(no subject)
Q. Hi!
A. Oh hi, horror/mystery writer that I like a lot.
Q. How was Boskone?
A. Pretty great, actually. I found two of your books (and your books aren't that easy to find) in the huckster's room for $1 each.
Q. And what else?
A. Fiskadoro by Denis Johnson on the freebie table!
Q. Score!
A. I know!
Q. So there was something you wanted to tell me, right?
A. Yes. It's about the book I just finished.
Q. It was pretty good, right? Scary?
A. Yeah, pretty good. Mostly well-written. And the scary parts were pretty shocking, actually.
Q. That's what I'm here for.
A. I know. You're better than a lot of other mass-market horror writers most of the time. That's why I read you.
...There's just this...one thing.
Q. What's that?
A. The penis thing.
Q. What penis thing?
A. The random-throwing-of-a-naked-penis-into-a-scene-like-it's-scary thing.
Q. It's not?
A. Let me say this again. PENISES ARE NOT SCARY. PENISES ARE NOT SCARY. PENISES ARE NOT SCARY.
Q. ...They're not?
A. You guys all seem to have a really hard time understanding this. A naked penis thrown into a scene where unspeakable horror is happening is just silly.
Q. I don't believe you.
A. Example: Your serial killer spends most of the book slowly removing the flesh from victims while they're still alive, and while they watch, which is pretty horrible and terrifying...but then, at the climactic moment, the killer reveals a NAKED PENIS. Which is supposed to be even more terrifying? I guess?
Q. I don't know. I was pretty scared.
A. I bet you were.
...There's just one other thing.
Q. What?
A. A lady who has just met another lady typically doesn't go right over to the new ladyfriend's house, take a bubble bath in the new ladyfriend's tub, and have the new ladyfriend massage her breasts.
Q. They don't?
A. Especially when one of them is a detective tracking a serial killer.
Q. They DON'T?
A. No.
Q. Cinemax lied to me.
A. Cinemax lies to everyone, man.
A. Oh hi, horror/mystery writer that I like a lot.
Q. How was Boskone?
A. Pretty great, actually. I found two of your books (and your books aren't that easy to find) in the huckster's room for $1 each.
Q. And what else?
A. Fiskadoro by Denis Johnson on the freebie table!
Q. Score!
A. I know!
Q. So there was something you wanted to tell me, right?
A. Yes. It's about the book I just finished.
Q. It was pretty good, right? Scary?
A. Yeah, pretty good. Mostly well-written. And the scary parts were pretty shocking, actually.
Q. That's what I'm here for.
A. I know. You're better than a lot of other mass-market horror writers most of the time. That's why I read you.
...There's just this...one thing.
Q. What's that?
A. The penis thing.
Q. What penis thing?
A. The random-throwing-of-a-naked-penis-into-a-scene-like-it's-scary thing.
Q. It's not?
A. Let me say this again. PENISES ARE NOT SCARY. PENISES ARE NOT SCARY. PENISES ARE NOT SCARY.
Q. ...They're not?
A. You guys all seem to have a really hard time understanding this. A naked penis thrown into a scene where unspeakable horror is happening is just silly.
Q. I don't believe you.
A. Example: Your serial killer spends most of the book slowly removing the flesh from victims while they're still alive, and while they watch, which is pretty horrible and terrifying...but then, at the climactic moment, the killer reveals a NAKED PENIS. Which is supposed to be even more terrifying? I guess?
Q. I don't know. I was pretty scared.
A. I bet you were.
...There's just one other thing.
Q. What?
A. A lady who has just met another lady typically doesn't go right over to the new ladyfriend's house, take a bubble bath in the new ladyfriend's tub, and have the new ladyfriend massage her breasts.
Q. They don't?
A. Especially when one of them is a detective tracking a serial killer.
Q. They DON'T?
A. No.
Q. Cinemax lied to me.
A. Cinemax lies to everyone, man.