Comments | fam: Ovulation date

hellgamatic in fam

Ovulation date

Jan 06, 2009 23:16

I have what I hope is a very basic question...

I've been off bc and charting to avoid for 5 cycles now, just started my 6th. I find myself wondering...If my ovulation almost always occurs 10 days after the last day of my period, would it be fairly safe to assume that I won't ovulate within, say, the first three days after? My husband is STILL too ( Read more... )

barrier/backup methods, ovulation, fam as birth control

Comments 11

amyakieran January 7 2009, 05:39:14 UTC

I wish I could send you some reassuring thoughts, but I'm dealing with the same thing. Boyfriend won't even trust condoms! We've had sex about 24 times over the course of 10 months. He's just too paranoid.

hellgamatic January 7 2009, 08:44:31 UTC

Yeah, mine is the same way...and if he's at all "nervous" or "uncertain" he loses his...ah...ability, and the condom gets loose, and reinforces his worries about the condom being effective!

sladdis January 7 2009, 05:44:47 UTC

IM (also, newbie)O: Fairly safe? Yeah. Safe no?

I also always always use condoms, abstaining on the days when I am fertile or probably fertile....being more 'gentle' around 'possible, but unlikely'

However, my partner has never finished inside me, so I have that working in our favor, for TTA.

I can't give any guidance on the safety of it, but were you on HBC with your husband? Was he okay (more okay) with the HBC and having sex more often or with less hesitance?

If so, maybe you could try to express that it's almost impossible to make it impossible to get pregnant. That there is always a risk involved, as there was with HBC? But now instead of taking that 1 or 2 percent 'chance' of it failing at any time, you have taken more control of it?

Or find whichever way to bring up that point that won't backfire?

(I have a similar situation. I'm convinced part of the reason my boyfriend can't climax is that he is paranoid of pregnancy. There are lots of others, but I'm sure this is part of it)

hellgamatic January 7 2009, 08:50:13 UTC

I'm in the same boat as you on the "always use condoms, abstaining on days when I am fertile" part. We haven't tried adding in withdrawal, perhaps that would add some extra reassurance for him.

I was on HBC in the past, yes, and he was very much okay with sex, because the failure rate (nuvaring) was very, very low. However, during that time, I was not at all interested in sex because the hormones were interfering with my libido, so we didn't have much to worry about. I'd say we had sex about as often with the HBC as we do now...sigh. That's rather depressing to realize.

I will consider trying the "nothing is foolproof" idea but I'm afraid it will just make him want to add in a few more layers of protection...a diaphragm and an IUD and maybe him getting his tubes tied, and throw in some spermicide for a yeast infection good measure...

sladdis January 7 2009, 19:15:33 UTC

haha- my boyfriend doesn't withdraw so much as just...doesn't

yeah, it's really hard to get it not to backfire....

my boyfriend had a box of spermicidal condoms, and i kept bringing my own until one day we ran out and i refused to use them. then one day i caved and they bothered HIS skin. He finally let go of the 'extra layer with spermicide' bit that i was so against.

prettylilditty January 7 2009, 05:45:58 UTC

Why cant you have sex once ovulation has been confirmed? You have a whole 2 weeks (on average, between 9-16 days) to make use of this infertile time. In addition you could try period sex if you arent opposed. And sperm can live for UP TO 5 days, so if you always ovulate on day 15, you can assume that sex between days 5-8 are safe. But unprotected sex is never a guarantee, you always run the risk. Its just less of a risk with FAM cuz you at least have a clue what your body is doing!

prettylilditty January 7 2009, 05:49:15 UTC

Btw, I added you. I checked your profile and it seems we have a lot in common!

hellgamatic January 7 2009, 08:53:11 UTC

Hubby for some reason doesn't trust my body to accurately tell me when I've ovulated...or maybe he doesn't trust the FAM to be correct about what signs will tell me? Or maybe he just doesn't trust me to chart and interpret correctly? I can somewhat understand it, because I've had uncertain ovulation dates the past two cycles. Not to mention, my LP is like...8 days. So, after counting for the "3 dpo" thing I only really have 5 days afterward, before my period, to have sex. Le sigh.

elkay January 7 2009, 09:02:05 UTC

Can you get him to read relevant bits of TCOYF, or another source so that he can understand the medical facts involved, and start to trust it more? A lot of people report that getting their partners more involved in temping/charting helps them start to trust FAM more.

Disclosure: I feel similarly about risk though and therefore have an IUD as my primary method, I wouldn't use FAM alone for avoiding, personally, because I'm not perfect with it and really do not want an unplanned pregnancy.

xallanthia January 7 2009, 14:04:48 UTC

I would get him more involved with the charting process. That's what got DH really on board, although his aversion to barriers and hatred of HBC also helped!

Also, maybe it would help to have him look at some other womens' charts, maybe some with sex indicated on them so he can see "ovulation, wait three days, hump like bunnies, woman gets period" often repeated. Or, would it help to post your charts for us and have everyone say, "yes, you ovulated!" ?

opheliasmusing January 7 2009, 17:40:36 UTC

ovulation, wait three days, hump like bunnies, woman gets period

brilliant :)