FIC: Felis Catus (Firefly)
[mood| 
silly]
[music| ]
TITLE: Felis Catus
PAIRING: River/Jayne
DISCLAIMER: I will never, ever forgive Joss Whedon. Therefore, Firefly does not belong to me. Sadly. As I would not have done the terrible, horrible things he did. *glares at Joss*
ARCHIVE: Yeah, just let me know.
SUMMARY: It’s a kitten. And this seemed a good idea...why?
RATING: PG
"It's a kitten."
"A kitten."
"Mm-hmm."
"A young domestic small carnivorous mammal of genus Felis catus or F. domesticus."
"Uhm. Yeah. Sure. Why not."
River peered curiously at the kitten. The kitten peered curiously back at her.
Then pounced.
In one swift motion River had the kitten by the scruff of the neck, held at a distance where it wouldn't do any harm. She cocked an eyebrow at Jayne. "And this seemed a good idea...why?"
He shrugged. "Thought you might not'a had any pets growing up."
"Domesticating animals for the sheer purpose of luxury? There is no purpose. No point. It defies explanation."
"Pets are good."
She stared at him. "Explain."
"Get to know the kitten," he ordered. "Name it. Take care of it. It don't seem a particularly cuddly kitten, but cuddle anyway."
Then he turned and left.
River stared at the kitten.
The kitten stared back at River.
"His name is Earl," she announced at dinner.
This was greeted by raised eyebrows and an absolute lack of understanding.
"The Felis catus is named Earl."
"Is she talkin' about the gorram cat?" Mal asked.
"I think so," Jayne answered.
"Earl would like to eat dinner, but he is being punished for clawing the girl."
"The thing clawed you?" Simon sounded aghast.
"Everybody gets clawed by a cat," Kaylee said. "S'only natural. Why, you ain't never been clawed?"
He shook his head.
River took her seat. "The girl is not getting along with Earl. And Earl is not fond of the girl. But she named it, and she'll take care of it, but cuddling is out of the question."
"Cuddling?"
Jayne's glare shut everybody up.
"Earl is sick."
Simon blinked. "What?"
"Earl is sick," she repeated impatiently. "Ill. Incapacitated. Unhealthy. Ailing. Diseased. Infected. Nauseated. Imperfect. Flawed."
"I get the point."
She held the cat up by the scruff of its neck. "Earl needs to be fixed. Doctors fix."
"Doctors fix people."
"Earl is people. Earl is mean people."
"Uh--"
"Jayne is also mean people," she said pointedly. "And you fix Jayne."
He sighed. "Leave the beast with me, I'll see what I can do."
She dropped the cat on the cot. It swished its tail angrily. She walked off.
Simon stared at the creature, absolutely out of his league.
"Earl would like to play."
"What?" Kaylee had to doubletake for a moment.
River's legs dangled over the catwalk, hanging in Kaylee's face. "Earl would like to play," she repeated, unruffled.
"Okay. What would Earl like to play?"
"What do Felis catus like to play?"
Kaylee shrugged. "Oh, I dunno. I had a cat when I was a kid, piece of string she'd be occupied for hours."
"String," River repeated. "Movement. Attracts the creature’s attention. Prey."
"Uh--"
"Thank you." River pulled her legs up and went running down the catwalk.
Kaylee blinked, and got back to work.
"Earl is cuddling."
Jayne grinned. "Is he."
River sounded put-out. "He sleeps on the girl’s chest."
"Does he."
"He curls up in the girl’s lap."
"That so."
"It is..." She hesitated. "Not entirely unfavorable."
"Toldja pets were good, Crazy."
silly]
[music| ]
TITLE: Felis Catus
PAIRING: River/Jayne
DISCLAIMER: I will never, ever forgive Joss Whedon. Therefore, Firefly does not belong to me. Sadly. As I would not have done the terrible, horrible things he did. *glares at Joss*
ARCHIVE: Yeah, just let me know.
SUMMARY: It’s a kitten. And this seemed a good idea...why?
RATING: PG
"It's a kitten."
"A kitten."
"Mm-hmm."
"A young domestic small carnivorous mammal of genus Felis catus or F. domesticus."
"Uhm. Yeah. Sure. Why not."
River peered curiously at the kitten. The kitten peered curiously back at her.
Then pounced.
In one swift motion River had the kitten by the scruff of the neck, held at a distance where it wouldn't do any harm. She cocked an eyebrow at Jayne. "And this seemed a good idea...why?"
He shrugged. "Thought you might not'a had any pets growing up."
"Domesticating animals for the sheer purpose of luxury? There is no purpose. No point. It defies explanation."
"Pets are good."
She stared at him. "Explain."
"Get to know the kitten," he ordered. "Name it. Take care of it. It don't seem a particularly cuddly kitten, but cuddle anyway."
Then he turned and left.
River stared at the kitten.
The kitten stared back at River.
"His name is Earl," she announced at dinner.
This was greeted by raised eyebrows and an absolute lack of understanding.
"The Felis catus is named Earl."
"Is she talkin' about the gorram cat?" Mal asked.
"I think so," Jayne answered.
"Earl would like to eat dinner, but he is being punished for clawing the girl."
"The thing clawed you?" Simon sounded aghast.
"Everybody gets clawed by a cat," Kaylee said. "S'only natural. Why, you ain't never been clawed?"
He shook his head.
River took her seat. "The girl is not getting along with Earl. And Earl is not fond of the girl. But she named it, and she'll take care of it, but cuddling is out of the question."
"Cuddling?"
Jayne's glare shut everybody up.
"Earl is sick."
Simon blinked. "What?"
"Earl is sick," she repeated impatiently. "Ill. Incapacitated. Unhealthy. Ailing. Diseased. Infected. Nauseated. Imperfect. Flawed."
"I get the point."
She held the cat up by the scruff of its neck. "Earl needs to be fixed. Doctors fix."
"Doctors fix people."
"Earl is people. Earl is mean people."
"Uh--"
"Jayne is also mean people," she said pointedly. "And you fix Jayne."
He sighed. "Leave the beast with me, I'll see what I can do."
She dropped the cat on the cot. It swished its tail angrily. She walked off.
Simon stared at the creature, absolutely out of his league.
"Earl would like to play."
"What?" Kaylee had to doubletake for a moment.
River's legs dangled over the catwalk, hanging in Kaylee's face. "Earl would like to play," she repeated, unruffled.
"Okay. What would Earl like to play?"
"What do Felis catus like to play?"
Kaylee shrugged. "Oh, I dunno. I had a cat when I was a kid, piece of string she'd be occupied for hours."
"String," River repeated. "Movement. Attracts the creature’s attention. Prey."
"Uh--"
"Thank you." River pulled her legs up and went running down the catwalk.
Kaylee blinked, and got back to work.
"Earl is cuddling."
Jayne grinned. "Is he."
River sounded put-out. "He sleeps on the girl’s chest."
"Does he."
"He curls up in the girl’s lap."
"That so."
"It is..." She hesitated. "Not entirely unfavorable."
"Toldja pets were good, Crazy."