Prince of Tennis: Ibu Shinji, Writer's Choice
Title: Change
Fandom: Prince of Tennis
Characters: Ibu Shinji
Prompt: Writer’s Choice: Not You Year-The Weepies
Word Count: 713
Rating: PG
Summary: “Every day it starts again/And you cannot say if you’re happy”
Author's Notes: Shinji is 18.
A note about all of my Writer’s Choice fics: These are prompts that songs have inspired. As such, the connection may seen a little…off, when you compare the song title to the contents of the fic. For that reason, I will always include a link to the lyrics of the song, and, if possible a link to download the song to make it easier to understand the connection.
Lyrics can be foundhere.
Download can be found here. I encourage everyone o do so-it helps set the tone for this.
Main table can be found here
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Shinji wasn’t sure what he wanted out of life. People were bugging him all the time, to make a decision, to find something he was passionate about.
He supposed that that was the problem, really. There was nothing that he was really that passionate about. Things that he liked to do, yes, but something that he wanted to devote his life to? Nothing seemed to fit.
Shinji thought about tennis. Yes, he liked it, loved it, but it didn’t consume him like it did Akira or Tachibana or Echizen. He liked to read, but who could make a living of just reading books? He liked history, science, languages…but nothing inspired him.
Shinji wanted to feel inspired. He wanted to feel like there was a driving reason for him to get out of bed and live his life. He wanted…something…someone.
He wanted to feel.
Shinji realized that that was part of the problem. Somewhere along the line, he had stopped feeling about…anything. He had turned off his emotions, because then he didn’t have to feel lonely or afraid or angry….
Instead, now Shinji felt lost and confused.
He watched the world go past him. Everyone he saw…it felt like they all had destinations, purposes…what did he have. Shinji felt like he had…nothing. And it was crushing down on him suddenly. Everything he had spent his time ignoring came crashing over him in waves, and Shinji was curled up in his bed, just trying to breathe through it.
Shinji realized that he wasn’t happy in that one moment. And he had no idea how he could change that.
It was a…sobering realization to make. He had always thought that he was, if not happy, at least content. But now he was realizing that it wasn’t the case. He wasn’t happy, and there was nothing he could do about it, he thought.
Or maybe there was….
Shinji pulled himself off his bed and went to look at the college materials scattered over his desk. He huddled over them as the shadows scattered on the walls around him, as day turned to night. He was searching, seeking…looking for something that would awaken a spark of interest in him. Maybe if he could find that spark, grab onto it…he could follow it to his happiness.
Shinji worked with desperation, discarding some programs just to bring them back into his pile. He didn’t want to go too far away from his family, but he did want to leave the immediate area, so both far-flung schools and the two colleges that he could commute to were tossed out. He wanted the chance to travel later, though, so any schools that did not have good study abroad programs were also discarded.
He went over the schools that were left with a fine-tooth comb. He was listening to something deep inside him, not his head or his heart, but a voice, tiny and small, that was telling him what to grab, telling him where he could be happy.
It took all day, but in the end Shinji thought he had found it.
A smaller school, about an hour from his home. Far enough to reside at, close enough to come home when he needed to. Study abroad options, liberal arts department that encouraged exploration…Shinji thought that this was it. He had finally chosen a college, so at least that would shut up the voices that were insisting that he make a decision about his future.
Shinji sat and studied the brochure. And…it felt right to him. More right than anything had felt in at least a year.
Maybe here, he could find his happiness. Maybe, here…he could finally ease the lonely ache inside of him and learn how to feel again.
He wasn’t sure if it would work, though. He could not remember the last time he had felt that happiness. Shinji wasn’t even sure that he’d recognize it when it came knocking on his door.
Shinji shook his head and stood, holding the brochure. If I can’t see it coming…I’m going to have to make it come to me. I’m going to have to be more active in my life, reinvent who I am. He looked at the college pamphlet.
And this is how I will do it.
--The End--
Fandom: Prince of Tennis
Characters: Ibu Shinji
Prompt: Writer’s Choice: Not You Year-The Weepies
Word Count: 713
Rating: PG
Summary: “Every day it starts again/And you cannot say if you’re happy”
Author's Notes: Shinji is 18.
A note about all of my Writer’s Choice fics: These are prompts that songs have inspired. As such, the connection may seen a little…off, when you compare the song title to the contents of the fic. For that reason, I will always include a link to the lyrics of the song, and, if possible a link to download the song to make it easier to understand the connection.
Lyrics can be foundhere.
Download can be found here. I encourage everyone o do so-it helps set the tone for this.
Main table can be found here
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Shinji wasn’t sure what he wanted out of life. People were bugging him all the time, to make a decision, to find something he was passionate about.
He supposed that that was the problem, really. There was nothing that he was really that passionate about. Things that he liked to do, yes, but something that he wanted to devote his life to? Nothing seemed to fit.
Shinji thought about tennis. Yes, he liked it, loved it, but it didn’t consume him like it did Akira or Tachibana or Echizen. He liked to read, but who could make a living of just reading books? He liked history, science, languages…but nothing inspired him.
Shinji wanted to feel inspired. He wanted to feel like there was a driving reason for him to get out of bed and live his life. He wanted…something…someone.
He wanted to feel.
Shinji realized that that was part of the problem. Somewhere along the line, he had stopped feeling about…anything. He had turned off his emotions, because then he didn’t have to feel lonely or afraid or angry….
Instead, now Shinji felt lost and confused.
He watched the world go past him. Everyone he saw…it felt like they all had destinations, purposes…what did he have. Shinji felt like he had…nothing. And it was crushing down on him suddenly. Everything he had spent his time ignoring came crashing over him in waves, and Shinji was curled up in his bed, just trying to breathe through it.
Shinji realized that he wasn’t happy in that one moment. And he had no idea how he could change that.
It was a…sobering realization to make. He had always thought that he was, if not happy, at least content. But now he was realizing that it wasn’t the case. He wasn’t happy, and there was nothing he could do about it, he thought.
Or maybe there was….
Shinji pulled himself off his bed and went to look at the college materials scattered over his desk. He huddled over them as the shadows scattered on the walls around him, as day turned to night. He was searching, seeking…looking for something that would awaken a spark of interest in him. Maybe if he could find that spark, grab onto it…he could follow it to his happiness.
Shinji worked with desperation, discarding some programs just to bring them back into his pile. He didn’t want to go too far away from his family, but he did want to leave the immediate area, so both far-flung schools and the two colleges that he could commute to were tossed out. He wanted the chance to travel later, though, so any schools that did not have good study abroad programs were also discarded.
He went over the schools that were left with a fine-tooth comb. He was listening to something deep inside him, not his head or his heart, but a voice, tiny and small, that was telling him what to grab, telling him where he could be happy.
It took all day, but in the end Shinji thought he had found it.
A smaller school, about an hour from his home. Far enough to reside at, close enough to come home when he needed to. Study abroad options, liberal arts department that encouraged exploration…Shinji thought that this was it. He had finally chosen a college, so at least that would shut up the voices that were insisting that he make a decision about his future.
Shinji sat and studied the brochure. And…it felt right to him. More right than anything had felt in at least a year.
Maybe here, he could find his happiness. Maybe, here…he could finally ease the lonely ache inside of him and learn how to feel again.
He wasn’t sure if it would work, though. He could not remember the last time he had felt that happiness. Shinji wasn’t even sure that he’d recognize it when it came knocking on his door.
Shinji shook his head and stood, holding the brochure. If I can’t see it coming…I’m going to have to make it come to me. I’m going to have to be more active in my life, reinvent who I am. He looked at the college pamphlet.
And this is how I will do it.
--The End--