Fic: The Ultimate Gay Test or Whether Or Not To Lick Jensen Ackles. RPS. Jsquared. PG-13
About a month ago I posted a pic of Wee!Jensen, asking if anyone could make me a wallpaper from it. Three people jumped to my rescue and now I have four beautiful wallpapers rotating on my laptop. So very, very pretty. Anyway, I promised payment in fic and here is the first one. This is for bittersweet_art who asked for Wincest or Jsquared and "eyes". Here you go, darling. Hope you like and sorry for the wait.
Title: The Ultimate Gay Test or Whether Or Not To Lick Jensen Ackles
Author: felisblanco
Fandom: SPN RPS
Pairing: Jensen/Jared, Jared/Mayhem (Sorry. Just mentioned though.)
Raiting: PG-13, I think
Summary: It's not as if Jared's gay. He thinks. It's just that Jensen's so goddamn pretty.
A/N: Beta'd by zinnydark. Three times! She is absolutely made of awesome.
He’s so blaming Megan for this. Seriously, his sister has some incredibly annoying habits, one of them being her inability to ever let anything go. Like never. Why he tells her anything at all, or even talks to her, period, is a mystery. Stupid little things that he lets slip out and of course she remembers every single one of them. And then at the most inconvenient moments she makes seemingly innocent comments that make him want to strangle her, or at least slap her head with a pillow. A heavy one.
A total pain in the ass.
And the thing is he’d never tell her something so big, something that she can use for blackmail material for like forever except she calls him just when it’s all still racing through his mind and he thinks his head might just explode if he doesn’t talk to someone.
Ok, so all she does say is, “Hey, bro. Thought I’d call to see what’s up.”
And he, being a total idiot, blurts out, “Chad hit on me.”
There’s a brief silence and then his eardrum almost blows at the howl of laughter blaring from the phone.
“It’s not funny.”
“JT, it so is. It’s the funniest thing ever. So what? He feel you up or something?”
“No.” Does Chad’s hand grabbing Jared’s ass count as feeling up? He decides not. “He just… said I was hot.” Among other things.
“Well, hell. Of course he did. He’s not blind. You sure you’re not reading too much into it?”
And Jared, apparently being brain-dead, says, “He kissed me.”
Another silence. Then the howling laughter starts again and he wishes she’s right there so he can strangle her scrawny little neck. “Shut up.”
“Man, you are sooo screwed. What did you do?”
And here is where he really blows it. Can just as well hand her his head on a platter, marked ‘Yours to Mock Forever’. He blames it on still being half-drunk and more importantly half-hard and quite possibly on Chad kissing all oxygen out of his brain.
Because instead of telling her he punched Chad in the face, he says, “I kissed him back.”
The line goes totally silent, to the point that he wonders if the connection broke. But then her voice comes back and this time she isn’t laughing. “So… you’re gay?”
“No! I mean, I don’t know. I mean… shit.”
“Hey, it’s okay. If you are. I mean, I won’t… Wow.”
“I was drunk! I didn’t… You can’t tell mom and dad. Or anyone!” His hands are shaking and he feels like throwing up, and not just because of the tequila shots dancing the Lambada in his stomach.
“I won’t, I promise. Hey, breathe, okay?”
“I’m just… I’m kinda freaked. And still drunk. And… Man, he’s not even hot!”
There she loses it again. He listens to her heaving for breath on the other end of the line and suddenly the absurdity of the whole thing hits him full force and before he knows it he’s laughing with her. Just having thrown it out there makes him feel a whole lot better and he feels the tension draining out of him.
After a long while of giggling and snorting she goes silent and he pictures her curled up on the couch in their parents’ home, drinking sweet tea and flipping through the TV channels. He suddenly feels so homesick he wants to cry. Great. Now he’s a big gay crybaby.
“He’s kinda hot. He’s got a nice ass.”
Jared groans. “Please don’t talk to me about Chad’s ass. I don’t want to think about Chad’s ass. And he’s totally not hot when he ain’t got his make-up on. You should see him on Mondays when he hasn’t shaved all weekend. His chin looks like a half-plucked chicken.”
They share another laugh and he thinks to himself that she isn’t so bad and it’s cool to be able to laugh about this with someone.
Which lasts until she says, “So, now that you’re gay, are you gonna start dressing yourself properly? Aren’t gay people supposed to have at least some fashion sense?”
“Haha, funny. And stop saying I’m gay.”
“Have you learned the lyrics to Oklahoma yet? Gotta know your musicals, bro. And hey, I think I have a Cher CD here somewhere.”
“I’m gonna kill you.”
“Yeah, yeah. So, you think you’re a top or a bottom?”
See? This is why he should never tell her things. Ever.
Turns out that Chad has some kind of seven shots amnesia, or at least he acts like he doesn’t remember slobbering all over Jared’s face and that’s the end of that. Or it would be if he hadn’t been stupid enough to tell his sister, who’ll use just about every opportunity she gets to throw cheap shots his way. Like, during family dinners or sitting with his grandma in front of the TV. Seriously, who does that?
He’ll be relaxed and smiling, just being the nice well brought up son his momma loves and cherishes, and then, out of the blue, Megan will start talking about that guy on that show and how hot he is and doesn’t Jared think so? Smiling innocently at him while stuffing her face with pie or whatever and he’ll just sit there, blushing like an idiot and imagining jamming that stupid pie down her throat or knocking her over the head with the remote. So not cool.
Thankfully his parents are oblivious to the death-threatening glares crossing the table and his grandma’s pretty hard of hearing anyway, so he just shrugs and says “Whatever.” or “I don’t know, haven’t seen it.” And she’ll grin at him and start talking about rainbows or “Really love that pink shirt. Can I borrow it?”
He wonders if he’ll get acquitted of sororicide if he can prove just how much of a pain she is.
So when he gets signed up for Supernatural he should have known she’d be all over him about it, especially since she’s been drooling over Jensen Ackles since like forever. Days of Our Lives and Dark Angel and even Smallville, even if she thinks Tom Welling is a total moron.
“So, Jensen, huh? Wow. He’s like the prettiest thing in the world.”
Jared rolls his eyes, pinning the phone between his ear and shoulder as he twists the cap of a Miller. “He’s a guy. Guy’s aren’t pretty, they’re handsome.”
“JT, he’s pretty. He’s prettier than any girl I know. He’s got like… lips.”
“Everyone’s got lips.”
“Yeah, but his are total girl lips. And he’s got eyelashes that could sweep the world.”
“Are you high?”
“I’m telling you, he’s like the prettiest girl in the world, but with, you know, guy equipment. So this is your perfect chance.”
He’s gonna regret it but he has to ask. “For what?”
“To see if you’re really gay or bi or whatever. Seriously, if you don’t wanna lick him all over after spending five minutes with him you’re totally straight. Believe me.”
“I’ve got a girlfriend. Remember?”
“So did Gary and now he’s all happy in Rainbow land. Like, what if you’re only straight as long as the right guy doesn’t come along? And what if this is your Mr. Right?”
“Meg…”
“And then if it doesn’t work out… you can always give him to me.”
“I’m gonna hang up now.”
“Check your e-mail. Then call me back and tell me he ain’t pretty.”
He manages to stay away from his laptop for almost an hour. Because he’s already met Jensen, although briefly, and yeah, so he’s kinda hot. But so is almost everyone in this business and he couldn’t care less. That thing with Chad was obviously just a fluke. Just the beer and the shots and quite possibly the joint - he hadn’t told Meg about that, he’s not totally retarded - talking. Or kissing. Whatever. He sure doesn’t want to do it again, not with him or anyone else that doesn’t have tits. So yeah, straight, no doubt about that.
But he has to check his e-mails anyway. His agent’s gonna send him some documents and he’ll be pissed off if Jared doesn’t answer right away. And since he’s already opened his mailbox…
So yeah, totally Meg’s fault.
Because he clicks on the link to the first picture and suddenly there are these eyes staring at him. Big, dark, eyelashes to sweep the fucking world eyes. For a moment he just sits there, staring. Takes him a whole five minutes before he even lets his gaze travel further down. And there they are. Lips. The lips. The most perfect lips he’s ever seen on anyone. Meg was wrong though. They aren’t girly lips. In fact girl parts don’t come anywhere near the images those lips are projecting in Jared’s brain.
There are lots of other pictures but he keeps coming back to that one. It’s a few years old, five at least, and so totally homoerotic that he has to wonder if Jensen used to do twinky porn on the side. Which brings up even more and quite dirtier images that have his heart racing and his gut doing somersaults.
He jumps as the cell phone suddenly vibrates in his pocket. Meg.
“So, you gay or not?”
He swallows, his eyes never leaving the screen. “I’m… thinking about it.”
“I knew it! Have you seen the one with the eyes yet?”
He doesn’t even throw out the obvious, ‘They all have eyes, Meg’ but just takes a deep breath and says, “Yeah. Fuck.”
There’s a pause on the line and then Meg’s voice comes back, softer, all laughter gone. “It’s gonna be okay. I mean, whatever you do, I’ll be here. And mom and dad… they’ll be cool.”
“I’m so screwed.”
“No you’re not.” She blows him a kiss across 1880 miles. “But you could be if you play your cards right.”
“Not the time for jokes, Meg. Seriously.”
“Okay, okay. You all right?”
“No.”
“JT…”
“I gotta go. Talk to you later.”
Thing is….
Thing is he’d been cool. Talked to Jensen, shaken his hand and been okay. Hadn’t even thought about him in any other way than hoping that they’ll hit it off because he knows they’ll pretty much be in each other’s pockets for the next few months. They’ll be together in almost every single scene and if it turns out they don’t like each other they’re gonna have a hell of a semester. But Jensen had struck him as cool and nice and such an overall great guy that this whole having his own show thing suddenly didn’t seem so scary anymore.
But now…
Now all Jared can think about are those eyes and those lips and fuck, he’s so gay. Or possibly bi. Whatever he is it’s not straight because he’s pretty sure straight guys don’t jerk off to the thought of Jensen’s pretty lips wrapped around their dicks while his ridiculously pretty eyes look up at them from beneath those stupidly long lashes.
He gasps, pants around his ankles, dick softening in his sticky hand. Shooting starts in two days. He’s so screwed. Shitshitshitshitshit.
Monday arrives with getting introduced to the crew and the extras and wardrobe and before he knows it they’re already on set, going through their lines and being bitchy brothers with chips the size of Texas on their shoulders. It’s totally awesome and exciting and if Jensen notices how nervous Jared is between takes or how he can’t stop glancing Jensen’s way, he doesn’t mention it. Probably figures he’s intimidated or some shit like that. After all Jensen’s a way bigger star than Gilmore Girl Jared - Three Emmy nominations? Shit. Beats his lame Teen Choice Awards nomination by a mile - and probably used to people being nervous around him.
The week goes by incredibly fast and by Friday he’s feeling a little bit more in control of himself and decides that this crush on Jensen is just something he’ll get over if he manages to stay distant from the guy long enough. A good plan. A great plan that falls totally through when Jensen catches Jared’s arm just as he’s about to head home for a long cold shower and lots and lots of straight porn. His fingers burn Jared’s skin through three layers of Sam’s clothing and he has to fight not to snatch his arm away and run like Jensen’s a damn leper or something.
“Hey, Jare, wanna grab a drink? Just us. Get to know each other a little, you know, since we’re brothers and all.”
Jensen flashes him a smile that’s nothing like Dean’s, eyes warm and soothing but slightly hooded, as if he’s afraid Jared might brush him off. Which is exactly what Jared’s gonna do.
“Uh…” Think, think. Some excuse. Something. Have to go walk the dogs and do laundry and… Jensen raises his eyebrows at him and he laughs nervously. “Yeah. Sure.” Fuck.
“Great.”
The hand squeezes his arm briefly before letting go. Jared glances down but there are no scorch marks and his arm looks exactly the same. It’s just warmer.
“I’m just gonna shower and change. I’ll pick you up in… what, half an hour?”
“Uhm… okay.”
See? Totally, totally Megan’s fault.
If she hadn’t sent him those pictures he would have been perfectly fine. Just downed a few beers and shared a laugh and maybe wondered a little how hot that pretty mouth was. Nothing wrong with wondering. But no, she did send him those pictures and for that reason, here he is, drunk out of his skull, head propped up on one hand as he gazes at Jensen with a goofy smile on his face. And instead of continuing to talk about football or fangirls or whatever it is they’d been discussing half a minute earlier, he suddenly blurts out, “You know, Jen, you… you’re like a chick with a dick.”
Jensen freezes, beer half raised to his lips. He blinks, as if he’s not sure if he should be insulted or not. “Dude, what the fuck?”
“Nono! I mean… you’re really pretty. Like a girl but… you have a dick. Which makes you, you know, totally perfect.”
Jensen looks offended for a minute but then he shakes his head in amusement and tilts back the bottle. Jared watches mesmerized as Jensen’s Adam’s apple bobs, wondering drunkenly if Jensen would mind awfully much if he leaned over and nibbled. An apple a day…
“Okay, I’ll play. Perfect for what?”
Jared’s eyes snap up and he blinks a few times, trying to remember what they were talking about. Oh yeah. Right. Okay. “See, Meg… That’s my little sister. Such a pain. Painpainpain. God. Anyway, she said that… that if I didn’t want to totally lick you all over, ‘cause you’re so goddamn pretty, I’m defi- definitely straight. So… yeah.”
Jensen just looks at him, staring with those fucking gorgeous eyes that have Jared almost dropping his face down on the table because they’re just so deep and he’s falling falling…
“Jared, is there something you wanna tell me?”
His head snaps up again, making his neck twinge, and he frowns, half in pain, half in confusion. “I just did. Right?”
Jensen raises his eyebrows and after a while he smiles indulgently. “So you don’t want to lick me? Because you’re straight. That’s it?”
Hell, how drunk is he? Or maybe the guy’s just dumb. Jared sighs dramatically and takes another swig of his beer. “Jensen. Man. Be happy you’ve got such a pretty face ‘cause you’ve got nooo brains. At all.”
For some reason Jensen doesn’t seem to like that - calling Jensen stupid probably isn’t the best pickup line, Jared realizes - because he shakes his head again and sighs. Then he stands up and pulls on his jacket. “Okay, I think it’s time you went home. Come on.”
Pouting slightly, Jared lets himself be manhandled out of the bar and into Jensen’s tiny Honda. He doesn’t even complain when Jen reaches over to fasten his seatbelt, even if he’s a fucking adult and can very well do stuff like that all by himself. Except then he wouldn’t have Jensen leaning over him and brushing Jared’s chest with his arm and man, those lips are just inches away. He doesn’t even manage to finish that thought or do anything about it before Jen straightens up again and is starting the car. Damn. Jared leans against the window, gazing at Jensen with bleary eyes. Yeah, definitely so very very gay. Or bi. Or some shit like that.
“So… you use gloss?”
“What?”
“You have, like, perfect lips.”
Jensen laughs, if somewhat awkwardly. “Let me guess, girly lips?”
“That’s what she, you know, Meg, said but they so aren’t. They’re-“ Jared stops himself at the last minute, frowning. He’s pretty fucking drunk but somewhere in the back of his brain a voice is whispering that telling Jensen his lips are perfect for sucking cock? Probably not the best idea.
When he doesn’t continue Jensen throws him a glance. “They’re what?”
“Just… pretty.” He leans towards Jensen, peering with half mast eyes at the lips in question. The voice in his head is still muttering something but he blatantly ignores it. “Bet you’re a great kisser.”
Jensen stills at that, staring ahead at the road for a moment before giving a shaky laugh. “Oookay. Jare, I really think we should save this ‘til tomorrow.”
“We should?” Jared blinks slowly then nods gravely. “We should. Yeah. I’m like… Sorry, man. Sorry.”
“No problem.”
They drive in silence, Jared half-dozing off as his head lolls against the window. When the car stops he jerks awake and looks around with bleary eyes.
“Here we are. You need help getting in?”
“‘M not that drunk.” He swipes at the door until he finally catches the handle. The first attempt at getting out of the car proves totally unsuccessful, seeing as he still has his seatbelt on. The second attempt is better, except for the fact that he trips over his own feet and falls out of the car and flat on his face.
“Jare, you okay? Shit.”
“I’m… I’m fine. Fuck.”
“Come on.”
Jared stumbles to his feet as Jensen pulls him up by his arm. He stands swaying for a moment, watching the world spin in front of his eyes, and is eternally grateful when Jensen slips the arm around his own neck and grabs Jared around the waist to keep him from falling again. Oh yeah, nice shoulders. Lots of muscles. And he smells so damn good.
“Dude, what are you doing?”
“You smell sooo good.”
Jensen’s hold around Jared’s waist tightens. Mmm, yeah. Jared leans in closer, nuzzling his neck. So warm and damp with sweat. He can feel Jensen’s pulse fluttering against his lips and thinks he might possibly have a neck kink.
“You really need to use your mouth to smell me?” Jensen’s voice shakes slightly.
“Taste good too.”
“Christ. Where are your keys? Come on.”
Jared almost falls over when the dogs come bouncing, welcoming him home with the kind of enthusiasm that says, ‘We need to pee. Now!’
“Hey! Hey, girls. Say hi to Jenny.”
“Jesus. Not you too.”
“Sorry. Sorry, man. I mean Jensen. Jen.” He pets Sadie’s head before flashing Jensen his brightest smile. “Dude, we should like, totally take them for a walk.”
Jensen looks down at the dogs and then back up at Jared and shakes his head, smiling with amusement. “You should ‘like, totally’ go to bed, Jay. Like, now.”
“Yeah. Yeah, except… They’ll pee on the carpet, man. Or my shoes. Or something.”
Jensen closes his eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath before reaching down to scratch Harley behind the ears. “I’ll take them. After I get you to bed.”
Somehow they manage to get to the bedroom, with Jared only tripping about four times. First over his shoes, then the dogs, then the carpet before finally catching his toes on the threshold and falling face first on the bed.
Man, he loves his bed. It’s warm and soft and big enough to easily fit two people. Like him and Jensen. “You should sleep here, Jen. My bed’s the best bed in the world.”
“I’m sure it is. Need to take your dogs out, remember?”
“Yeah. Yeah.” He rolls over on his back with some difficulty, and smiles up at Jensen, who’s watching him with an unreadable look in his eyes. “Wow, you’re like the best friend ever.”
Jensen’s smile falters slightly and he looks suddenly tired. “Guess so. Come on, off with your shoes. Jesus, your feet stink. Okay, and then the jeans.”
“Ummmm, yeah.” Jared squirms lazily as the warm fingers pulling at his belt brush his stomach. “You gonna blow me now?”
Jensen’s answer eludes him since his brain chooses that moment to shut completely off and he passes out.
-----------------------
Jared wakes up to the end of the world. Or at least it feels like it should be the end of the world considering all the pain he’s in. Actually any kind of death would be great right about now. Somehow he manages to open his eyes and pry his sticky cheek away from the damp pillow. His tongue is glued to his palate, big and fuzzy like a dead rat. Tastes like one too.
He groans as he rolls over onto his back and stares up at the ceiling. Then stumbles out of bed with incredible speed, just reaching the toilet bowl in time to vomit what looks like a disgusting mixture of alien brains and alcohol.
It seems to take an eternity to wring his stomach out but just when he’s sure he’ll pass out from the pain, he can suddenly breathe again. Shivering he sits back on the floor, resting his damp and achy head against the side of the bathtub. Sweat is leaking down his brow and into his eyes and chills run down his back like electric charges.
Christ. How fucking drunk was he last night? He remembers something about Jensen and a bar. And…
Oh.
Oh crap.
Shitshitshitshit.
“Please, God, kill me now.”
“You all right?”
He jumps up so fast he slips on the bathmat and falls back on his ass. His very naked ass. Ow. And… Oh God. “Jen! Christ! What… what you doing here?”
Jensen grabs his arm, seeming totally unfazed by the fact that Jared’s naked as a newborn baby. “Come on, let’s get you up. Jesus, you’re heavy.”
Jared shakes his head, cautiously so it won’t explode, and stares at him with red-rimmed eyes. Jensen. In boxerbriefs and nothing else. Oh God. “Jensen. You. Here. Why?” Brain. Wake up. Now.
Jensen shrugs. “I crashed on your couch.”
“Uhuh. Why?”
“You were totally wasted last night, dude. Thought you’d drown in your own barf or something.”
“Oh. Uhm, thanks.”
“No prob.” Jensen closes the toilet, flushes, and lowers Jared down onto the seat. “I suggest you brush your teeth. Makes you feel better. Smell better too.”
Jared opens his mouth to protest but the taste coating his tongue is like death and dog poo so he accepts the toothbrush from Jensen’s hand and cleans his mouth as best he can. When he’s done Jensen’s ready with a glass of water and he rinses and spits into the sink before finally daring to look up. Oh God, Jensen’s chest. With nipples. Jared drops his eyes again. Oh, look. Jensen’s feet. He’s even got pretty feet. Who the hell has pretty feet?
God, he’s so gay he’s drooling over feet now?
“So, yeah… Listen, Jen…About last night…”
“It’s okay. We’re cool.”
Jensen pulls Jared to his feet again and supports him back into the bedroom. He feels solid and strong and so warm against Jared’s chilled skin he wants to wrap Jensen around him like a human blanket.
“No. Yes. I mean, good. That’s good. But…”
He tries to protest as he’s pushed down onto the bed but Jensen just pats his arm and pulls the covers over him again.
“Jare, you were drunk. It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”
He shakes his head, which sends sparks of pain through his brain. “Yeah, but… I’m not drunk now. Okay, maybe I’m still a little drunk. But…”
He closes his eyes. Here goes nothing.
“She was right. Meg.”
There’s silence and after a while he carefully glances up. Jensen is standing at the foot of the bed, watching him with those fucking beautiful eyes, pursing those absolutely illegal lips, one hand unconsciously scratching his stomach and Jared knows he’s lost. He might as well throw himself off the goddamn proverbial cliff.
“I actually do wanna lick you. And I think I’m maybe gay. Or bi. Or something.” He shoots another look up, his face burning.
Jensen doesn’t move, just keeps watching him, his eyes growing darker and a line of tension forming at his jaw. Jared swallows the humongous lump in his throat. Fuck, he’s totally blown it. Jensen’s gonna walk right out of here and tell Kripke they should kill Sam off in the next episode or something and he’ll never ever get work anywhere because everyone will know he’s a big flaming fairy and shitshitshit.
“But, like, it’s ok. I mean, I know… You’re not… Fuck.” His voice breaks. “Please don’t hate me.” Christ.
He pulls the covers over his head and wonders if maybe he can kill himself if he presses his face hard enough into his pillow. Possibly. Maybe. At least he should be able to pass out which would be a very good thing.
“Jared.”
The covers are pulled from his face but he keeps his eyes squeezed shut. Maybe if Jensen thinks he’s asleep he’ll go away so Jared can pursue his brilliant pillow suicide plan.
“Jared, will you please look at me.”
After a moment’s hesitation he opens one eye and squints up at Jensen who’s looking down at him with a concerned smile.
“Hey, it’s okay. So you like me. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with being gay. Or bi. Or whatever.” Jensen chuckles. “Not sure about the licking though. I’m pretty ticklish.”
Jared blinks. “You’re not mad?”
“Nah. I mean, hell. I’m kinda flattered.”
Jared groans and tries to pull the covers out of Jensen’s fists. He’s sure his face is purple with embarrassment.
“Hey. Stop it. You know, you’re not too butt ugly yourself.”
“Haha.”
“Obviously not girly pretty like me…” Jensen grins as Jared cringes. “… but you’ve got those big ass puppy eyes and the most infatuating smile I’ve ever seen. Very white teeth. Really… shiny.”
God, kill me. Kill me now. “Shut up. Please.” Jared closes his eyes again. This is worse than having his pants pulled down in front of the whole class in 6th grade.
“I mean, for a guy you’re not too bad. Not the type I usually go for but…”
What? Jared’s eyes instantly pop open. “What?”
“Those dimples, man. And your hands.” Jensen is blatantly ignoring the shocked look on Jared’s face as he slowly runs a finger over Jared’s white clenched knuckles. “Fuck, just look at those hands.”
Jared’s blinking obsessively. He imagines he looks like a cartoon hooker but his brain really isn’t in any shape to do anything more productive. “Huh?”
“Seriously.”
Jensen tugs at the covers until Jared’s fingers uncurl to release them, then raises one hand up to study it. Jared just lies still, staring up at Jensen as he turns the hand over and runs his fingers along the palm and then up the middle finger.
“I can just imagine what you could do with those long fingers.” He glances down at Jared, quirking his eyebrow. “Assuming you know what to do with them?”
Jared’s brain kick-starts although it’s not really up to its finest because he blurts out, “I’m… I’m not a virgin!”
Jensen just smiles at him.
“I’m not. I have a girlfriend. Way hot. Playboy material, man.”
The smile turns into a smirk. “Yeah? She let you put those fingers up her ass? She put things up your ass?”
“What? No!”
“Then as far as what we’re talking about, you’re a virgin, Jared.”
He squirms, feeling himself blushing. “What are… what are we talking about?”
Jensen just smiles again and raises Jared’s hand up to his mouth.
Oh God. Jared’s eyes roll back in his head as his fingers are sucked in between the prettiest lips in the world and into the hottest mouth known to man. And probably woman too but right now it’s the man part he’s focusing on. Mainly himself. Who’s making the most embarrassing noise in the back of his throat, while bucking his hips in a very unmanly fashion.
“Oh Go…nnngh!”
Tongue! Around his fingers! Ohgodohgodohgod…
Jensen pops the fingers out of his mouth and licks his lips. “She do that?”
She who? Jared wracks his brain, trying to remember anything other than Jensen and his perfect mouth. Oh. “Uh, not… not like that.”
“No?” Fingers crawl up his chest, only to curl around the covers and slowly pull them down. “You ticklish, Jare?”
“No.” He jumps as Jensen’s thumb slides down along his side. “Maybe a little.”
“You tickle when she licks you?”
“Licks me?” His voice is squeaky and he clears his throat before trying again. “Licks me where?”
“Everywhere.” Jensen chuckles as Jared squeezes his eyes shut and whimpers. “You said you wanted to lick me. Well, you’re not that unlickable yourself.”
“Is that…” gasp “…even a word?”
Jensen leans forward, breathing hotly into his ear. “You want me to stop and go look it up?”
“No! Nonono, no need for that. If you say it’s a word it’s totally a word.”
“Because, you know, I could go home and check.” Jensen sits back again, palm resting lightly on Jared’s belly, right beneath his ribcage. “Got a big dictionary on my shelf. Will only take me about an hour.”
Jared snaps his eyes open. “If you leave I’ll kill you!”
Jensen laughs. It’s a clear and honest laugh and Jared can’t do anything but stare at the amusement glittering in Jensen’s pretty eyes, and the shiny teeth flashing between his pretty lips and god, he’s so pretty. So damn fucking pretty it should be illegal. That happy pretty face is lightening up the whole damn room and suddenly Jared knows for sure that it doesn’t matter if Jensen is only teasing or if Jared will be headline news in ET’s Just Out Now section tomorrow, he’s so totally in love it’s not even funny.
Jensen is still gazing down at him but the smile is freezing and Jared just knows there’s something he’s supposed to do, or say, or something. But all he can do is continue to stare back, wondering how on earth he came to be here, like this, with Jensen fucking Ackles, almost naked in his bed. The smile fades from Jensen’s lips, his eyes slowly going dark and Jared panics, thinking he’s going to up and leave. But…
Jensen’s lips are soft and warm. They’re not girly at all, especially not when they open up and Jared feels hot air against his lips as Jensen breathes into his mouth. Jared parts his lips to draw in that hot breath but instead he gets Jensen’s tongue, slipping inside his mouth and licking over his teeth and who the fuck needs air anyway?
Oh yeah, Jensen is a great kisser. Actually he’s probably the champion of kissing, if there is such a contest. Maybe there is but there’s no way Jared’s letting go of Jensen’s lips long enough to let him compete in it. Unless the other contestant is just him and…
Suddenly Jensen’s lips are gone, so fast that Jared’s brain is still struggling with the realization that Jensen’s kissing him in the first place and hasn’t really gotten to the part where he’s supposed to kiss back. He stares up into Jensen’s eyes where they hover right above his, sucking in breath in shallow gasps.
The wary look from last night is slipping back into Jensen’s eyes and he’s pulling further away when Jared finally jerks awake and grabs Jensen’s head between his hands and pulls him back down. This time there’s no hesitation, no pause, no clenched teeth in the way. Jared licks his way around Jensen’s mouth, mapping it out for later, and then draws back so he can suck Jensen’s tongue into his own mouth. He’s not sure which he likes more. Jensen’s mouth tastes so good but his tongue is so warm and slippery and he thinks he might come just from thinking about what that tongue could do to his cock.
He pulls back with a shaky breath, blinking rapidly. “God, Jen. You… Jesus.”
“Yeah.” Jensen nuzzles into his neck, naked chest rubbing against Jared’s, one hand clutching Jared’s arm, the other stroking his hipbone. “Fuck.”
“Yes. Please.”
Jensen’s laughter vibrates against Jared’s skin and he closes his eyes as it travels down his chest and then lowerlowerlower…
Nope, nothing girly about those lips. Nothing girly at all. Meg couldn’t have been more wrong. As soon as he’s coherent enough to speak he’s gonna call her and tell her how totally wrong she was.
Because it may all be her fault, for which he’s going to get on his fucking knees and kiss her feet, but that doesn’t mean she can get away with bullshit like that. No one calls his boyfriend a girl and gets away with it.
Oh God. Did he just call Jensen his boyfriend?
So totally screwed.
Hopefully within the next half hour.
fin
[ETA. More stories in this same verse can be found here.]
Title: The Ultimate Gay Test or Whether Or Not To Lick Jensen Ackles
Author: felisblanco
Fandom: SPN RPS
Pairing: Jensen/Jared, Jared/Mayhem (Sorry. Just mentioned though.)
Raiting: PG-13, I think
Summary: It's not as if Jared's gay. He thinks. It's just that Jensen's so goddamn pretty.
A/N: Beta'd by zinnydark. Three times! She is absolutely made of awesome.
He’s so blaming Megan for this. Seriously, his sister has some incredibly annoying habits, one of them being her inability to ever let anything go. Like never. Why he tells her anything at all, or even talks to her, period, is a mystery. Stupid little things that he lets slip out and of course she remembers every single one of them. And then at the most inconvenient moments she makes seemingly innocent comments that make him want to strangle her, or at least slap her head with a pillow. A heavy one.
A total pain in the ass.
And the thing is he’d never tell her something so big, something that she can use for blackmail material for like forever except she calls him just when it’s all still racing through his mind and he thinks his head might just explode if he doesn’t talk to someone.
Ok, so all she does say is, “Hey, bro. Thought I’d call to see what’s up.”
And he, being a total idiot, blurts out, “Chad hit on me.”
There’s a brief silence and then his eardrum almost blows at the howl of laughter blaring from the phone.
“It’s not funny.”
“JT, it so is. It’s the funniest thing ever. So what? He feel you up or something?”
“No.” Does Chad’s hand grabbing Jared’s ass count as feeling up? He decides not. “He just… said I was hot.” Among other things.
“Well, hell. Of course he did. He’s not blind. You sure you’re not reading too much into it?”
And Jared, apparently being brain-dead, says, “He kissed me.”
Another silence. Then the howling laughter starts again and he wishes she’s right there so he can strangle her scrawny little neck. “Shut up.”
“Man, you are sooo screwed. What did you do?”
And here is where he really blows it. Can just as well hand her his head on a platter, marked ‘Yours to Mock Forever’. He blames it on still being half-drunk and more importantly half-hard and quite possibly on Chad kissing all oxygen out of his brain.
Because instead of telling her he punched Chad in the face, he says, “I kissed him back.”
The line goes totally silent, to the point that he wonders if the connection broke. But then her voice comes back and this time she isn’t laughing. “So… you’re gay?”
“No! I mean, I don’t know. I mean… shit.”
“Hey, it’s okay. If you are. I mean, I won’t… Wow.”
“I was drunk! I didn’t… You can’t tell mom and dad. Or anyone!” His hands are shaking and he feels like throwing up, and not just because of the tequila shots dancing the Lambada in his stomach.
“I won’t, I promise. Hey, breathe, okay?”
“I’m just… I’m kinda freaked. And still drunk. And… Man, he’s not even hot!”
There she loses it again. He listens to her heaving for breath on the other end of the line and suddenly the absurdity of the whole thing hits him full force and before he knows it he’s laughing with her. Just having thrown it out there makes him feel a whole lot better and he feels the tension draining out of him.
After a long while of giggling and snorting she goes silent and he pictures her curled up on the couch in their parents’ home, drinking sweet tea and flipping through the TV channels. He suddenly feels so homesick he wants to cry. Great. Now he’s a big gay crybaby.
“He’s kinda hot. He’s got a nice ass.”
Jared groans. “Please don’t talk to me about Chad’s ass. I don’t want to think about Chad’s ass. And he’s totally not hot when he ain’t got his make-up on. You should see him on Mondays when he hasn’t shaved all weekend. His chin looks like a half-plucked chicken.”
They share another laugh and he thinks to himself that she isn’t so bad and it’s cool to be able to laugh about this with someone.
Which lasts until she says, “So, now that you’re gay, are you gonna start dressing yourself properly? Aren’t gay people supposed to have at least some fashion sense?”
“Haha, funny. And stop saying I’m gay.”
“Have you learned the lyrics to Oklahoma yet? Gotta know your musicals, bro. And hey, I think I have a Cher CD here somewhere.”
“I’m gonna kill you.”
“Yeah, yeah. So, you think you’re a top or a bottom?”
See? This is why he should never tell her things. Ever.
Turns out that Chad has some kind of seven shots amnesia, or at least he acts like he doesn’t remember slobbering all over Jared’s face and that’s the end of that. Or it would be if he hadn’t been stupid enough to tell his sister, who’ll use just about every opportunity she gets to throw cheap shots his way. Like, during family dinners or sitting with his grandma in front of the TV. Seriously, who does that?
He’ll be relaxed and smiling, just being the nice well brought up son his momma loves and cherishes, and then, out of the blue, Megan will start talking about that guy on that show and how hot he is and doesn’t Jared think so? Smiling innocently at him while stuffing her face with pie or whatever and he’ll just sit there, blushing like an idiot and imagining jamming that stupid pie down her throat or knocking her over the head with the remote. So not cool.
Thankfully his parents are oblivious to the death-threatening glares crossing the table and his grandma’s pretty hard of hearing anyway, so he just shrugs and says “Whatever.” or “I don’t know, haven’t seen it.” And she’ll grin at him and start talking about rainbows or “Really love that pink shirt. Can I borrow it?”
He wonders if he’ll get acquitted of sororicide if he can prove just how much of a pain she is.
So when he gets signed up for Supernatural he should have known she’d be all over him about it, especially since she’s been drooling over Jensen Ackles since like forever. Days of Our Lives and Dark Angel and even Smallville, even if she thinks Tom Welling is a total moron.
“So, Jensen, huh? Wow. He’s like the prettiest thing in the world.”
Jared rolls his eyes, pinning the phone between his ear and shoulder as he twists the cap of a Miller. “He’s a guy. Guy’s aren’t pretty, they’re handsome.”
“JT, he’s pretty. He’s prettier than any girl I know. He’s got like… lips.”
“Everyone’s got lips.”
“Yeah, but his are total girl lips. And he’s got eyelashes that could sweep the world.”
“Are you high?”
“I’m telling you, he’s like the prettiest girl in the world, but with, you know, guy equipment. So this is your perfect chance.”
He’s gonna regret it but he has to ask. “For what?”
“To see if you’re really gay or bi or whatever. Seriously, if you don’t wanna lick him all over after spending five minutes with him you’re totally straight. Believe me.”
“I’ve got a girlfriend. Remember?”
“So did Gary and now he’s all happy in Rainbow land. Like, what if you’re only straight as long as the right guy doesn’t come along? And what if this is your Mr. Right?”
“Meg…”
“And then if it doesn’t work out… you can always give him to me.”
“I’m gonna hang up now.”
“Check your e-mail. Then call me back and tell me he ain’t pretty.”
He manages to stay away from his laptop for almost an hour. Because he’s already met Jensen, although briefly, and yeah, so he’s kinda hot. But so is almost everyone in this business and he couldn’t care less. That thing with Chad was obviously just a fluke. Just the beer and the shots and quite possibly the joint - he hadn’t told Meg about that, he’s not totally retarded - talking. Or kissing. Whatever. He sure doesn’t want to do it again, not with him or anyone else that doesn’t have tits. So yeah, straight, no doubt about that.
But he has to check his e-mails anyway. His agent’s gonna send him some documents and he’ll be pissed off if Jared doesn’t answer right away. And since he’s already opened his mailbox…
So yeah, totally Meg’s fault.
Because he clicks on the link to the first picture and suddenly there are these eyes staring at him. Big, dark, eyelashes to sweep the fucking world eyes. For a moment he just sits there, staring. Takes him a whole five minutes before he even lets his gaze travel further down. And there they are. Lips. The lips. The most perfect lips he’s ever seen on anyone. Meg was wrong though. They aren’t girly lips. In fact girl parts don’t come anywhere near the images those lips are projecting in Jared’s brain.
There are lots of other pictures but he keeps coming back to that one. It’s a few years old, five at least, and so totally homoerotic that he has to wonder if Jensen used to do twinky porn on the side. Which brings up even more and quite dirtier images that have his heart racing and his gut doing somersaults.
He jumps as the cell phone suddenly vibrates in his pocket. Meg.
“So, you gay or not?”
He swallows, his eyes never leaving the screen. “I’m… thinking about it.”
“I knew it! Have you seen the one with the eyes yet?”
He doesn’t even throw out the obvious, ‘They all have eyes, Meg’ but just takes a deep breath and says, “Yeah. Fuck.”
There’s a pause on the line and then Meg’s voice comes back, softer, all laughter gone. “It’s gonna be okay. I mean, whatever you do, I’ll be here. And mom and dad… they’ll be cool.”
“I’m so screwed.”
“No you’re not.” She blows him a kiss across 1880 miles. “But you could be if you play your cards right.”
“Not the time for jokes, Meg. Seriously.”
“Okay, okay. You all right?”
“No.”
“JT…”
“I gotta go. Talk to you later.”
Thing is….
Thing is he’d been cool. Talked to Jensen, shaken his hand and been okay. Hadn’t even thought about him in any other way than hoping that they’ll hit it off because he knows they’ll pretty much be in each other’s pockets for the next few months. They’ll be together in almost every single scene and if it turns out they don’t like each other they’re gonna have a hell of a semester. But Jensen had struck him as cool and nice and such an overall great guy that this whole having his own show thing suddenly didn’t seem so scary anymore.
But now…
Now all Jared can think about are those eyes and those lips and fuck, he’s so gay. Or possibly bi. Whatever he is it’s not straight because he’s pretty sure straight guys don’t jerk off to the thought of Jensen’s pretty lips wrapped around their dicks while his ridiculously pretty eyes look up at them from beneath those stupidly long lashes.
He gasps, pants around his ankles, dick softening in his sticky hand. Shooting starts in two days. He’s so screwed. Shitshitshitshitshit.
Monday arrives with getting introduced to the crew and the extras and wardrobe and before he knows it they’re already on set, going through their lines and being bitchy brothers with chips the size of Texas on their shoulders. It’s totally awesome and exciting and if Jensen notices how nervous Jared is between takes or how he can’t stop glancing Jensen’s way, he doesn’t mention it. Probably figures he’s intimidated or some shit like that. After all Jensen’s a way bigger star than Gilmore Girl Jared - Three Emmy nominations? Shit. Beats his lame Teen Choice Awards nomination by a mile - and probably used to people being nervous around him.
The week goes by incredibly fast and by Friday he’s feeling a little bit more in control of himself and decides that this crush on Jensen is just something he’ll get over if he manages to stay distant from the guy long enough. A good plan. A great plan that falls totally through when Jensen catches Jared’s arm just as he’s about to head home for a long cold shower and lots and lots of straight porn. His fingers burn Jared’s skin through three layers of Sam’s clothing and he has to fight not to snatch his arm away and run like Jensen’s a damn leper or something.
“Hey, Jare, wanna grab a drink? Just us. Get to know each other a little, you know, since we’re brothers and all.”
Jensen flashes him a smile that’s nothing like Dean’s, eyes warm and soothing but slightly hooded, as if he’s afraid Jared might brush him off. Which is exactly what Jared’s gonna do.
“Uh…” Think, think. Some excuse. Something. Have to go walk the dogs and do laundry and… Jensen raises his eyebrows at him and he laughs nervously. “Yeah. Sure.” Fuck.
“Great.”
The hand squeezes his arm briefly before letting go. Jared glances down but there are no scorch marks and his arm looks exactly the same. It’s just warmer.
“I’m just gonna shower and change. I’ll pick you up in… what, half an hour?”
“Uhm… okay.”
See? Totally, totally Megan’s fault.
If she hadn’t sent him those pictures he would have been perfectly fine. Just downed a few beers and shared a laugh and maybe wondered a little how hot that pretty mouth was. Nothing wrong with wondering. But no, she did send him those pictures and for that reason, here he is, drunk out of his skull, head propped up on one hand as he gazes at Jensen with a goofy smile on his face. And instead of continuing to talk about football or fangirls or whatever it is they’d been discussing half a minute earlier, he suddenly blurts out, “You know, Jen, you… you’re like a chick with a dick.”
Jensen freezes, beer half raised to his lips. He blinks, as if he’s not sure if he should be insulted or not. “Dude, what the fuck?”
“Nono! I mean… you’re really pretty. Like a girl but… you have a dick. Which makes you, you know, totally perfect.”
Jensen looks offended for a minute but then he shakes his head in amusement and tilts back the bottle. Jared watches mesmerized as Jensen’s Adam’s apple bobs, wondering drunkenly if Jensen would mind awfully much if he leaned over and nibbled. An apple a day…
“Okay, I’ll play. Perfect for what?”
Jared’s eyes snap up and he blinks a few times, trying to remember what they were talking about. Oh yeah. Right. Okay. “See, Meg… That’s my little sister. Such a pain. Painpainpain. God. Anyway, she said that… that if I didn’t want to totally lick you all over, ‘cause you’re so goddamn pretty, I’m defi- definitely straight. So… yeah.”
Jensen just looks at him, staring with those fucking gorgeous eyes that have Jared almost dropping his face down on the table because they’re just so deep and he’s falling falling…
“Jared, is there something you wanna tell me?”
His head snaps up again, making his neck twinge, and he frowns, half in pain, half in confusion. “I just did. Right?”
Jensen raises his eyebrows and after a while he smiles indulgently. “So you don’t want to lick me? Because you’re straight. That’s it?”
Hell, how drunk is he? Or maybe the guy’s just dumb. Jared sighs dramatically and takes another swig of his beer. “Jensen. Man. Be happy you’ve got such a pretty face ‘cause you’ve got nooo brains. At all.”
For some reason Jensen doesn’t seem to like that - calling Jensen stupid probably isn’t the best pickup line, Jared realizes - because he shakes his head again and sighs. Then he stands up and pulls on his jacket. “Okay, I think it’s time you went home. Come on.”
Pouting slightly, Jared lets himself be manhandled out of the bar and into Jensen’s tiny Honda. He doesn’t even complain when Jen reaches over to fasten his seatbelt, even if he’s a fucking adult and can very well do stuff like that all by himself. Except then he wouldn’t have Jensen leaning over him and brushing Jared’s chest with his arm and man, those lips are just inches away. He doesn’t even manage to finish that thought or do anything about it before Jen straightens up again and is starting the car. Damn. Jared leans against the window, gazing at Jensen with bleary eyes. Yeah, definitely so very very gay. Or bi. Or some shit like that.
“So… you use gloss?”
“What?”
“You have, like, perfect lips.”
Jensen laughs, if somewhat awkwardly. “Let me guess, girly lips?”
“That’s what she, you know, Meg, said but they so aren’t. They’re-“ Jared stops himself at the last minute, frowning. He’s pretty fucking drunk but somewhere in the back of his brain a voice is whispering that telling Jensen his lips are perfect for sucking cock? Probably not the best idea.
When he doesn’t continue Jensen throws him a glance. “They’re what?”
“Just… pretty.” He leans towards Jensen, peering with half mast eyes at the lips in question. The voice in his head is still muttering something but he blatantly ignores it. “Bet you’re a great kisser.”
Jensen stills at that, staring ahead at the road for a moment before giving a shaky laugh. “Oookay. Jare, I really think we should save this ‘til tomorrow.”
“We should?” Jared blinks slowly then nods gravely. “We should. Yeah. I’m like… Sorry, man. Sorry.”
“No problem.”
They drive in silence, Jared half-dozing off as his head lolls against the window. When the car stops he jerks awake and looks around with bleary eyes.
“Here we are. You need help getting in?”
“‘M not that drunk.” He swipes at the door until he finally catches the handle. The first attempt at getting out of the car proves totally unsuccessful, seeing as he still has his seatbelt on. The second attempt is better, except for the fact that he trips over his own feet and falls out of the car and flat on his face.
“Jare, you okay? Shit.”
“I’m… I’m fine. Fuck.”
“Come on.”
Jared stumbles to his feet as Jensen pulls him up by his arm. He stands swaying for a moment, watching the world spin in front of his eyes, and is eternally grateful when Jensen slips the arm around his own neck and grabs Jared around the waist to keep him from falling again. Oh yeah, nice shoulders. Lots of muscles. And he smells so damn good.
“Dude, what are you doing?”
“You smell sooo good.”
Jensen’s hold around Jared’s waist tightens. Mmm, yeah. Jared leans in closer, nuzzling his neck. So warm and damp with sweat. He can feel Jensen’s pulse fluttering against his lips and thinks he might possibly have a neck kink.
“You really need to use your mouth to smell me?” Jensen’s voice shakes slightly.
“Taste good too.”
“Christ. Where are your keys? Come on.”
Jared almost falls over when the dogs come bouncing, welcoming him home with the kind of enthusiasm that says, ‘We need to pee. Now!’
“Hey! Hey, girls. Say hi to Jenny.”
“Jesus. Not you too.”
“Sorry. Sorry, man. I mean Jensen. Jen.” He pets Sadie’s head before flashing Jensen his brightest smile. “Dude, we should like, totally take them for a walk.”
Jensen looks down at the dogs and then back up at Jared and shakes his head, smiling with amusement. “You should ‘like, totally’ go to bed, Jay. Like, now.”
“Yeah. Yeah, except… They’ll pee on the carpet, man. Or my shoes. Or something.”
Jensen closes his eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath before reaching down to scratch Harley behind the ears. “I’ll take them. After I get you to bed.”
Somehow they manage to get to the bedroom, with Jared only tripping about four times. First over his shoes, then the dogs, then the carpet before finally catching his toes on the threshold and falling face first on the bed.
Man, he loves his bed. It’s warm and soft and big enough to easily fit two people. Like him and Jensen. “You should sleep here, Jen. My bed’s the best bed in the world.”
“I’m sure it is. Need to take your dogs out, remember?”
“Yeah. Yeah.” He rolls over on his back with some difficulty, and smiles up at Jensen, who’s watching him with an unreadable look in his eyes. “Wow, you’re like the best friend ever.”
Jensen’s smile falters slightly and he looks suddenly tired. “Guess so. Come on, off with your shoes. Jesus, your feet stink. Okay, and then the jeans.”
“Ummmm, yeah.” Jared squirms lazily as the warm fingers pulling at his belt brush his stomach. “You gonna blow me now?”
Jensen’s answer eludes him since his brain chooses that moment to shut completely off and he passes out.
-----------------------
Jared wakes up to the end of the world. Or at least it feels like it should be the end of the world considering all the pain he’s in. Actually any kind of death would be great right about now. Somehow he manages to open his eyes and pry his sticky cheek away from the damp pillow. His tongue is glued to his palate, big and fuzzy like a dead rat. Tastes like one too.
He groans as he rolls over onto his back and stares up at the ceiling. Then stumbles out of bed with incredible speed, just reaching the toilet bowl in time to vomit what looks like a disgusting mixture of alien brains and alcohol.
It seems to take an eternity to wring his stomach out but just when he’s sure he’ll pass out from the pain, he can suddenly breathe again. Shivering he sits back on the floor, resting his damp and achy head against the side of the bathtub. Sweat is leaking down his brow and into his eyes and chills run down his back like electric charges.
Christ. How fucking drunk was he last night? He remembers something about Jensen and a bar. And…
Oh.
Oh crap.
Shitshitshitshit.
“Please, God, kill me now.”
“You all right?”
He jumps up so fast he slips on the bathmat and falls back on his ass. His very naked ass. Ow. And… Oh God. “Jen! Christ! What… what you doing here?”
Jensen grabs his arm, seeming totally unfazed by the fact that Jared’s naked as a newborn baby. “Come on, let’s get you up. Jesus, you’re heavy.”
Jared shakes his head, cautiously so it won’t explode, and stares at him with red-rimmed eyes. Jensen. In boxerbriefs and nothing else. Oh God. “Jensen. You. Here. Why?” Brain. Wake up. Now.
Jensen shrugs. “I crashed on your couch.”
“Uhuh. Why?”
“You were totally wasted last night, dude. Thought you’d drown in your own barf or something.”
“Oh. Uhm, thanks.”
“No prob.” Jensen closes the toilet, flushes, and lowers Jared down onto the seat. “I suggest you brush your teeth. Makes you feel better. Smell better too.”
Jared opens his mouth to protest but the taste coating his tongue is like death and dog poo so he accepts the toothbrush from Jensen’s hand and cleans his mouth as best he can. When he’s done Jensen’s ready with a glass of water and he rinses and spits into the sink before finally daring to look up. Oh God, Jensen’s chest. With nipples. Jared drops his eyes again. Oh, look. Jensen’s feet. He’s even got pretty feet. Who the hell has pretty feet?
God, he’s so gay he’s drooling over feet now?
“So, yeah… Listen, Jen…About last night…”
“It’s okay. We’re cool.”
Jensen pulls Jared to his feet again and supports him back into the bedroom. He feels solid and strong and so warm against Jared’s chilled skin he wants to wrap Jensen around him like a human blanket.
“No. Yes. I mean, good. That’s good. But…”
He tries to protest as he’s pushed down onto the bed but Jensen just pats his arm and pulls the covers over him again.
“Jare, you were drunk. It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”
He shakes his head, which sends sparks of pain through his brain. “Yeah, but… I’m not drunk now. Okay, maybe I’m still a little drunk. But…”
He closes his eyes. Here goes nothing.
“She was right. Meg.”
There’s silence and after a while he carefully glances up. Jensen is standing at the foot of the bed, watching him with those fucking beautiful eyes, pursing those absolutely illegal lips, one hand unconsciously scratching his stomach and Jared knows he’s lost. He might as well throw himself off the goddamn proverbial cliff.
“I actually do wanna lick you. And I think I’m maybe gay. Or bi. Or something.” He shoots another look up, his face burning.
Jensen doesn’t move, just keeps watching him, his eyes growing darker and a line of tension forming at his jaw. Jared swallows the humongous lump in his throat. Fuck, he’s totally blown it. Jensen’s gonna walk right out of here and tell Kripke they should kill Sam off in the next episode or something and he’ll never ever get work anywhere because everyone will know he’s a big flaming fairy and shitshitshit.
“But, like, it’s ok. I mean, I know… You’re not… Fuck.” His voice breaks. “Please don’t hate me.” Christ.
He pulls the covers over his head and wonders if maybe he can kill himself if he presses his face hard enough into his pillow. Possibly. Maybe. At least he should be able to pass out which would be a very good thing.
“Jared.”
The covers are pulled from his face but he keeps his eyes squeezed shut. Maybe if Jensen thinks he’s asleep he’ll go away so Jared can pursue his brilliant pillow suicide plan.
“Jared, will you please look at me.”
After a moment’s hesitation he opens one eye and squints up at Jensen who’s looking down at him with a concerned smile.
“Hey, it’s okay. So you like me. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with being gay. Or bi. Or whatever.” Jensen chuckles. “Not sure about the licking though. I’m pretty ticklish.”
Jared blinks. “You’re not mad?”
“Nah. I mean, hell. I’m kinda flattered.”
Jared groans and tries to pull the covers out of Jensen’s fists. He’s sure his face is purple with embarrassment.
“Hey. Stop it. You know, you’re not too butt ugly yourself.”
“Haha.”
“Obviously not girly pretty like me…” Jensen grins as Jared cringes. “… but you’ve got those big ass puppy eyes and the most infatuating smile I’ve ever seen. Very white teeth. Really… shiny.”
God, kill me. Kill me now. “Shut up. Please.” Jared closes his eyes again. This is worse than having his pants pulled down in front of the whole class in 6th grade.
“I mean, for a guy you’re not too bad. Not the type I usually go for but…”
What? Jared’s eyes instantly pop open. “What?”
“Those dimples, man. And your hands.” Jensen is blatantly ignoring the shocked look on Jared’s face as he slowly runs a finger over Jared’s white clenched knuckles. “Fuck, just look at those hands.”
Jared’s blinking obsessively. He imagines he looks like a cartoon hooker but his brain really isn’t in any shape to do anything more productive. “Huh?”
“Seriously.”
Jensen tugs at the covers until Jared’s fingers uncurl to release them, then raises one hand up to study it. Jared just lies still, staring up at Jensen as he turns the hand over and runs his fingers along the palm and then up the middle finger.
“I can just imagine what you could do with those long fingers.” He glances down at Jared, quirking his eyebrow. “Assuming you know what to do with them?”
Jared’s brain kick-starts although it’s not really up to its finest because he blurts out, “I’m… I’m not a virgin!”
Jensen just smiles at him.
“I’m not. I have a girlfriend. Way hot. Playboy material, man.”
The smile turns into a smirk. “Yeah? She let you put those fingers up her ass? She put things up your ass?”
“What? No!”
“Then as far as what we’re talking about, you’re a virgin, Jared.”
He squirms, feeling himself blushing. “What are… what are we talking about?”
Jensen just smiles again and raises Jared’s hand up to his mouth.
Oh God. Jared’s eyes roll back in his head as his fingers are sucked in between the prettiest lips in the world and into the hottest mouth known to man. And probably woman too but right now it’s the man part he’s focusing on. Mainly himself. Who’s making the most embarrassing noise in the back of his throat, while bucking his hips in a very unmanly fashion.
“Oh Go…nnngh!”
Tongue! Around his fingers! Ohgodohgodohgod…
Jensen pops the fingers out of his mouth and licks his lips. “She do that?”
She who? Jared wracks his brain, trying to remember anything other than Jensen and his perfect mouth. Oh. “Uh, not… not like that.”
“No?” Fingers crawl up his chest, only to curl around the covers and slowly pull them down. “You ticklish, Jare?”
“No.” He jumps as Jensen’s thumb slides down along his side. “Maybe a little.”
“You tickle when she licks you?”
“Licks me?” His voice is squeaky and he clears his throat before trying again. “Licks me where?”
“Everywhere.” Jensen chuckles as Jared squeezes his eyes shut and whimpers. “You said you wanted to lick me. Well, you’re not that unlickable yourself.”
“Is that…” gasp “…even a word?”
Jensen leans forward, breathing hotly into his ear. “You want me to stop and go look it up?”
“No! Nonono, no need for that. If you say it’s a word it’s totally a word.”
“Because, you know, I could go home and check.” Jensen sits back again, palm resting lightly on Jared’s belly, right beneath his ribcage. “Got a big dictionary on my shelf. Will only take me about an hour.”
Jared snaps his eyes open. “If you leave I’ll kill you!”
Jensen laughs. It’s a clear and honest laugh and Jared can’t do anything but stare at the amusement glittering in Jensen’s pretty eyes, and the shiny teeth flashing between his pretty lips and god, he’s so pretty. So damn fucking pretty it should be illegal. That happy pretty face is lightening up the whole damn room and suddenly Jared knows for sure that it doesn’t matter if Jensen is only teasing or if Jared will be headline news in ET’s Just Out Now section tomorrow, he’s so totally in love it’s not even funny.
Jensen is still gazing down at him but the smile is freezing and Jared just knows there’s something he’s supposed to do, or say, or something. But all he can do is continue to stare back, wondering how on earth he came to be here, like this, with Jensen fucking Ackles, almost naked in his bed. The smile fades from Jensen’s lips, his eyes slowly going dark and Jared panics, thinking he’s going to up and leave. But…
Jensen’s lips are soft and warm. They’re not girly at all, especially not when they open up and Jared feels hot air against his lips as Jensen breathes into his mouth. Jared parts his lips to draw in that hot breath but instead he gets Jensen’s tongue, slipping inside his mouth and licking over his teeth and who the fuck needs air anyway?
Oh yeah, Jensen is a great kisser. Actually he’s probably the champion of kissing, if there is such a contest. Maybe there is but there’s no way Jared’s letting go of Jensen’s lips long enough to let him compete in it. Unless the other contestant is just him and…
Suddenly Jensen’s lips are gone, so fast that Jared’s brain is still struggling with the realization that Jensen’s kissing him in the first place and hasn’t really gotten to the part where he’s supposed to kiss back. He stares up into Jensen’s eyes where they hover right above his, sucking in breath in shallow gasps.
The wary look from last night is slipping back into Jensen’s eyes and he’s pulling further away when Jared finally jerks awake and grabs Jensen’s head between his hands and pulls him back down. This time there’s no hesitation, no pause, no clenched teeth in the way. Jared licks his way around Jensen’s mouth, mapping it out for later, and then draws back so he can suck Jensen’s tongue into his own mouth. He’s not sure which he likes more. Jensen’s mouth tastes so good but his tongue is so warm and slippery and he thinks he might come just from thinking about what that tongue could do to his cock.
He pulls back with a shaky breath, blinking rapidly. “God, Jen. You… Jesus.”
“Yeah.” Jensen nuzzles into his neck, naked chest rubbing against Jared’s, one hand clutching Jared’s arm, the other stroking his hipbone. “Fuck.”
“Yes. Please.”
Jensen’s laughter vibrates against Jared’s skin and he closes his eyes as it travels down his chest and then lowerlowerlower…
Nope, nothing girly about those lips. Nothing girly at all. Meg couldn’t have been more wrong. As soon as he’s coherent enough to speak he’s gonna call her and tell her how totally wrong she was.
Because it may all be her fault, for which he’s going to get on his fucking knees and kiss her feet, but that doesn’t mean she can get away with bullshit like that. No one calls his boyfriend a girl and gets away with it.
Oh God. Did he just call Jensen his boyfriend?
So totally screwed.
Hopefully within the next half hour.
fin
[ETA. More stories in this same verse can be found here.]