My parents are still together, but sometimes after they fight I get the irrational fear that this would be the last straw and that they would divorce (they don't fight too much, but when they do it's disconcerting). I would be unbelievably heartbroken if they were to divorce.
I have a very short attention span, so I can't really get invested in big fic projects anyway -- that's why anything I manage to write that's multichaptered almost always gets scrapped. It has something to do with the kink meme as well; I feel so guilty for abandoning WIPs I had on there that I vowed never to write anything more than oneshots. It's irrational, but it's a fear that's stuck with me.
*nods* I hear you - and rationally I know that most people would be extremely upset; it just doesn't make intuitive sense to me, I suppose. Part of that is probably due to the fact that a) my parents did fight (not abusively or anything, just clash-of-personalities-style) a lot, and when I was little I just desperately wanted it to stop, and b) I don't really have that many memories of them parenting together even before they split up - my dad worked a lot when I was little, my mum was the stay-at-home parent, and though I have sweet memories of my dad coming in to kiss me goodbye before he went to work, and doing number problems with me before I was school-age, I didn't see him all that much - and I really didn't see him much with Mum. Plus, he became a much better dad - more involved, more around - after he and Mum split up, so I suppose it's just all-round a case of Things Were Better After the Divorce. The only bad thing to come out of it is that I haven't liked either of the people they then got into long-term relationships with
( ... )
I find smut pretty cathartic to write, personally, and it's less likely to spiral out of hand than something plottier, I think :P I've been looking at stuff from http://kink-bingo.dreamwidth.org -- perhaps it could give you some inspiration.
Hope your thesis work goes well and you get out of that fail-feeling slump *hugs*
Ah, thank you <3 I suppose my problem really is that I don't know how to fix things or help myself when I'm in these slumps - I know they do pass; experience has taught me that I will feel better soon - I just wish I had more control over them, gah.
I may take your advice re. the smut :D I was actually thinking of signing up for kink-bingo, before I realised looking at the typical squares that I'm really not a very kinky person, haha - and would probably fail epically trying to portray a lot of the kinks realistically. Just skimming for inspiration sounds like a good plan, though.
I totally get what you mean re the music - some things on my playlist jerk me right back and it's not always a pleasant experience. I think that kind of thing really shapes how our music tastes change over time
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I'm sorry to hear your parental situation was messier :( Although I'm very glad you're out of it now. I've been very lucky with how my parents handled things, definitely, although I think tbh - as much as they drive me up the wall sometimes, heh - I've been very lucky with my parents in general. They're both good parents, and I get on very well with them
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Music is definitely a powerful trigger. In 2000 I went on a semester long camp to a rural property, where we had no access to television/media etc and shared houses with 7 other girls, cooking and farming and hiking. What music we did have was '90's pop, on cassette tapes. Some of those songs are 'marshmead' songs and will always invoke memories of that time, not always nice ones, either. ;) I can definitely relate to pride being an assigned sin.
I also hear you on understanding parenting in terms of that joint custody thing. I'm in a fairly similar situation (though it was about 7-8 years ago... it doesn't feel like that short! :O) and I can't remember living in a single household that well. I think I kind of like it this way... of course, there's the fallout of divorce (and mine haven't even done the paperwork!) ... emotional blackmail, finance difficulty etc, but there are certainly advantages in having two places to go.
Ack, just reading that reminded me of a creative writing retreat thing I did at the same age - thankfully only for a long weekend, as all I remember from it was it being a hothouse environment for tension, friendships falling apart, incredible amounts of Romantic Friendship and confusion about sexuality...very awkward stuff. I can very much imagine what that semester might have been like, and yeah, can see how the memories might not always be good ones :s I can't think back on that weekend without cringing, oh god - for me it was right at a time when a) I was seriously depressed, b) trying to deal with an enormous crush on a new friend, also on the retreat, and c) trying to deal with the dynamics of my close, long-term friendship group all shifting about. Not Good
( ... )
Oh gosh, I can just imagine it. D: Mine was more to do with a combination of excessive pride/ego and low self esteem (funny how they go hand in hand!) and a few friends with depressive illnesses... it was my first encounter with anything like it and how we all managed it as friends is really embarassing, when I looked back. I was also super creative and energetic back then... ...I can't believe I'm having an 'ah, youth' conversation. ;)
Did one of your parents keep the original house? My mother was the one to move out, and I remember the new place she found, eating dinner on the floor with plastic forks while watching TV (the #1 priority, naturally). It was strange but also kind of exciting... I don't think I took it as bad as my sister did. The house we're in now is the one she finally bought, after two rental properties. It's my favourite, too, not only because I have a little en-suite. ;)
Haha, I actually found myself the other day wishing I was back in sixth-form again - just thinking that made me feel so old XD
My mum kept the house at first - but then couldn't afford the mortgage payments by herself, so Dad took it back (he's still there now, actually) and she moved out instead. With Mum, we then lived in a string of rental properties until we found a house we could actually afford to buy - which meant we then spent a few years in an ex-council house in one of the very deprived areas on the Wirral. During that time, Mum was working unsalaried in local government, and honestly I have no idea where she got any money from at all, so we were pretty poor for a few years. Then she got her current job, which is a management position, and she moved back near my sister's and my secondary school, which is a fairly affluent area. I actually really enjoyed all the moving around - it probably helped, I suppose, that the whole time my dad remained pretty well off, so I never really had much experience of being genuinely deprived
( ... )
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I have a very short attention span, so I can't really get invested in big fic projects anyway -- that's why anything I manage to write that's multichaptered almost always gets scrapped. It has something to do with the kink meme as well; I feel so guilty for abandoning WIPs I had on there that I vowed never to write anything more than oneshots. It's irrational, but it's a fear that's stuck with me.
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Hope your thesis work goes well and you get out of that fail-feeling slump *hugs*
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I may take your advice re. the smut :D I was actually thinking of signing up for kink-bingo, before I realised looking at the typical squares that I'm really not a very kinky person, haha - and would probably fail epically trying to portray a lot of the kinks realistically. Just skimming for inspiration sounds like a good plan, though.
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Here is one but for some reason this wasn't the one I was thinking of, I'm sure the one I found was less specific Oo;
http://teagueful.livejournal.com/56374.html?thread=23790134#t23790134
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I also hear you on understanding parenting in terms of that joint custody thing. I'm in a fairly similar situation (though it was about 7-8 years ago... it doesn't feel like that short! :O) and I can't remember living in a single household that well. I think I kind of like it this way... of course, there's the fallout of divorce (and mine haven't even done the paperwork!) ... emotional blackmail, finance difficulty etc, but there are certainly advantages in having two places to go.
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...I can't believe I'm having an 'ah, youth' conversation. ;)
Did one of your parents keep the original house? My mother was the one to move out, and I remember the new place she found, eating dinner on the floor with plastic forks while watching TV (the #1 priority, naturally). It was strange but also kind of exciting... I don't think I took it as bad as my sister did.
The house we're in now is the one she finally bought, after two rental properties. It's my favourite, too, not only because I have a little en-suite. ;)
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My mum kept the house at first - but then couldn't afford the mortgage payments by herself, so Dad took it back (he's still there now, actually) and she moved out instead. With Mum, we then lived in a string of rental properties until we found a house we could actually afford to buy - which meant we then spent a few years in an ex-council house in one of the very deprived areas on the Wirral. During that time, Mum was working unsalaried in local government, and honestly I have no idea where she got any money from at all, so we were pretty poor for a few years. Then she got her current job, which is a management position, and she moved back near my sister's and my secondary school, which is a fairly affluent area. I actually really enjoyed all the moving around - it probably helped, I suppose, that the whole time my dad remained pretty well off, so I never really had much experience of being genuinely deprived ( ... )
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David Bowie
Go go go.
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I will see what I can do.
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