mmm.... i love the feeling you get when you are absoloutly exausted in a good way! what a fun night... i think this one is gonna give me a run for my money.

so i told myself i was gonna start using this thing to vent. but half the shit in my head i cant even say outloud, even when i know that know one is paying attention. probably normal for a spaz like me.

ugh. its cold in my house. so many things i should do... dont want to have a part of any of it. suppose that is normal.

yeah. so. im depressed. and too fucked up for anyone to ever really love. and even if i ever met someone who wanted to love me, i doubt i would let them. you can spend you whole life with this image of yourself, ya know. then one day, someone says one sentence, or you catch a weird glimpse of yourself walking by a mirror, or you see a picture, ( Read more... )

No one has said what the truth should be ( Read more... )

contradiction is everywhere.

so when i went to bed last night, there was a man an armslength away from me. i know that at anypoint in time, i can reach over and suggle up to him and give in to my need for human contact. at one point this was a regular thing for us. but now. i dont know what it is. maybe its me realizing that he is fragile, and that i may be even more. i feel ( Read more... )

so a couple hours, a new camera, lunch, and a pedicure later, i feel a little more satisfied. also i learned that i am getting new neighbors. i think it is one of the apartments above and diagnol to ours, but i have gotten quite used to having no one above or below me, i will have to adjust to more noise outside. there are three of them. the kind ( Read more... )

goodmorning saturday. after i finally peeled my lazy ass out of bed. here i sit with nothing to do. i mean, i do have options. i could go back to bed and mess up my sleep schedule, i could give in to the nausea, or i could go to breakfast with the shannon, or i could go entertain myself while an asian woman paints my toes. oh the tough decisions ( Read more... )

Fridays. I fucking love fridays. I get paid. I work my ass off. It goes by fast. I dont have to get up at the asscrack of dawn the next day. Then i go home. And sit here. and wonder what i can do...