up that he’d inevitably be setting himself up for heartbreak and misery if he allowed himself to see this as something more than a simple fuck. Which he just knew would happen.
Who did Liam see when he looked at him? Spike or his dead lover? Which one would he be fucking?
God, he shouldn’t do this. He should go out there and tell Liam it was off. Friendship would be great but there was no way they could…
An image of Liam naked, his thick cock resting against his thigh, flashed across his mind and he gasped as he hardened instantly.
Just a fuck. It was just a fuck.
He closed his eyes for a second and inhaled deeply.
He could use a good shag anyway.
Running his fingers through his damp hair he gave himself a final look in the mirror before going back out to the bedroom.
“Hey.”
Liam opened his eyes and looked up at him from where he was lying on the bed. “Hey. You okay?”
“Yeah. Just a bit… sticky. All clean now.” He suddenly realised how his words could be interpreted and felt himself blush. “My face, I mean.”
Liam looked at him blankly. “Right. Uh…Good.”
They fell into awkward silence. Spike wondered if maybe he should just go. He’d obviously broken the mood with his sudden bathroom break.
“Maybe I should just…”
“You know there’s plenty of room..”
They both stopped then started again.
“How about I…”
“We don’t need to if…”
They stopped again. Then Spike's face broke out in a smile and Liam grinned at him sheepishly.
“Come here.” Liam scooted over and tapped the bed beside him. “If we’re gonna talk we might as well get comfortable.”
Spike smiled. “If we get comfortable I have a feeling there won’t be much talking.”
But he came over anyway, lying down on his side so he was facing Liam. Their noses were only inches apart and he could feel Liam’s breath on his lips. He still smelled faintly of whiskey, mixed with Colgate.
“Listen, it’s all right. After what I did…”
Spike shook his head. “It’s not that. I don’t mind that. But…”
Liam nodded and closed his eyes for a moment before looking back at Spike. “I know you’re not him.”
“Okay.” He wasn’t convinced.
“And I know I’m probably not thinking straight, you know, with all the trying to kill myself and shit.” He blushed.
“Right.”
Liam opened his mouth to continue but closed it again. His eyes grew darker and he licked his lips. The air suddenly became very heavy and Spike had trouble breathing. He felt like he was falling into Liam’s eyes, that if he weren’t lying down already he’d topple over. How could it be that someone so mentally fragile could look at you and all you wanted was for them to take you in their arms and tell you they’d protect you?
He swallowed. “So-”
Liam cut him off, “But I really, really want to kiss you.”
He held his breath then let it out slowly. “All right.”
His head already felt dizzy and they weren’t even touching yet. He felt the warm breath brushing his face and instinctively closed his eyes. Liam’s lips were incredibly soft as they pressed hesitantly against his. If he was afraid of hurting him or just unsure Spike didn’t know. He parted his lips invitingly and Liam’s tongue slipped in. It tickled his gum then swirled around his tongue and heating up he sucked it further in. Liam’s hands moved into his hair, tugging him closer. He let his arm slip around Liam’s waist, drawing him in until they were lying belly to belly, cock to cock.
Feeling Liam’s hardness against his was like a shock of electricity going through his whole body. His fingers curled on Liam’s back, scraping the skin with his fingernails. The kiss grew more desperate and he felt his swollen lip throb in symphony with his cock. Liam’s hands had moved from his hair and were tugging at his t-shirt and he wriggled to help him along. Regretfully he broke the kiss to pull the shirt over his head.
“God, I want you.” Liam was almost growling.
He hitched his breath. “Fuck, yeah.”
He closed his eyes as Liam kissed him again, then moved to leave a trail of kisses along his jaw and down his throat. A small gasp escaped when the soft lips grazed his collarbone and he weakly lifted his hand and laid it on Liam's shoulder pulling him closer.
“Like that?”
“Yeah.” He sucked in his breath as Liam licked along his collarbone. Always was one of his most sensitive spots. The tongue travelled down across his chest and then he felt Liam suck his right nipple into a hot and wet mouth. Oh God.
“Fuck, you taste good.” Liam moved over to the other one, biting it lightly. “Want you so bad.”
“Uhuh.” He felt like his whole body was on fire. Liam was kissing a trail down his stomach, getting closer and closer and... stopped.
He opened his eyes blearily. Liam was sitting up, staring down at him with an odd expression on his face. “You all right? Liam?”
Liam swallowed. “Yeah... fine. Just... My head is spinning.”
He suddenly went very pale and before Spike had time to move away Liam sank down on top of him. With a struggle he finally managed to roll from under Liam and sat up. “Liam? Fuck. Liam?”
Heavy eyelids fluttered open. “I don't feel so good.
“You want me to take you in? Let a doctor have a look at you?”
“No. No doctors. Just... some water.”
Spike stared at him then smacked himself up the head. “Fuck. I'm so stupid. When did you eat last?”
“Don't know. Not hungry.”
Mentally he went over the bags of trash he'd put by the door. Bottles and cans in abundance but only a couple of take away boxes. And the leftovers in those had been dried up and mouldy. “You've been living on nothing but alcohol for the last few days, haven't you?”
“Can't remember. Oh God...” Liam groaned and closed his eyes again then rolled over to his side. “I think I'm gonna be sick again.”
“No! Wait!” Spike ran out and searched desperately for a bucket or just something. In panic he grabbed a big glass bowl from the sofa table and ran in with it, putting it at the last minute under Liam's head that was hanging over the edge of the bed.
There wasn't much, Liam's stomach being already emptied almost to the wringing stage. He held Liam's forehead, skin hot and sweaty under his palm, as he heaved for breath, trembles running through his body. Finally his breathing got under control and he rolled over until he was once again lying on his back, eyes closed.
“Feel better?”
“Yeah.” He grimaced. “I'm sorry.”
“It was my fault, I just wasn't thinking. We need to get some food into you.”
“No, I can't...” Liam frowned then opened his eyes and looked up at him in surprise. “Actually, yeah. I'm starving.”
Spike smiled. “Okay then. Get dressed.”
“What? No.” Liam tugged at the covers, trying to pull them over his head but Spike caught hold of them and yanked them away.
“Think it's time you got out of here. This place stinks, mate. You need some fresh air.”
He pouted. “I don't wanna.” But he sat up anyway, feeling oddly vulnerable wearing only his boxers that right now didn't shield much of anything even if the vomiting had made his erection dwindle some.
“Stop being such a baby and get dressed. We can get waffles down at Denny's.”
Liam froze halfway out of bed. “Denny's? Our guys go there.”
Spike looked up at him as he pulled up his jeans. “Yeah. So?”
Reaching for his own jeans - man, they stank! - Liam shook his head. “Nothing. Just... maybe we should go somewhere else.”
Spike straightened up, his face blank. “Oh, I see. Can't be seen having lunch with a fag, that's it? Afraid they might tell your buddies what's what?”
Liam straightened up as well, his eyes gone cold. “I don't need that shit from you. Just because you're comfortable with being LAPD's flaming fairy and I'd rather stay on the normal side doesn't make you any better than me. This is my fucking life, man. My choice, my career and it's non of your fucking business what the hell I do.”
Spike laughed coldly. “You call this normal? Drinking yourself to oblivion, beating up people, offing yourself on pills? Yeah right. I'm the odd one.” He shook his head in exasperation. “Look mate, I'm not gonna out you. You're right, it's your life and it's your choice to stay in the bloody closet. But I'm not going to hide in the shadows just so your friends don't get the “wrong” idea. I don't do that anymore.”
Liam stood still, biting his lip. “If we show up there together...”
Spike waved his hand dismissively. “They probably think I'm buying you lunch to thank you for saving my life. Blokes do that, you know, sometimes even without having the gay sex.” He sighed when Liam didn't so much as smile. “Or we can go somewhere else. What the fuck do I care?”
He tugged his t-shirt over his head, his irritation obvious and it only increased when he glanced down and saw the blotches of blood splattered across the front. He pulled it off, turning it around before once again putting it on. Liam hesitated a moment then stood up to pull a clean t-shirt from a drawer. His last one. He really needed to do some laundry. They finished dressing in tense silence, Spike's bad mood making Liam feel guilty. Was he being unreasonable? If Spike hadn't been openly gay would he even have paused at the idea of having lunch together in a place where they would be recognised? Anyone would think it perfectly normal that Spike would want to repay him in some way for what he'd done, lunch being an obvious deal. Friends went out to lunch together everyday and just because one of them happened to be gay didn't mean people would automatically realise he was too.
Spike had already pulled on his boots and was putting his coat on when Liam cleared his throat and took a step toward him. “They do have pretty good waffles at Denny's.”
Spike froze then slowly turned around and looked at him, eyes unreadable. “Yeah.”
He fidgeted, feeling oddly embarrassed. “Wouldn't mind getting some of those.”
Spike stared at him for a moment before tilting his head, a tiny frown between his eyebrows. “You sure?”
“Yeah.” He shrugged. “Why not?”
The smile that lit up Spike's face was so bright and so heartbreakingly like Billy's that for a moment Liam didn't know whether to grab him and kiss him or slam the door in his face and sink to the floor, crying his heart out. He swallowed and forced a grin to his own lips. “Come on before I change my mind.”
-----------
Spike drove, fast but with confidence. His car was old but the way Spike stroked the wheel and patted the gear stick it was as if it was his sweet darling. When they got out and Liam slammed the door Spike shot him a glare and closed his own door carefully but firmly.
“Sorry.”
“Just... she's earned being treated with respect.”
“She?”
“Yeah? What?”
“Nothing.”
He chuckled, his worries forgotten until Spike swung open the door to Denny's and waited for him to walk in before him.
“Don't need you to hold the door like I'm some damn girl,” he hissed and grabbed the edge.
“Jeez, you are touchy.” Spike rolled his eyes and walked in, not waiting for him to follow. Quite a few cops nodded his way, some with a smile, others shooting a frown, but he just grinned and greeted every one of them with their names, inquiring about that ones wife and the other's kids.
Liam trailed behind, trying to look as casual as he could. A shout from one of the window booths made him turn his head. Shit. Larry and Harris. Great.
“Fuck, Lee. You look like shit.”
“Nice to see you too, Larry.” His stomach growled loudly and he gave the guys an apologetic look. “Sorry, no time to talk. The kid is buying me lunch. For... you know.” He hoped that sounded casual enough. “Catch you later.” He turned to walk away but Larry grabbed his arm, stopping him.
“Dude, you do know he's a fag, right? You on a date, Liam?” Larry fluttered his eyelashes and laughed. “Better not have a piss while he's around. Before you know it you'd end up-”
Liam wrenched his arm free, elbowing Larry in the ear. “You know what, Larry? You're an asshole. You stay away from him or we're gonna have a problem, got it?”
Larry rubbed his ear, glaring up at him. “What the fuck’s your problem? You sweet on him, Lee?”
“Guys...” Harris said warily, putting down his coffee mug. “I ordered my lunch without the drama, if you don’t mind.”
Liam took a deep breath, his brain finally catching up with his actions. Shit. “He's a nice kid, all right? And he's one of us. That's all that matters. And if I hear you or anyone else's been giving him trouble you're gonna answer to me, you got that?”
He stalked away, ignoring Larry's muttered response. Spike was sitting in the corner booth, watching him with a mixed look of concern and annoyance. “What the bloody hell was that about?”
“What do you think? I told you this was a bad idea.” He slid into the booth with a scowl.
Spike stiffened. “I don't need you to fight my battles, all right? I can take care of myself.”
Liam stared at him incredulous. “You just yelled at me for being a coward regarding Billy and now, when I finally say something, I'm not allowed? Make up your mind, kiddo.”
“Not a kid.” Spike frowned. “And I'm not Billy so...”
Liam glared and picked up the menu. “Yeah, well, he's not here so suck it up. Fuck, I can't believe you're pissed off because I told that shithead Larry to stop being a prick and leave you the fuck alone. Shouldn't matter, should it? Whether you like cock or cunt. You're a cop and...”
“You said that?”
Liam looked up. Spike was watching him with twinkling eyes, trying to suppress the smile tugging at the corners of his lips. His very, very, pretty lips. Damn. Focus.
“What?”
“You know, you have a very dirty mouth.” Spike winked. “I like it.”
“Will you just...” Liam looked around in panic. “Stop it!”
Spike frowned. “Stop what?”
Liam leaned forward, hissing between his teeth, “Flirting!”
The puzzled expression on Spike's face was genuine. “You call that flirting? Pet, you haven't been out much lately, have you?”
“And don't call me that!”
The frown deepened. “What?”
“I'm not your 'pet'!”
This time Spike did laugh, the sound echoing loudly in the diner and Liam could feel himself blushing. This had been such a bad idea.
“Liam, trust me. When I start flirting you'll know it. The way I flirt...” Spike leaned forward, lowering his voice to a whisper. “... your cock will go from limp to lead in two seconds flat.”
Liam blinked, hitching his breath. “I think it just did.”
Spike snorted and shook his head. “Yeah, right. So... waffles?”
Liam just stared at him and then lowered his eyes to the menu in front of him. The letters were all blurry and he couldn't register a single thing. He was painfully hard and the fact that Spike didn't believe him was mind-boggling. Had the boy no idea what effect he was having, simply by breathing?
“Yeah... waffles. And coffee. And maybe some toast. With bacon. And eggs.”
Spike glanced up. “You really are starving. Think I'll stick with the waffles and some coffee.”
Liam managed a smile. “Thought you English people only drank tea.”
Spike rolled his eyes. “Yeah, and we all have bad teeth and can't cook to save our lives.” He wriggled his nose in the most adorable way and Liam's cock twitched painfully. “That last bit is true though. Horrible, horrible food. My mum would have been able to kill a whole colony with her Yorkshire pudding.”
He waved at the waitress and flashed her a brilliant smile that made her giggle like a schoolgirl, despite being close to forty and having a ring on her finger. The giggling got louder as Spike ordered, his accent obviously doing unspeakable things to her ovaries. Liam just sat back and tried to look bored, fighting the effect the accent and other things were having on parts of his own anatomy.
She left and they sat in silence until she came back with their coffees, promising to put a speed on their order before going back, wriggling her bottom far too much for it to be a coincidence.
“Okay, that was flirting. With a woman too. Something you wanna tell me?” Liam grinned and raised his eyebrows.
Spike laughed. “You really need to get out more. That? Was what I call talking. It's a thing I do. You should try it. You just open your mouth and words come out.” He winked and this time it was Liam's testicles, doing a little dance in his pants.
“Funny.” Liam scowled. “I talk. I have friends.”
Spike turned sombre, giving him an apologetic smile. “I didn't mean it like that. I was just taking the piss.” He sipped his coffee and then tilted his head in thought. “You mentioned Gunn. He a fireman?”
“Yeah. We were together at the Academy. Not 'together' together,” he hastened to add, “Just...”
“Relax. It's not all about the gay.” Spike smiled. “But he knows, right?”
Liam bit his lip. “Yeah. He's the only one, though. Him and his wife. They're expecting a baby within a few weeks. And she's been sick, on bed rest, that's why he hasn't been around for a while.” He glared at Spike. “He's a good friend. If he'd known I was... he would have kicked my ass.”
Spike lifted his hand in surrender. “Never said he wasn't. Just curious.” He ran a finger along the rim of his cup before looking up through dark eyelashes. “That's why you called me instead of him? Because you didn't want to bother him?”
Liam could feel himself blushing for some stupid reason. “To be frank I can't remember. But I had been wondering whether I should call you. Not to play nurse...” He blushed even deeper. “... but because... I don't know. I'd just been thinking about you.”
Spike nodded, looking slightly embarrassed. “Well, for whatever reason, I'm glad you did. You're an all right bloke, Liam. I'd like to have a friend like you.”
Liam sat still. When he spoke again his voice was low and hesitant. “I never thanked you. For... you know. I guess we're quits.”
Spike looked up in surprise. “I'd hardly say that. You went into a burning building, risking your own life to save mine. Got your gut ripped out and everything. All I did was...”
“Save my life.”
“Yeah, but...”
“And in return I threw up on you and put my fist in your face. I'd say we're even by far.”
Spike grinned. “Yeah, well, if we get to know each other better I'm sure you'll be able to return the favour. I get drunk and throw up on a regular basis. Next time I do, you can be there to hold my hair and stroke my back.” He laughed at the disgusted look on Liam's face. “Nono, no backing out now. That's what friends do. Wipe up each other's vomit.”
“You're ruining my appetite,” Liam started but at the same moment the waitress came sauntering with their plates and his stomach growled in anticipation. “Or maybe not. Thanks.”
The last word was directed at the woman who didn't seem to hear him, just gave Spike a huge smile and laid an enormous plate of waffles before him. “You just let me know, honey, if you need anything else.”
“Promise I will, love. This looks absolutely smashing.”
Liam waited until the waitress had left, hips swinging even more than before, then he picked up his fork and stabbed at the strips of bacon. “You might not think you're flirting but you are. Know how I know? Your accent gets more pronounced. Because you know she loves it. You did the same thing when you showed up at my place the first time.”
Spike laughed, his eyes twinkling. “Not flirting. Being charming. There's a difference.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” Spike leaned forward, lowering his voice until it wasn’t much more than a smooth growl. “If I'd really been flirting, if I'd really wanted her, I'd be in the backroom right now, fucking her against the wall. If she'd been a bloke, that is,” he added as he sat back, grinning at Liam's incredulous look. “What?”
“You think you can get anyone you want, just like that?”
Spike smirked. “Don't think. Know. But then again I wouldn't want them if they weren't so obvious about wanting me. It's a thing. Like the gaydar, just more reliable.”
'So why aren't you flirting with me?' Liam thought. 'How much more obvious can I get?'
As if Spike had been reading his thoughts he looked up, traces of syrup on his lips. “That doesn't mean I'm a flirter. Not like that. I very rarely meet people I want. And if I really do like them I'd rather wait until I'm sure it will actually lead to something more than just sex. Not much fond of mindless sex.” He suddenly blushed. “Guess I didn't give that impression earlier though. Considering I jumped into your bed like a bitch in heat.”
Now it was Liam's turn to blush. His mind was racing. So, since Spike had jumped in bed with him, did that mean he didn't see this going anywhere, turning into something more meaningful? Not that he was looking for a relationship himself, far from it, but...
“But then again, you are exceptionally gorgeous. You could probably have convinced me to have sex in that burning house if I'd been conscious.” Spike looked completely serious and Liam thought his pants would burst at the seams, right there.
This was getting out of hand. He pointed his fork at Spike's tower of waffles. “Talk less, eat more.”
Spike blinked and then looked down before raising his eyes again. “Sure.”
They sat in silence as they finished their meals, Spike only looking up to smile at the waitress, a bit strained this time, as she came to fill their cups of coffee. When they finally finished Spike pulled two twenties out of his back pocket and lay them on the table.
“I can pay for my own-”
“Your friends are watching. Remember?”
Liam froze. He'd actually forgotten, not only about them but also where they were. What if they've been overheard? What if-?
“Your secret is safe, mate. There's a reason why I chose this table. And the music is too loud for anything to carry over to where they're sitting.”
For some reason Liam felt bad, guilty. Which was stupid because he'd been doing this for so long, hiding what he was, that all this should be second nature to him. Except suddenly it didn't feel that way. Suddenly he felt dirty, low. Shameful. He shook it off and stood up, grabbing his jacket. “Good. Thank you. I'll pay you back.”
“Don't bother.” Spike shot him a smile. “You can pick up the tab next time. I'm thinking... lobster.”
He grinned and walked to the door, ignoring Larry and Harris who were finishing their coffees, Larry giving Spike the evil eye. Liam stalked after him, waiting until the door had closed behind them before answering.
“Yeah. Sure. Funny. I'll buy you a beer or something.”
“Champagne.” Spike unlocked the car, smirking.
“A burger.”
Liam got in and at the last second closed the door gently, which had Spike giving him an appreciated glance before reaching for the safety belt.
“Romantic dinner for two, complete with candlelight and live violins.”
Liam sighed dramatically. “God, you really are gay.”
“You better believe it, baby.” Spike started the car and put it in gear. “Lucky for you, eh? A straight guy probably wouldn't give you a blowjob for dessert.”
Liam had to bite his lip not to groan out loud. Shit. This kid was gonna be the death of him.
Continued here
Title: The Fire Within, chapter 5
Author: felisblanco
Pairing: Liam/Spike
Rating: NC-17
Previous chapters are here
The Fire Within, Chapter 5
Spike leaned against the sink, keeping his head bowed as he took deep breaths to calm down. Jesus! What was he thinking?
He raised his head and stared at himself in the mirror. His face was smeared with dry blood, his lower lip was swollen and he was quite sure he would have a bruise covering his left cheek at least. The dried blood on his hands tugged at his still tender skin. That wasn’t what was bothering him though.
He didn’t blame Liam for taking a swing at him, the things he’d said had been pretty horrible but they had gotten him the result he wanted. Anger was a far better emotion than self-pity. Anger gave you strength. Anger told you the truth whereas wallowing in your own misery built skyscrapers of deceptive inability. Liam’s anger had allowed him to let loose some of all the tension inside him and that made him a lot less dangerous, both to himself and others. And that was sure worth a couple of punches.
Spike turned on the tabs and splashed his face with cold water. It stung his lip but it felt good against his flushed skin. Then he ran his hand repeatedly over his face until he’d rubbed off all the blood before reaching for a towel. Again he studied himself in the mirror. He didn’t look like he starred in some lame horror flick any more but that troubled look was still in his eyes.
What was he doing?
Okay, so he did fancy the bloke. More than fancied him, he had to admit. There was something about him that hit him right in the pit of his belly. Something… But then there was the fact that Liam was so fucking screwed up that he’d inevitably be setting himself up for heartbreak and misery if he allowed himself to see this as something more than a simple fuck. Which he just knew would happen.
Who did Liam see when he looked at him? Spike or his dead lover? Which one would he be fucking?
God, he shouldn’t do this. He should go out there and tell Liam it was off. Friendship would be great but there was no way they could…
An image of Liam naked, his thick cock resting against his thigh, flashed across his mind and he gasped as he hardened instantly.
Just a fuck. It was just a fuck.
He closed his eyes for a second and inhaled deeply.
He could use a good shag anyway.
Running his fingers through his damp hair he gave himself a final look in the mirror before going back out to the bedroom.
“Hey.”
Liam opened his eyes and looked up at him from where he was lying on the bed. “Hey. You okay?”
“Yeah. Just a bit… sticky. All clean now.” He suddenly realised how his words could be interpreted and felt himself blush. “My face, I mean.”
Liam looked at him blankly. “Right. Uh…Good.”
They fell into awkward silence. Spike wondered if maybe he should just go. He’d obviously broken the mood with his sudden bathroom break.
“Maybe I should just…”
“You know there’s plenty of room..”
They both stopped then started again.
“How about I…”
“We don’t need to if…”
They stopped again. Then Spike's face broke out in a smile and Liam grinned at him sheepishly.
“Come here.” Liam scooted over and tapped the bed beside him. “If we’re gonna talk we might as well get comfortable.”
Spike smiled. “If we get comfortable I have a feeling there won’t be much talking.”
But he came over anyway, lying down on his side so he was facing Liam. Their noses were only inches apart and he could feel Liam’s breath on his lips. He still smelled faintly of whiskey, mixed with Colgate.
“Listen, it’s all right. After what I did…”
Spike shook his head. “It’s not that. I don’t mind that. But…”
Liam nodded and closed his eyes for a moment before looking back at Spike. “I know you’re not him.”
“Okay.” He wasn’t convinced.
“And I know I’m probably not thinking straight, you know, with all the trying to kill myself and shit.” He blushed.
“Right.”
Liam opened his mouth to continue but closed it again. His eyes grew darker and he licked his lips. The air suddenly became very heavy and Spike had trouble breathing. He felt like he was falling into Liam’s eyes, that if he weren’t lying down already he’d topple over. How could it be that someone so mentally fragile could look at you and all you wanted was for them to take you in their arms and tell you they’d protect you?
He swallowed. “So-”
Liam cut him off, “But I really, really want to kiss you.”
He held his breath then let it out slowly. “All right.”
His head already felt dizzy and they weren’t even touching yet. He felt the warm breath brushing his face and instinctively closed his eyes. Liam’s lips were incredibly soft as they pressed hesitantly against his. If he was afraid of hurting him or just unsure Spike didn’t know. He parted his lips invitingly and Liam’s tongue slipped in. It tickled his gum then swirled around his tongue and heating up he sucked it further in. Liam’s hands moved into his hair, tugging him closer. He let his arm slip around Liam’s waist, drawing him in until they were lying belly to belly, cock to cock.
Feeling Liam’s hardness against his was like a shock of electricity going through his whole body. His fingers curled on Liam’s back, scraping the skin with his fingernails. The kiss grew more desperate and he felt his swollen lip throb in symphony with his cock. Liam’s hands had moved from his hair and were tugging at his t-shirt and he wriggled to help him along. Regretfully he broke the kiss to pull the shirt over his head.
“God, I want you.” Liam was almost growling.
He hitched his breath. “Fuck, yeah.”
He closed his eyes as Liam kissed him again, then moved to leave a trail of kisses along his jaw and down his throat. A small gasp escaped when the soft lips grazed his collarbone and he weakly lifted his hand and laid it on Liam's shoulder pulling him closer.
“Like that?”
“Yeah.” He sucked in his breath as Liam licked along his collarbone. Always was one of his most sensitive spots. The tongue travelled down across his chest and then he felt Liam suck his right nipple into a hot and wet mouth. Oh God.
“Fuck, you taste good.” Liam moved over to the other one, biting it lightly. “Want you so bad.”
“Uhuh.” He felt like his whole body was on fire. Liam was kissing a trail down his stomach, getting closer and closer and... stopped.
He opened his eyes blearily. Liam was sitting up, staring down at him with an odd expression on his face. “You all right? Liam?”
Liam swallowed. “Yeah... fine. Just... My head is spinning.”
He suddenly went very pale and before Spike had time to move away Liam sank down on top of him. With a struggle he finally managed to roll from under Liam and sat up. “Liam? Fuck. Liam?”
Heavy eyelids fluttered open. “I don't feel so good.
“You want me to take you in? Let a doctor have a look at you?”
“No. No doctors. Just... some water.”
Spike stared at him then smacked himself up the head. “Fuck. I'm so stupid. When did you eat last?”
“Don't know. Not hungry.”
Mentally he went over the bags of trash he'd put by the door. Bottles and cans in abundance but only a couple of take away boxes. And the leftovers in those had been dried up and mouldy. “You've been living on nothing but alcohol for the last few days, haven't you?”
“Can't remember. Oh God...” Liam groaned and closed his eyes again then rolled over to his side. “I think I'm gonna be sick again.”
“No! Wait!” Spike ran out and searched desperately for a bucket or just something. In panic he grabbed a big glass bowl from the sofa table and ran in with it, putting it at the last minute under Liam's head that was hanging over the edge of the bed.
There wasn't much, Liam's stomach being already emptied almost to the wringing stage. He held Liam's forehead, skin hot and sweaty under his palm, as he heaved for breath, trembles running through his body. Finally his breathing got under control and he rolled over until he was once again lying on his back, eyes closed.
“Feel better?”
“Yeah.” He grimaced. “I'm sorry.”
“It was my fault, I just wasn't thinking. We need to get some food into you.”
“No, I can't...” Liam frowned then opened his eyes and looked up at him in surprise. “Actually, yeah. I'm starving.”
Spike smiled. “Okay then. Get dressed.”
“What? No.” Liam tugged at the covers, trying to pull them over his head but Spike caught hold of them and yanked them away.
“Think it's time you got out of here. This place stinks, mate. You need some fresh air.”
He pouted. “I don't wanna.” But he sat up anyway, feeling oddly vulnerable wearing only his boxers that right now didn't shield much of anything even if the vomiting had made his erection dwindle some.
“Stop being such a baby and get dressed. We can get waffles down at Denny's.”
Liam froze halfway out of bed. “Denny's? Our guys go there.”
Spike looked up at him as he pulled up his jeans. “Yeah. So?”
Reaching for his own jeans - man, they stank! - Liam shook his head. “Nothing. Just... maybe we should go somewhere else.”
Spike straightened up, his face blank. “Oh, I see. Can't be seen having lunch with a fag, that's it? Afraid they might tell your buddies what's what?”
Liam straightened up as well, his eyes gone cold. “I don't need that shit from you. Just because you're comfortable with being LAPD's flaming fairy and I'd rather stay on the normal side doesn't make you any better than me. This is my fucking life, man. My choice, my career and it's non of your fucking business what the hell I do.”
Spike laughed coldly. “You call this normal? Drinking yourself to oblivion, beating up people, offing yourself on pills? Yeah right. I'm the odd one.” He shook his head in exasperation. “Look mate, I'm not gonna out you. You're right, it's your life and it's your choice to stay in the bloody closet. But I'm not going to hide in the shadows just so your friends don't get the “wrong” idea. I don't do that anymore.”
Liam stood still, biting his lip. “If we show up there together...”
Spike waved his hand dismissively. “They probably think I'm buying you lunch to thank you for saving my life. Blokes do that, you know, sometimes even without having the gay sex.” He sighed when Liam didn't so much as smile. “Or we can go somewhere else. What the fuck do I care?”
He tugged his t-shirt over his head, his irritation obvious and it only increased when he glanced down and saw the blotches of blood splattered across the front. He pulled it off, turning it around before once again putting it on. Liam hesitated a moment then stood up to pull a clean t-shirt from a drawer. His last one. He really needed to do some laundry. They finished dressing in tense silence, Spike's bad mood making Liam feel guilty. Was he being unreasonable? If Spike hadn't been openly gay would he even have paused at the idea of having lunch together in a place where they would be recognised? Anyone would think it perfectly normal that Spike would want to repay him in some way for what he'd done, lunch being an obvious deal. Friends went out to lunch together everyday and just because one of them happened to be gay didn't mean people would automatically realise he was too.
Spike had already pulled on his boots and was putting his coat on when Liam cleared his throat and took a step toward him. “They do have pretty good waffles at Denny's.”
Spike froze then slowly turned around and looked at him, eyes unreadable. “Yeah.”
He fidgeted, feeling oddly embarrassed. “Wouldn't mind getting some of those.”
Spike stared at him for a moment before tilting his head, a tiny frown between his eyebrows. “You sure?”
“Yeah.” He shrugged. “Why not?”
The smile that lit up Spike's face was so bright and so heartbreakingly like Billy's that for a moment Liam didn't know whether to grab him and kiss him or slam the door in his face and sink to the floor, crying his heart out. He swallowed and forced a grin to his own lips. “Come on before I change my mind.”
-----------
Spike drove, fast but with confidence. His car was old but the way Spike stroked the wheel and patted the gear stick it was as if it was his sweet darling. When they got out and Liam slammed the door Spike shot him a glare and closed his own door carefully but firmly.
“Sorry.”
“Just... she's earned being treated with respect.”
“She?”
“Yeah? What?”
“Nothing.”
He chuckled, his worries forgotten until Spike swung open the door to Denny's and waited for him to walk in before him.
“Don't need you to hold the door like I'm some damn girl,” he hissed and grabbed the edge.
“Jeez, you are touchy.” Spike rolled his eyes and walked in, not waiting for him to follow. Quite a few cops nodded his way, some with a smile, others shooting a frown, but he just grinned and greeted every one of them with their names, inquiring about that ones wife and the other's kids.
Liam trailed behind, trying to look as casual as he could. A shout from one of the window booths made him turn his head. Shit. Larry and Harris. Great.
“Fuck, Lee. You look like shit.”
“Nice to see you too, Larry.” His stomach growled loudly and he gave the guys an apologetic look. “Sorry, no time to talk. The kid is buying me lunch. For... you know.” He hoped that sounded casual enough. “Catch you later.” He turned to walk away but Larry grabbed his arm, stopping him.
“Dude, you do know he's a fag, right? You on a date, Liam?” Larry fluttered his eyelashes and laughed. “Better not have a piss while he's around. Before you know it you'd end up-”
Liam wrenched his arm free, elbowing Larry in the ear. “You know what, Larry? You're an asshole. You stay away from him or we're gonna have a problem, got it?”
Larry rubbed his ear, glaring up at him. “What the fuck’s your problem? You sweet on him, Lee?”
“Guys...” Harris said warily, putting down his coffee mug. “I ordered my lunch without the drama, if you don’t mind.”
Liam took a deep breath, his brain finally catching up with his actions. Shit. “He's a nice kid, all right? And he's one of us. That's all that matters. And if I hear you or anyone else's been giving him trouble you're gonna answer to me, you got that?”
He stalked away, ignoring Larry's muttered response. Spike was sitting in the corner booth, watching him with a mixed look of concern and annoyance. “What the bloody hell was that about?”
“What do you think? I told you this was a bad idea.” He slid into the booth with a scowl.
Spike stiffened. “I don't need you to fight my battles, all right? I can take care of myself.”
Liam stared at him incredulous. “You just yelled at me for being a coward regarding Billy and now, when I finally say something, I'm not allowed? Make up your mind, kiddo.”
“Not a kid.” Spike frowned. “And I'm not Billy so...”
Liam glared and picked up the menu. “Yeah, well, he's not here so suck it up. Fuck, I can't believe you're pissed off because I told that shithead Larry to stop being a prick and leave you the fuck alone. Shouldn't matter, should it? Whether you like cock or cunt. You're a cop and...”
“You said that?”
Liam looked up. Spike was watching him with twinkling eyes, trying to suppress the smile tugging at the corners of his lips. His very, very, pretty lips. Damn. Focus.
“What?”
“You know, you have a very dirty mouth.” Spike winked. “I like it.”
“Will you just...” Liam looked around in panic. “Stop it!”
Spike frowned. “Stop what?”
Liam leaned forward, hissing between his teeth, “Flirting!”
The puzzled expression on Spike's face was genuine. “You call that flirting? Pet, you haven't been out much lately, have you?”
“And don't call me that!”
The frown deepened. “What?”
“I'm not your 'pet'!”
This time Spike did laugh, the sound echoing loudly in the diner and Liam could feel himself blushing. This had been such a bad idea.
“Liam, trust me. When I start flirting you'll know it. The way I flirt...” Spike leaned forward, lowering his voice to a whisper. “... your cock will go from limp to lead in two seconds flat.”
Liam blinked, hitching his breath. “I think it just did.”
Spike snorted and shook his head. “Yeah, right. So... waffles?”
Liam just stared at him and then lowered his eyes to the menu in front of him. The letters were all blurry and he couldn't register a single thing. He was painfully hard and the fact that Spike didn't believe him was mind-boggling. Had the boy no idea what effect he was having, simply by breathing?
“Yeah... waffles. And coffee. And maybe some toast. With bacon. And eggs.”
Spike glanced up. “You really are starving. Think I'll stick with the waffles and some coffee.”
Liam managed a smile. “Thought you English people only drank tea.”
Spike rolled his eyes. “Yeah, and we all have bad teeth and can't cook to save our lives.” He wriggled his nose in the most adorable way and Liam's cock twitched painfully. “That last bit is true though. Horrible, horrible food. My mum would have been able to kill a whole colony with her Yorkshire pudding.”
He waved at the waitress and flashed her a brilliant smile that made her giggle like a schoolgirl, despite being close to forty and having a ring on her finger. The giggling got louder as Spike ordered, his accent obviously doing unspeakable things to her ovaries. Liam just sat back and tried to look bored, fighting the effect the accent and other things were having on parts of his own anatomy.
She left and they sat in silence until she came back with their coffees, promising to put a speed on their order before going back, wriggling her bottom far too much for it to be a coincidence.
“Okay, that was flirting. With a woman too. Something you wanna tell me?” Liam grinned and raised his eyebrows.
Spike laughed. “You really need to get out more. That? Was what I call talking. It's a thing I do. You should try it. You just open your mouth and words come out.” He winked and this time it was Liam's testicles, doing a little dance in his pants.
“Funny.” Liam scowled. “I talk. I have friends.”
Spike turned sombre, giving him an apologetic smile. “I didn't mean it like that. I was just taking the piss.” He sipped his coffee and then tilted his head in thought. “You mentioned Gunn. He a fireman?”
“Yeah. We were together at the Academy. Not 'together' together,” he hastened to add, “Just...”
“Relax. It's not all about the gay.” Spike smiled. “But he knows, right?”
Liam bit his lip. “Yeah. He's the only one, though. Him and his wife. They're expecting a baby within a few weeks. And she's been sick, on bed rest, that's why he hasn't been around for a while.” He glared at Spike. “He's a good friend. If he'd known I was... he would have kicked my ass.”
Spike lifted his hand in surrender. “Never said he wasn't. Just curious.” He ran a finger along the rim of his cup before looking up through dark eyelashes. “That's why you called me instead of him? Because you didn't want to bother him?”
Liam could feel himself blushing for some stupid reason. “To be frank I can't remember. But I had been wondering whether I should call you. Not to play nurse...” He blushed even deeper. “... but because... I don't know. I'd just been thinking about you.”
Spike nodded, looking slightly embarrassed. “Well, for whatever reason, I'm glad you did. You're an all right bloke, Liam. I'd like to have a friend like you.”
Liam sat still. When he spoke again his voice was low and hesitant. “I never thanked you. For... you know. I guess we're quits.”
Spike looked up in surprise. “I'd hardly say that. You went into a burning building, risking your own life to save mine. Got your gut ripped out and everything. All I did was...”
“Save my life.”
“Yeah, but...”
“And in return I threw up on you and put my fist in your face. I'd say we're even by far.”
Spike grinned. “Yeah, well, if we get to know each other better I'm sure you'll be able to return the favour. I get drunk and throw up on a regular basis. Next time I do, you can be there to hold my hair and stroke my back.” He laughed at the disgusted look on Liam's face. “Nono, no backing out now. That's what friends do. Wipe up each other's vomit.”
“You're ruining my appetite,” Liam started but at the same moment the waitress came sauntering with their plates and his stomach growled in anticipation. “Or maybe not. Thanks.”
The last word was directed at the woman who didn't seem to hear him, just gave Spike a huge smile and laid an enormous plate of waffles before him. “You just let me know, honey, if you need anything else.”
“Promise I will, love. This looks absolutely smashing.”
Liam waited until the waitress had left, hips swinging even more than before, then he picked up his fork and stabbed at the strips of bacon. “You might not think you're flirting but you are. Know how I know? Your accent gets more pronounced. Because you know she loves it. You did the same thing when you showed up at my place the first time.”
Spike laughed, his eyes twinkling. “Not flirting. Being charming. There's a difference.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” Spike leaned forward, lowering his voice until it wasn’t much more than a smooth growl. “If I'd really been flirting, if I'd really wanted her, I'd be in the backroom right now, fucking her against the wall. If she'd been a bloke, that is,” he added as he sat back, grinning at Liam's incredulous look. “What?”
“You think you can get anyone you want, just like that?”
Spike smirked. “Don't think. Know. But then again I wouldn't want them if they weren't so obvious about wanting me. It's a thing. Like the gaydar, just more reliable.”
'So why aren't you flirting with me?' Liam thought. 'How much more obvious can I get?'
As if Spike had been reading his thoughts he looked up, traces of syrup on his lips. “That doesn't mean I'm a flirter. Not like that. I very rarely meet people I want. And if I really do like them I'd rather wait until I'm sure it will actually lead to something more than just sex. Not much fond of mindless sex.” He suddenly blushed. “Guess I didn't give that impression earlier though. Considering I jumped into your bed like a bitch in heat.”
Now it was Liam's turn to blush. His mind was racing. So, since Spike had jumped in bed with him, did that mean he didn't see this going anywhere, turning into something more meaningful? Not that he was looking for a relationship himself, far from it, but...
“But then again, you are exceptionally gorgeous. You could probably have convinced me to have sex in that burning house if I'd been conscious.” Spike looked completely serious and Liam thought his pants would burst at the seams, right there.
This was getting out of hand. He pointed his fork at Spike's tower of waffles. “Talk less, eat more.”
Spike blinked and then looked down before raising his eyes again. “Sure.”
They sat in silence as they finished their meals, Spike only looking up to smile at the waitress, a bit strained this time, as she came to fill their cups of coffee. When they finally finished Spike pulled two twenties out of his back pocket and lay them on the table.
“I can pay for my own-”
“Your friends are watching. Remember?”
Liam froze. He'd actually forgotten, not only about them but also where they were. What if they've been overheard? What if-?
“Your secret is safe, mate. There's a reason why I chose this table. And the music is too loud for anything to carry over to where they're sitting.”
For some reason Liam felt bad, guilty. Which was stupid because he'd been doing this for so long, hiding what he was, that all this should be second nature to him. Except suddenly it didn't feel that way. Suddenly he felt dirty, low. Shameful. He shook it off and stood up, grabbing his jacket. “Good. Thank you. I'll pay you back.”
“Don't bother.” Spike shot him a smile. “You can pick up the tab next time. I'm thinking... lobster.”
He grinned and walked to the door, ignoring Larry and Harris who were finishing their coffees, Larry giving Spike the evil eye. Liam stalked after him, waiting until the door had closed behind them before answering.
“Yeah. Sure. Funny. I'll buy you a beer or something.”
“Champagne.” Spike unlocked the car, smirking.
“A burger.”
Liam got in and at the last second closed the door gently, which had Spike giving him an appreciated glance before reaching for the safety belt.
“Romantic dinner for two, complete with candlelight and live violins.”
Liam sighed dramatically. “God, you really are gay.”
“You better believe it, baby.” Spike started the car and put it in gear. “Lucky for you, eh? A straight guy probably wouldn't give you a blowjob for dessert.”
Liam had to bite his lip not to groan out loud. Shit. This kid was gonna be the death of him.
Continued here