Prince of Tennis - Yanagi Renji - 020. Colorless
Title: Sleepless Dreams
Fandom: Prince of Tennis
Characters: Yanagi Renji, Sanada Genichirou, Yukimura Seiichi
Prompt: 020. Colorless
Word Count: 1,785
Rating: PG-13
Summary: After years together as lovers, Yukimura passes away. Renji finds no reason to go on living, but he does anyway. Sanada doesn’t know how to handle his living lover, and memories seem to haunt Renji at every turn.
Author's Notes: Character death. Post-canon. Is rather depressing in the beginning, but has a relatively happy ending.
My LDT found here
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
That easy smile haunted me.
It had been a year since Seiichi finally succumbed to his body’s will for the eternal sleep of death.
I felt lost without him, honestly. Genichirou was always there, just as he said he would be. But it just wasn’t the same.
I took the year off from teaching, outwardly to mourn Seiichi’s passing like a good lover should do.
All I could do was turn inward. I wasn’t the Renji they had fallen in love with. I think Genichirou knew as well that I wasn’t myself, but he never said anything. I think he thought I could pull myself out of this.
This year was spent doing normal things. Having meals, doing laundry...I was pretty much a housewife.
There were some days when I thought he was right there with me. I’d turn around, and all I would see is Genichirou coming through the door, looking as good as always in his three piece suit. I sometimes thought he would follow, and we’d have dinner together. I think tonight we were having curry. The hot sauce was on the table for him. Genichirou and I could never stomach too much of that stuff.
“You still have that?” Genichirou’s deep, rough voice asked.
I just nodded.
“You’ve never been kissed in the rain?” He asked, incredulous. As if the heavens had known, the gray skies let loose with their raindrops.
“I haven’t.” I admitted. My life before college was rather mundane, rather ordinary, and my girlfriend at the time was just as ordinary as I was. He was putting some excitement into my life right now.
He pressed a kiss to my lips, and I smiled. It was a smile that was reserved for only him. It was a genuine smile, not the fake one I give to my so called friends. I didn’t have many of those either, but there were a few I still had a real smile for.
I understood what the thrill of kissing in the rain was then. My shirt was getting soaked, the water bathing my skin, my hair dripping down into my face.
We had dated for about a month when Genichirou had suddenly showed up out of the blue. They had dated during high school. They started back in junior high, and had always been together. You could tell it in everything they did together.
And I was in the way. I offered to leave them be, to let them pick up where they left off.
He refused. He always wanted his cake and to eat it too.
“Renji.” Genichirou shook me awake. I had apparently fallen asleep watching the movie he had put in earlier. “Go to bed if you’re that tired.” He said, in a rather gentle tone for him.
“Right.” I said, standing up and stretching. I could tell I was no longer at my peak. Genichirou was getting a beer gut, and while I was still skinny as ever, I had put on a bit of weight. Even the cat was a bit heavier than she used to be. The dog had never changed though. She was sad though when his other master hadn’t come back with us.
I wondered if things could ever be normal for me again. I twisted the ring on my finger, the promise that the three of us would be together forever.
Genichirou was worried about me. He didn’t want to show it, but I knew he was. I pressed a kiss to his lips before heading off to the bedroom.
My head had barely hit the pillow before I was out. Yet I was still aware of things going on around me. I felt the bed sink when Genichirou joined me in it. I fully relaxed then, dropping into my dreams.
Normally, I dream in black and white - a complete lack of any color. I’ve never seen any hint of color in my dreams.
Tonight’s dream was tinged with blue. It looked odd. My dream self was walking through a desert. There were the occasional boulder and rocks, and there was a worn path through them that seemed familiar, yet it wasn’t.
Very old memories surfaced randomly - meeting Sadaharu, him asking us to be partners forever on my last day in Tokyo, meeting Seiichi and Genichirou at Rikkai…reuniting with them during college.
Somehow, the weather in my dream changed and I was walking in rain. I could feel the cold water drenching my shirt. A long sleeved shirt. Seiichi always thought I was crazy for wearing them, even during the summer. I wonder what made me remember that.
I stopped walking, and turned around. I could have sworn I felt a pair of eyes watching me. I didn’t see anything behind me though.
I continued down the path, wind joining the rain. It felt odd, really. Almost like it was real when my mind knew better. Ghostly echoes of the past seemed to swirl around me. I shivered a little at how strange this was.
More recent events came to the surface of my memories. The one that made me pause the most was the memory of Seiichi’s funeral.
I choked up all over again. This time I didn’t have Genichirou to hold and comfort me. I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist. They were smaller and skinnier than Genichirou’s, but I knew them just as well. I felt the wavy hair fall on to my soaked back, the feel of his nose against my back.
“What have you done to yourself, Renji?” The soft voice asked.
“I…don’t know.” I answered honestly. I really didn’t know. In some respects, I couldn’t understand how Genichirou was able to go to work as soon as he did after the funeral.
“Really, Renji. It’s been a year. Get on with your life. You’re doing what you dreamed of, what makes you happy. You know that’s what we both want for you.”
“We were supposed to be together forever.” I whispered.
“As long as you remember me, I’m still here.”
“Genichirou won’t even talk about you anymore. It’s almost like you never existed to him.”
“Genichirou cares in his own way. He remembers. He just realized that life goes on no matter what. When are you going to realize that and go on with your own life? There are still children in need of learning, and you’re an excellent teacher. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get back to living your life. You should know you can’t live in the past. You have a future - one that includes Genichirou - to look forward to.”
It was just like him to say that. And he was right.
He always was.
The dreamscape shifted yet again, and burst into full color. It was rather surprising for someone who for most of his life had dreamed colorless dreams.
“My gift to you.” He said quietly.
I turned around, smiling sadly. “Thank you, Seiichi.” I whispered
It was afternoon when I woke up. I frowned. I usually never slept this late. I must have worried Genichirou. I had a few places to go now though.
I busied myself in the kitchen once I arrived home. I actually felt happy for once in my life. I was fixing rather a lot of food for two people, but I knew Genichirou would eat most of it.
No sooner had I thought that then he walked in the door.
“Renji?” He asked, looking confused. I went over to greet him with a kiss. “You’re…in a good mood.” He commented. I suppose it was surprising considering I hadn’t looked happy in almost a year.
“I have some good news.” I said. “I fixed your favorite for dinner.” It would probably be a while before I cook a large meal again. Perhaps I’ll invite our nephews and nieces over at some point…
Genichirou narrowed his eyes. “Who are you and what have you done with Renji?”
“Come sit down, and I’ll tell you the news.” I told him, pushing him lightly towards the kitchen.
“Why is that out?” Genichirou asked, pointing at the ancient bottle of probably now spoiled hot sauce.
“It’s an offering to Seiichi.” I said, not caring if I hit a nerve or not. “He’s the reason for my good mood.”
Genichirou stared at me like I’d lost my head. Perhaps I had. He picked at his dinner, which was odd in itself.
“It’s not poisoned, Genichirou.” I told him, eating at a normal pace. “As to my good news, I’m going back to work.” Genichirou dropped his fork and stood up and came over to me and hugged me.
“I’m glad to hear it.” He said. “I was really starting to worry.”
“Starting to? Genichirou, don’t lie to me. I know you’ve been worried about me for months.”
“You took Seiichi’s passing so hard, I didn’t know what to do. And you were…not entirely here a lot of the time. I was scared to even mention anything related to him to you.”
I looked down. “I don’t think I was here either. It’s like…I was living in a fog that kept me from moving forward.” I admitted. “All I know is that I feel like a weight has been lifted from me and I can face anything that might come.” I paused. “Just... promise me that you’ll stay with me.” I requested quietly. I hated acting needy. It wasn’t me, but I needed that reassurance right now.
“Of course.” Genichirou murmured in my ear. I felt so relieved. Seiichi may be gone, but I still had Genichirou. He finally let go of me after a few moments. “It’s fine to grieve, but you were so lost in your grief you forgot about us in the living world.”
“I’m sorry.” I whispered. A chill ran through me at those words. Thirty years ago I said those same words to a friend who meant the world to me and did something equally as stupid. I looked over at Genichirou, having suddenly lost my appetite. “Why did you tolerate it?” I asked.
“Because I love you.” Genichirou answered me. “That, and I’m sure Seiichi would find a way to kick our asses from beyond the grave.”
I chuckled at that. “I think he already has.” I said, reaching out for the bottle of hot sauce. I put a few drops on my meat. I smiled and did the same to Genichirou’s. “To Seiichi.” I said, offering it as a toast and choked it down. I swear I could hear Seiichi laughing at us.
“We’ll be fine, Renji.” Genichirou reassured me.
“I know we will.” And I actually felt like it was possible now.
Fandom: Prince of Tennis
Characters: Yanagi Renji, Sanada Genichirou, Yukimura Seiichi
Prompt: 020. Colorless
Word Count: 1,785
Rating: PG-13
Summary: After years together as lovers, Yukimura passes away. Renji finds no reason to go on living, but he does anyway. Sanada doesn’t know how to handle his living lover, and memories seem to haunt Renji at every turn.
Author's Notes: Character death. Post-canon. Is rather depressing in the beginning, but has a relatively happy ending.
My LDT found here
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
That easy smile haunted me.
It had been a year since Seiichi finally succumbed to his body’s will for the eternal sleep of death.
I felt lost without him, honestly. Genichirou was always there, just as he said he would be. But it just wasn’t the same.
I took the year off from teaching, outwardly to mourn Seiichi’s passing like a good lover should do.
All I could do was turn inward. I wasn’t the Renji they had fallen in love with. I think Genichirou knew as well that I wasn’t myself, but he never said anything. I think he thought I could pull myself out of this.
This year was spent doing normal things. Having meals, doing laundry...I was pretty much a housewife.
There were some days when I thought he was right there with me. I’d turn around, and all I would see is Genichirou coming through the door, looking as good as always in his three piece suit. I sometimes thought he would follow, and we’d have dinner together. I think tonight we were having curry. The hot sauce was on the table for him. Genichirou and I could never stomach too much of that stuff.
“You still have that?” Genichirou’s deep, rough voice asked.
I just nodded.
“You’ve never been kissed in the rain?” He asked, incredulous. As if the heavens had known, the gray skies let loose with their raindrops.
“I haven’t.” I admitted. My life before college was rather mundane, rather ordinary, and my girlfriend at the time was just as ordinary as I was. He was putting some excitement into my life right now.
He pressed a kiss to my lips, and I smiled. It was a smile that was reserved for only him. It was a genuine smile, not the fake one I give to my so called friends. I didn’t have many of those either, but there were a few I still had a real smile for.
I understood what the thrill of kissing in the rain was then. My shirt was getting soaked, the water bathing my skin, my hair dripping down into my face.
We had dated for about a month when Genichirou had suddenly showed up out of the blue. They had dated during high school. They started back in junior high, and had always been together. You could tell it in everything they did together.
And I was in the way. I offered to leave them be, to let them pick up where they left off.
He refused. He always wanted his cake and to eat it too.
“Renji.” Genichirou shook me awake. I had apparently fallen asleep watching the movie he had put in earlier. “Go to bed if you’re that tired.” He said, in a rather gentle tone for him.
“Right.” I said, standing up and stretching. I could tell I was no longer at my peak. Genichirou was getting a beer gut, and while I was still skinny as ever, I had put on a bit of weight. Even the cat was a bit heavier than she used to be. The dog had never changed though. She was sad though when his other master hadn’t come back with us.
I wondered if things could ever be normal for me again. I twisted the ring on my finger, the promise that the three of us would be together forever.
Genichirou was worried about me. He didn’t want to show it, but I knew he was. I pressed a kiss to his lips before heading off to the bedroom.
My head had barely hit the pillow before I was out. Yet I was still aware of things going on around me. I felt the bed sink when Genichirou joined me in it. I fully relaxed then, dropping into my dreams.
Normally, I dream in black and white - a complete lack of any color. I’ve never seen any hint of color in my dreams.
Tonight’s dream was tinged with blue. It looked odd. My dream self was walking through a desert. There were the occasional boulder and rocks, and there was a worn path through them that seemed familiar, yet it wasn’t.
Very old memories surfaced randomly - meeting Sadaharu, him asking us to be partners forever on my last day in Tokyo, meeting Seiichi and Genichirou at Rikkai…reuniting with them during college.
Somehow, the weather in my dream changed and I was walking in rain. I could feel the cold water drenching my shirt. A long sleeved shirt. Seiichi always thought I was crazy for wearing them, even during the summer. I wonder what made me remember that.
I stopped walking, and turned around. I could have sworn I felt a pair of eyes watching me. I didn’t see anything behind me though.
I continued down the path, wind joining the rain. It felt odd, really. Almost like it was real when my mind knew better. Ghostly echoes of the past seemed to swirl around me. I shivered a little at how strange this was.
More recent events came to the surface of my memories. The one that made me pause the most was the memory of Seiichi’s funeral.
I choked up all over again. This time I didn’t have Genichirou to hold and comfort me. I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist. They were smaller and skinnier than Genichirou’s, but I knew them just as well. I felt the wavy hair fall on to my soaked back, the feel of his nose against my back.
“What have you done to yourself, Renji?” The soft voice asked.
“I…don’t know.” I answered honestly. I really didn’t know. In some respects, I couldn’t understand how Genichirou was able to go to work as soon as he did after the funeral.
“Really, Renji. It’s been a year. Get on with your life. You’re doing what you dreamed of, what makes you happy. You know that’s what we both want for you.”
“We were supposed to be together forever.” I whispered.
“As long as you remember me, I’m still here.”
“Genichirou won’t even talk about you anymore. It’s almost like you never existed to him.”
“Genichirou cares in his own way. He remembers. He just realized that life goes on no matter what. When are you going to realize that and go on with your own life? There are still children in need of learning, and you’re an excellent teacher. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get back to living your life. You should know you can’t live in the past. You have a future - one that includes Genichirou - to look forward to.”
It was just like him to say that. And he was right.
He always was.
The dreamscape shifted yet again, and burst into full color. It was rather surprising for someone who for most of his life had dreamed colorless dreams.
“My gift to you.” He said quietly.
I turned around, smiling sadly. “Thank you, Seiichi.” I whispered
It was afternoon when I woke up. I frowned. I usually never slept this late. I must have worried Genichirou. I had a few places to go now though.
I busied myself in the kitchen once I arrived home. I actually felt happy for once in my life. I was fixing rather a lot of food for two people, but I knew Genichirou would eat most of it.
No sooner had I thought that then he walked in the door.
“Renji?” He asked, looking confused. I went over to greet him with a kiss. “You’re…in a good mood.” He commented. I suppose it was surprising considering I hadn’t looked happy in almost a year.
“I have some good news.” I said. “I fixed your favorite for dinner.” It would probably be a while before I cook a large meal again. Perhaps I’ll invite our nephews and nieces over at some point…
Genichirou narrowed his eyes. “Who are you and what have you done with Renji?”
“Come sit down, and I’ll tell you the news.” I told him, pushing him lightly towards the kitchen.
“Why is that out?” Genichirou asked, pointing at the ancient bottle of probably now spoiled hot sauce.
“It’s an offering to Seiichi.” I said, not caring if I hit a nerve or not. “He’s the reason for my good mood.”
Genichirou stared at me like I’d lost my head. Perhaps I had. He picked at his dinner, which was odd in itself.
“It’s not poisoned, Genichirou.” I told him, eating at a normal pace. “As to my good news, I’m going back to work.” Genichirou dropped his fork and stood up and came over to me and hugged me.
“I’m glad to hear it.” He said. “I was really starting to worry.”
“Starting to? Genichirou, don’t lie to me. I know you’ve been worried about me for months.”
“You took Seiichi’s passing so hard, I didn’t know what to do. And you were…not entirely here a lot of the time. I was scared to even mention anything related to him to you.”
I looked down. “I don’t think I was here either. It’s like…I was living in a fog that kept me from moving forward.” I admitted. “All I know is that I feel like a weight has been lifted from me and I can face anything that might come.” I paused. “Just... promise me that you’ll stay with me.” I requested quietly. I hated acting needy. It wasn’t me, but I needed that reassurance right now.
“Of course.” Genichirou murmured in my ear. I felt so relieved. Seiichi may be gone, but I still had Genichirou. He finally let go of me after a few moments. “It’s fine to grieve, but you were so lost in your grief you forgot about us in the living world.”
“I’m sorry.” I whispered. A chill ran through me at those words. Thirty years ago I said those same words to a friend who meant the world to me and did something equally as stupid. I looked over at Genichirou, having suddenly lost my appetite. “Why did you tolerate it?” I asked.
“Because I love you.” Genichirou answered me. “That, and I’m sure Seiichi would find a way to kick our asses from beyond the grave.”
I chuckled at that. “I think he already has.” I said, reaching out for the bottle of hot sauce. I put a few drops on my meat. I smiled and did the same to Genichirou’s. “To Seiichi.” I said, offering it as a toast and choked it down. I swear I could hear Seiichi laughing at us.
“We’ll be fine, Renji.” Genichirou reassured me.
“I know we will.” And I actually felt like it was possible now.