Political Campaigning (Thursday, March 2, 4th period)
Angel stood at the front of the classroom. He looked at everyone gathered very, very nervously. Rory and Logan especially.
"Um - so as announced today we have a guest speaker. Doug Sanders. He's here - " Angel shot Doug a glare " - to talk about fund-raising pyramids. And that's it. So, uh, pay close attention. And keep your pencils handy. Really, really handy. Doug?"
Doug bounded to the front of the room. "Hey everyone! First off I want you all to give yourselvs a big round of applause for coming in here today. Go on, clap. Don't be shy." Doug started clapping to lead them all off. Then, with an attitude that suggested he was barely aware of, let alone cared about, whether or not they did as he asked them, he kept on going.
"By showing up today you've said I have what it takes! I'm here to learn! I'm here to master my destiny as a cut-throat - "
Angel, sitting on the side, cleared his throat. Loudly.
" - member of the political system," Doug finished, smoothly. "And in order to do that I have to dig deep. I have to tune out those mental roadblocks and blast my way through those personal growth inhibitors. How many people here like blasting things? Show of hands, fun with blasting? Yeah. We love our video games, right? We love knowing that we're in charge. That with the right tools we can be the ones deciding who lives and who - "
Angel cleared his throat. Again.
" - gets to run this great country through the beauty of the democratic process," Doug said. "But in order to do that we have to rise to the top. We have to gather our resources and put together the time and money to get what we want. At least that's the usual way, right? Well no problem. Let's just give up our lives - "
Angel glared.
"Metaphorically!" Doug hastily added. He put on a smiling face again as he resumed addressing the group. "Let's give up all our energy and free time to the usual workaday world of drudgery and Yes-sir-boss-ism and creativity killers so that way we can get ahead! Sounds like fun, right? Yeah, doesn't sound like much fun to me either. Let me tell you, kids, nobody on their death bed said to themselves 'Gee, I wish I'd spent more time at the office.' That one's true. I know on my death bed I said to myself 'Ow, ow, those teeth are sharp!'"
Doug grinned, pausing for the laughter he clearly felt he was due. Then he launched back into his speech.
"Nobody wants to be a minion-me. We want mastery to be a master-me." Doug paused again so they could all admire his cleverness. He then stepped back towards the blackboard so he could pull a screen down. "And how do we do that? Simple. Utilizing my patented, as seen on TV, multi-level exponential flow cooperative."
The screen down, Doug flicked a switch to turn on a slide:
"Now I know what you're saying: Hey, Doug, speak English!" He laughed, waving down their concerns. "It's okay. Here's how it works. You have something you want to promote. Let's say a political candidate." Doug gave Angel a smug look. "Now what do you do when you have something you like? You tell your friends, right? You tell your families. How many of you have friends and family? Hands up. Uh-huh. And how many of you like cookies? Hands up for cookies. And chocolate? I bet you all love chocolate right? Let's give a big round of applause for chocolate."
As before, Doug led the clapping then moved on without caring if anyone joined him or not. "Now let's say you're eating the best chocolate cookie in the world. Wouldn't you tell someone about it? Wouldn't you call a friend, a family member - maybe even that special guy or girl that you're thinking of taking to the prom? Who here has a special guy or girl? Nahh, just kidding. I won't make you confess. I'm not that evil. But I can see the looks and blushes. Some of you - right? Right? Yeah, I can see.
"Okay, so you'd tell someone? Maybe two someones? Two people isn't that bad, right? I bet everyone in this room knows two people they'd share a cookie with, recommend a movie to, maybe even say 'You'll never guess the crazy guy we had to listen to in class today' am I right?
"Well that's all it is," Doug made a show of wiping his hands clean as though the work day was done. "You get two, then they get two, then they get two, and before you know it you've got an entire army of - "
Angel held up a pencil, pointedly. In all senses of the word.
" - registered voters who are happy to volunteer for your fund-raising efforts," Doug said. He gave another big smile. "Any questions?"
[ooc: Wait for OCD threads! OCD threads are up with people!]
"Um - so as announced today we have a guest speaker. Doug Sanders. He's here - " Angel shot Doug a glare " - to talk about fund-raising pyramids. And that's it. So, uh, pay close attention. And keep your pencils handy. Really, really handy. Doug?"
Doug bounded to the front of the room. "Hey everyone! First off I want you all to give yourselvs a big round of applause for coming in here today. Go on, clap. Don't be shy." Doug started clapping to lead them all off. Then, with an attitude that suggested he was barely aware of, let alone cared about, whether or not they did as he asked them, he kept on going.
"By showing up today you've said I have what it takes! I'm here to learn! I'm here to master my destiny as a cut-throat - "
Angel, sitting on the side, cleared his throat. Loudly.
" - member of the political system," Doug finished, smoothly. "And in order to do that I have to dig deep. I have to tune out those mental roadblocks and blast my way through those personal growth inhibitors. How many people here like blasting things? Show of hands, fun with blasting? Yeah. We love our video games, right? We love knowing that we're in charge. That with the right tools we can be the ones deciding who lives and who - "
Angel cleared his throat. Again.
" - gets to run this great country through the beauty of the democratic process," Doug said. "But in order to do that we have to rise to the top. We have to gather our resources and put together the time and money to get what we want. At least that's the usual way, right? Well no problem. Let's just give up our lives - "
Angel glared.
"Metaphorically!" Doug hastily added. He put on a smiling face again as he resumed addressing the group. "Let's give up all our energy and free time to the usual workaday world of drudgery and Yes-sir-boss-ism and creativity killers so that way we can get ahead! Sounds like fun, right? Yeah, doesn't sound like much fun to me either. Let me tell you, kids, nobody on their death bed said to themselves 'Gee, I wish I'd spent more time at the office.' That one's true. I know on my death bed I said to myself 'Ow, ow, those teeth are sharp!'"
Doug grinned, pausing for the laughter he clearly felt he was due. Then he launched back into his speech.
"Nobody wants to be a minion-me. We want mastery to be a master-me." Doug paused again so they could all admire his cleverness. He then stepped back towards the blackboard so he could pull a screen down. "And how do we do that? Simple. Utilizing my patented, as seen on TV, multi-level exponential flow cooperative."
The screen down, Doug flicked a switch to turn on a slide:
"Now I know what you're saying: Hey, Doug, speak English!" He laughed, waving down their concerns. "It's okay. Here's how it works. You have something you want to promote. Let's say a political candidate." Doug gave Angel a smug look. "Now what do you do when you have something you like? You tell your friends, right? You tell your families. How many of you have friends and family? Hands up. Uh-huh. And how many of you like cookies? Hands up for cookies. And chocolate? I bet you all love chocolate right? Let's give a big round of applause for chocolate."
As before, Doug led the clapping then moved on without caring if anyone joined him or not. "Now let's say you're eating the best chocolate cookie in the world. Wouldn't you tell someone about it? Wouldn't you call a friend, a family member - maybe even that special guy or girl that you're thinking of taking to the prom? Who here has a special guy or girl? Nahh, just kidding. I won't make you confess. I'm not that evil. But I can see the looks and blushes. Some of you - right? Right? Yeah, I can see.
"Okay, so you'd tell someone? Maybe two someones? Two people isn't that bad, right? I bet everyone in this room knows two people they'd share a cookie with, recommend a movie to, maybe even say 'You'll never guess the crazy guy we had to listen to in class today' am I right?
"Well that's all it is," Doug made a show of wiping his hands clean as though the work day was done. "You get two, then they get two, then they get two, and before you know it you've got an entire army of - "
Angel held up a pencil, pointedly. In all senses of the word.
" - registered voters who are happy to volunteer for your fund-raising efforts," Doug said. He gave another big smile. "Any questions?"
[ooc: Wait for OCD threads! OCD threads are up with people!]