More Hooks...
Hook 64
Genre: Urban supernatural fantasy
When the repo man shows up to snatch her dead grandfather's Cadillac, Eunice "Bug" Smoot is shocked to learn that a) the repo man is actually a demon and b) her grandfather, Papa C, financed the car by selling his immortal soul to the Devil. The problem is, Papa C is hiding out in the afterlife, refusing to relinquish the collateral.
Bug resists the repo demon with the help of her new boyfriend, Pesto Tavares, and his extended family. Together, they try to find a way for Bug to keep the Cadillac and to free Papa C of his debt. But the sales contract is air-tight, except for a challenge clause that pits Bug in direct competition with Lucifer himself. The stakes? If Bug loses the challenge, she forfeits her own soul. Set in El Paso during Halloween and Día de los Muertos, SOUL TACO, is the story of a sassy girl, supernatural beings, bi-national culture, and of course, love.
Notes:
While I find parts of this hook amusing, I’m having trouble sympathizing with a heroine who would fight a life-and-death battle with Lucifer over something as insignificant as a car. Especially considering that her dead grandfather can no longer drive it. Speaking of the dead grandfather, how can someone “hiding out in the afterlife” refuse to relinquish a car? You’d think Papa C would be more concerned with reclaiming his own soul.
Hook 65
Genre: Fantasy with Romantic Elements (Heck, just call it paranormal romance)
Twenty years ago, the swampy air swallowed Jackie Kelleher. She left behind her daddy's cut up bones, her granddaddy's shoeless corpse, and the mud Mike Chase saw her track onto her front porch after he kissed her goodnight.
Attorney Michael Chase hadn't set foot in the Kelleher shack since Sheriff Barnes took him to see the crime scene two decades ago. Nobody could scare an explanation out of him then. God knows he wishes he didn't have an explanation now.
Now Jackie's reappeared in Cross Hollow as if she'd never left it -- claiming she's guilty of a crime she would never have committed. Hell is coming to play judge, jury and if Michael fails in pleading Jackie's case, executioner. Hers. His. Everyone who knew her before the day she disappeared from her old life.
Notes:
This may very well be a good story, but I can’t tell for sure from the hook. Sheriff Barnes doesn’t really deserve a mention in here, and his presence is taking up precious wordcount that could have gone to further entice me. I’m not sure if Hell is a character, or just a reference to…something scary and vague. I like the idea of a girl disappearing into the swamp only to show up years later claiming to be guilty of something horrible. But if she’s claiming guilt, why would Mike want to defend her? My suggestion would be to take anything confusing out of the hook, even if the story itself explains things well. If I can’t understand the hook, I won’t read the book.
Hook 69
Fantasy
When Tamicus meets King Aleron, the boy longs to leave his life of begging and be with the king. After following Aleron through the streets of Celmor, Tamicus is noticed by Aleron and taken into the King's House. Tamicus learns of the ambitions of King Aleron to stop the battles with neighboring country Nazobi and end the reign of kings in Celmor to establish a new government. But the Nazobians and the king's own soldiers fight against the changes. Tamicus is forced into the chaos and conflict of the two countries as the King's House is torn apart by the traitorous soldiers and murderous Nazobians. Amid the confusion and violence, Tamicus must discover who he is and what he needs to fight for.
Notes:
In spite of the strange names and ubiquitous fantasy-land large-scale battle, I can find no real information in this. It’s full of motivations I don’t understand and characters I don’t know. Maybe a little less unfamiliar politics and a little more characterization? Ultimately, this sounds too much like most fantasy and nothing here compels me to read more. Try showcasing what’s unique about your novel, rather than what’s already been done.
Hook 70
Genre: Young Adult
In 1997, undeclared German major Gretchen Giffen thinks she's read enough self-help books-including the Bible-and devoured enough romance novels to know how life works. After she’s elected co-chair of the Fellowship of Christian Students by those who mistook her natural reserve and skill at parroting “churchspeak” for towering faith, Gretchen vows to work hard to please the God she sees as demanding and distant. The problem is, she can’t seem to stop “sinning against her body” when she reads those bodice-rippers.
When transfer student Connor Whitaker sweeps in with a hard-luck story and “me against the world” attitude, Gretchen eagerly accepts the new gospel he presents: God doesn’t care about sex, so live it up. Gretchen expects a little twinge of guilt to follow her first time-as Connor says, overcoming cultural conditioning’s not easy-but nothing like the conviction that floods in. Either the Bible had it right after all, or she’s as damaged and neurotic as Connor claims. Hoping for the former, she breaks up with him and confesses her indiscretion to the FCS leaders, who shun her. God forbid her ultra-conservative family back in California ever find out.
Though deeply hurt by the shunning, Gretchen remains inexplicably drawn to spiritual things. As winter turns into spring, she joins a sorority, discovers a passion for teaching, and even rekindles things with Connor when he returns from boot camp in the fall. With the promise of a wedding in December 1999, Gretchen moves in with Connor after graduation until her betrayal finally ends their rocky relationship. When she goes home to be a bridesmaid in her younger sister’s wedding, family confrontations open the question: Can one who willfully rejected God ever be forgiven? And is it too late to pursue a career as a German teacher?
Notes:
I don’t think the years are relevant in the hook, nor am I sure why the story needs to be set a decade in the past. Not much has changed since then, except for some cultural references which will only make the story sound dated. Also, I’d have liked a better genre explanation. I know it’s YA, but that’s not really a genre. Is this Christian fiction? Is Gretchen supposed to be rediscovering her faith, or deciding that she doesn’t need it? And I don’t understand why it would ever be too late to pursue a career as a German teacher. This meanders a bit too much for me, and I’m not sure what the goal of the story is.
Hook 71
Genre: Young Adult Fiction
Son of a successful fashion designer, Ian Harrington was born into the world of the rich and shameless. The 19 year-old blames himself and his father for his mother's death, and flees London to his mother's native Toronto to escape a deepening rift with his English family. Beautifully blond, tall and slender, the shy guitarist hides his pain behind pale blue eyes, privately numbing the guilt which has followed him across the ocean.
Ian meets the lovely, charming Sarah, a singer and music business insider who falls hard for the gifted songwriter. Determined to forge a future with him personally and professionally, she introduces him to her father, a rock and roll producer who is always on the look-out for new talent. Before long, Ian starts a band with Sarah, finding focus, friends and romance in the lively, turbulent rock music world of the late 1970s. However, his past cannot be escaped so easily, and Ian is constantly beset by the demons of his early life. When Sarah uncovers his addiction and confronts him with her findings, Ian's self-destructive behaviour escalates, and the burden of hiding old secrets threatens everything the band members have ever desired.
Notes:
Not bad. The writing is smooth and I see no real problems with this hook. However, I don’t see anything particularly original or compelling in it either. Fortunately, good writing sometimes trumps all. Best of luck with this.
Hook 72
Genre: Paranormal Romance
Hook for [Redacted]:
Ever had your memories and superpowers mysteriously stolen from you, forcing you into an early retirement? Teresa "Trance" West doesn't recommend it. After muddling through her (lack of love) life without goal or game plan for fifteen years, both powers and memories return in a moment of blinding pain and panic. Getting it all back when her life's in the crapper should feel like a blessing, but it doesn't. She used to be a plain-Jane, below-average telepath. Now her eyes are purple, her hair is streaked violet, and she can create powerful energy orbs by snapping her fingers.
Shorted tip money, behind on the rent, and sporting someone else's superpowers, Teresa doesn't think her night can get any more complicated. Then Gage McAllister shows up in living, sexy color. Another reactivated hero, Teresa is instantly attracted to his silver eyes, super-enhanced senses, and ability to make her heart race with a smile. With visions of sweaty bed sheets dancing in her head, she leaves the city with Gage, who is hell bent on tracking down more of their former teammates. Dodging both deadly attacks from a telekinetic villain and her own growing attraction to Gage, Teresa is plagued by headaches, cramps and violent energy bursts. With a killer after them, it's bad enough that she has to learn control over her new powers. Now it appears that she's allergic to them, too.
Notes:
Hmmm. This isn’t bad. Sounds like a cross between The Incredibles and Playing With Fire. Not wholly original, but possibly fun. However, I’d like to know why their powers came back so suddenly-or at least that they’re trying to find that out-and why the bad guys are after them. Assuming the book itself contains those answers, I’d probably read more. Hook #72, you are moving on to the Pages round!
Hook 73
Fantasy
The orphaned Almer recently won his spurs and became a knight. Now, he is running for his life. Shortly after being introduced to his family, Almer has been accused by his cousins of assassinating their grandfather, Pierre Plantanet, the king of Gévaudan. The Holy Brotherhood of the Sword, the order of knights that raised Almer, has been betrayed by the church and scattered. Many of them have been rounded up for execution.
Almer has sworn to find his grandfather’s killer and clear his name. Even if it means he has to raise an army and take the crown of Gévaudan for himself. The only help Almer can rely on is Mordecai, a renegade elf, and Nekt, a young warrior from the rat-like garri. Standing in his way are his cousins: Ganelon, the newly crowned king, and Ghislan, one of Almer’s fellow Swordbrothers. Standing with them are the ambitious knight, Remy, and Abd-Al-Aziz, a sorcerer from a distant land.
Between garri visions, Mordecai’s remembrances of a world long vanished, and his own misgivings, Almer has questions. Who really loosed the arrow that killed his grandfather? Wounds heal at his touch, beasts speak to him, is he in danger of loosing his soul as a sorcerer? What secrets of the past has the church kept hidden? Are he and his friends pawns to forces that have been at war since the beginning of the world?
Notes:
Okay, you’ve given us plenty of plot and action, and that’s good. Unfortunately, several of the plot points and characters sound pretty clichéd, and I’d rather see a new twist on them instead of the same old assassinated-king, evil sorcerer, and orphan-who’s-really-royalty. This doesn’t stand out much from the other fantasy stories already out there.
Hook 74
Science Fiction
Teriel has a reputation as the best Retriever in the bounty hunter guild, even if he's known to have a cold personality. He may not have any friends, but he does have his coworkers' respect and has turned down nominations for guild presidency three years running. Most guild members assume it's because the current president is his former mentor, but that's only part of the reason.
The real reason is that hunting down his brother is at the top of Teriel's to-do list. However, crossing that item off is made difficult by his brother disappearing into the galaxy-spanning Eksezi Corporation. The Corporation and Teriel have had several encounters over the years, and the Corporation has always come out on the short end of them. They have reciprocated by putting Teriel on their own lists, and the price beside his picture isn't for making his acquaintance.
Teriel does have one secret he guards well: in his off time, he makes illicit humanitarian-aid runs past stubborn planetary governments. Because of his fear of someone finding out and destroying his reputation, he has no partner, and never allows anyone else aboard his ship. On one fateful humanitarian mission, however, he's forced to break that self-made rule after landing on the breakfast of a duquine. The two-horned, horselike creature has not only an attitude but secrets of her own, and as they're revealed Teriel realizes that his brother and the Eksezi Corporation are more tightly coupled than he thought. As he forms a wary friendship with the duquine, he's forced to decide what really matters in life, and learns that sometimes trust and love are the only currency that matters. Unfortunately, he also learns that jealousy can sometimes trump even old friendships.
Notes:
On the bright side, I feel like I know quite a bit about Teriel from this hook. He’s a good guy, but is still flawed. That’s good. But the hook itself is wordy and a bit awkward, which makes me worry that the story will be too.
Hook 75
Mystery
Giulia Russo, ex-nun and PI-in-training, has a stalker to catch. People open up to her, and her previous ten years in the convent gave her a keen sense of right and wrong. Trouble is, they also made her cherish privacy. Till now she’s rationalized working for a snoop by focusing on all the good she’s done for Frank Driscoll’s clients.
A client cozies up to Giulia and Frank completely misinterprets the situation. Packages from the stalker appear in Giulia’s mailbox.
Afraid to sleep, Giulia begins living on espresso. She has no human to turn to--her family disowned her when she jumped the wall. Frank shuns her. She can’t find refuge in God-she feels naked at Mass without a habit and avoids church.
Her conscience gleefully torments her when she reads the files on the stalkers. She has to know who’s after her, but she’s surrendered a lifetime’s values to a temporary fear. When a naked Barbie doll with its throat slit arrives, she has to choose. She can keep her principles and hope they’ll stop a knife.
Or she can betray herself.
Notes:
I like the idea of an ex-nun PI. It has the potential for some good humor, or at least a lot of angst. However, I’m put off by some punctuation problems in this one, one of which caused me some confusion in the fifth sentence, which seems blunt and somehow disconnected from the rest of the hook. Also, why is a PI searching for a stalker? Isn’t that a job for the police department? And if not, who hired Guilia? Finally, I don’t understand her choice at the end-what principles are we talking about, and how would she be betraying herself?
Hook 76
Urban Fantasy (Adult)
On a flight to Ireland , Sean Kelley’s father, who’s been dead for a week, tells him about the troubles Sean will face by bringing his ashes home. A flight attendant shakes him awake, abruptly cutting their discussion before he could be properly warned.
Unbeknownst to Sean, two thugs, Rook and Flannery, are waiting to intercept him at the airport and take him to their mysterious employer. That is, they would have if Interpol hadn’t put Kelley’s name on a “Detain for Questioning” list. Sean is whisked away to answer some very unsettling questions posed by Inspector Ling about his father and why he fled the country over thirty years before.
Elsewhere, a young woman journeys to a hidden cave to awaken the bound Erlking, who can feel the return of someone who can release him. If he’s released, the Wild Hunt may ride the nights again, wreaking the havoc and mayhem that for which it’s renowned.
Notes:
The first sentence grabbed my attention and showed a great instinct for surprising the reader. Unfortunately, it went downhill from there. I like the implied mystery, but I also want to know (briefly) how the young woman and the Erlking (whatever that is) connect to Sean and his dead father. And what on earth is the Wild Hunt? A little mystery is good. Confusion is just frustrating.
Hook 77
Fantasy (light)
More than 2000 years ago, Levi was born twisted, deformed, so broken his own father ordered him taken to a field and left to die. 900 years ago Harold, a Christian emperor in the Middle East , wrote a letter, pleading for military help that never arrived. Nearly 500 years ago, Johnny sought the Fountain of Youth, putting his life and reputation on the line, both of which were stripped from him when history recounts he was shot by Calusa Indians and taken to Cuba where he died among strangers.
But today, in the 21st century, Levi is alive, his back straight, his heart at ease with his fate as a man Jesus healed-if too well. Harold survived the Crusades, partook of his kingdom's eternal springs, and lives still, teetering on the edge of sanity as he flees from unseen and perhaps imaginary enemies. And Johnny, having discovered the legendary waters, never died, yet was forced to give up his old life and begin again amid a people he hardly knew, people who, by their own struggles to survive, would remind him daily of the sins of the conquistadors. Although not quite immortals, these are men-at times blessed, at others cursed-with inordinately long lives that can only be cut short by unnatural deaths.
And now a very old friend is on his way to fulfill a centuries-old oath, even if it means killing the only man left alive who shares his memories of the Calusa, his adopted family. All of their lives, including the mortals who know their true stories, are forever intertwined as they serve as each other's confidants, confessors, and saviors. They discover that the greatest gift is not immortality, but the ability to die-especially for someone else.
Notes:
I like the writing on this one and would probably read on. However, based on the hook alone, it doesn’t feel very “light.”
Hook 78
Genre: Young Adult
Hook for "[Redacted]"
Seventeen-year-old Scott Kadinero is beginning his senior year of high school and has always lived - happily, he believes - in his popular twin sister Stacy's shadow. Stacy and their older brother, Vince, are his support in his family, and Scott is looking forward to following Vince to college and escaping the violence of their home.
When Stacy is blinded in a freak accident in the chemistry lab, Scott is left to navigate their senior year alone. Blind Stacy is different than confident Stacy, and Scott has a difficult time reconciling the two. He struggles with feeling responsible for her while dealing with his brother's absence, his father's aggression, his mother's excuses and a blossoming romance with an old friend.
As graduation approaches, Stacy has tentatively settled into her new challenges and Scott has begun to imagine life after high school. During an after-prom party, Scott is involved in a fist-fight with a classmate. When the police bring him home, a brutal argument with his father, Jerry, ensues, and Scott flees the house. This sets into motion a chain of events which will change Scott's family, and his life, forever.
My novel, "Blind Spot," touches on Stacy's accident and her family's adjustment to it, but it's also about the ongoing and subtle abuse that Scott and Vince have been taking from Jerry their whole lives. Out of the family home and touched by tragedy, Vince tries to discover why Jerry was so physically and verbally abusive to his sons and why no one - not their mother, Fran, nor Fran's sister, Cindy -- tried to stop him. Scott, however, would rather put the whole thing out of his mind. As Vince digs deeper, Scott is left to wonder who he might be, if he's neither Stacy's twin nor his father's defective son.
Notes:
I like the angst and complicated characters in this one, and I see no obvious problems with the writing. However, the hook itself reads more like a synopsis. Still, I’d probably read more.
Hook 80
Sidhe Prince, Hawthorne Trenor, is approaching his ascendance to a throne he has no interest in holding as well as monitoring and inspiring his first Charge as a Muse for the Human Evolutionary Initiative. While he is learning the ropes of his Muse duties, his mother, the Queen, assigns Thorne to an investigation into suspicious activity in the realm known as the Exiled Plane where souls of fallen angels and faeries are sent to spend eternity as punishment for their crimes.
Someone has initiated contact with the ousted former King Reagan Fenrir. He was sent to the Exiled Plane for killing his successor and Thorne’s father, King Malcolm Trenor, as well as carrying out what was known as The Deception, a time when the Sidhe allowed humans to worship them as gods.
But the Exiled Plane isn’t alone in its troubles. In the human world, Thorne may be falling for his first Charge since assuming his Muse responsibilities and risks being stripped of his power. Meanwhile, the investigation into the disturbances on the Exiled Plane uncovers illegal contact with the former King Fenrir, which threatens to bring his soul back to sentience. Driven by his hunger to return to Faery, King Fenrir, known as the Black Sovereign after his exile finds a loophole in the relationship between the Human Evolutionary Initiative and their human Charges as a possible way to find a body for himself and perhaps hundreds of his exiled brethren. The test subject is Valentina Parrera: art student, Charge and subject of growing interest to Thorne and the Black Sovereign and the perfect tool to exact his long awaited revenge.
Notes:
I love the idea of a male muse inspiring a Charge. Love it. But what on earth is the Human Evolutionary Initiative? This hook is a bit complicated, but I like the story it outlines. My only problem with it is that sidhe royalty feels overdone to me.
Hook 81
Genre: Mystery
Ditzy dog catcher, Meg Carligle is broke and behind on her rent and with a houseful of wayward pups, she needs to come up with some cash and fast. When she stumbles across the dead body of dog-lover, Stan Polesky, she knows he won't mind if she borrows a few bucks. Leaving an IOU behind, she never imagines it will be traced back to her and lead everyone in the small town of Rumor , Alabama to believe she's a cold-blooded killer.
To complicate matters, the mystery man she's been dogging for his blatant disregard of leash laws, as well as her authority, is the lead detective investigating Polesky's murder. Top cop, Nick Steele, seems determined to find enough evidence to make the murder charge stick. Making matters worse, Meg finds herself drawn to him like a hound dog on the scent of a juicy T-bone. Fighting her conflicting emotions as well as a murder charge, Meg begins her own investigation into the retired librarian’s death. But with her freedom as well as her love-life at stake will she find the killer in time?
Notes:
I see no problems with the writing, but I already dislike the heroine. I have a feeling I won’t like a heroine even the author describes as “ditzy,” and I can’t help thinking she’s even less intelligent than that adjective implies if she thought it was okay to steal from a corpse and is then surprised when she’s fingered as the killer. Sorry, but this doesn’t work for me at all, in spite of promising writing.
Hook 82
Genre: Sci-Fi and Fantasy
Every child on Novi grows up knowing they will be Matched with their perfect affinity group. Life is good and it’s been good for over a hundred years. But someone is trying to rig the Match, and the Compact of Humanity wants to know why this planet is so inhumanly peaceful.
Stella plans to go to the Match like her parents before her; Max plans to twist the Match for his own purposes, and Jerzy plans to file a routine report and return to active duty. All three have forgotten that the Matcher makes the rules.
Notes:
I want to know a little more about each of the characters. Something to tell us not only what they plan to do, but who they are. I won’t feel compelled to read on if I don’t feel like I know at least one of the characters.
We may be posting more later today, so stay tuned! :)