Keep trying. And if there's a helpline you can call in your area you might try doing that too. A voice on the phone can be a really good thing. Especially at three a.m.
I can sympathize with this. I have sought help in the past, and I've found that talking to medical professionals sometimes fucks me up so badly that it does as much harm as good. Therapy is meant to be upsetting, but it's not much good to me if it ruins my ability to function for weeks on end. When you have any sort of mental disorder, people expect you to get professional help, but... getting help is kind of a shit when said mental disorder entails a massive distrust of medical professionals.
As others have said, it's normal to be scared, and you need to be gentle with yourself. You need to know what your comfort levels are, and know when it's okay to go beyond them. Don't push yourself too hard, or hate yourself when you can't do something. It'll take time.
Going through that door to admit that actually, I'm not really coping was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I really hope you can do it, OP. It's so hard to take that first step, but it gets easier afterwards (and you'll probably feel better too). Take someone with you if you can, it might make it easier for you. They won't judge you and they will take you seriously (I was really worried that my problems weren't worth talking about). I'm really rooting for you, and I hope that things work out.
This is one of the hardest things to do, OP, but if you can force yourself you should. Recovery is often harder than the illness itself but it's also worth it. I can't tell you how amazing it is to be able to live without all the white noise in your head.
You should also remember that a doctor can't make you do anything you don't want to do. If you don't want therapy just yet and just want to try various meds, you can tell them that and they have to listen. If you feel your therapist isn't very sympathetic/isn't listening to you, you can change them.
I hope you manage this and I hope you feel better *hugs*
For me, finally going into the clinic was both scary and nauseating, not fun. Once I finally admitted I needed help it took a year to finally make an appointment. I've gone to three different therapists in the past year and with each first session with someone new there's still a flash of panic while I'm sitting in the waiting room that says, Gurl, gtfo of here, pronto. So, go as slow as you need, take your time and remember that if you get there and need to turn around and leave, they're not going to stop you. If one doctor doesn't suit you, find a different one.
First, let me say that I applaud you for making it to the entrance to the clinic. There are many who don't even make it that far. Now, the next step is for you to walk through the door.
We flee pain and seek pleasure. It is human nature. Cons and other such things are pleasurable, so it's only natural that you gravitate toward them. Change, even if it is change for the better, is inherently scary. That is, by its nature, unpleasurable and potentially painful. That is why you run from it.
Thus speaketh Dr. Phil: "The very act of admitting that want more puts the balance of your existance in jeopardy. You feel a tension between wanting to maintain the security of sameness, however mundane and boring it may be, and the hope of and excitement of what you really want. No matter what your circumstances of you life may be, even if painful, disrupting the sameness can be scary. A familiar pain is like a not-very-good friend: it's not a good friend, but it is an old friend. It is predictable, you know how bad it gets, and know where the
( ... )
Just go, OP, please. For me, it took my best friend making me promise I would go and knowing how he would feel if I broke that promise. It will help so much.
Everyone who has commented on this secret... thank you for your encouragement. Seriously. I feel a little like I'm abusing fandomsecrets by using it as a crutch because whenever I look at these supportive comments I always feel so much more optimistic about things... so thank you all so much, I'm going to try to get help again tomorrow and I think I'm going to make sure I follow through. Because something's really gotta give. xx
Good on you! You're being really brave, and we here are rooting for you. And there's nothing wrong with using us as a crutch if it helps you get to where you need to be :) Best of luck.
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As others have said, it's normal to be scared, and you need to be gentle with yourself. You need to know what your comfort levels are, and know when it's okay to go beyond them. Don't push yourself too hard, or hate yourself when you can't do something. It'll take time.
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I really hope you can do it, OP. It's so hard to take that first step, but it gets easier afterwards (and you'll probably feel better too). Take someone with you if you can, it might make it easier for you. They won't judge you and they will take you seriously (I was really worried that my problems weren't worth talking about). I'm really rooting for you, and I hope that things work out.
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You should also remember that a doctor can't make you do anything you don't want to do. If you don't want therapy just yet and just want to try various meds, you can tell them that and they have to listen. If you feel your therapist isn't very sympathetic/isn't listening to you, you can change them.
I hope you manage this and I hope you feel better *hugs*
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Good luck.
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We flee pain and seek pleasure. It is human nature. Cons and other such things are pleasurable, so it's only natural that you gravitate toward them. Change, even if it is change for the better, is inherently scary. That is, by its nature, unpleasurable and potentially painful. That is why you run from it.
Thus speaketh Dr. Phil:
"The very act of admitting that want more puts the balance of your existance in jeopardy. You feel a tension between wanting to maintain the security of sameness, however mundane and boring it may be, and the hope of and excitement of what you really want. No matter what your circumstances of you life may be, even if painful, disrupting the sameness can be scary. A familiar pain is like a not-very-good friend: it's not a good friend, but it is an old friend. It is predictable, you know how bad it gets, and know where the ( ... )
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Best of luck.
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