Outdoorsmanship 101, Wednesday, period 1
"So last week, y'all got a chance to hang out on a blindingly cheerful planet where the local wildlife was pretty much universally happy to see you," Eliot said, when the students had gathered for class. "That's probably the only time you're ever going to get that experience, unless you happen to be from a world like that one." He shook his head. "For the most part, the best you're gonna get from animals in the wilderness is indifference. And that's what you're going to want. Better a moose looks at you and then goes back to doing its moose thing than deciding you're a threat and chargin' and trampling you. Hell, you can't guarantee a deer ain't gonna want to do that, and they're more likely to bolt in the opposite direction. Most places you go on modern Earth type worlds, the animals are going to know about humans. Either they're gonna be used to you, like squirrels in a city -- who might steal your damn food out of your hand if you ain't careful -- or they're gonna see you as a threat and either get the hell outta there or try to take you down. Ain't really a whole lot of animals these days that look at humans and just see prey. We've got a rep. But that doesn't mean they ain't still dangerous."
Eliot led the way into the preserve, continuing to talk loudly as he went. "For the most part, if you're just out on a hike or playing in the woods for fun, best thing you can do is just what I'm doin' right now: make noise. The wildlife can hear you comin' a mile off, and if they ain't those damn green deer things we got around here --" who had gotten to rather like Eliot's lectures over the weeks and usually followed him plaintively back to the edge of the preserve after class, "-- they're gonna steer clear. What you don't want to do is startle anything. So playin' music, singing, or talking consistently is a good policy. Course, this'll also warn off any smaller stuff you actually want to get a look at, the stuff that ain't gonna be able to take you out with one kick or swipe, which brings us back to our general class theme: be prepared.
"Fandom doesn't have any bears. They're the big menace of the wilderness in the US when I'm from, and so while they ain't exactly real common unless you're headed into the back country, they're the ones that most of the National Park Service guides are going to be about." Eliot handed off a stack of Park Service bear safety guides to the nearest student to pass around. "They're the ones you wanna hide your food and garbage from when you're out campin'. Alots seem to function a little bit like a cross between bears and buffalo, dependin' on the . . . species. Or breed. Or something." Alots were weird. "For the most part, you don't go up and bother them, they're not going to bother you. You run across a rampaging alot, get your ass up a tree and wait for it to calm down and go away." Don't jump on its back and try to ride it like a bull at a rodeo. Unless you were Eliot. "Wolves are rare enough in the continental United States these days that the Park Service ain't even got a safety guide for 'em. Do a search on their website, and you're mostly gonna find either conservation efforts, or general information about parks named after 'em. Ain't seen any in these woods, but you never know. They're on the 'don't bother it and it won't bother you' list, too.
"Course, that's just your mega-fauna. That'd be animals that weigh over 100 pounds, or about 45 kilograms if you're one of the folks who likes it metric. And yeah, that includes most of humanity. Lucky us. There's plenty out in the woods that can hurt ya that lives on a smaller scale, too. Snakes, spiders, and insects are the most common. With snakes, you mostly just wanna watch your step. If they're biting you, it's 'cause you pissed 'em off or hurt 'em, which is as much your fault as theirs. Here's a guide on the two venomous snakes you get where Fandom usually parks itself, when it ain't off planet hopping. Spiders'n insects are harder to avoid, but for the most part, if you've got yourself a good quality bug repellent and you pay attention to where you're goin', you'll do okay.
"Do not throw rocks at beehives. Feel like I shouldn't even have to say that but it's the kind of thing kids like to decide is fun and daring, and then it turns out one of ya is allergic and ends up dead and ya got no one to blame but yourselves.
"Last thing I want to make sure to mention: ticks. Again, if you've got a good bug repellent, it should also protect you from these, but even so, I want you all to know how to do a tick check. These suckers are mostly just going to be irritatin' and creepy, but they can also carry diseases, and lyme disease ain't any fun at all. So it's a decent habit to get into when you're goin' out exploring in the woods on the regular."
They'd reached their usual clearing by now, and Eliot turned and faced the students, smiling. "Alright. Now I want you to go and break that first rule I gave you about bein' noisy, and see what kinds of wildlife you can spot out here. I want a list of at least five different creatures -- at the very least different subspecies, I don't want anyone comin' across a squirrel press meetin' and callin' it a day -- by the end of class. Anyone who spots more'n twenty gets a coupon for Chilly Boulder." He clapped his hands. "Hop to it!"
Eliot led the way into the preserve, continuing to talk loudly as he went. "For the most part, if you're just out on a hike or playing in the woods for fun, best thing you can do is just what I'm doin' right now: make noise. The wildlife can hear you comin' a mile off, and if they ain't those damn green deer things we got around here --" who had gotten to rather like Eliot's lectures over the weeks and usually followed him plaintively back to the edge of the preserve after class, "-- they're gonna steer clear. What you don't want to do is startle anything. So playin' music, singing, or talking consistently is a good policy. Course, this'll also warn off any smaller stuff you actually want to get a look at, the stuff that ain't gonna be able to take you out with one kick or swipe, which brings us back to our general class theme: be prepared.
"Fandom doesn't have any bears. They're the big menace of the wilderness in the US when I'm from, and so while they ain't exactly real common unless you're headed into the back country, they're the ones that most of the National Park Service guides are going to be about." Eliot handed off a stack of Park Service bear safety guides to the nearest student to pass around. "They're the ones you wanna hide your food and garbage from when you're out campin'. Alots seem to function a little bit like a cross between bears and buffalo, dependin' on the . . . species. Or breed. Or something." Alots were weird. "For the most part, you don't go up and bother them, they're not going to bother you. You run across a rampaging alot, get your ass up a tree and wait for it to calm down and go away." Don't jump on its back and try to ride it like a bull at a rodeo. Unless you were Eliot. "Wolves are rare enough in the continental United States these days that the Park Service ain't even got a safety guide for 'em. Do a search on their website, and you're mostly gonna find either conservation efforts, or general information about parks named after 'em. Ain't seen any in these woods, but you never know. They're on the 'don't bother it and it won't bother you' list, too.
"Course, that's just your mega-fauna. That'd be animals that weigh over 100 pounds, or about 45 kilograms if you're one of the folks who likes it metric. And yeah, that includes most of humanity. Lucky us. There's plenty out in the woods that can hurt ya that lives on a smaller scale, too. Snakes, spiders, and insects are the most common. With snakes, you mostly just wanna watch your step. If they're biting you, it's 'cause you pissed 'em off or hurt 'em, which is as much your fault as theirs. Here's a guide on the two venomous snakes you get where Fandom usually parks itself, when it ain't off planet hopping. Spiders'n insects are harder to avoid, but for the most part, if you've got yourself a good quality bug repellent and you pay attention to where you're goin', you'll do okay.
"Do not throw rocks at beehives. Feel like I shouldn't even have to say that but it's the kind of thing kids like to decide is fun and daring, and then it turns out one of ya is allergic and ends up dead and ya got no one to blame but yourselves.
"Last thing I want to make sure to mention: ticks. Again, if you've got a good bug repellent, it should also protect you from these, but even so, I want you all to know how to do a tick check. These suckers are mostly just going to be irritatin' and creepy, but they can also carry diseases, and lyme disease ain't any fun at all. So it's a decent habit to get into when you're goin' out exploring in the woods on the regular."
They'd reached their usual clearing by now, and Eliot turned and faced the students, smiling. "Alright. Now I want you to go and break that first rule I gave you about bein' noisy, and see what kinds of wildlife you can spot out here. I want a list of at least five different creatures -- at the very least different subspecies, I don't want anyone comin' across a squirrel press meetin' and callin' it a day -- by the end of class. Anyone who spots more'n twenty gets a coupon for Chilly Boulder." He clapped his hands. "Hop to it!"