[closed]: dark have been my dreams of late

[fallenlomion]

Maeglin flees the room where a girl is cowering away from him, terrified. He can't decide if he feels numb or worse, can't decide where to go or what he should do.

He does what he always did in Gondolin when his own thoughts were frightening him, or when he was miserable and lonely, or needed to overcome some unnameable fear. There are no towers

Comments

[arid_white_lady]

Mothers have instincts - this one's are very strong, and all the alarm bells are ringing in her mind. She left the girls with her husband, didn't bother to give him a lengthy explanation, and went throughout the Mansion, looking for her son systematically.

When she sees him, her heart clenches.

"Lomion?"

[arid_white_lady]

She'll tug him to her, typist willing, to take him in her arms and give him a true hug. If not, she will at least keep touching him, somehow.

"You suffer," she whispers. "I understand this feeling."

[fallenlomion]

He lets her, though he's more limp than compliant or accepting. "No," he says, hoarsely, "No, you don't."

[arid_white_lady]

She's still going to collect him to herself, to cradle him against her as much as she can, if only to protect him from himself.

"Do you think I do not? It is hard, to love someone and be forbidden it," she murmurs.

[fallenlomion]

His left hand clenches, then, the only expression he can make of the strange and tangled emotions coursing through him. "--I don't want to love at all, then," he cries, almost fervently. "I don't want to ever love anyone. I would sooner feel nothing."

[arid_white_lady]

Something in her snapped - like a harp's strings tugged too taut. Her lip trembles, and she has to take a breath not to start crying immediately, though she's on the verge of tears.

"Not to love at all, Lomion?"

Not even your own mother?

[fallenlomion]

He tucks his head down, though almost down into her arms. "---all it ever seems to do is hurt me," he says, almost plaintively. "I just - it doesn't seem as though it's good for anything else."

[arid_white_lady]

If they weren't hugging, well, he's embraced now, completely, protectively - and if he tries to flail her off, she'll resist. "Is that so?" Again, the underlying questions - is that all my motherly love has done for you?

[fallenlomion]

He doesn't try to flail her off, because he does love her, it's just...

"You died," he says, "And left me all by myself, I didn't have anyone else, I never had anyone else, and every time I think - if I'd never loved anyone I never would have made you leave and you wouldn't have died, and I wouldn't have-"

[arid_white_lady]

"Hush," she says softly, and she's effectively rocking him, now. "It was the way it was, and I am here, now. I will not leave you, Lomion. I will not."

[fallenlomion]

"But you have," He cries, almost fervently, almost trying to struggle against her. "You say that, but you have, you have - you ought to just say it, that you were happier when I wasn't here and you could just make your new and happy life without thinking about before and how unhappy you were-"

[arid_white_lady]

"Never," she replies urgently. And she'll use all that she has to shake him into looking at her. "And boy - Lomion, not at day went by that I feared for you and sought to know your fate. I died for you - and I do not regret it. You are my flesh, blood and bones. Look at me! You are mine, born of my womb, and that can never be erased. You were the reason I did not seek death in Nan Elmoth when I cold have. Do you not see?"

[fallenlomion]

He looks at her, finally, though his expression isn't so promising either - resentful and sullen, closed even to her. "And now that you know you're ashamed," he says, fiercely, refusing to be mollified. "You don't understand, as no one understands. It would have been better if I'd died, then I wouldn't be an embarrassment to you. I'm going to die anyway. There's no way around it. Maybe it just should have been then. You can't save me, mother. You never could."

[arid_white_lady]

Every single one of his words are like a needle in her heart, really. She looks at him, eyes wide, and filling with tears.

"Is that how you feel, love?" She won't let him go - she can't - "Forgive me, if I treated you poorly. Forgive me if I didn't love you enough. And tell me what to do."

[fallenlomion]

"It's not your fault," he says, though he still won't quite look at her. He does blame her but he doesn't but at the same time - it's complicated, yes. "You can't do anything. It's too late for that. You should just give up."

[arid_white_lady]

"Never," she replies stubbornly. "I will never give up on you. I would sooner die."

Might we discreetly poke Fingon/Galie? >.>