FIC: A Lack of Color (1/1)
Title: A Lack of Color
Author: Me, bloodrayveness, Raquel.
Pairings: Dom/Billy, implied Dom/Evie.
Rating: PG-13 for language, cuz my Dom n Billy love to swear.
Warnings: WOE THE ANGST.
Disclaimer: I own no one, this never happened, it's all a figment of my sad imagination
Feedback: rocks my casbah.
Author's note: THANK YOU TO imaginaryrain FOR BETA-ING, and supplying the first two paragraphs, and the musical inspiration in the first place. The idea for this fic came from a Death Cab for Cutie song, "A Lack of Color". Namely, the last verse, the lyrics of which are AFTER the fic. And yes, this 1500+ word fic took me a year to work out and finish (angsty unhappy Monaboyd is not my usual thing), hence no mention of Ali or lil Jack because Jack wasn't BORN when I started it. ALSO, thanks to feelforfaith, because reading her work showed me a way around my biggest plot block. ♥
Summary of the story: Dom and Billy are apart and sad. Oh just read it. LOL
The waves lapped soundlessly to the shore, the ocean stretching back so far that the sky could hardly be determined in the distance but for the soft pink line signaling the rising of the sun in the east. The sand was soft, though slightly cold, still waiting to be warmed by the Hawaiian sun. The beach stretched for miles across the land, a scene of sheer beauty, something the romantics would die to see in the early morning.
But not the solitary figure that sat down by the water, his bare toes just barely touching the salty clear blue. The air around him could be grey, the sunrise ugly, everything about the beauty he was sitting right in the middle of turned dank and dark to reflect his solemn mood. His blue eyes were hazed, the alcohol intake from the sleepless night before was visible in their bloodshot white, the black pupils reflecting his empty, lonely soul.
There was no way to discern how long he had sat there in silence, with nothing but the sea and wakening birds for company. Not to mention the now almost empty bottle of beer at his side, positioned in a crudely fashioned hollow of sand so as to keep it from tipping over and spilling what little there was left. He just sat, staring at the sunrise, for what seemed like an eternity.
"Call him."
Dominic flinched slightly, a small grunt of annoyance escaping him as he was roused from his isolated thoughts. If that bloody voice in his head didn't stop saying that, he was going to...
"You're gonna what?"
He'd get up, find a place that had more alcohol, and get even more pissed, thereby silencing it for sure, thank you very much. His lips twitched in a momentary smirk as he treasured this temporary victory.
"No, you won't. You can't even stand. Call him."
When he spoke in reply, his words were noticeably slurred. "Call you, ya mean. No use sayin' 'him' when you're usin' his voice, ya fucker." But his inner thoughts, his conscience, whatever the hell you wanted to call it, had always had Billy's voice. Because Billy had been the one that kept him sane and safe, kept him from doing anything too outrageous. Billy’s voice was the only thing that could get into the little cracks and crevices inside his mind. Billy's voice had woken him in the morning and lulled him to sleep at night.
"Not anymore, though."
Dom reached blindly for the half-empty bottle next to him, fumbling with it as he brought it to his lips and swallowed roughly. "Can't even get away from 'im in bloody Hawaii. The fuck," he mumbled. He sighed and rubbed at his eyes absent-mindedly. Hawaii. What the hell was he doing in Hawaii, on the other side of the world? Yeah, there was Lost, and he was having a blast; he really hadn't felt this level of camaraderie since Lord of the Rings... but he still didn't feel whole here, like he belonged. He didn't feel like it was home.
"So what is home, then, Dommeh?"
Another grunt. Home. If home is where the heart is, then his home was thousands of miles away, in Scotland of all god-forsaken places.
Home was Billy.
Billy, who probably was perfectly happy in his now Dom-free life, and very probably was not sitting around drunk off his nicely-shaped arse.
Dom let the thought of Billy’s arse sink into his mind for a good minute or two as he stared at the brightening skyline.
“Call him.”
This time, he didn’t even twitch. He just sat there silently, his thoughts turning from Billy’s (quite lovely) body parts, to their time apart. No matter how much Dom exhausted himself in his work, how many cast parties he went to, how many nights he laid in the dark next to Evie and told himself that he should be feeling something with her besides fleeting relief; regardless of all that, he was never able to escape the haunting weight in his heart that told him that things were not as they should be.
Dom was beginning to see that things would never be as they should be if they continued the way they were now. He also figured that was the kind of thing you could only see and understand while drunk, which thankfully he was. With that in mind, he finished the last of his beer, dropping the empty bottle into the sand next to him.
The voice in his head didn’t need to speak this time. Instead, it just pushed his hand into his pocket, bringing his fingers into contact with his mobile. He did the rest himself, not even needing to consult his phone’s memory for the right number. Even after so long, he could have dialed it in his sleep.
After a few rings, he got the voicemail message. Dom waited for the beep, thoughts racing in a jumble.
*BEEP*
He cleared his throat clumsily. “Um… Hi… Billy?”
_ _ _ _ _
Billy sat in his front room, staring at his mobile in his hand. The mobile that had been blinking for half an hour, ever since he had glanced at the display and seen Dom’s name. Billy put the phone down on the table, and continued to stare at it.
“Pick it up.”
‘I will,’ he thought. ‘Just… give me a moment. Or a day.’ A pause. ‘How about a week?’
“Pick it up, ya daft wanker.”
And Billy’s lips smirked for a half a second at that, before he reminded them that he hadn’t given them permission. They smirked because it was Dom’s voice, and he had missed it.
“If you miss it, pick up the bloody phone.”
He actually did smile then, but he still didn’t move. After so many years, it no longer surprised him when Dom spoke in his head, even now. Dom had seeped into his blood, made him feel alive, given vibrant color to his dreary days. Days that Billy seemed lost in lately. So was it so surprising that he was hearing Dom’s voice even more often?
Especially right now.
“So pick it up and hear the real thing.”
‘Ah, but what is the real thing going to say?’ That’s what worried Billy the most. The fact that Dom was calling him, now, after all this time, at what must be an almost obscene hour in Hawaii (which meant he was most likely drunk)… it could be for any of a number of reasons, most of which were very unpleasant to think about. Billy had heard all the rumors about Evie, everyone had. ‘Maybe Dom wants to invite me to the wedding.’ He snorted.
“And maybe he’s calling because he misses you just as badly as you miss him, except he’s actually going to be the first one to have the fucking bollocks to say something.”
Billy closed his eyes for a moment. Because it was true. He didn’t know what he had thought life without Dom would be, but he knew what it wasn’t. It wasn’t life. It wasn’t right. Each day he woke up in his empty bed, in his empty house, with his empty heart. He worked, he came back, he ate, and he slept. Without the brightness of Dom, his world had washed away to a monochrome palette. He didn’t just miss Dom, he actually felt incomplete.
“I wasn’t the only one in the relationship; I was not the only one who fucked up,” he heard himself mutter, barely aloud.
“Get off it, Bills. No one said you were. But neither was he.”
Silence.
“Pick up the phone.”
Billy picked up the phone. He slowed his breathing and flicked it open, noting the time of the call and doing the necessary math. “Fuckin’ hell, what was that, 7:03 in the morning in Hawaii?” A shard of fear cut through him again.
“Listen. To. The. Message.”
So he sighed, and did. The very first second, when he heard Dom clearing his throat, he knew he had been right, and Dom was very drunk, and Billy smiled softly. When Dom started talking through the soft slur of the alcohol, Billy stopped smiling and started thinking his heart might stop…
“Um… Hi… Billy? This is… this is Dom. But you know that. Yeah. Um… shite. I don’t know what to say. I dunno why I called. OK, THAT, that’s a lie. I know why I called… I… I miss you, Bills. I love you, and I miss you, and I wish you were home, with me, in Hawaii. Because you’re Home, Billy, and things aren’t gonna change until they change, and I don’t think I can get away from this anymore.” Sound of Dom sighing, breathing. “But it doesn’t matter now, does it.” Not a question. “I know, it’s too late, and I should have given you a reason to stay.” Dom’s voice breaking slightly. “How did it get like this, huh?” A hoarse breath slightly muffled. “Fuck, that’s it.”
Silence.
Billy swallowed through the sandpaper of his throat and he blinked away the tears trying to rise in his eyes. He didn’t need to wait for any voice to tell him what to do next.
Billy dialed a phone number. It rang, and was picked up almost immediately.
“H-Hello?”
At the sound of Dom’s voice right there in his ear, Billy sighed, breathing out all his fears, his loneliness, and his regrets. “Hello, Dom. It’s me.”
_ _ _ _ _
This is fact not fiction for the first time in years
and every girl in every girly magazine can't make me feel
any less alone
I'm reaching for the phone
to call at 7:03
and on your machine I slur a plea for you to come home
but I know it's too late
and I should have given you a reason to stay
given you a reason to stay
This is fact not fiction for the first time in years
Author: Me, bloodrayveness, Raquel.
Pairings: Dom/Billy, implied Dom/Evie.
Rating: PG-13 for language, cuz my Dom n Billy love to swear.
Warnings: WOE THE ANGST.
Disclaimer: I own no one, this never happened, it's all a figment of my sad imagination
Feedback: rocks my casbah.
Author's note: THANK YOU TO imaginaryrain FOR BETA-ING, and supplying the first two paragraphs, and the musical inspiration in the first place. The idea for this fic came from a Death Cab for Cutie song, "A Lack of Color". Namely, the last verse, the lyrics of which are AFTER the fic. And yes, this 1500+ word fic took me a year to work out and finish (angsty unhappy Monaboyd is not my usual thing), hence no mention of Ali or lil Jack because Jack wasn't BORN when I started it. ALSO, thanks to feelforfaith, because reading her work showed me a way around my biggest plot block. ♥
Summary of the story: Dom and Billy are apart and sad. Oh just read it. LOL
The waves lapped soundlessly to the shore, the ocean stretching back so far that the sky could hardly be determined in the distance but for the soft pink line signaling the rising of the sun in the east. The sand was soft, though slightly cold, still waiting to be warmed by the Hawaiian sun. The beach stretched for miles across the land, a scene of sheer beauty, something the romantics would die to see in the early morning.
But not the solitary figure that sat down by the water, his bare toes just barely touching the salty clear blue. The air around him could be grey, the sunrise ugly, everything about the beauty he was sitting right in the middle of turned dank and dark to reflect his solemn mood. His blue eyes were hazed, the alcohol intake from the sleepless night before was visible in their bloodshot white, the black pupils reflecting his empty, lonely soul.
There was no way to discern how long he had sat there in silence, with nothing but the sea and wakening birds for company. Not to mention the now almost empty bottle of beer at his side, positioned in a crudely fashioned hollow of sand so as to keep it from tipping over and spilling what little there was left. He just sat, staring at the sunrise, for what seemed like an eternity.
"Call him."
Dominic flinched slightly, a small grunt of annoyance escaping him as he was roused from his isolated thoughts. If that bloody voice in his head didn't stop saying that, he was going to...
"You're gonna what?"
He'd get up, find a place that had more alcohol, and get even more pissed, thereby silencing it for sure, thank you very much. His lips twitched in a momentary smirk as he treasured this temporary victory.
"No, you won't. You can't even stand. Call him."
When he spoke in reply, his words were noticeably slurred. "Call you, ya mean. No use sayin' 'him' when you're usin' his voice, ya fucker." But his inner thoughts, his conscience, whatever the hell you wanted to call it, had always had Billy's voice. Because Billy had been the one that kept him sane and safe, kept him from doing anything too outrageous. Billy’s voice was the only thing that could get into the little cracks and crevices inside his mind. Billy's voice had woken him in the morning and lulled him to sleep at night.
"Not anymore, though."
Dom reached blindly for the half-empty bottle next to him, fumbling with it as he brought it to his lips and swallowed roughly. "Can't even get away from 'im in bloody Hawaii. The fuck," he mumbled. He sighed and rubbed at his eyes absent-mindedly. Hawaii. What the hell was he doing in Hawaii, on the other side of the world? Yeah, there was Lost, and he was having a blast; he really hadn't felt this level of camaraderie since Lord of the Rings... but he still didn't feel whole here, like he belonged. He didn't feel like it was home.
"So what is home, then, Dommeh?"
Another grunt. Home. If home is where the heart is, then his home was thousands of miles away, in Scotland of all god-forsaken places.
Home was Billy.
Billy, who probably was perfectly happy in his now Dom-free life, and very probably was not sitting around drunk off his nicely-shaped arse.
Dom let the thought of Billy’s arse sink into his mind for a good minute or two as he stared at the brightening skyline.
“Call him.”
This time, he didn’t even twitch. He just sat there silently, his thoughts turning from Billy’s (quite lovely) body parts, to their time apart. No matter how much Dom exhausted himself in his work, how many cast parties he went to, how many nights he laid in the dark next to Evie and told himself that he should be feeling something with her besides fleeting relief; regardless of all that, he was never able to escape the haunting weight in his heart that told him that things were not as they should be.
Dom was beginning to see that things would never be as they should be if they continued the way they were now. He also figured that was the kind of thing you could only see and understand while drunk, which thankfully he was. With that in mind, he finished the last of his beer, dropping the empty bottle into the sand next to him.
The voice in his head didn’t need to speak this time. Instead, it just pushed his hand into his pocket, bringing his fingers into contact with his mobile. He did the rest himself, not even needing to consult his phone’s memory for the right number. Even after so long, he could have dialed it in his sleep.
After a few rings, he got the voicemail message. Dom waited for the beep, thoughts racing in a jumble.
*BEEP*
He cleared his throat clumsily. “Um… Hi… Billy?”
_ _ _ _ _
Billy sat in his front room, staring at his mobile in his hand. The mobile that had been blinking for half an hour, ever since he had glanced at the display and seen Dom’s name. Billy put the phone down on the table, and continued to stare at it.
“Pick it up.”
‘I will,’ he thought. ‘Just… give me a moment. Or a day.’ A pause. ‘How about a week?’
“Pick it up, ya daft wanker.”
And Billy’s lips smirked for a half a second at that, before he reminded them that he hadn’t given them permission. They smirked because it was Dom’s voice, and he had missed it.
“If you miss it, pick up the bloody phone.”
He actually did smile then, but he still didn’t move. After so many years, it no longer surprised him when Dom spoke in his head, even now. Dom had seeped into his blood, made him feel alive, given vibrant color to his dreary days. Days that Billy seemed lost in lately. So was it so surprising that he was hearing Dom’s voice even more often?
Especially right now.
“So pick it up and hear the real thing.”
‘Ah, but what is the real thing going to say?’ That’s what worried Billy the most. The fact that Dom was calling him, now, after all this time, at what must be an almost obscene hour in Hawaii (which meant he was most likely drunk)… it could be for any of a number of reasons, most of which were very unpleasant to think about. Billy had heard all the rumors about Evie, everyone had. ‘Maybe Dom wants to invite me to the wedding.’ He snorted.
“And maybe he’s calling because he misses you just as badly as you miss him, except he’s actually going to be the first one to have the fucking bollocks to say something.”
Billy closed his eyes for a moment. Because it was true. He didn’t know what he had thought life without Dom would be, but he knew what it wasn’t. It wasn’t life. It wasn’t right. Each day he woke up in his empty bed, in his empty house, with his empty heart. He worked, he came back, he ate, and he slept. Without the brightness of Dom, his world had washed away to a monochrome palette. He didn’t just miss Dom, he actually felt incomplete.
“I wasn’t the only one in the relationship; I was not the only one who fucked up,” he heard himself mutter, barely aloud.
“Get off it, Bills. No one said you were. But neither was he.”
Silence.
“Pick up the phone.”
Billy picked up the phone. He slowed his breathing and flicked it open, noting the time of the call and doing the necessary math. “Fuckin’ hell, what was that, 7:03 in the morning in Hawaii?” A shard of fear cut through him again.
“Listen. To. The. Message.”
So he sighed, and did. The very first second, when he heard Dom clearing his throat, he knew he had been right, and Dom was very drunk, and Billy smiled softly. When Dom started talking through the soft slur of the alcohol, Billy stopped smiling and started thinking his heart might stop…
“Um… Hi… Billy? This is… this is Dom. But you know that. Yeah. Um… shite. I don’t know what to say. I dunno why I called. OK, THAT, that’s a lie. I know why I called… I… I miss you, Bills. I love you, and I miss you, and I wish you were home, with me, in Hawaii. Because you’re Home, Billy, and things aren’t gonna change until they change, and I don’t think I can get away from this anymore.” Sound of Dom sighing, breathing. “But it doesn’t matter now, does it.” Not a question. “I know, it’s too late, and I should have given you a reason to stay.” Dom’s voice breaking slightly. “How did it get like this, huh?” A hoarse breath slightly muffled. “Fuck, that’s it.”
Silence.
Billy swallowed through the sandpaper of his throat and he blinked away the tears trying to rise in his eyes. He didn’t need to wait for any voice to tell him what to do next.
Billy dialed a phone number. It rang, and was picked up almost immediately.
“H-Hello?”
At the sound of Dom’s voice right there in his ear, Billy sighed, breathing out all his fears, his loneliness, and his regrets. “Hello, Dom. It’s me.”
_ _ _ _ _
This is fact not fiction for the first time in years
and every girl in every girly magazine can't make me feel
any less alone
I'm reaching for the phone
to call at 7:03
and on your machine I slur a plea for you to come home
but I know it's too late
and I should have given you a reason to stay
given you a reason to stay
This is fact not fiction for the first time in years