I used to wonder where I developed my cracktastic abilities from. Then I started having regular conversations with my mother.
Me: *helping Mom take out the trash* OMG ew. Don't touch that, you don't know where it's been.
Mom: ...What, did you use it to wipe your ass?
Me: ... ... . . . ...No?
Mom: Then what's the problem?
Me: *dead on the floor
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