Fandom Radio, January 25
Willow: Hello Fandom! I suppose you're all wondering who the stranger in the room is. My name is Willow Rosenberg and I'm here to tell you that you're surrounded by a bunch of squirrels who just love you like crazy. So I'm going to report the news and Xander's going to report the news and then we're done. Okay?
Xander: The squirrels love us?
Willow: Oh yes. Like crazy! It's all part and parcel of my attempts to help poor Philbert. He's been acting weird this week and I thought maybe he needed an intervention.
Xander: From the squirrels? ...If it works, can you guys head over to my place after? Jeremiah's been bouncing off the tank walls all night like somebody spiked his dehydrated fly pellets with pixie sticks or something.
Willow: Okay first of all ew. And the squirrels are here to help us talk about how our animals' strange behavior has affected us. By which I mean we report the news. But there could be some kind of bottom line at the end. Which we hold. It's very important to hold the bottom line.
Xander: Whose bottom line? I'm not allowed to hold just anybody's.
Willow: Yeah... I kinda missed those details? Also I'm not sure what we hold the bottom line with. But hopefully Philbert and Jeremiah will accept the gift that we're offering to them and thus the bottom line part will be moot.
Xander: And by gift we mean... the news?
Willow: Now you're getting it!
Speaking of:
School! Where we can neither confirm nor deny that tomorrow's detention involves a cross-country limo ride with a litterbox and a cat.
Willow: The office is open and there is a sad moose loose in the hoose. Only not so much a hoose as an office, but you get what I mean. Richie, Hades, Jean-Paul, and Mr. Dean and Sam's Daddy have office hours, the latter of whom is visited by Liir who sucks up for missing classes, as well he should.
Karal opens the library, to the joy and glee of all right-minded people. Jaina comes in to apologize to Karal for anything that might have happened over the weekend. I must say I recommend a strict policy of pretending the weekend never happened.
Xander: Did you even see me on the island this weekend? No. No, you did not. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.
Willow: Liir comes in to ask for advice about Andrew and missing class. Be nice to the former and never ever ever do the latter. Ever. Seriously. Hoshi wants books on Sanskrit. I think Dawnie knows how to read that. And John comes in to have a huge manly fight over who gets to claim Andrew for his own. Or something. The notes are kinda vague here. Though Evey stops by to talk about Fandom weirdness so possibly it's all related.
Xander: I'm gonna go with huge manly fights over Andrew being Fandom weirdness, yes.
Willow: Art History talks about the art of Mesopotamia, Ancient Greece, and Africa. Given how long our classes are I'm guessing the lecture amounted to "They all have some, and are interesting." Unless unbeknownst to me those three places have only created one painting each. As you might imagine, there is note taking. Or, if you are, Jim and Pam, note passing. Namine asks all kinds of complicated questions. Like "How much of this art would be around 1,000 years from now?" and then "Could we make a documentary about that? Because it would be really cool." Then she has TA duty which is much less complicated and far more joyful.
The Art of Cool, which is totally different form the art of Mesopotamia, gets egg babies to take care of. Because that always ends well. Brooke asks Romeo for a raincheck on things between them. Like the floor? Or did one of them drop a pencil? Hopefully it wasn't one of the egg babies. Suffice it to say those can be nasty when you tick them off.
Xander: Oddly, I never had a problem with mine. Except a little heartburn later.
Willow: The students tell Tink and Barney about their attempts to break up with their significant others. And again I learn something new because I didn't know Tink or Barney were seeing anyone. Though why their students would need to break up with Tink and Barney's boy and/or girlfriends is beyond me. So then there's the egg baby arranged marriages. Ron is there for TAness and finds out Barney took pictures of him over the weekend. Isn't that - what's the word I'm looking for? Oh yeah, illegal? If nothing else it turns out to be for Reno who gets detention from Ron for asking to see them.
My Country works on the topography and geography of their countries. The noble nation of Gremlinistan gets mountains and prairies, but no oceans white with foam. Mostly because that's kinda gross when you consider that foam is probably made up of fish spit. Students get maps to draw in however they want. Put a happy face over the capital! I feel that sets a tone. Deadpool comes by to wish Yondaime a happy birthday, as did Ino.
Xander: Happy Birthday, Yondaime. Deadpool, page forty-seven would be an appropriate birthday gift. Just sayin'. And in news of a less adult nature, because nobody's doing page forty seven there, nosirreebob...
Dorms, where the less adult people live
Xander: Looks like it's not just us - Liz's cat is acting all wiggity too. Best Roomie Ever not that I'm biased woke up Ronan after he fell asleep in her room, then came over to talk to Other New York Peter about his breakup with oh. ...Sorry, dude. Mac got the four one one too, that's too with two ohs not one two, and Sam asked him if he's really trying to sleep his way through the entire island.
Willow: You know if he wasn't so inferior maybe inferior Peter wouldn't be quite so slutty.
Xander: I feel like you have some Peter issues, sweetie. I say this as your friend. I'm here for you.
Willow: I do not need a Peter intervention! I have the one and he is perfect and the one who is a Parker is whatever and inferior Peter sucks and possibly has daddy issues.
Xander: Riiiiight. And moving on from problems you don't have that start with a P, Zuko who starts with a Z and ends with hanging upside down from the belltower by his underwear if he ever hurts my Slayer again came to check up on Makoto, and Seregil told Andrew stories about who he was for this weekend, because he didn't listen to the helpful PSA we just made on the subject of Fandom Weekends: The One Time When Denial Is Actually Your Friend. John's Andrew's friend too, and he brought over cookies from Liir, and that squirrel just sighed at me. We're trusting them for this pet intervention thing again why?
Willow: We're not here to judge! We're just here to love like crazy! And besides they all wrote little letters. We should at least respect the effort they put in.
Xander: I'm not judging the squirrels; I'm just saying they might need a little intervenityness too. We could help by removing some of this rum. For their own good. But not to the dorms, because nobody drinks rum there. Ever. Annette demonstrated this by not drinking rum while she got phone calls from home which is always nice unless it's my home, so hopefully it was hers. Luke had an egg baby -- seriously dude, three minutes in a pot of boiling water and they're guaranteed not to eat your brain -- a puppy on the ceiling -- hi, Vladdie who probably doesn't need an intervention, he's pretty much like that all the time -- and a visit from Alex. But no rum.
Ino ran back to her room from Kabuto's, and there was crying. No word on whether rum was involved.
Meg was actually studying. On a Friday. Which might be a sign that she needs an intervention. Cassandra stopped in to talk and told her that she's learning to cook, so at least someone cared enough to visit her during her sickness. Aravis was also sick but not with the studying disease, and oh hey, she's got a crazy puppy too - and Karal came by with tea. Must've done the trick, since later she had an anniversary date with Guy Who Looks Like Angel in his room. Meanwhile Amber kept an close eye on her egg baby -- good call. Rolling boil, add a little salt. And Brooke -- OH, yes. Smart girl. I mean, uh. Because she made a little outfit for it. Yes.
Dean and Sam talked about the pyscho pet problem and about Alec being back. Hey... dude! Alec! Welcome back!
Willow: Oo! He could join the flag football team! I'm pretty sure his abilities wouldn't break John's stupid no magic powers rule.
Over in the stables Karal tries to convince Trenor to maybe switch to the decaf oats and carrots. And in the common room that's three floors less cool than five, Adah wrangles with a can opener in the name of getting food. And, possibly, getting every single cat in the dorms to show up as if by magic and give her big kitty eyes of hope that tuna will soon be in the offing. Mel shows up and asks if it's okay if she watches TV. Adah seems fine with it but the TV offers no opinion on the subject. Cassandra comes by looking for something. I don't know what this something is but apparently we can at least narrow the category down from "Things that would be found in the second floor common room." Though you'd think Cassandra would've known that to begin with. Maybe what she's really looking for is company. It's okay to admit your feelings! It makes us all much healthier!
Xander: And the common room's a good place to go for that, now that the nice ladies who used to charge for their company have left the island. You can get it for free in the com-- okay, this is me not going there.
Let's Go To Town Instead
Chad opened Groovy Tunes and told Ino about how he was a cup of tea for the weekend. If that's a sneaky way of saying he was drunk, this is me giving that coping method the big thumbs up. Good call, mountain-sized manperson. Ino told him about how she rescued a talking bird - no news on whether she needed to use the I-statements on it or just a net and a cage.
Liir opened the Book Haven and talked to Millie about how there's something wacky going on -- in Fandom? Seriously? Then Glitch stopped by to see if he was okay and tell him there's people he can talk if he needs help figuring big things out. And then there's hugging, which... the squirrels are now providing a live visual demonstration of.
I really hope that's hugging, or I'm gonna need more rum.
Willow: Xander!
Xander: John came by to ask if Liir was mad at Andrew, and apparently not because Liir gave him - oh, that's where the cookies came from - to take back to Andrew, and now the squirrels are sighing again, so clearly I need to confiscate another bottle. Just for their own safety.
Willow: Look on the bright side: at least the squirrels haven't graduated to the stage where they're drinking entire bottles of mouthwash.
Xander: Glitch and Millie also talked about weirdthanusualness, and she offered her house as a safe place to go. I'm guessing just for them and not, like, the whole island, unless there's some portal things happening inside it, or she's got one of those nifty closets that lead to the country of perfect Peters.
Willow: Perfect Peters call them wardrobes. Otherwise perfect Peters get adorably pouty.
Xander: Do pickled peppers come into play in this scenario?
Willow: You know, I don't ask the details about your private life.
Xander: Peppery point taken. In perfectly public news, Rikku opened Wellspring Arms and got a visit from Romeo. Yitzhak - sorry tiny squirrel friend with so much love to give, I did not mean to sneeze on you - Giles and River opened Luke's, the Magic Box, and the Arms, and got visits from nobody, nobody, and nobody. Or maybe a whole bunch of invisible people.
Or maybe they weren't there because they all went to see the guy dressed in a GIANT BANANA SUIT. Who was... oh. Man. Sky. So, so, sorry, dude. Kerrigan's right - get a better job. If you can't, I recommend declaring every workday a Fandom Weekend day. Deny all memory of the event.
Which... might not help when people like Z and Anathema get away with photo evidence. At least Troy tried not to laugh? And Mary brought him cookies. Adam told him it could be worse, and so did Bridge, because if we were in their dimension the banana suit would turn into a giant monster and try to eat us. Because clearly we didn't throw enough cheese at the moon.
Willow: You know, there aren't many places where you can say something like that and have people nod at you in a knowing fashion.
Xander: Teddy also came by and Sky told him about Eddie, the banana-eating seagull. Who must've thought he'd died and gone to banana-eating seagull heaven today. And Jen found out that he took the job to feed his shameful, sordid squishy addiction.
Hmm. Banana suit, ability to afford sugary substances. Banana suit, ability to afford sugary substances. I am so glad I've never been forced to make this choice. Oh twinkiephone, how I love thee. ... And also the guy who made it, yes.
Moving on so the banana-denial can begin, G'kar - new guy? Hi, new guy. - checked out the island today, Cable sipped tea and watched his dog join the intervention list, Mary arranged some travel plans on her laptop and it's not nice to look over people's shoulders when they're typing on the clickybuttons, squirrel-friends. They might be looking at... uh. Stuff. That is not for squirrel eyes.
Jolee opened Caritas and decided to have another round of Three-Minute Dates on Saturday, February 16th, and Melody opened his eyes to the existence of vanilla vodka. Dale asked him if he was the new owner, and Melody told Dale about her cats also needing therapy, and DOOOOM came in for a drink. I may not have put enough O's in that.
The clinic was empty in the morning except for Dr. Troy being scowly at a letter. Katara opened it at night and -- latebreaking squirrel note, it looks like she did have a customer. Dawn -- wait, what the hell? Met up with somebody on the way back to the dorms and then ended up unconscious in the clinic. And suddenly I'm thinking it's not just the pets who need an intervention. Can I make some I-statements with my axe? Would that be okay?
Willow: If you did? I would love you like crazy. More than I already do.
Xander: And now I feel like we need to say good night to Fandom before I make some statements the FCC would feel frownyfaced about, so Good Night, Fandom.
Xander: The squirrels love us?
Willow: Oh yes. Like crazy! It's all part and parcel of my attempts to help poor Philbert. He's been acting weird this week and I thought maybe he needed an intervention.
Xander: From the squirrels? ...If it works, can you guys head over to my place after? Jeremiah's been bouncing off the tank walls all night like somebody spiked his dehydrated fly pellets with pixie sticks or something.
Willow: Okay first of all ew. And the squirrels are here to help us talk about how our animals' strange behavior has affected us. By which I mean we report the news. But there could be some kind of bottom line at the end. Which we hold. It's very important to hold the bottom line.
Xander: Whose bottom line? I'm not allowed to hold just anybody's.
Willow: Yeah... I kinda missed those details? Also I'm not sure what we hold the bottom line with. But hopefully Philbert and Jeremiah will accept the gift that we're offering to them and thus the bottom line part will be moot.
Xander: And by gift we mean... the news?
Willow: Now you're getting it!
Speaking of:
School! Where we can neither confirm nor deny that tomorrow's detention involves a cross-country limo ride with a litterbox and a cat.
Willow: The office is open and there is a sad moose loose in the hoose. Only not so much a hoose as an office, but you get what I mean. Richie, Hades, Jean-Paul, and Mr. Dean and Sam's Daddy have office hours, the latter of whom is visited by Liir who sucks up for missing classes, as well he should.
Karal opens the library, to the joy and glee of all right-minded people. Jaina comes in to apologize to Karal for anything that might have happened over the weekend. I must say I recommend a strict policy of pretending the weekend never happened.
Xander: Did you even see me on the island this weekend? No. No, you did not. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.
Willow: Liir comes in to ask for advice about Andrew and missing class. Be nice to the former and never ever ever do the latter. Ever. Seriously. Hoshi wants books on Sanskrit. I think Dawnie knows how to read that. And John comes in to have a huge manly fight over who gets to claim Andrew for his own. Or something. The notes are kinda vague here. Though Evey stops by to talk about Fandom weirdness so possibly it's all related.
Xander: I'm gonna go with huge manly fights over Andrew being Fandom weirdness, yes.
Willow: Art History talks about the art of Mesopotamia, Ancient Greece, and Africa. Given how long our classes are I'm guessing the lecture amounted to "They all have some, and are interesting." Unless unbeknownst to me those three places have only created one painting each. As you might imagine, there is note taking. Or, if you are, Jim and Pam, note passing. Namine asks all kinds of complicated questions. Like "How much of this art would be around 1,000 years from now?" and then "Could we make a documentary about that? Because it would be really cool." Then she has TA duty which is much less complicated and far more joyful.
The Art of Cool, which is totally different form the art of Mesopotamia, gets egg babies to take care of. Because that always ends well. Brooke asks Romeo for a raincheck on things between them. Like the floor? Or did one of them drop a pencil? Hopefully it wasn't one of the egg babies. Suffice it to say those can be nasty when you tick them off.
Xander: Oddly, I never had a problem with mine. Except a little heartburn later.
Willow: The students tell Tink and Barney about their attempts to break up with their significant others. And again I learn something new because I didn't know Tink or Barney were seeing anyone. Though why their students would need to break up with Tink and Barney's boy and/or girlfriends is beyond me. So then there's the egg baby arranged marriages. Ron is there for TAness and finds out Barney took pictures of him over the weekend. Isn't that - what's the word I'm looking for? Oh yeah, illegal? If nothing else it turns out to be for Reno who gets detention from Ron for asking to see them.
My Country works on the topography and geography of their countries. The noble nation of Gremlinistan gets mountains and prairies, but no oceans white with foam. Mostly because that's kinda gross when you consider that foam is probably made up of fish spit. Students get maps to draw in however they want. Put a happy face over the capital! I feel that sets a tone. Deadpool comes by to wish Yondaime a happy birthday, as did Ino.
Xander: Happy Birthday, Yondaime. Deadpool, page forty-seven would be an appropriate birthday gift. Just sayin'. And in news of a less adult nature, because nobody's doing page forty seven there, nosirreebob...
Dorms, where the less adult people live
Xander: Looks like it's not just us - Liz's cat is acting all wiggity too. Best Roomie Ever not that I'm biased woke up Ronan after he fell asleep in her room, then came over to talk to Other New York Peter about his breakup with oh. ...Sorry, dude. Mac got the four one one too, that's too with two ohs not one two, and Sam asked him if he's really trying to sleep his way through the entire island.
Willow: You know if he wasn't so inferior maybe inferior Peter wouldn't be quite so slutty.
Xander: I feel like you have some Peter issues, sweetie. I say this as your friend. I'm here for you.
Willow: I do not need a Peter intervention! I have the one and he is perfect and the one who is a Parker is whatever and inferior Peter sucks and possibly has daddy issues.
Xander: Riiiiight. And moving on from problems you don't have that start with a P, Zuko who starts with a Z and ends with hanging upside down from the belltower by his underwear if he ever hurts my Slayer again came to check up on Makoto, and Seregil told Andrew stories about who he was for this weekend, because he didn't listen to the helpful PSA we just made on the subject of Fandom Weekends: The One Time When Denial Is Actually Your Friend. John's Andrew's friend too, and he brought over cookies from Liir, and that squirrel just sighed at me. We're trusting them for this pet intervention thing again why?
Willow: We're not here to judge! We're just here to love like crazy! And besides they all wrote little letters. We should at least respect the effort they put in.
Xander: I'm not judging the squirrels; I'm just saying they might need a little intervenityness too. We could help by removing some of this rum. For their own good. But not to the dorms, because nobody drinks rum there. Ever. Annette demonstrated this by not drinking rum while she got phone calls from home which is always nice unless it's my home, so hopefully it was hers. Luke had an egg baby -- seriously dude, three minutes in a pot of boiling water and they're guaranteed not to eat your brain -- a puppy on the ceiling -- hi, Vladdie who probably doesn't need an intervention, he's pretty much like that all the time -- and a visit from Alex. But no rum.
Ino ran back to her room from Kabuto's, and there was crying. No word on whether rum was involved.
Meg was actually studying. On a Friday. Which might be a sign that she needs an intervention. Cassandra stopped in to talk and told her that she's learning to cook, so at least someone cared enough to visit her during her sickness. Aravis was also sick but not with the studying disease, and oh hey, she's got a crazy puppy too - and Karal came by with tea. Must've done the trick, since later she had an anniversary date with Guy Who Looks Like Angel in his room. Meanwhile Amber kept an close eye on her egg baby -- good call. Rolling boil, add a little salt. And Brooke -- OH, yes. Smart girl. I mean, uh. Because she made a little outfit for it. Yes.
Dean and Sam talked about the pyscho pet problem and about Alec being back. Hey... dude! Alec! Welcome back!
Willow: Oo! He could join the flag football team! I'm pretty sure his abilities wouldn't break John's stupid no magic powers rule.
Over in the stables Karal tries to convince Trenor to maybe switch to the decaf oats and carrots. And in the common room that's three floors less cool than five, Adah wrangles with a can opener in the name of getting food. And, possibly, getting every single cat in the dorms to show up as if by magic and give her big kitty eyes of hope that tuna will soon be in the offing. Mel shows up and asks if it's okay if she watches TV. Adah seems fine with it but the TV offers no opinion on the subject. Cassandra comes by looking for something. I don't know what this something is but apparently we can at least narrow the category down from "Things that would be found in the second floor common room." Though you'd think Cassandra would've known that to begin with. Maybe what she's really looking for is company. It's okay to admit your feelings! It makes us all much healthier!
Xander: And the common room's a good place to go for that, now that the nice ladies who used to charge for their company have left the island. You can get it for free in the com-- okay, this is me not going there.
Let's Go To Town Instead
Chad opened Groovy Tunes and told Ino about how he was a cup of tea for the weekend. If that's a sneaky way of saying he was drunk, this is me giving that coping method the big thumbs up. Good call, mountain-sized manperson. Ino told him about how she rescued a talking bird - no news on whether she needed to use the I-statements on it or just a net and a cage.
Liir opened the Book Haven and talked to Millie about how there's something wacky going on -- in Fandom? Seriously? Then Glitch stopped by to see if he was okay and tell him there's people he can talk if he needs help figuring big things out. And then there's hugging, which... the squirrels are now providing a live visual demonstration of.
I really hope that's hugging, or I'm gonna need more rum.
Willow: Xander!
Xander: John came by to ask if Liir was mad at Andrew, and apparently not because Liir gave him - oh, that's where the cookies came from - to take back to Andrew, and now the squirrels are sighing again, so clearly I need to confiscate another bottle. Just for their own safety.
Willow: Look on the bright side: at least the squirrels haven't graduated to the stage where they're drinking entire bottles of mouthwash.
Xander: Glitch and Millie also talked about weirdthanusualness, and she offered her house as a safe place to go. I'm guessing just for them and not, like, the whole island, unless there's some portal things happening inside it, or she's got one of those nifty closets that lead to the country of perfect Peters.
Willow: Perfect Peters call them wardrobes. Otherwise perfect Peters get adorably pouty.
Xander: Do pickled peppers come into play in this scenario?
Willow: You know, I don't ask the details about your private life.
Xander: Peppery point taken. In perfectly public news, Rikku opened Wellspring Arms and got a visit from Romeo. Yitzhak - sorry tiny squirrel friend with so much love to give, I did not mean to sneeze on you - Giles and River opened Luke's, the Magic Box, and the Arms, and got visits from nobody, nobody, and nobody. Or maybe a whole bunch of invisible people.
Or maybe they weren't there because they all went to see the guy dressed in a GIANT BANANA SUIT. Who was... oh. Man. Sky. So, so, sorry, dude. Kerrigan's right - get a better job. If you can't, I recommend declaring every workday a Fandom Weekend day. Deny all memory of the event.
Which... might not help when people like Z and Anathema get away with photo evidence. At least Troy tried not to laugh? And Mary brought him cookies. Adam told him it could be worse, and so did Bridge, because if we were in their dimension the banana suit would turn into a giant monster and try to eat us. Because clearly we didn't throw enough cheese at the moon.
Willow: You know, there aren't many places where you can say something like that and have people nod at you in a knowing fashion.
Xander: Teddy also came by and Sky told him about Eddie, the banana-eating seagull. Who must've thought he'd died and gone to banana-eating seagull heaven today. And Jen found out that he took the job to feed his shameful, sordid squishy addiction.
Hmm. Banana suit, ability to afford sugary substances. Banana suit, ability to afford sugary substances. I am so glad I've never been forced to make this choice. Oh twinkiephone, how I love thee. ... And also the guy who made it, yes.
Moving on so the banana-denial can begin, G'kar - new guy? Hi, new guy. - checked out the island today, Cable sipped tea and watched his dog join the intervention list, Mary arranged some travel plans on her laptop and it's not nice to look over people's shoulders when they're typing on the clickybuttons, squirrel-friends. They might be looking at... uh. Stuff. That is not for squirrel eyes.
Jolee opened Caritas and decided to have another round of Three-Minute Dates on Saturday, February 16th, and Melody opened his eyes to the existence of vanilla vodka. Dale asked him if he was the new owner, and Melody told Dale about her cats also needing therapy, and DOOOOM came in for a drink. I may not have put enough O's in that.
The clinic was empty in the morning except for Dr. Troy being scowly at a letter. Katara opened it at night and -- latebreaking squirrel note, it looks like she did have a customer. Dawn -- wait, what the hell? Met up with somebody on the way back to the dorms and then ended up unconscious in the clinic. And suddenly I'm thinking it's not just the pets who need an intervention. Can I make some I-statements with my axe? Would that be okay?
Willow: If you did? I would love you like crazy. More than I already do.
Xander: And now I feel like we need to say good night to Fandom before I make some statements the FCC would feel frownyfaced about, so Good Night, Fandom.