Fic: And There's That Pesky Thing Called Reality (2/5)
Waking up was far less painful than he’d expected and Jared realised with a surprising level of calm that he must be dead. He lay there for a moment with his eyes still closed and wondered what the afterlife was going to be like when he opened them. The Supernatural books had never really gone into detail about what Heaven was like. Jared had always imagined a nice garden and his grandmother would be there. She loved flowers.
He cracked open one eye. White walls, white ceiling. Not a garden then. Maybe Heaven was going for a more minimalist look.
He opened the other eye and groaned softly when he saw Jeff. Well, he wasn’t dead so that had to be a good thing.
“When you get out of here you’re making someone else your emergency contact,” Jeff growled. “I’m too old to be dealing with this amount of stress. You’re lucky I didn’t have a heart attack.”
“Sorry,” Jared replied and, shit, was that his voice? It sounded so raspy and broken. “What happened?”
“Apparently nobody taught you how to cross the street when you were at school. Didn’t they explain that you have to look both ways?”
Jared blinked. Everything was kind of fuzzy as he tried to think back to the last thing he remembered.
“Jeff! My dogs!” Jared sat up as he suddenly remembered how he’d come to be in the middle of the street. “Are Harley and Sadie okay?”
“Relax.” Jeff petted his arm awkwardly. “They’re fine. They’re at my place and driving me nuts so the sooner you get out of here the better.”
Jared slumped back onto the bed and let out a shaky sigh. “They’re okay. Thank God.”
“They might be okay, but you’re not. I told you that you needed to get those mutts some training.” Jeff leaned forward in his seat, mouth tight with annoyance but eyes filled with concern. “You’re lucky you only wound up with a busted leg.”
Jared raised his head and glanced down. His entire left leg below the knee was coated in plaster. Huh.
“Doc says you’re going to be out of action for at least eight weeks,” Jeff said when Jared reached out to poke at his leg. “I’ve already asked the others to put in some extra hours so don’t worry about that, okay?”
Jared nodded his head, still trying to take it all in. Eight weeks? That was two months. That was a hell of a long time to be off work. What the hell was he going to do with himself?
Jeff flashed what Jared guessed was supposed to be a reassuring smile. “Hey, at least you’ll have plenty of time to read all those books I loaned you.”
Jared dropped his head back onto the pillow and closed his eyes, half hoping that when he opened them again it would turn out that he actually was dead.
“Hi,” Misha smiled brightly when Jared opened his eyes again. “I heard about what happened so I thought I’d come and visit you. Your boss didn’t seem very interested in listening to me explain the medicinal benefit of tea and biscuits.”
Jared blinked at him.
“So, anyway, he told me to tell you that he’s going to take care of your dogs until you get out of here. I didn’t know you had dogs. I’ve always been more of a cat person myself.”
“A cat was what landed me here in the first place,” Jared grumbled but was prevented from commenting any further by the doctor bustling into the room.
“Well, Mr. Padalecki, I think you’re about ready to leave us,” the doctor said as he looked through Jared’s chart. “Someone will be down in a few minutes to talk about your pain medication and to discuss future appointments. Just make sure you get plenty of rest for now and no walking on that leg unless it’s absolutely necessary. Is there someone we can call to drive you home?”
“I’ll take him,” Misha chimed in, causing Jared to stare at him in surprise.
“Great.” The doctor smiled, apparently not seeing the look on Jared’s face. “Well, it shouldn’t be too much longer.”
Jared was still staring at Misha when the doctor left, humming some old song to himself as he moved down to the next room.
“What?” Misha asked when he spotted Jared staring at him.
“No offense, man, but why are you offering me a ride home? I mean, I barely know you.”
The more he thought about it, the more creeped out he was. Misha seemed like an okay guy but you never really knew. He could be a psychotic rapist or murderer for all Jared knew, and he really didn’t want to be raped or murdered.
Misha shrugged. “I’ve got nowhere else to be. Would you rather someone else take you?”
Jared considered calling Jeff until he remembered his boss was at work.
“I might just take a cab,” Jared finally said weakly.
“Don’t be stupid,” Misha replied. “I don’t mind taking you. Or are you afraid for your virtue?”
“And my life,” Jared muttered.
Misha laughed. “Well, whatever you want. The offer stands if you want it, though.”
Jared looked at Misha again, who was now leaning back in his chair and tapping something into his phone. He didn’t look like a killer or a rapist, and he figured sitting around in the hospital probably wasn’t how a psycho would work.
“Well, I guess if you really don’t mind. . .” Jared finally said and Misha grinned as he slipped his phone back into his pocket.
“Your timing is quite good, really. I was thinking of replacing my car with a pony to be more environmentally friendly. What do you think?”
Jared snorted. Yeah, Misha was crazy, but not the scary kind of crazy. “I think you can do whatever you want so long as you do it after you’ve taken me home. I think riding a horse might be kind of tricky with a cast on my leg.”
“Mmm, you have a point,” Misha agreed thoughtfully. “Well, maybe tomorrow.”
A woman arrived at that moment and handed Jared a prescription with instructions on how to take the pills and a card with the note of his next appointment to get his leg checked. After that they were free to go.
“You need some help getting dressed?” Misha asked with a sly grin.
“I. . .um. . .no, I’m good, thanks.”
He had no idea whether Misha was actually hitting on him or whether he was just screwing around. It was kind of hard to tell with him.
Misha wasn’t exactly unattractive, and he was fun, but Jared really wasn’t interested in him in that way. He was still looking for the right guy. Someone he could share a connection with, someone who got him.
“Look, Misha. . .”
Misha grinned. “Relax, I was just kidding.”
He held up a hand to show a wedding band on his finger and Jared relaxed. “Oh, sorry man. I just thought. . .”
“Hey, don’t get me wrong. If I wasn’t married I would absolutely be hitting on you right now.” Misha smiled. “Now, do you want some help getting dressed if I promise not to molest you. . . much?”
Jared laughed. “Nah, I’m still good, thanks. Need to get used to getting dressed with this thing anyway.”
Misha nodded. “No problem. How about I wait outside and you shout when you’re ready to go?”
“Works for me.”
Getting dressed wasn’t too much of a problem once Jared got his balance sorted out. As well as a broken leg he was also bruised pretty much all over and that caused him more trouble than the cast did. Thank God for painkillers, was all he could say.
When he got out into the corridor Misha had acquired a set of crutches from somewhere which made hobbling to the parking lot a little easier, but by the time they got to Misha’s car he was exhausted.
“I’m really glad you didn’t get that pony,” he panted as he sat down.
“I’m starting to think it might be a little impractical for getting around the city,” Misha agreed. “I’ll have to rethink.”
It didn’t take them long to get back to Jared’s house and Misha helped him inside and got him settled on the couch. It was weirdly quiet without the dogs there to greet him.
“You need anything?” Misha asked.
Jared shook his head. “Nah, I think I’m good. Thanks for the ride, though. I really appreciate it.”
“No problem.”
Misha’s eyes were roaming the room now and it made Jared feel kind of uncomfortable, like he was being judged by his choice of décor or something. Yeah, the place needed a bit of work but he did what he could with the small amount of spare cash he had.
“You’ve got a lot of books,” Misha finally said. He didn’t sound judgmental exactly, more like fascinated, and that just made Jared feel even more uncomfortable. It was as though Misha was getting a feel for his entire life.
“I like to read,” he replied with a shrug. “I work in a library. It can’t be that much of a surprise.”
“And I’m guessing you don’t watch a lot of TV either,” Misha observed, gesturing at the small TV which was half buried under piles of yet more books.
“I’m probably going to have to start,” Jared sighed. “Eight weeks stuck here.”
“I can recommend a few entertaining websites if that helps,” Misha offered.
“Thanks, but I don’t have a computer.”
It was the first time Jared had ever seen Misha look surprised by anything.
“You don’t have a computer?”
“Well, I don’t exactly need one,” Jared replied, gesturing at all the books. “I have e-mail at work and if I want to look something up I use an encyclopedia.”
Misha flashed him a smile that made him even more uncomfortable than the leering one at the hospital. It was devious and mysterious and made him feel nervous. “You know there’s more to the internet than e-mailing and research, right?”
Jared shrugged. “I guess. I’ve never really looked into it, to be honest.”
That just made Misha’s smile wider. “Okay, well, I should go.”
“Uh, okay.”
“I’ll see you soon, though.”
Somehow when Misha said that it sounded more like a threat.
“I brought you something,” Misha announced when he turned up unexpectedly at Jared’s place the next day.
“Um. . .” It was early and Jared hadn’t really woken up yet.
“Well, it’s more like a few somethings really.”
He opened the back door to his car and Harley and Sadie leapt out, barking excitedly as they charged towards Jared.
“Hey!” Jared smiled as the dogs skidded to a halt in front of him and proceeded to sniff him mercilessly. “I missed you.”
He frowned a little when he realised his leg prevented him from crouching down and rubbing their bellies so he had to settle for petting their heads instead. Sadie seemed to know something wasn’t quite right and she sniffed the cast before letting out a soft whine.
“I’m okay, girl,” Jared reassured her gently as he scratched behind her ears where she liked it.
“I mentioned to your boss that I was coming over to see you and he asked if I’d mind delivering the dogs,” Misha explained.
It was kind of weird that Misha had somehow managed to win Jeff over in a few days like that, but he was starting to realize that when he put his mind to it, Misha could charm anyone into doing pretty much anything.
“So, I brought you something else,” Misha said as they went into the house and he handed Jared a dark blue backpack. “My wife just got a new computer for her job so I thought you might want to borrow the old one while you’re stuck at home. There’s a whole world out there that you’re missing.”
Jared looked at the bag like it was some sort of curse box. “Dude, I can’t accept a computer.”
“It’s just a loan,” Misha said as he took the bag back and maneuvered past Jared so he could set the computer up on Jared’s desk. “Come on, I’ll show you how to work it.”
“I know how to work a computer,” Jared sighed as he hobbled over to peer around Misha’s shoulder. “We have them at work, you know.”
“Yeah, but I’m going to show you some of the fun places to go.”
Jared sighed again and eased himself down into the chair. He had a feeling it was going to be a long morning.
“I don’t get it.”
“What’s not to get? You post about what you’re doing and it has to be a hundred and forty characters or less.”
“But why? Why would anyone want to read about my boring life?”
Misha shrugged. “Make stuff up. That’s what I do.”
Misha had been trying to explain the merits of Twitter for about twenty minutes now and Jared was no closer to thinking it was anything more than a total waste of time. Even if he made stuff up he couldn’t see why anyone would want to read about it.
“Forget it,” Misha finally sighed and Jared almost felt bad for putting the defeated look on his face. “I’ll leave you to find your own way around. Do you want me to come by in the morning and walk your dogs for you?”
Shit! He hadn’t even thought about how he was going to walk Harley and Sadie while his leg was in a cast. He sure as hell couldn’t do it himself and he couldn’t afford to hire anyone. Maybe Jeff would be able to help out because he really didn’t want to rely on Misha when they didn’t know each other that well.
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll sort something out.”
Misha shrugged. “It’s no trouble. I’m doing some work on the house at the moment so I’d kind of like an excuse to get out of there for an hour or so each day.”
Jared was seriously starting to wonder whether this guy was for real or not.
“So, you’re a builder?”
“Kind of. I do a lot of stuff, but I can assure you I am more than qualified to walk your dogs for you.”
Harley and Sadie were currently snuffling around Misha’s ankles with wagging tails so clearly they had no problem with him.
“Okay, I guess, if you’re sure you don’t mind.”
“I’m sure. I’ll come over at ten if that’s okay with you.”
“Sure.”
Misha flashed him another grin and let himself out. Jared wondered when his life had got this weird.
Misha hadn’t been kidding when he’d said there was a whole world on the internet. Jared had spent a crazy amount of time on Wikipedia just clicking on random links and amazing himself at the amount of information just on that one site. Then he’d given Facebook a try but the only interesting thing he’d got from that was a mild amount of amusement that his best friend from school was now married to a girl still in her teens.
He’d messed around with Twitter for a bit but still didn’t really get the appeal. He was already being followed by several entrepreneurs who seemed to think that he needed some sort of magic scheme to generate more followers. The whole thing was weird, particularly Misha’s account which seemed to be yet more of the weird stories he told when he came into the library. Right now he was apparently declaring war on some teenage pop star.
Once he got bored with that he moved onto Google. He’d done the obvious and googled his own name which had turned up nothing. Although weirdly there was a Jason Paladecki working as a small-time actor in Canada, which Google seemed to think must be whom Jared was searching for.
But then he found himself getting bored again. So much for Misha’s idea that having the internet in his home would keep him amused for weeks. He sighed and leaned back in his chair.
That was when his eyes landed on My Bloody Valentine, still on the table where he’d left it.
He put Joshua Mackenzie’s name into Google.
1,350,000 results
Uh, wow.
He clicked on the first link, which went to the official website. It was pretty standard stuff. A small bio that didn’t really tell him anything except that Joshua lived in the US with his dog and that the Supernatural books had been nominated for some minor sci-fi and fantasy awards but as of yet hadn’t actually won anything. What caught Jared’s eye was the fan forum. It had never even occurred to him to look for other fans before.
He clicked on the link.
Sam & Dean r totally f**king!1
Jared stared. It was the first topic in the forum and had pages of replies. He had to be reading it wrong. Sam and Dean were brothers.
He hesitated for a moment and then clicked, hoping that if he wasn’t reading it wrong that at least everyone else would be yelling at the crazy person.
Not so much.
Pages and pages of comments, all in agreement that Joshua Mackenzie clearly thought Sam and Dean were having an incestuous relationship and it was only the evil publishers that were preventing it from happening explicitly in the books.
Some people had even drawn pictures.
Jared shuddered and hastily hit the back button. Now he was really starting to think this internet thing was a bad idea.
He decided to try one more link, and if that was just as bad then he was done.
This one took him to a site called livejournal and a group called supernaturalfans. He was almost scared to look.
The top post, he was relieved to find, was a review of My Bloody Valentine and it actually seemed pretty sane and normal. There was no talk about Sam and Dean’s gay love for each other, which Jared considered to be a good start, and whoever had written the post had made some good points about Dean’s state of mind at the end of the book.
He bookmarked the page and decided to check back later and see what else was on the site. But first he really needed to eat and take his meds.
He was already sitting at the computer when Misha arrived the next day to collect Harley and Sadie. This livejournal thing was actually pretty good. Some of the stuff these guys were coming up with was brilliant and they really put a lot of thought into the characters and their motivations.
“Shut up,” Jared grumped when Misha smirked at him while he put the leashes on the dogs.
“I didn’t say anything,” Misha pointed out as he opened the front door.
“You didn’t need to,” Jared replied but Misha was already gone.
His eyes went back to the screen and his fingers tapped lightly on the desk. He’d decided early that morning that he wanted to have a go at posting something, but now that he was here he’d quickly found he had no idea what to say. This wasn’t like sending an e mail to his mom. He was sending a message to a bunch of people he didn’t know. What if they laughed at him or thought he was stupid?
He took a steadying breath and started to type.
Subject: Hi
Hi everyone. I’m pretty new to this whole internet thing but I’m a huge fan of the Supernatural books. It’s really awesome to see that I’m not the only fan and you guys have some really interesting stuff to say.
Got nothing to contribute at the moment but I got done reading My Bloody Valentine a few days ago so I might have something to say about that when I’ve had time to think.
He clicked the post button and leaned back in his seat. It was stupid how nervous he felt about whether these faceless names liked him or not, but it was kind of a big deal. He’d never met anyone who liked the same stuff he did before.
He sat there, sipped his coffee, and wondered if there were any other sites he should try when an e mail popped up in his inbox. It was a reply to his post from someone called 69_impala.
Re: Hi
Welcome! We’re a pretty friendly bunch. I was going to ask you if you wrote fanfic but I guess if you’re an internet newbie then you probably don’t.
The mods are pretty awesome so if you’ve got any questions just ask. Wasn’t My Bloody Valentine awesome? I just about cried at the end.
Jared smiled. He didn’t understand all of what she was saying, particularly the stuff about modifications and fanfic, but she seemed friendly enough. He knocked out a quick reply thanking her for the welcome and then hobbled into the kitchen to make a fresh pot of coffee for when Misha got back.
While he listened to the coffee maker bubbling away he found himself composing his next post in his head, which was kind of worrying considering he’d only just done one. He was starting to understand how people managed to get addicted to the internet.
From what he could tell, most of the other fans seemed focussed on Dean’s emotions in the last book. Jared was more interested in Sam, and not just in how his bloody addiction and subsequent detox affected Dean.
He grabbed some paper and started scribbling a few thoughts down.
The next thing he knew Harley and Sadie had charged into the kitchen and both stuck their heads in their water bowl, lapping loudly.
“They sure like to run,” Misha said as he joined them in the kitchen. “I can see why you’re as buff as you are.”
Jared passed him a mug of coffee. “Yeah, well, I won’t be after six weeks of not being able to work out.”
“You’ll be okay. Besides, you already seem to be amusing yourself with the computer.”
“Yeah, I guess there’s some pretty interesting stuff out there.”
To his credit, Misha didn’t say ‘I told you so’. Instead he gulped down the rest of his coffee and handed the empty mug back to Jared with a grateful smile.
“Well, I’d better get back to the house. The walls aren’t going to plaster themselves. Same time tomorrow?”
“Only if you want to,” Jared replied. “Seriously, you don’t have to do this.”
Misha shrugged. “So long as I get some coffee out of it, we’re good. See you tomorrow.”
The front door had barely closed when Jared was back at the computer typing out what he’d written down about Sam, particularly how everyone seemed to be focussed on Sam giving into his cravings when really they should be looking at the strength it took for him to turn it against Famine.
He hit the post button and shut down the computer. It had taken him an hour to make the post, and he felt kind of good about it, but he really needed to do something else with his time now.
He shifted over to the armchair and pulled out one of the books from the pile that Jeff had loaned him. After ten minutes of staring at the first page he put it back on the pile and went back over to the computer.
It wasn’t that he was addicted, he told himself as he waited for it to boot back up. He just wanted to know if anyone had said anything about his post. That was all.
He had fifteen new e mails.
Whoa.
Most of them seemed to be livejournal friend requests, and there were a few comments to his post as well. He clicked on the first one which was from a user called the_jackle.
Really interesting post. You’re one of the few people who has looked at this book from Sam’s perspective, and I think you’ve pretty much nailed what he was going through here.
Jared grinned. He’d been kind of worried that his post was going to wind up having all of Dean’s fans jumping on his head. He liked Dean; he just found Sam a more interesting character.
He quickly typed a reply.
It’s a shame that Sam can’t see his own strength, but I think that’s part of his journey. He’ll see it in the end, or I hope so at least. I guess it’s part of Dean’s journey now too and ties in with the conversation they had in Fallen Idols about Dean needing to let Sam be his own man and not just the little brother. Can’t wait to see what happens in the next book.
The next comment in his e mail was from iheartsam.
OMG! I can’t believe the_jackle replied to you on your second post! Jealous! (Kidding. Mostly.)
Jared blinked in surprise.
Why are you jealous? Did I mention I’m pretty new to this thing? Who is the_jackle?
It only took a few minutes for a reply to pop up.
the_jackle is a total BNF in this fandom. You’ll soon get to know the name. She writes loads of awesome meta and some great fanfic too. Check out her journal.
Most of the comment made no sense at all to Jared and he made a mental note to look up what all the words he didn’t understand meant. But he clicked on the link to the_jackle’s journal to take a look at what the big deal was.
She didn’t seem to post very often. Only once or twice a month, going by the recent entries. There were a few posts about the characters, similar to the one about Sam Jared had just done, but what really captured his attention were the stories. This girl had written stories about Sam and Dean, and not the incest stories like the ones he’d seen on that other site. Each story had comments numbering into the hundreds which made him think they must be worth reading.
He clicked on the most recent one which had been posted about a month ago and from the summary was about the time Sam and Dean had spent apart prior to the events of Free To Be You And Me.
It wasn’t long, only a couple of thousand words, but by the end Jared was practically aching for more. It was perfect. Just like reading one of the books, in fact.
He sat there for a couple of minutes and then clicked on the next story.
By the time he’d read them all he was seriously considering turning straight so he could find this girl and marry her. Her stories were amazing and Jared wasn’t even sure he had the words to tell her how great he thought they were. Besides, she already had pages and pages of feedback for each one so he just scrolled up to the latest entry and just left one comment.
Hey,
Just wanted to say thanks for replying to my post earlier. I’m still getting my head around this whole livejournal thing but I just wanted to say that I read the stories in your journal today and I loved them.
It was pretty late, Jared realised after he’d hit the submit button. He’d been reading the_jackle’s stories until way past when he usually had dinner.
God, he was going to be one of those people who died because they got so addicted to the internet they forgot to eat or sleep for three days. He could just see the newspaper headline now.
Internet Addict Eaten By Dogs.
He quickly shut down the computer and went to fix himself some dinner.
He made a point of not looking at the computer again for the rest of the evening. After dinner he watched some TV and made another attempt to start reading the book Jeff had given him. Unfortunately, it was pretty dry and he soon found his mind wandering back to Sam and Dean. Those stories he’d read had really fired him up.
He’d never really considered what happened between the books or even between the scenes before but now he’d started thinking about it he couldn’t switch it off.
Maybe tomorrow he’d have a go at writing some of it down, but probably not. What was the point when there was such good stuff out there already? Nothing he could ever come up with would come close to that.
“Bedtime, guys,” he murmured to the dogs and he hobbled over to the fold out cot he’d set up in the living room. It was easier to sleep on that than to try to navigate the stairs. His back was killing him, though, and he couldn’t wait to get the damn cast off his leg. Two days down and loads more to go.
As he tried to sleep, he started to think about Sam and Dean again and when he eventually drifted off he dreamed that he was hunting with them but couldn’t keep up because of the cast on his leg.
He waited until Misha had left the next morning before he turned on the computer and headed straight for his e-mail. A few more friend requests and some more comments on his post about Sam but nothing from the_jackle. He was kind of disappointed but he accepted that she, unlike him, had a life outside of Sam and Dean which was why she didn’t post very often.
He read through the recent posts on supernaturalfans and tried a few more of the stories that had been posted. Some of them were okay, one of them was pretty decent but nothing grabbed him the way the_jackle did.
He sighed. The idea he’d had for a story about what prompted Sam to say yes to Lucifer in The End was still fresh in his mind. He fired up Word. It wasn’t like he had to share it with anyone, anyway. He could just write it for himself and get it out of his system.
Three hours later Jared’s first piece of fanfiction was on the internet.
He had to admit he’d been really pleased with the number of nice comments he’d got in reply to his story (or fic as he’d quickly learned most people called these things). It was the first time he’d written anything since he’d graduated from high school and he honestly hadn’t expected anyone to like it. He’d done his best to keep it on the same lines as the book, though, and he’d found that imagining himself as Joshua Mackenzie had helped a lot.
Harley wandered over and rested his head on Jared’s lap before letting out a small whine. Either he wanted to go out or he wanted his dinner. Possibly both.
“Okay, boy, let’s get you sorted out.”
He let the dogs out while he fixed their dinner and when he got back to the computer he had one new comment. It was from the_jackle.
Nice work for a first attempt. In my mind this is pretty much exactly how it happened.
He had another ten friend requests five minutes after that.
By the next morning Jared had a whole stream of ideas for more fanfiction and the main problem he had now was trying to figure out which one he wanted to write first. His whole body was buzzing with excitement at the possibilities. Most of his ideas were based around the more recent books since those were the most fresh in his mind, but he did have a few things he wanted to explore from the older books. Like how Sam and Dean came up with Funkytown as a codeword for being in trouble.
He couldn’t wait to get started. He’d had pretty positive responses to his last story, although he wasn’t sure how much of that was down to the_jackle saying she’d enjoyed it. He’d found a handy little site called Urban Dictionary which was great for looking up words and phrases that popped up on livejournal that he didn’t understand. So he now knew what a BNF was although he’d been amused to see that the second definition on the site was Butt Naked Freaks. So, if the_jackle was a BNF that meant she was a pretty big deal among other fans. Still, she seemed nice and was an awesome writer so he could see why.
“You look different,” Misha observed over their morning coffee.
“Do I?” Jared asked absently. He was busy thinking about where Castiel had been sent during Changing Channels
“Are you high on your pain meds?” Misha asked curiously and with just the slightest hint of longing in his eyes.
Jared snorted. “I’ve told you before, you’re not having any. And, no, I’m not high. I was just thinking. Thanks for lending me your computer, by the way.”
Misha smirked. “Having fun with it, are you?”
“You don’t need to sound so smug about it,” Jared muttered.
Misha’s grin widened and he knocked back the last of his coffee before patting Jared on the arm. “Yeah, I do. See you tomorrow.”
Jared was starting to think maybe he hated Misha a little.
The flashing cursor was mocking him. Jared was sure of it. He’d been sitting for hours now and he just couldn’t seem to move forward with his story. Right now Castiel was trapped in a room, powerless, with demonic versions of Sam and Dean and Jared had no idea how to get him out of it.
Castiel needed to escape somehow so he could meet up with Sam and Dean in the sitcom before being banished again. Right now demonic Sam and Dean were closing in and Jared felt as worried as Castiel was.
He sighed and logged onto livejournal, hoping for either a distraction from his frustration or some sort of inspiration. Unfortunately, things seemed pretty quiet to he decided to do a post instead.
I wish someone had warned me about writer’s block before I got into this whole fanfiction thing. Going a bit crazy here and can’t even go for a run to work off the frustration. HELP!
He felt kind of better after that but no closer to having any sort of idea of what to do with Castiel so he decided to break for lunch.
A sandwich and a cup of coffee later and he still wasn’t feeling inspired. Perhaps this was it. Didn’t they say that everyone had one novel inside them? Maybe he only had one fanfiction story inside him.
As he went back over to the computer to stare at the screen some more he wondered whether the_jackle ever got stuck like this and if she did how she overcame it.
He had a new e mail, and was almost embarrassed at the little flutter of excitement he got when he saw it was a private message from the_jackle.
Hi,
I understand all too well the pain of writer’s block. You seem to have some pretty good ideas about the characters so if you want some help just let me know. Sometimes talking through your ideas is all you need. My e mail address is jackles@gmail.com if you need me.
He didn’t hesitate in sending an e mail.
Thank you so much for offering to help me out. I’m seriously going nuts over this. Do you mind if I send you what I’ve got so far and you can see what you think? I just can’t work out how to get Castiel out of the situation I’ve put him in.
He attached what he had of his story and hit send. There wasn’t really much he could do now except wait, and he’d never been much good when it came to patience.
He hobbled over to the couch and switched on the TV but the only thing even half worth watching was some lame show about vampires which he quickly got tired of.
“Do you think daddy’s going nuts?” he asked Sadie, who was curled up next to him on the couch.
She cocked her head at him and he took that to mean yes.
I think what you’ve got so far is great. Love the idea of demonic Winchesters as a representation of Castiel choosing them over Heaven.
Why not have Gabriel set Castiel free? I don’t know that he’d actually want to kill his brother, just mess him up a bit and get him to question his decision.
Just a suggestion, of course. It’s your story.
-Jensen
He had a name now. Jensen. It was kind of pretty, and unusual. He’d never come across the name before. Maybe she went by Jen for short.
More importantly, though, Jensen’s idea was perfect and he was kicking himself for not having thought of it. He didn’t see Gabriel as 100% bad guy either. He was just messed up with his own family issues, just like Sam, Dean and Castiel. Jared wouldn’t be surprised if Gabriel made a return before the end of the series and helped out Team Free Will.
Maybe that could be his next story.
But now he’d gotten over his sticking point there was no stopping him. He felt like someone had shocked him with a tazer, but in a good way. The words were just flowing out of him and it only took him a couple of hours to have it finished.
He checked it over a couple of times and decided it was good for posting. He added a little note thanking Jensen for her help and posted.
He felt good.
I have no idea what time zone you’re in but it’s 3am here in Texas and I can’t sleep. Hope you don’t mind me randomly e-mailing you like this. Saw the comments on your latest fic. Definitely well deserved.
-Jensen
Jared smiled. The message had been the first thing he’d seen when he’d logged in after Misha had left that morning. He was starting to learn a bit more about Jensen from the little things she mentioned in her e-mails. He knew she had an older brother and a younger sister, that Jensen was five years older than Jared, and now that she lived in Texas.
Sorry I missed you but these pain meds knock me out as soon as I take them. Was out cold by eleven last night. Where in Texas are you? I live in LA now but I grew up in San Antonio.
E-mailing Jensen was getting to be the highlight of his day. Ever since Jensen had helped him with the Castiel story they’d just sort of fallen into the habit of exchanging messages outside of livejournal. It was amazing how a few words on a computer screen made Jared feel less cut off from the world. Even though he saw Misha every day and had Harley and Sadie, he missed being able to do regular stuff like go to work and run in the park. On a good day he could just about make it to the grocery store on the corner of his street if he used his crutches but it left him feeling exhausted.
He really couldn’t wait to get the damn cast off his leg.
With his e mail sent, Jared turned his attention to his latest fic attempt. He was trying something different this time by writing the events of Sympathy For The Devil from Bobby’s perspective, including how he’d come to be possessed. Mostly because Jared had been wondering about that ever since he’d read the book. He’d have to send it to Jensen when it was finished and see what she thought.
He managed to get a few hundred words down before the computer flashed up a message to tell him he had new e-mail.
I knew there was a reason we clicked so fast. I must have been able to sense your inner Texan. I’m from Richardson, which is just outside Dallas if you don’t know it. What made you pull up roots and move to LA? Work? I bet you haven’t had a decent bit of steak since you left. Do they even eat meat in Hollywood or is it all salads and protein shakes?
By the way, if you’re sick of me flooding your inbox and want to chat on IM instead I’m on MSN using the same e mail address. Only if you want to, of course. Hopefully this doesn’t make me seem like too much of a stalker.
-Jensen
Jared frowned. He was starting to get to grips with a lot of the abbreviations he found online but he really didn’t understand what Jensen was talking about. Luckily for him Google had the answers and ten minutes later he was up to speed. A program that would let him talk to Jensen in real time instead of e-mailing back and forth. That was kind of awesome.
He grabbed his cell and dialled Misha’s number.
“Have you fallen and broken your other leg?” Misha asked instead of the standard ‘hello’.
Jared snorted. “What? No. Although I appreciate your concern.”
“Not a problem,” Misha replied.
“I just wanted to ask if you minded me installing an instant messenger program on your computer. I’ll take it off before I give it back.”
There was a pause and Jared could hear Misha breathing before he chuckled. “I thought so. You’ve met someone. You know, you could have told me you wanted to use the internet to find dates. I know some great sites.”
“I haven’t ‘met someone’,” Jared sighed. “It’s a girl. We’re friends. We’ve been e-mailing each other about the Supernatural books and she suggested we chat on this messenger thing. Trust me, it’s purely platonic.”
“Really?” Misha asked. “Are you sure she knows that?”
Jared was about to open his mouth and tell Misha how dumb he was being when he stopped. Jensen knew his name, so she knew he was a guy, but Jared had never actually told her he was gay. It wasn’t exactly something you dropped into casual conversation.
Shit.
“Jared?” Misha prompted after a moment. “You there?”
“What? Oh, yeah, sorry man. I’m here. Look, it’s fine. Can I download this thing or not?”
“Sure,” Misha replied. “Do whatever you like.”
“Awesome. See you tomorrow.”
He hung up before he could get dragged into further discussion of his love life. It really was fine. He’d talk to Jensen and clear everything up and it would be good.
Ten minutes later he had the programme installed and set up. It even found Jensen for him by doing a search of his contacts and it didn’t take long for a message to pop up.
Jensen: Jared! You made it!
Jared: Yeah, I had to check with the guy whose computer it is before I could install anything. He’s cool though.
Jensen: Well, I’m glad. Seriously, this is so much quicker and easier than e-mailing. My job has me keeping all kinds of weird hours so at least this way we can see when each other is around.
Jared: What is it that you do? You never said.
Jensen: Didn’t I? Oh, well, I’m a qualified physical therapist.
Jared: Yeah? That’s pretty awesome. You get to help people when they get hurt. Pity you don’t live closer so you could help me with my leg when the cast comes off.
He stared at the screen as he read over what he’d just typed and wanted to smack himself in the face. He’d more or less just asked a girl who may or may not have the hots for him for a massage.
Jensen: How long have you got left? Are you getting plenty of exercise with the crutches?
Jared: Three weeks. I try to do a bit of walking but it really tires me out.
Jensen: You need to build up your stamina. Try to walk a bit further each day. You can always stop for a rest if it gets too much.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to go all work-mode on you.
Jared: It’s fine. Kind of good to talk about it actually. The doctors aren’t really interested until the cast is ready to come off.
Jensen: Well, I’m always here if you need to ask me anything. Hey, what do you do for a living anyway?
Jared: I work in a library, or I did before I broke my leg. I kind of miss it actually, even though it’s pretty boring and my boss gives me a hard time about what I read. He thinks the Supernatural books ‘lack artistic integrity’.
Jensen: Well, they’re not for everyone, I guess. So long as you enjoy them that’s all that matters.
Jared: I’d respect his opinion a bit more if he actually read one of them but he took one look at the first book and said it sounded lame and predictable. I mean, he didn’t even give it a try.
Jensen: I wouldn’t worry about it too much.
Jared: Yeah, I guess you’re right.
Of course he knew that not everyone could be expected to feel as passionately about the Supernatural books as he did. But, as he’d said to Jensen, what bugged him most was that Jeff dismissed the books after just looking at one cover. In fact when Jared had suggested Jeff read the first book his boss had sent him packing with a copy of Brave New World and the assurance that it was ‘real literature’.
Jensen: So are you working on any more fanfiction?
Jared: I’ve got a few ideas. Just finishing one off at the moment which is about how Bobby came to be possessed. You must have thought about that, right? I mean, he’s got all these anti-possession wards and charms so how did it happen?
Jensen: What’s your theory?
Jared: You’ll see when I get finished.
Jensen: Tease.
Jared smiled.
Jensen: Listen, I have to go and do some work now but I’ll catch you later, okay? It’s been nice talking to you.
Jared: Yeah, you too.
It was only after Jensen logged off that Jared realised he still hadn’t mentioned the whole gay thing.
Shit.
Jensen,
I really wanted to say this when we were talking earlier but I couldn’t seem to find the right moment. You seem really cool and everything so I just thought you should know that I’m gay. I really hope it’s not going to be a problem because I really like talking to you.
Jared
It was blunt and Jared felt like a total wuss for telling Jensen in an e-mail rather than ‘in person’ on IM, but he needed to get it out there as soon as he could.
Now he just had to sit there and wait and hope she wasn’t a raging homophobe or anything like that. Maybe now would be a good time to take one of those walks Jensen had suggested.
He was exhausted by the time he got home. His shirt stuck to his back and his eyes were stinging where the sweat had run down his face. He’d gone an extra block past the grocery store before turning around and coming back and right now he just wanted to collapse onto the couch and sleep for a month.
Instead he took a bath, mindful not to get his cast wet, and by the time he’d had a soak and a couple of large glasses of water he felt better.
He sat on the couch for a while, petting Harley and Sadie who seemed more than a little annoyed that he’d gone out without them. Occasionally he glanced at the computer and wondered whether he had a reply from Jensen yet. He didn’t know which was worse, not knowing or checking and being rejected. Yeah, apparently part of him was a teenage girl.
He decided to man up and hobbled over to the desk and sat down, scribbling a few notes while he waited for the computer to boot up. While he’d been walking he’d had an idea for a fic about Sam and Dean being confronted by the personifications of their own worst fears.
He had an e-mail from Jensen when he glanced up at the screen and it took him a moment to summon the courage to click on it.
Jared,
First of all, thank you for trusting me with this. We don’t really know each other all that well so it means a lot that you felt comfortable enough to tell me. It’s really not an issue for me, I can promise you that. In fact, since we’re on the topic of personal confessions I may as well tell you that I’m gay too. So, really, don’t worry about it.
I’ll chat to you on IM soon.
-Jensen
He let out a breath he hadn’t even realised he’d been holding. Well, that was a relief. He had no idea what he’d been expecting Jensen to say but he was glad it was all out in the open now. He liked guys, Jensen liked girls, so it all worked out really.
Now they could just get on with being friends, and talking about the books they both loved.
Jared smiled and resumed working on his story about Bobby.
Jensen: Hi.
Jared: Hey.
Funny how even a typed conversation could feel awkward. It wasn’t like he knew Jensen, of course, but the fact that she hadn’t immediately started talking about her day told him everything he needed to know.
Jensen: So, you got my e-mail then?
Jared: Yeah. I’m really sorry I didn’t say something when we were chatting. I probably owed you that.
Jensen: Not at all. It’s not exactly something you just slip into conversation. ‘Hi, how are you? By the way, I’m gay.’
Jared: Yeah, I guess. So we’re okay?
Jensen: Of course
Jared smiled. It was weird how relieved he was to find out someone he’d never even met still liked him. It was just that he’d never met anyone like Jensen before. They really seemed to be on the same wavelength and that was definitely something new.
Jensen: So how are you doing today? How’s the leg?
Jared: It’s okay. I took your advice and went for a walk earlier. I was about ready to keel over when I got back. Hard to believe I used to run five miles a day before the accident.
Jensen: It’ll get easier, I swear. You’ll be running five miles again before you know it
Jared: I’ve never been very good at the whole patience thing. I’m already getting antsy waiting for the next Supernatural book to come out. Hey, do you think Sam and Dean are going to say ‘yes’ in the end?
No reply. Jared frowned. Jensen was still showing as being online but there was nothing to indicate that she was actually typing anything. Maybe she’d gone to get a drink or something.
Jared: Jensen?
Jensen: Sorry, yeah, I’m still here. I was just thinking.
Jared: So I guess that means you don’t know either. I really hope they don’t. I want it to end with just Sam and Dean (and Castiel) against everyone else.
Jensen: I guess we’ll find out eventually. So, are you working on any new fics?
Jared: Had an idea this morning but I’m feeling pretty wiped at the moment so I don’t think I’m going to start anything new today. What about you? It’s been a while since you posted anything.
Jensen: Well, I’ve got an idea but I don’t know about it. It would need to be pretty long and work is kicking my ass at the moment.
Jared: There’s no rush. Just work on it when you can. I know it will be awesome. What’s it about?
Jensen: I was just thinking about the time Dean spent in hell. We know little bits about what happened to him there but I want to explore it further, and at the same time look at what Sam was doing on Earth and what Castiel was doing in Heaven.
Jared: I love it! Like a Trinity sort of thing?
Jensen: Yeah, exactly.
Jared: I can just see Sam travelling around on his own trying everything he can to get Dean back. It’d be sort of like how he was in Mystery Spot when Dean was dead for those six months.
Jensen: Exactly.
Jared: And Castiel would be so honored to be chosen to help get Dean out of Hell, and then he’d know suffering for the first time as he sees his brothers and sisters fall around him. And of course when he gets to Dean he finds the seal has already broken which explains why he’s so pissed at Dean in those first few books.
Jensen: Dude, it’s like you’re inside my head. You know you should totally write this with me.
Jared: Hehe!
Jensen: I’m serious! You seem to know exactly what’s needed here and I don’t have time to write the whole thing by myself. We should absolutely do this.
Jared: I can’t! You’re way better at this than me. I’m not going to mess up what sounds like an awesome story.
Jensen: Don’t be a dumbass. You’re just as good as I am, and I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t mean it. So, what do you say?
Jared actually blushed a little at that.
Jared: Okay, why not?
Jensen: Awesome! I’ll type up an outline and e-mail it to you. We can go from there. Tomorrow, though. I need to do some work and from the sounds of it you need to sleep.
Jared: Yeah, you’re probably right.
Jensen: I’m pretty excited about this.
Jared was too. He kind of liked the idea of collaborating with someone who loved the characters as much as he did, and the fact that it was Jensen just made it even better, although slightly intimidating too.
Jared: Yeah, me too.
Jensen: Now go and get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.
Jared could hardly wait.
He had to admit that over the past few weeks he’d sort of enjoyed the routine he’d fallen into. He woke up at 8am, had breakfast and did as much cleaning as he could manage until Misha got back from walking the dogs. They’d have coffee and talk for a while and then he’d go online and check his e-mail and livejournal. After lunch he’d write with Jensen until dinner, and then work on his own stuff until bedtime. It was nice. Comforting almost.
He only had a few more days before he was due to go back to the doctor and if his leg had healed properly, which the doctors seemed confident it had, then the cast would come off and he’d be able to go back to work.
“You must be looking forward to it,” Misha said over their morning coffee.
“I guess,” Jared replied. “It’ll be nice to get outside again.”
Misha set down his mug. “A word of advice. Never go into acting. You’re not very good at it.”
“What?”
“Well, I believe it’s customary for people to smile when they’re happy about something.”
Jared sighed. “I am happy, kind of. I guess I’m going to miss talking to Jensen every day. She works weird hours so once I go back to work I’m not going to be able to talk to her as much. She’s just one of those people who gets me, you know?”
Misha nodded. “You love her.”
“What? No!” Jared’s heart pounded in his chest. He really needed to lay off the coffee. “We’re just friends. But I do like her a lot.”
Misha petted him on the arm. “There’s more than one kind of love, you know.”
Jared sighed and nodded his head. “I guess.”
“Well, I’d better go. I’ve got some rabbit joints that need assembling. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yeah.”
Jared logged in as soon as he heard Misha’s car pull away but he felt weird now. Mostly sad with a bit of something else mixed in. He didn’t really know what it was. He just wished that the closest thing he had to a best friend didn’t live a thousand miles away.
Jensen: I kind of want to kill off Bobby.
Jared: What? You can’t do that. Bobby’s awesome.
Jensen: I know, but think about it. Sam, Dean and Castiel have all died. Maybe Bobby is feeling left out.
Jared: I kind of doubt it. Anyway, Bobby died in The End.
Jensen: Not properly. Dean finding a wheelchair covered in blood and filled with holes doesn’t count.
Jared: I know everyone loves your fics but if you kill off Bobby they won’t forgive you unless you bring him back somehow.
Jensen: I guess I could bring him back.
Jared: What’s wrong? You’ve never killed anyone in any of your other fics. They’re a refreshing change from the angst of the books usually.
Jensen: I dunno. I guess I’m not in the best mood today. How are you feeling about the hospital tomorrow?
Jared: Okay, I guess. I can’t wait to get this thing off my leg and be able to do normal stuff again but I’m going to miss this with you too.
Jensen: We’ll work something out. You don’t get rid of me that easy.
Jared: Good to know. I’ll have to give you my cell number so you can text me at work and stop me going too nuts.
Jensen: They let you use your phone in the library?
Jared: Sure, so long as I keep it on vibrate. My boss is pretty cool about stuff like that.
Jensen: I kind of like the idea of you carrying me around in your pocket
Jared: That’s because you’re weird
Jensen: Yeah, but you like it
Jared: I do
They worked on the fic until Jared had to go and eat and Jensen had to do some work. Jared had no idea physical therapy involved the weird hours that Jensen kept but he figured Jensen probably had to work around the hours that suited her clients. It was good, though. It worked out well for them.
As he hobbled around the kitchen and made something basic for dinner, his phone beeped in his pocket.
What are you having for dinner? J
Jared smiled and typed a reply with one hand while he stirred with the other.
Pasta. If you lived closer you could have some. J
He’d just finished plating up the food when his phone went off again.
I just ate. And we have to think about how to sign these things. If we’re both J it’s confusing. Since I’m older I should be J and you should be J2. J
Jared snorted.
Whatever. Now go and do some work and let me eat my dinner. I’ll text you later. J2
He was kind of glad his cellphone plan came with a lot of texts because if this exchange was anything to go by he was going to go through them pretty fast.
“Well, Mr Padalecki, it looks like your leg has healed up nicely. How about we get rid of that cast now?”
Jared let out a shaky breath. He’d had nightmares the night before where his leg wasn’t healed, or when they removed the cast his leg fell off.
“You’ll find that your leg is quite weak to begin with,” the doctor continued. “So don’t try to rush back into the things that you used to do. I can give you a sheet with some gentle exercises to help strengthen the muscle and sign you up for some sessions with our physical therapist, if you like.”
“Yeah, that sounds good.”
And it was nothing at all to do with the fact that he wanted to learn a bit more about what Jensen did for a living.
Part 3