Fic: The Drowners

[fanbeatsman]

So. When I first started writing this fic, it was meant to be a quick commentbox fill for a kinkmeme prompt that had caught my eye over the weekend.

A month or so later, and dear god it is a 10,500-word character piece that is essentially one protracted sex scene and I can't even remember what the kinkmeme prompt was. I have a problem, you guys,

Comments

[sarahofcroydon]

:3 Yanno, I found this one incredibly painful to read (in a good way, naturally!) I'm not sure why, but I think it just captured the trainwreck nature of your take on their relationship incredibly well. I think it's because Daryan's awkwardness was just palpable, and his disconnect with Klavier... one of these days you're going to have to write from Klavier's perspective. ;3 I think that's the strength of this piece, actually... it's so truly from Daryan's perspective that it's very difficult to penetrate Klavier's character at all, his feelings or motivations... exactly Daryan's experience. Difficult, but not impossible but it makes you/Daryan face some very awkward and emotional things

[fanbeatsman]

Ah, this feedback means a lot to me, you have no idea - and it deserves a proper reply, BUT, I am running around like a blue-arsed fly getting ready to go away tomorrow and ARGH. For now, thank you, seriously, so much, and I will respond properly once I'm back ♥

[fanbeatsman]

Ok, so first of all, thank you, again, so much for this! It's really made me happy to read, because I'm sort of looking at what you've said and thinking, yes, that's it exactly, what I was trying to do, and I'm so glad both that it worked and you appreciated/enjoyed (maybe enjoyed isn't the right word?) it. In particular, one of the main things I was trying to get out was, like you say, the opacity of Klavier to Daryan - because in the (ridiculously overinvested, oh god) headcanon I have for these two, I've always seen the idea of a kind of block in understanding from Daryan -> Klavier - and in addition to that, Daryan's kidding himself that he actually understands Klavier very well - as crucial to how and why everything goes tits-up for the pair of them. Because with time, I can see that disconnect sort of ossifying, maybe even to the point where Daryan's just not really hearing or seeing Klavier as he really is any more, but instead the not always fair and definitely not always flattering version of him that Daryan's kind of

[shahni]

I am reading this with your commentary right now, so expect a proper comment there very very soon, honeycakes.

The first impression that I can give you for this is that it actually took my breath away in a way that I honestly only expect actual physical intimacy to. I love that you have Daryan so... masculine. His sexuality and inclinations and the conflict he faces with what he's doing, and the way he looks at Klavier (to the point where I think at times he misreads him because everything is so -DARYAN's THOUGHTS-) is just very captivating and involving. The rough and realistic take on their intimacy was so amazing and really, I could see it happening in real life

[fanbeatsman]

*FLAILS AT YOU* Oh god, thank you so much! I am so pleased you liked it, and so happy to get this feedback, like you wouldn't believe. Especially to hear that you think it comes across as Realistic Teenage Boy-ness - the thing that caught my attention about whatever prompt it was to start with (I think it was something about the pair of them as teenagers almost being caught by someone in whoever's house they're fooling around in) was that it made me think, oh god, what a horrendously awkward situation, and then that made me think of all the potentially embarrassing, and melodramatic, and emotionally difficult and conflicting things that would be going on with the two of them as teenagers, still in the early stage of a friendship let alone relationship, trying to negotiate their own identities and figure out each other, sneaking around their parents' (or in this case Kristoph's) houses, &c. And the whole...idk, feel of the thing just came to me so vividly and I badly, badly wanted to write it, try and get out what I thought that kind

[fanbeatsman]

Oh, that is so lovely to hear, thank you! <3 Especially from someone who I know loves the pairing and gets as excited about it as I do :D I am really, really pleased that it worked for you and that you enjoyed it - it was really good to be writing these two again, actually; I hadn't forgotten how much I loved this pairing, not exactly, but writing this definitely reawoke all the epic love and fascination I have for it

[spywindow]

Hi! You don't know me, but I was linked to one of your kink meme fics last week, and it was a short jump from there to reading all the stories and the meta you have linked on your hub post. Your take on the AJ characters, especially Daryan and Klavier (and can I say Kristoph? because of that meta post), is fascinating, and much deeper than I tend to expect from fandom. Seeing a fic like this that translates all that character analysis into prose is so engaging, even tense--because we're in Daryan's head for 10,000 words that read like a single run-on sentence and the conflicts there are so stark. Thank you for posting and sharing this! I'm off to read the commentary now.

[fanbeatsman]

Hi there! Thank you so much for reading, and for this feedback; both things are appreciated like you have no idea :) I am so flattered that you find my takes on the characters interesting - and you know, it actually makes me really happy that you think the meta translates into the fic, because I'm not a natural fiction writer (I enjoy it, but I have to work very hard at it), I'm an essayist at heart and by trade - and all my fics start off as ridiculously convoluted character meta that (until I spilled the contents of my brain all over the commentary for this fic, haha) no one but me ever gets to see. And I always worry that I never actually succeed at getting out all the things I think and want to explore about these characters - so it makes me very happy indeed to hear that you think I'm getting things across, thank you :)

You know, you and shahni have both described the fic now in terms of a long run-on sentence, and the more I think about it the more I think you're right - it never occurred to me in those terms, but when I was writing

[darkenedwings]

Raaaagh I am depressed that I only JUST NOW got around to reading this, but... holy fuck, it was amazing. *fans self.*

I really, really LOVE the way this is written, it sounds exactly like I imagine Daryan to sound. I also am a huge fan of awkward, realistic sex, and I see you didn't pull many punches in this, which is excellent. It wasn't all rainbows and roses and the lovey dovey stuff that I see in a lot of fics. (And said lovey dovey shit is not always bad, I admit to writing some of it myself, but I just don't see it at all with these two.)

My favorite line was probably this: "he just smiles, slow and delighted and only a little smug, the sort of smile that goes to Daryan's cock and his fist in equal measures"

tl;dr oh god I love your writing. ;A;

[fanbeatsman]

Ah, thank you so much! I am heading to the grinning flaily place again :D I am especially flaily and grinning that you think the Daryan voice rings true; this is my first time writing him for about six months, I think, and like I said to kiyala when I first got started on this fic his voice was coming really, really awkwardly and off at first and driving me slowly up the wall - so it makes me very happy indeed to hear that you think it ended up sounding right <3 And YAY, another person who was not completely put off by the realistic sex :D Like I said above to sarahofcroydon, I love both reading about and writing awkward and messy sex - but once I'd posted this, it sort of occurred to me all at once that I had written 10000 words of deliberately awkward and underwhelming sex, and I thought oh god who the hell is going to want to read this ever? I am so so happy to find fellow fans of it, though; idk, I suppose I sometimes feel like you've got more space to poke at the characters in a scene where the sex isn't supposed to be mindblowingly amazing

[fanbeatsman]

OH and I just realised: belated happy birthday! Hope you had a wonderful day and are enjoying your newfound majority :D