What I Want For My Birthday (Now) Is...
Long Drabble
Pairing: Eunhyuk/Donghae, implied!Haemin, implied!Kyumin (if they are your bias)
Birthday fic for: Lee Hyukjae (though it's more than a week late, sorry Hyukkie..)
A/N: I warn for failure and plotlessness and endlessness and grammar errors and every other thing you can find
POV: Eunhyuk
You are mine, I know. Your boyfriend is me. It’s me the one you hug. It’s me the one you kiss. When you’re sad, you seek my presence first before anyone else. We dance together, rap together, play soccer together, almost everything. Yeah, almost. It’s just… I don’t know since when, but there’s like an invisible bridge that connects you and him, a bridge that separates us, a bridge that contains singing ability and look.
Your pairing for fanservice is me, it was, it is, and it should have been for ever. But then I saw you holding hands with him. I didn’t say anything. You once told the world you two are awkward together but what now I see? You can lie to the world but you can’t to me.
“Let’s break up.” I’ve said for million times.
“No. I need you.” You’ve replied for another million times.
You two are too much alike, I know, one reason that brings you not more than best friends, a reason why me who your boyfriend is. But you two create your own world I can never reach. I am left out, and it hurts.
“Can you stay away from him for me?”
“Hyukkie… We are all bandmates, how can you expect me to do that?”
“Yeah, we are all bandmates, alright. He and you, he and I, you and I are.”
“Hyukkie…”
Please, Hae… Can’t you find any way to convince me? Hugs and holding hands won’t work anymore on me because you do them too to him. Kisses won’t either, because you’ve done them to me too frequently and they have long lost their meaning. Neither will those intimate touches because they consist of more lust than love. I’m not even sure if there’s still love left.
Our relationship used to be happily childish, right? I still remember everything. When you belonged to me only, and he belonged to the one he was supposedly with. Genuine laughter and grins dominated our days.
“Hyuk ah, what do you want for your birthday?”
“You asked that a year ago and two years ago, what do you think my answer for this year?”
“Hae ah, I only want you here beside me when I’m having my birthday...” Donghae imitated me, in a very similar way. I chuckled and cuddled him dearly.
“I’m so touched, Hae. You remember exactly my words.”
“Every word coming from your mouth will plant forever in my brain, Hyukkie. Everything you do, everything about you. I’ll remember them automatically.”
“Why?” I asked curiously.
“Because I love you?”
“I love you too! But why can’t I do the same? Your words I still remember maybe just that ‘Hyuk ah, I love you too’, your reply of my confession.” I giggled.
Donghae smacked my shoulder playfully. “Maybe because my love is greater than yours?”
And after everything has happened, I can’t help but to remember your words too, your every loving and your every painful words and acts. Maybe my love is now greater than yours? I don’t know if your love still does exist or not, but if it does, where is now your so called ‘love’, Hae?
No one asking me for what I want for on birthday today. I feel empty, but I’m relieved too, because I’m not sure if my answer will stay the same like years ago. At the moment, I don’t want you here beside me. Seeing you is painful.
You are my everything. Nothing your love won’t bring. My love is yours alone. The only love I’ve ever known...
I wonder why I haven’t changed my ringing tone yet. I used to love the song but now I hate it. The lyrics lie. You might mean it when you once sang to me but now it’s all meaningless.
I’ve ignored the calls and let the phone die, running out of battery. Just for today, I know Teuki Hyung and maybe everyone throw me a surprise party or anything, but this year, I prefer being alone. I watch the vapour and the raging ocean, wishing the wave can bring these feelings along.
“Hyuk...” My eyes widen as I turn, facing the owner of that familiar voice. “You just come... to my favourite place?” I don’t even realize I am now on the beach, your favourite place.
“So what? This is a public place...”
“Well, it’s just weird if you run away to a public place where you know you are possible to be found.” I shut my mouth, don’t know what to say to defend myself. I’m startled when suddenly you walk closer. “Hyukkie ah, saengil chukhahaeyo.”
“...Thanks.” I reply shortly.
“What do you want for your birthday?”
Ah, that question again. “You’ve asked the same question repeatedly and I thought you remember my answer?”
“I have a feeling that you’ll answer differently. Be honest, Hyukkie? What do you want now? What can I do for you?”
I sigh before daring myself to say, “Let’s break up.”
“No. You don’t want that, do you? I don’t either.”
“Hae, please... It hurts.”
“Breaking up with me will hurt both of us and that’s what you want? You definitely lie. What can I do so it won’t hurt anymore? Please, tell me.” You pleaded.
“Can you stay away from him?” But before you open your mouth to answer, I continued, scoffing, “No. I can’t expect you to do that because we are bandmates, can I?”
We’ve talked about this again for more than million times but still there’s no conclusion. I give up. I am new to love and this kind of love really confuses me. So I leave you alone just that way. I let my legs lead me to anywhere but the dorm and the beach.
Maybe there is no hope. Forever, I will only own you as a boyfriend. You will never love me again, now just need, as a boyfriend. I don’t know anymore who’s at fault, maybe love itself is a mistake.
You know what I want the most, Hae? I want to turn back the time, our first year being together. But you can’t do it for me, right?
I stop walking and look down, expressionless. I am now standing only a metre before a steep and deep cliff. Things will go smooth and easy if I just jump, won’t they? Luckily my rationality still works and pushes the thought away, at least I still know what’s right and what’s wrong. I don’t want to die now, not on my birthday. You will think I’m such a quitter, a coward, and that’s the least I want. So I stay here, falling asleep long after. I’ve changed my wish. What I want now is a strength, to see you two on the next days and maybe find another love...
-End-
Pairing: Eunhyuk/Donghae, implied!Haemin, implied!Kyumin (if they are your bias)
Birthday fic for: Lee Hyukjae (though it's more than a week late, sorry Hyukkie..)
A/N: I warn for failure and plotlessness and endlessness and grammar errors and every other thing you can find
POV: Eunhyuk
You are mine, I know. Your boyfriend is me. It’s me the one you hug. It’s me the one you kiss. When you’re sad, you seek my presence first before anyone else. We dance together, rap together, play soccer together, almost everything. Yeah, almost. It’s just… I don’t know since when, but there’s like an invisible bridge that connects you and him, a bridge that separates us, a bridge that contains singing ability and look.
Your pairing for fanservice is me, it was, it is, and it should have been for ever. But then I saw you holding hands with him. I didn’t say anything. You once told the world you two are awkward together but what now I see? You can lie to the world but you can’t to me.
“Let’s break up.” I’ve said for million times.
“No. I need you.” You’ve replied for another million times.
You two are too much alike, I know, one reason that brings you not more than best friends, a reason why me who your boyfriend is. But you two create your own world I can never reach. I am left out, and it hurts.
“Can you stay away from him for me?”
“Hyukkie… We are all bandmates, how can you expect me to do that?”
“Yeah, we are all bandmates, alright. He and you, he and I, you and I are.”
“Hyukkie…”
Please, Hae… Can’t you find any way to convince me? Hugs and holding hands won’t work anymore on me because you do them too to him. Kisses won’t either, because you’ve done them to me too frequently and they have long lost their meaning. Neither will those intimate touches because they consist of more lust than love. I’m not even sure if there’s still love left.
Our relationship used to be happily childish, right? I still remember everything. When you belonged to me only, and he belonged to the one he was supposedly with. Genuine laughter and grins dominated our days.
“Hyuk ah, what do you want for your birthday?”
“You asked that a year ago and two years ago, what do you think my answer for this year?”
“Hae ah, I only want you here beside me when I’m having my birthday...” Donghae imitated me, in a very similar way. I chuckled and cuddled him dearly.
“I’m so touched, Hae. You remember exactly my words.”
“Every word coming from your mouth will plant forever in my brain, Hyukkie. Everything you do, everything about you. I’ll remember them automatically.”
“Why?” I asked curiously.
“Because I love you?”
“I love you too! But why can’t I do the same? Your words I still remember maybe just that ‘Hyuk ah, I love you too’, your reply of my confession.” I giggled.
Donghae smacked my shoulder playfully. “Maybe because my love is greater than yours?”
And after everything has happened, I can’t help but to remember your words too, your every loving and your every painful words and acts. Maybe my love is now greater than yours? I don’t know if your love still does exist or not, but if it does, where is now your so called ‘love’, Hae?
No one asking me for what I want for on birthday today. I feel empty, but I’m relieved too, because I’m not sure if my answer will stay the same like years ago. At the moment, I don’t want you here beside me. Seeing you is painful.
You are my everything. Nothing your love won’t bring. My love is yours alone. The only love I’ve ever known...
I wonder why I haven’t changed my ringing tone yet. I used to love the song but now I hate it. The lyrics lie. You might mean it when you once sang to me but now it’s all meaningless.
I’ve ignored the calls and let the phone die, running out of battery. Just for today, I know Teuki Hyung and maybe everyone throw me a surprise party or anything, but this year, I prefer being alone. I watch the vapour and the raging ocean, wishing the wave can bring these feelings along.
“Hyuk...” My eyes widen as I turn, facing the owner of that familiar voice. “You just come... to my favourite place?” I don’t even realize I am now on the beach, your favourite place.
“So what? This is a public place...”
“Well, it’s just weird if you run away to a public place where you know you are possible to be found.” I shut my mouth, don’t know what to say to defend myself. I’m startled when suddenly you walk closer. “Hyukkie ah, saengil chukhahaeyo.”
“...Thanks.” I reply shortly.
“What do you want for your birthday?”
Ah, that question again. “You’ve asked the same question repeatedly and I thought you remember my answer?”
“I have a feeling that you’ll answer differently. Be honest, Hyukkie? What do you want now? What can I do for you?”
I sigh before daring myself to say, “Let’s break up.”
“No. You don’t want that, do you? I don’t either.”
“Hae, please... It hurts.”
“Breaking up with me will hurt both of us and that’s what you want? You definitely lie. What can I do so it won’t hurt anymore? Please, tell me.” You pleaded.
“Can you stay away from him?” But before you open your mouth to answer, I continued, scoffing, “No. I can’t expect you to do that because we are bandmates, can I?”
We’ve talked about this again for more than million times but still there’s no conclusion. I give up. I am new to love and this kind of love really confuses me. So I leave you alone just that way. I let my legs lead me to anywhere but the dorm and the beach.
Maybe there is no hope. Forever, I will only own you as a boyfriend. You will never love me again, now just need, as a boyfriend. I don’t know anymore who’s at fault, maybe love itself is a mistake.
You know what I want the most, Hae? I want to turn back the time, our first year being together. But you can’t do it for me, right?
I stop walking and look down, expressionless. I am now standing only a metre before a steep and deep cliff. Things will go smooth and easy if I just jump, won’t they? Luckily my rationality still works and pushes the thought away, at least I still know what’s right and what’s wrong. I don’t want to die now, not on my birthday. You will think I’m such a quitter, a coward, and that’s the least I want. So I stay here, falling asleep long after. I’ve changed my wish. What I want now is a strength, to see you two on the next days and maybe find another love...
-End-