Are You There, God? It's Me. The Stupid One.

[fanartist]

Alright, I'm gonna get into some really heavy Christian stuff, so if you guys are turned off by it... well, don't say I didn't warn you. I have to let it out somehow. But I'd really appreciate it if you took a peek :3

Comments

[ningen_demonai]

Yeah, I kinda know how you feel.

[t3h_cee_cee]

That sure is an eye opener! Perhaps the concept of "real Christianity" is not in knowing everything and doing everything right, but having a strong relationship with God. I've been working on that, but it gets really hard sometimes x_x To be honest I don't know what to feel anymore. It's like everything is demanding me and I just get confused. I try so hard not to make bad choices and then I wonder being so uptight about it is even worth the energy and the guilt. But at the same time I shouldn't focus too much on things like that because they can hold me back from focusing on God. It's just so complicated!

[fanartist]

I remember when I went to a lecture on the book of Galatians (I think), and the speaker said that once you experience God's love, the will to obey God will follow suit naturally.

I realized that making good choices as opposed to bad ones weren't what I was supposed to be focusing on. Jesus died so we wouldn't need to be burdened with that kind of pressure, and when it finally sank in (it took... two days =_=;;), it felt... really good. Because I didn't need to worry about anything like that anymore.

I dunno... it's really hard to explain, but it's something that made me regret a lot of things, but at the same time feel so happy that I didn't need to.

...Yeah, it's weird, but it's something like that... >>;;;;

(I MAKE SO MUCH SENSE IT MAKES ME CRY)

[pan2dapan]

I know what you mean. I'm still having problems with my faith. I spent the summer working at a Christian conference center in a summer ministry team, kind of hoping that I would be in a good enviroment to focus on God and learn more about the bible and walk with Him.

The problem I ended up having was kind of the same. I surrounded by all these kids who just were all about the Lord and just so fired up, it made me feel so inadequate. I started avoiding worship services and distancing myself from the others, ignoring God in the process.

I'm still finding my way, but I did end up learning a few lessons in hindsight, and the experience ended up not being a horrible one...

((Sorry, I'm just spitting out all kinds of random, and we don't know each other well, but I felt moved to write something...))

[fanartist]

No, it's good to let it out ^^

I naturally don't like being late or missing things I've signed up for or choose to go to, so everyone thought that I really was a "Christian" when in fact I was just scared to admit to myself that I had no clue why I was doing this and who I was doing it for.

Nobody would be at the conference by their own free will if they didn't feel inadequate. I've rarely been to conferences and retreats where people were fired up to worship, so I kinda envy that atmosphere (My church is rather dead (sleeping?), so now we have to go wake it up somehow >>;).

[fanartist]

[...] you want to slap the person that says 'God loves you'

XD My youth pastor used to piss me off (not on purpose) with little inconsistencies in his sermon, so I can totally relate to that.

It's not like you become perfect overnight, but once I had a realization that I've totally missed the point of "Jesus died for me because he loves me", everything just clicked into place.

One of the points the speaker made was that it's not that you're trying NOT to make bad choices, but it's the fact that you DON'T HAVE TO make bad choices.

It was a great insight for me, and I hope it helps you too ^^