And death won't do us part
Title: And death won't do us part
Chapters: Oneshot
Author: fallen_am_i
Genre: Angst, AU
Warnings:Boylove, smutt, murders, suicude, character death
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Tora x Saga,
Synopsis: "I was nothing but scum, a minion of no importance, an excuse of a psychologist running away and hiding. But that was going to end soon. I was getting tired, and maybe he was too. And this story needed a final act."
Disclaimer: I own the story only...
Coments: A big thank you to themikachu for beta reading :3
And Death Won't Do Us Part
"Attention to everyone! That dangerous psychopath is still on the loose. His last victim was discovered yesterday at a rundown motel outside Tokyo. Along with him might be a doctor, also a runaway from the clinic. We ask again for your attention; those men might be extremely dangerous! If you see them, contact the police or us immediately! Photos of them are all around the city, so-"
My finger jerked instantly to turn the car's radio off. That calm and blank voice, warning people in apathy, was making me sick. All those journalists running around like they cared for anything more than their paycheck were disgusting. But who was I really to talk? I was nothing but scum, a minion of no importance, an excuse of a psychologist running away and hiding. But that was going to end soon. I was getting tired, and maybe he was too. And this story needed a final act.
I checked my cellphone again, after the countless times I checked it before, examining the picture that was sent to my mail by an unknown; although I knew well who the sender was. A white and black photo taken at 9 p.m., as was written, in a place he had told me about when we were discussing about his childhood. I pursed my lips strictly. No phone calls, not a single word. Just plain photos and his whereabouts from the news. That was all the information I was getting about him, and it was driving me crazy. I destroyed my life some time ago, because I let my foolishness take the lead. And he made sure to stomp all over my remains and destroy them further. I hit my hand on the steering wheel furiously. What the hell did he want from me? Why was he haunting me like that, devouring what was left inside of me? And why was I following him no matter what? Those were questions that maybe I would never answer. Even though my degrees and reputation once, I knew that my own soul would remain a mystery that I would never solve, along with my heart's abyss...
After a final glance at the photo, I checked the file I was keeping for him in the clinic to confirm the address. Inside my mind, a doubt was dancing. It was not the first time he arranged a meeting and never appeared at it. But either way I would be there at noon, at 9 p.m. exactly. And maybe this time he wouldn't flee away...
I let the file slip from my hands to the seat next to me and I turned the engine on. With a quick glance I checked the weather outside, heavy rain and thick fog had started forming in the atmosphere. So I had to rush a bit, because the bad weather wouldn't stop me. I had a date to attend... A bitter smile stretched the edges of my mouth asymmetrically, looking monstrous in the small mirror in front of me. My hand slipped in my coat's inner pocket, touching a cold, metallic object. A gun, fully loaded. That would be my last talk with him. I started all of this, and I should end it. The man who took so many lives away would die from my hands, hopefully tonight...
"So that we'll finally be over, Takashi..." My voice whispered quietly, scattering in the loud wind. "So that we'll finally be over..."
I was driving for hours straight with just one stop. I avoided big crowds, being a celebrity that way was surely bad. I was confused; all the things I wanted to scare away were dancing in my mind. Piercing, clever eyes that could notice even the smallest detail around them; a rare smile that was displayed only when he was proud about his doings or when he was looking at me. That frail figure, looking so sensitive and weak at the first sight, but it actually was tough and could kick really hard. His scent when I was closer to him, strong and kind at the same time, innocent, yet so sinful. His voice when he was pleading me to stay and talk to him more, to spend the night in the cell because he was afraid of darkness... I shook my head. All this was blurring my eyes from my goal, my feelings were poisoning me and all the memories should disappear. There was no place for emotions anymore, or weaknesses.
A soulless being. That's what I wanted to be and I managed it in a way. I guess my hatred and my feelings of betrayal, along with my shame were enough to make me hate the only person in this world that made my heart beat like a drum, that made me feel the adrenaline overflow my body, like I was close to death every time I was with him. Disgust. Guilt. Anger. Hate. Those were the only things inside me as I stepped out of the car, at the arranged place and time. I counted the staircases on my way up to his once called orphanage, a place ready to break down, with broken windows and sticks everywhere. I moved around the place with my gun glued into my hands, my one and only best friend now. My eyes were searching for the smallest move or shadow, the simplest clue that would betray his presence. I knew that this time he would appear; I was sure about it once I stepped inside. My whole existence was screaming at me to leave, like there was a bad omen. And then, at a central room on the first floor, standing in front of an old and moist fireplace with his back at me, it was him. Takashi...
Quiet and thoughtful, as he used to be the two years I was his doctor. His silhouette made me grasp my gun tighter as in a warning. I just wanted to shoot him straight in the head and let him die and rot in peace. But my hand was not obeying me and didn't raise the gun to point at him. And when he turned to face me, every defense I had raised up till now, every intention to protect myself was becoming numb and weak, like he was drugging me. In an instant, everything I had locked away in a dusty corner in my mind broke out and invaded my being. My affection to him, my obsession to heal his soul and help him live normally. My stupid dream of me standing by his side when he would make those first steps in society again, holding his hand and keeping him warm on starless nights. My foolish idea to run away with him and start over, both of us beginning a new chapter in our lives. My despair when I realized my unforgivable mistake, while reading a sloppy letter left on our bed, an emotionless apology and some philosophy about people and their nature. My guilt when I started hearing about his cruel murders on news, accompanied with photos that were making me want to puke. Everything that reminded me of the nothing I have become.
But still, no matter my intentions Takashi was hypnotizing me, like I was put under one of his spells. His sharp eyes softened when he saw me, and a feint smile was drawn on his round lips. A smile tender and sweet, like a person in love...
"Tora..." He mumbled as he started to walk towards me, closing our distance and entering my safe zone. "I knew you would come..."
"Don't call me that name ever again, Takashi." The cold tone in my voice surprised even myself and startled him, stopping him in his tracks.
"But you like 'Tora'; you loved it when I was calling you that, remember?" He asked with a childish, yet disappointed expression. "And... Takashi? Am I not Saga anymore? Your Sagacchi?"
His so innocently said words sent a shiver down my spine. It was always like that, I was becoming a puppet to that man's hands, my strings moving by those elegant fingers of his...
"This is over..." I answered back blankly, avoiding looking at those trapping eyes. But I did notice his grin growing wider.
"Are you sure? Haven't you missed me at all?" He started approaching me again, making my body scream in alarm. I was afraid. Afraid that I lost the battle before it even started, and I would never allow that. He was so close, I could feel his body heat entwining with mine, his smell that was always mesmerizing me tickling my nostrils. "Well, I missed you Torashi, so much... You didn't change the slightest all this time..." He chuckled. "You are still as charming as you've always been..."
I did miss him. And most of all I missed his touch. Soft and warm, caring even. A feeling I remembered when his fingertips climbed on my cheek, leaving soft trails at my face and hair. Moves slow and calming, making me wander how the hands of a cruel murderer could be that gentle and sensitive. My eyes dropped down as he kept threading his fingers through my hair, brushing some stray strands away from my face. I did miss his presence, his touch; it was my resurrection and death at the same time. That intense feeling came to haunt me again as I moved my lips slowly to his wrist, kissing it tenderly. And he was satisfied, his grin instantly snapping me out from my hypnotized state. In mere moments his head was looking up at me, my gun being pressed forcefully against his neck.
"I know you are here to kill me, get it over with!" He laughed madly at me. "I can see hate all over your pretty face... But there's something you want more than my death right now, am I wrong Tora?"
"I told you to stop calling me that!" I growled, pressing the gun harder to his neck, making him choke slightly.
"I was always honest with you Tora, from the start..." He ignored me, smirking. "Remember? I always loved killing, blood, the feeling of control as the victim was pleading me to let it live... It's in my nature and I never denied it... As I never denied that I love you..."
His words made my breath hitch and my hand leave his neck. He noticed he was having an effect on me and he smiled, coming closer, reaching my ear.
"Stop pretending and admit that you missed me, Torashi... I know what you want and I am willing to give it to you..."
His whisper sent shivers down the back of my neck as his lips brushed my earlobe. His hand moved out of my face, now sliding slowly down my chest, making my breath lose its steadiness.
"You see?" He laughed in victory at my breath becoming heavier as that hand was sliding further down. "You want me, and I want you too. You need me, and I need you too. Your love for me is always bigger than the hate, Tora..."
His thin hand reached the place I so desired all that time. My loud, throaty moan betrayed my feelings as his fingers brushed my arousal over my trousers. I wanted to knock him down and kill him coldblooded, but all that was wiped away as he crashed his lips to mine, in a needy kiss from both sides. And at that moment, when he opened his mouth to welcome my tongue, I knew it. I knew that this battle was lost...
My hands were raised to a final attempt to push his body away from me violently. I hated him, myself and my weakness as my hands failed their purpose, resting on his small shoulders instead, massaging them softly before they ran up and down his back, to remind me the anatomy I could never forget. His figure still slender and so thin that I could count the bones down his spine. Inside my arms he looked so fragile like a flower, but I knew his dangerous nature better than anyone else. He disgusted me and aroused me at the same time, frustrating my mind and driving it crazy with his painfully slow moves down my crotch. I slowly pushed both of us backwards, till we reached a solid wall; my hands reached his hips, caressing them slowly before I led one of his thin legs behind my back. A small hiss escaped his lips as I started grinding my lower body on him, creating the friction that was making Takashi lose his control over himself and me, a small victory of mine. He let his head fall back with grace, making sure that I was watching every moment of his little show. And damn me I was... Those sinful lips opened in a silent sigh as his fingers ghosted the back of my head, massaging my neck. I put some force on his other leg while caressing his smooth thigh, pointing at him what I was going to do next. With a quiet nod he obeyed me when I pinned him hard on the wall, circling his other leg also behind me. The feeling was incredible, like everything I have lived with that man until now. My desire was fighting over my goal as I locked my lips to his again, biting them and sucking them hard, drowning all his moans inside him. And Takashi was just reacting back, moving his body up and down wildly, making me angrier and harsher with his body.
"I hate you..." I whispered to his lips, growling out my caged feelings. "You disgust me..."
His answer was just a smirk before he began a new kiss, deeper and more torturing than the last one, his tongue swirling around mine, sucking and licking, playing with the tip. A wonderful tickling in my stomach, along with a shiver through all of my body was sent as I imagined myself disappearing behind that mouth. Without stopping our ministrations, I moved both of us to the center of the room, to an old, dusty yet big couch. I let his slender figure down the furniture and I straddled him violently, attacking his firm neck. I wanted to cover him with red marks, big and ugly, so that he wouldn't look tempting anymore, but no matter my intentions, all of his actions showed that he was just asking for more, no, begging for more. I wanted to rip his clothes off, but instead I pulled his T-shirt off violently. I let my lips taste his milky skin hungrily, leaving wet trails down his torso. I bit down on a pink, soft nub, making him writhe and whimper more for me. Anger or not, my mind started to flow away in a different world, one that only he existed, Takashi, his eyes, lips, his sinful being.
Takashi finally found the strength to fight me back, his hands unbuttoning my shirt teasingly slow. Soft circles by his thumbs on my chest, long flicks on my nipples and a path of kisses along the new flesh he was discovering with every button he was opening, he managed to calm me down a bit with his gentle ministrations. Me, the tiger who longed to devour him...
"Are you sure you hate me?" Takashi whispered with that soothing voice of his as his hand trailed down to my trousers, playing with my zipper. "Are you sure this is disgust you feel?" He smiled, and as an answer I crashed my lips on his once again, choking his stupid words. Because truth always hurt.
I, who wanted him dead more than anything else, was now touching him everywhere, after I took all of his clothes off, along with mine. I, who wanted to point a gun to his head and end his life coldly, was now extra careful not to hurt him more than needed, as my fingers wet from his saliva slid into his tight hole, moving slowly inside his clenching heat. And I, who wanted him to scream and suffer in pain, was now doing anything in my power, craving to hear him moan for me, releasing for me, shouting my name. Every single move of his body was producing a beautiful sound. Takashi's touches on my neck and back, featherlike and aerial, along with his small, needy kisses on my lips, were sending shivering waves down my spine and abdomen as I pulled back and positioned myself between his legs. As much as I hated to admit it, I just wanted more and more of him, till I couldn’t suck anything more out of him, energy, feelings, sounds... I still wanted to kill him; it was my purpose for pursuing him after all. But all seemed to be so far away in the back of my mind, like time was slowing down and eventually stopping, as long as I was with him... Takashi and the miracles only he could perform. My Takashi... My Saga...
And if the heat in our bodies was too much till then, when I found that certain part inside Takashi it became unbearable. The smallest thrust and his back was arching, moving his beautiful form closer to mine. He loved every second of it and he made sure to show that to me anyway he could. The scratching on my back, his hard bites on my neck, his moans and screams that were devoured by me every time I kissed him. I could feel his inside reacting instantly as my thrusts became faster and faster. Clenching around me, pressuring my length, making me sense everything he was sensing. And it was more than perfect. Strange really, the one who made me lose everything in this world being the same one who could give me everything back, make me feel even like God.
There was no need for him to tell me when he was close. Those two years we learned to communicate without words, a simple look in the eyes was enough. And those eyes were pleading me to touch him, to make him scream and reach the orgasm he was wishing for. I obeyed his silent order; how could I refuse anything at that moment, when he made me forget even my beliefs and causes? The very moment my fingers touched the head of his length, a long hiss escaped from his abused lips. And when I started pumping him in the same rhythm with my trusts, a small show of whimpers and moans began, growing louder as he was reaching his release. His mouth opened, mumbling small blessings to me, along with a phrase he was repeating like a mantra, over and over.
"I love you, I love you, I love you!"
He came hard in my hand, screaming shamelessly those three words and my name again, his head thrown on the side, his hands gripping my shoulders with so much force that his fingertips were white as they sank into my skin. He was trembling and couldn't stand anything; the smallest breath on his body was driving him crazy, moaning and shaking. The feelings he couldn’t control anymore were transferred to me, bold and wild. When my limit came I slowed down, every thrust carrying my completion an orgasm, growling my satisfaction and whispering his name, a word forbidden to me. I tasted the perfection, I felt clean and pure, like the whole world belonged to me. Like me and Takashi were the only people in this planet. Feelings that I wanted to treasure till reality would reveal my filth again.
I pulled out of him and lay by his side. No kisses followed, nor any words. I just needed to keep feeling his warmth, looking at that frail image he had, a beautiful lie. Killing intense couldn't reach me; my brain was too tired to think of anything. My eyelids were heavy, closing softly as the silence was taking what was left from my excitement away. And finally sleep came for me, closing my eyes for the next few hours, after imprinting his sleeping image. So ironic, someone sunken in guilt sleeping so innocently...
*****
My brain started to function right when my hands touched the empty couch beside me. The last blur over my eyes went off as I realized what have happened. I jumped up instantly, looking around me nervously. Not a single trail of him, even his scent had started to fade away. His clothes were not on the floor anymore and mine were piled neatly next to the couch, along with my shoes. Cold sweat ran down my body when I felt that damn day repeating again. The day he left without a word, accepting his beastly nature. Denying the chance I offered him, along with me. I started cursing as I dressed as quickly as I could, my words reminding me how much of an idiot I was for losing myself over him, relaxing like that. Repeating the same mistake. Once again I let him run away. I blinded myself, falling victim to his trap. Gritting my teeth I ran out of the room, hoping that I would track him down by luck or what. I checked my pocket, realizing that the gun was gone too. Another curse.
"Are you looking for this?" His voice sounded from the hall, calm and a bit teasing. He was leaned on the main door, swirling the gun in his finger. He was smiling.
That surprised me. I didn't expect Takashi to actually stay. He should away from me, chasing his so wanted freedom, or at least he should kill me before he left. And to be honest that gun in his hands was worrying me. I was not afraid to die, not anymore. But dying in vain, leaving his mad mind wander in freedom, I couldn't accept that. I walked hesitantly closer to him with calculating moves and so did he. Such unexpected behavior from an unexpected man.
After some steps we reached each other, standing in awkward silence, not knowing what to do next. Then Takashi spoke, after a small chuckle.
"What's with the hesitation, Tora? Don't you have a purpose here?"
His words awakened me, bringing back a serious expression in my features. His raising hand surprised me, pointing the gun at me, the barrel turned to his face instead of mine. I gave him a confused look as I took it in my hands, examining the move he just did.
"Just like that?" I asked. "No more fights? No more hiding?" All those were not things the Takashi I knew would do. It was not like him losing a game, and now he was quitting the most important game he ever played. His lips curled in a soft smile and he shook his head as he moved closer, circling his hands around me.
"I am tired Tora... Living as I want is so difficult and I had to sacrifice something I love. I don't want to do that anymore, but I want to die by your hands and only..."
His words were gentle in my ears, just as his touches were in my body. He embraced me tightly, his fingers caressing my back and hair as he was taking from me as much as he could. Image, warmth, smell. Although he already knew he got more than that. I felt lost, realizing that those were my last moments with him. I searched in his face to find something that would prove me wrong, but I found nothing. His eyes were burning with determination and his smile was feint but harmonic. He had accepted his fate and he was ready to give up everything. And at that moment I started wondering if I really was ready to play my part.
"Just do it Shinji..." He answered to my unspoken questions. "Remove that weight from both of our backs, I can't carry mine anymore..."
He was ready to break down but soon he would recover his self control again. And I was scared, not to kill a criminal, but scared of losing the only person I ever loved. When the time came to separate our lives forever, A voice was screaming inside me that I couldn't do it. I felt the gun heavy in my hands, ready to slip down when his own hand caught mine, tightening the grip around the metal object.
"Only you can kill me," he began as he locked his eyes on mine before he kissed me, a kiss strong and sensitive. "And only you will..." Slowly, he brought the gun to his chest, where his heart was, and let it rest there. I tried to move away, to run, to scream. All that time I was hunting him down for a reason, a reason I didn't trust anymore. And as the time was becoming shorter for us, many thought came to dance in my mind. Giving him another chance by trying again, maybe he wouldn't leave me this time. But one glimpse on Takashi's eyes was enough to know that none of those thoughts would ever become true. He wouldn't come back, he wouldn't return to normal, he wouldn't live.
Takashi was keeping my hand still to his chest, locked inside his, and I could feel his heart racing like mad. I gulped, sending a knot down to my throat as my fingers moved to the gun, getting ready for the next move. Takashi nodded, approving my act.
"I always loved you, from the first time you stepped in that damn cell. You brought light in my darkness and filled my empty life..." He whispered in my ear and pulled back.
"Saga I..." My words died before they could get out of my mouth. My vocal chords were broken, unable to make a right sound, but I tried again. "Saga I lo-"
"So you still like that name..." He laughed softly, talking over my word. "No need to say it, I know... I always knew..."
I nodded collecting whatever strength I could as I stretched my hand, targeting his chest steadily.
"Goodbye for now..." My words sounded more like a hoarse sound. I made sure to imprint his proud figure in my mind, to remember it forever.
I did a mental countdown, inhaling and exhaling in each number, forcing myself to finish what I started. Forcing me to do something so cruel, even for a person like him...
"We'll meet again..." were his last words before the bullet struck his heart, before the white T-shirt was painted red sucking the blood quickly. And Takashi, the man I loved a windy night in a dark and moist cell, was a small curled figure in mere seconds, hanging in my arms lifeless... And that was my limit. Every emotion that was frozen till that moment melted at once, transforming in to a river of tears in my eyes. I plopped on my knees, dropping the gun on the floor, screaming and crying as I kissed him all over his face, his hands, hugging him, struggling to give back the warmth he was losing. My tears were running on his cheek and neck, creating crystal paths on the pale body. From the start I knew this would hurt, but there I was, unable to handle the pain I was preparing myself for. I closed my eyes and held him close, whispering how much I loved him, though it was useless anymore. I did what I should, but instead of completion I felt even more emptiness. There was nothing left to do, no life to continue. I had nowhere to go except prison, and I preferred death over a life without him.
I let his corpse rest in my lap gently and I took the gun from the floor. I sang a small prayer for Takashi and I and I closed my eyes as I felt the cold metal filling my mouth. Once again I followed the same ritual, counting down before I would fire for the last time.
BANG!!!
And death won't do us part anymore...
*****
So,hello everyone again and happy easter too! xD I hope your days are joyfull, well I am with fever but except that I am fine,relaxing xD
I know i was late a bit due to some studying but here it is finally!Well, i didn't post the one i wanted for 19/4, sorry my little but i promise to make this the best birthday present ever!!!!! xD
So,angst this time, I tried something new... And oh I love the scene where Tora kisses Saga's wrist, my totally fav! :3
Comments are allways apreciated :3
Chapters: Oneshot
Author: fallen_am_i
Genre: Angst, AU
Warnings:Boylove, smutt, murders, suicude, character death
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Tora x Saga,
Synopsis: "I was nothing but scum, a minion of no importance, an excuse of a psychologist running away and hiding. But that was going to end soon. I was getting tired, and maybe he was too. And this story needed a final act."
Disclaimer: I own the story only...
Coments: A big thank you to themikachu for beta reading :3
And Death Won't Do Us Part
"Attention to everyone! That dangerous psychopath is still on the loose. His last victim was discovered yesterday at a rundown motel outside Tokyo. Along with him might be a doctor, also a runaway from the clinic. We ask again for your attention; those men might be extremely dangerous! If you see them, contact the police or us immediately! Photos of them are all around the city, so-"
My finger jerked instantly to turn the car's radio off. That calm and blank voice, warning people in apathy, was making me sick. All those journalists running around like they cared for anything more than their paycheck were disgusting. But who was I really to talk? I was nothing but scum, a minion of no importance, an excuse of a psychologist running away and hiding. But that was going to end soon. I was getting tired, and maybe he was too. And this story needed a final act.
I checked my cellphone again, after the countless times I checked it before, examining the picture that was sent to my mail by an unknown; although I knew well who the sender was. A white and black photo taken at 9 p.m., as was written, in a place he had told me about when we were discussing about his childhood. I pursed my lips strictly. No phone calls, not a single word. Just plain photos and his whereabouts from the news. That was all the information I was getting about him, and it was driving me crazy. I destroyed my life some time ago, because I let my foolishness take the lead. And he made sure to stomp all over my remains and destroy them further. I hit my hand on the steering wheel furiously. What the hell did he want from me? Why was he haunting me like that, devouring what was left inside of me? And why was I following him no matter what? Those were questions that maybe I would never answer. Even though my degrees and reputation once, I knew that my own soul would remain a mystery that I would never solve, along with my heart's abyss...
After a final glance at the photo, I checked the file I was keeping for him in the clinic to confirm the address. Inside my mind, a doubt was dancing. It was not the first time he arranged a meeting and never appeared at it. But either way I would be there at noon, at 9 p.m. exactly. And maybe this time he wouldn't flee away...
I let the file slip from my hands to the seat next to me and I turned the engine on. With a quick glance I checked the weather outside, heavy rain and thick fog had started forming in the atmosphere. So I had to rush a bit, because the bad weather wouldn't stop me. I had a date to attend... A bitter smile stretched the edges of my mouth asymmetrically, looking monstrous in the small mirror in front of me. My hand slipped in my coat's inner pocket, touching a cold, metallic object. A gun, fully loaded. That would be my last talk with him. I started all of this, and I should end it. The man who took so many lives away would die from my hands, hopefully tonight...
"So that we'll finally be over, Takashi..." My voice whispered quietly, scattering in the loud wind. "So that we'll finally be over..."
I was driving for hours straight with just one stop. I avoided big crowds, being a celebrity that way was surely bad. I was confused; all the things I wanted to scare away were dancing in my mind. Piercing, clever eyes that could notice even the smallest detail around them; a rare smile that was displayed only when he was proud about his doings or when he was looking at me. That frail figure, looking so sensitive and weak at the first sight, but it actually was tough and could kick really hard. His scent when I was closer to him, strong and kind at the same time, innocent, yet so sinful. His voice when he was pleading me to stay and talk to him more, to spend the night in the cell because he was afraid of darkness... I shook my head. All this was blurring my eyes from my goal, my feelings were poisoning me and all the memories should disappear. There was no place for emotions anymore, or weaknesses.
A soulless being. That's what I wanted to be and I managed it in a way. I guess my hatred and my feelings of betrayal, along with my shame were enough to make me hate the only person in this world that made my heart beat like a drum, that made me feel the adrenaline overflow my body, like I was close to death every time I was with him. Disgust. Guilt. Anger. Hate. Those were the only things inside me as I stepped out of the car, at the arranged place and time. I counted the staircases on my way up to his once called orphanage, a place ready to break down, with broken windows and sticks everywhere. I moved around the place with my gun glued into my hands, my one and only best friend now. My eyes were searching for the smallest move or shadow, the simplest clue that would betray his presence. I knew that this time he would appear; I was sure about it once I stepped inside. My whole existence was screaming at me to leave, like there was a bad omen. And then, at a central room on the first floor, standing in front of an old and moist fireplace with his back at me, it was him. Takashi...
Quiet and thoughtful, as he used to be the two years I was his doctor. His silhouette made me grasp my gun tighter as in a warning. I just wanted to shoot him straight in the head and let him die and rot in peace. But my hand was not obeying me and didn't raise the gun to point at him. And when he turned to face me, every defense I had raised up till now, every intention to protect myself was becoming numb and weak, like he was drugging me. In an instant, everything I had locked away in a dusty corner in my mind broke out and invaded my being. My affection to him, my obsession to heal his soul and help him live normally. My stupid dream of me standing by his side when he would make those first steps in society again, holding his hand and keeping him warm on starless nights. My foolish idea to run away with him and start over, both of us beginning a new chapter in our lives. My despair when I realized my unforgivable mistake, while reading a sloppy letter left on our bed, an emotionless apology and some philosophy about people and their nature. My guilt when I started hearing about his cruel murders on news, accompanied with photos that were making me want to puke. Everything that reminded me of the nothing I have become.
But still, no matter my intentions Takashi was hypnotizing me, like I was put under one of his spells. His sharp eyes softened when he saw me, and a feint smile was drawn on his round lips. A smile tender and sweet, like a person in love...
"Tora..." He mumbled as he started to walk towards me, closing our distance and entering my safe zone. "I knew you would come..."
"Don't call me that name ever again, Takashi." The cold tone in my voice surprised even myself and startled him, stopping him in his tracks.
"But you like 'Tora'; you loved it when I was calling you that, remember?" He asked with a childish, yet disappointed expression. "And... Takashi? Am I not Saga anymore? Your Sagacchi?"
His so innocently said words sent a shiver down my spine. It was always like that, I was becoming a puppet to that man's hands, my strings moving by those elegant fingers of his...
"This is over..." I answered back blankly, avoiding looking at those trapping eyes. But I did notice his grin growing wider.
"Are you sure? Haven't you missed me at all?" He started approaching me again, making my body scream in alarm. I was afraid. Afraid that I lost the battle before it even started, and I would never allow that. He was so close, I could feel his body heat entwining with mine, his smell that was always mesmerizing me tickling my nostrils. "Well, I missed you Torashi, so much... You didn't change the slightest all this time..." He chuckled. "You are still as charming as you've always been..."
I did miss him. And most of all I missed his touch. Soft and warm, caring even. A feeling I remembered when his fingertips climbed on my cheek, leaving soft trails at my face and hair. Moves slow and calming, making me wander how the hands of a cruel murderer could be that gentle and sensitive. My eyes dropped down as he kept threading his fingers through my hair, brushing some stray strands away from my face. I did miss his presence, his touch; it was my resurrection and death at the same time. That intense feeling came to haunt me again as I moved my lips slowly to his wrist, kissing it tenderly. And he was satisfied, his grin instantly snapping me out from my hypnotized state. In mere moments his head was looking up at me, my gun being pressed forcefully against his neck.
"I know you are here to kill me, get it over with!" He laughed madly at me. "I can see hate all over your pretty face... But there's something you want more than my death right now, am I wrong Tora?"
"I told you to stop calling me that!" I growled, pressing the gun harder to his neck, making him choke slightly.
"I was always honest with you Tora, from the start..." He ignored me, smirking. "Remember? I always loved killing, blood, the feeling of control as the victim was pleading me to let it live... It's in my nature and I never denied it... As I never denied that I love you..."
His words made my breath hitch and my hand leave his neck. He noticed he was having an effect on me and he smiled, coming closer, reaching my ear.
"Stop pretending and admit that you missed me, Torashi... I know what you want and I am willing to give it to you..."
His whisper sent shivers down the back of my neck as his lips brushed my earlobe. His hand moved out of my face, now sliding slowly down my chest, making my breath lose its steadiness.
"You see?" He laughed in victory at my breath becoming heavier as that hand was sliding further down. "You want me, and I want you too. You need me, and I need you too. Your love for me is always bigger than the hate, Tora..."
His thin hand reached the place I so desired all that time. My loud, throaty moan betrayed my feelings as his fingers brushed my arousal over my trousers. I wanted to knock him down and kill him coldblooded, but all that was wiped away as he crashed his lips to mine, in a needy kiss from both sides. And at that moment, when he opened his mouth to welcome my tongue, I knew it. I knew that this battle was lost...
My hands were raised to a final attempt to push his body away from me violently. I hated him, myself and my weakness as my hands failed their purpose, resting on his small shoulders instead, massaging them softly before they ran up and down his back, to remind me the anatomy I could never forget. His figure still slender and so thin that I could count the bones down his spine. Inside my arms he looked so fragile like a flower, but I knew his dangerous nature better than anyone else. He disgusted me and aroused me at the same time, frustrating my mind and driving it crazy with his painfully slow moves down my crotch. I slowly pushed both of us backwards, till we reached a solid wall; my hands reached his hips, caressing them slowly before I led one of his thin legs behind my back. A small hiss escaped his lips as I started grinding my lower body on him, creating the friction that was making Takashi lose his control over himself and me, a small victory of mine. He let his head fall back with grace, making sure that I was watching every moment of his little show. And damn me I was... Those sinful lips opened in a silent sigh as his fingers ghosted the back of my head, massaging my neck. I put some force on his other leg while caressing his smooth thigh, pointing at him what I was going to do next. With a quiet nod he obeyed me when I pinned him hard on the wall, circling his other leg also behind me. The feeling was incredible, like everything I have lived with that man until now. My desire was fighting over my goal as I locked my lips to his again, biting them and sucking them hard, drowning all his moans inside him. And Takashi was just reacting back, moving his body up and down wildly, making me angrier and harsher with his body.
"I hate you..." I whispered to his lips, growling out my caged feelings. "You disgust me..."
His answer was just a smirk before he began a new kiss, deeper and more torturing than the last one, his tongue swirling around mine, sucking and licking, playing with the tip. A wonderful tickling in my stomach, along with a shiver through all of my body was sent as I imagined myself disappearing behind that mouth. Without stopping our ministrations, I moved both of us to the center of the room, to an old, dusty yet big couch. I let his slender figure down the furniture and I straddled him violently, attacking his firm neck. I wanted to cover him with red marks, big and ugly, so that he wouldn't look tempting anymore, but no matter my intentions, all of his actions showed that he was just asking for more, no, begging for more. I wanted to rip his clothes off, but instead I pulled his T-shirt off violently. I let my lips taste his milky skin hungrily, leaving wet trails down his torso. I bit down on a pink, soft nub, making him writhe and whimper more for me. Anger or not, my mind started to flow away in a different world, one that only he existed, Takashi, his eyes, lips, his sinful being.
Takashi finally found the strength to fight me back, his hands unbuttoning my shirt teasingly slow. Soft circles by his thumbs on my chest, long flicks on my nipples and a path of kisses along the new flesh he was discovering with every button he was opening, he managed to calm me down a bit with his gentle ministrations. Me, the tiger who longed to devour him...
"Are you sure you hate me?" Takashi whispered with that soothing voice of his as his hand trailed down to my trousers, playing with my zipper. "Are you sure this is disgust you feel?" He smiled, and as an answer I crashed my lips on his once again, choking his stupid words. Because truth always hurt.
I, who wanted him dead more than anything else, was now touching him everywhere, after I took all of his clothes off, along with mine. I, who wanted to point a gun to his head and end his life coldly, was now extra careful not to hurt him more than needed, as my fingers wet from his saliva slid into his tight hole, moving slowly inside his clenching heat. And I, who wanted him to scream and suffer in pain, was now doing anything in my power, craving to hear him moan for me, releasing for me, shouting my name. Every single move of his body was producing a beautiful sound. Takashi's touches on my neck and back, featherlike and aerial, along with his small, needy kisses on my lips, were sending shivering waves down my spine and abdomen as I pulled back and positioned myself between his legs. As much as I hated to admit it, I just wanted more and more of him, till I couldn’t suck anything more out of him, energy, feelings, sounds... I still wanted to kill him; it was my purpose for pursuing him after all. But all seemed to be so far away in the back of my mind, like time was slowing down and eventually stopping, as long as I was with him... Takashi and the miracles only he could perform. My Takashi... My Saga...
And if the heat in our bodies was too much till then, when I found that certain part inside Takashi it became unbearable. The smallest thrust and his back was arching, moving his beautiful form closer to mine. He loved every second of it and he made sure to show that to me anyway he could. The scratching on my back, his hard bites on my neck, his moans and screams that were devoured by me every time I kissed him. I could feel his inside reacting instantly as my thrusts became faster and faster. Clenching around me, pressuring my length, making me sense everything he was sensing. And it was more than perfect. Strange really, the one who made me lose everything in this world being the same one who could give me everything back, make me feel even like God.
There was no need for him to tell me when he was close. Those two years we learned to communicate without words, a simple look in the eyes was enough. And those eyes were pleading me to touch him, to make him scream and reach the orgasm he was wishing for. I obeyed his silent order; how could I refuse anything at that moment, when he made me forget even my beliefs and causes? The very moment my fingers touched the head of his length, a long hiss escaped from his abused lips. And when I started pumping him in the same rhythm with my trusts, a small show of whimpers and moans began, growing louder as he was reaching his release. His mouth opened, mumbling small blessings to me, along with a phrase he was repeating like a mantra, over and over.
"I love you, I love you, I love you!"
He came hard in my hand, screaming shamelessly those three words and my name again, his head thrown on the side, his hands gripping my shoulders with so much force that his fingertips were white as they sank into my skin. He was trembling and couldn't stand anything; the smallest breath on his body was driving him crazy, moaning and shaking. The feelings he couldn’t control anymore were transferred to me, bold and wild. When my limit came I slowed down, every thrust carrying my completion an orgasm, growling my satisfaction and whispering his name, a word forbidden to me. I tasted the perfection, I felt clean and pure, like the whole world belonged to me. Like me and Takashi were the only people in this planet. Feelings that I wanted to treasure till reality would reveal my filth again.
I pulled out of him and lay by his side. No kisses followed, nor any words. I just needed to keep feeling his warmth, looking at that frail image he had, a beautiful lie. Killing intense couldn't reach me; my brain was too tired to think of anything. My eyelids were heavy, closing softly as the silence was taking what was left from my excitement away. And finally sleep came for me, closing my eyes for the next few hours, after imprinting his sleeping image. So ironic, someone sunken in guilt sleeping so innocently...
*****
My brain started to function right when my hands touched the empty couch beside me. The last blur over my eyes went off as I realized what have happened. I jumped up instantly, looking around me nervously. Not a single trail of him, even his scent had started to fade away. His clothes were not on the floor anymore and mine were piled neatly next to the couch, along with my shoes. Cold sweat ran down my body when I felt that damn day repeating again. The day he left without a word, accepting his beastly nature. Denying the chance I offered him, along with me. I started cursing as I dressed as quickly as I could, my words reminding me how much of an idiot I was for losing myself over him, relaxing like that. Repeating the same mistake. Once again I let him run away. I blinded myself, falling victim to his trap. Gritting my teeth I ran out of the room, hoping that I would track him down by luck or what. I checked my pocket, realizing that the gun was gone too. Another curse.
"Are you looking for this?" His voice sounded from the hall, calm and a bit teasing. He was leaned on the main door, swirling the gun in his finger. He was smiling.
That surprised me. I didn't expect Takashi to actually stay. He should away from me, chasing his so wanted freedom, or at least he should kill me before he left. And to be honest that gun in his hands was worrying me. I was not afraid to die, not anymore. But dying in vain, leaving his mad mind wander in freedom, I couldn't accept that. I walked hesitantly closer to him with calculating moves and so did he. Such unexpected behavior from an unexpected man.
After some steps we reached each other, standing in awkward silence, not knowing what to do next. Then Takashi spoke, after a small chuckle.
"What's with the hesitation, Tora? Don't you have a purpose here?"
His words awakened me, bringing back a serious expression in my features. His raising hand surprised me, pointing the gun at me, the barrel turned to his face instead of mine. I gave him a confused look as I took it in my hands, examining the move he just did.
"Just like that?" I asked. "No more fights? No more hiding?" All those were not things the Takashi I knew would do. It was not like him losing a game, and now he was quitting the most important game he ever played. His lips curled in a soft smile and he shook his head as he moved closer, circling his hands around me.
"I am tired Tora... Living as I want is so difficult and I had to sacrifice something I love. I don't want to do that anymore, but I want to die by your hands and only..."
His words were gentle in my ears, just as his touches were in my body. He embraced me tightly, his fingers caressing my back and hair as he was taking from me as much as he could. Image, warmth, smell. Although he already knew he got more than that. I felt lost, realizing that those were my last moments with him. I searched in his face to find something that would prove me wrong, but I found nothing. His eyes were burning with determination and his smile was feint but harmonic. He had accepted his fate and he was ready to give up everything. And at that moment I started wondering if I really was ready to play my part.
"Just do it Shinji..." He answered to my unspoken questions. "Remove that weight from both of our backs, I can't carry mine anymore..."
He was ready to break down but soon he would recover his self control again. And I was scared, not to kill a criminal, but scared of losing the only person I ever loved. When the time came to separate our lives forever, A voice was screaming inside me that I couldn't do it. I felt the gun heavy in my hands, ready to slip down when his own hand caught mine, tightening the grip around the metal object.
"Only you can kill me," he began as he locked his eyes on mine before he kissed me, a kiss strong and sensitive. "And only you will..." Slowly, he brought the gun to his chest, where his heart was, and let it rest there. I tried to move away, to run, to scream. All that time I was hunting him down for a reason, a reason I didn't trust anymore. And as the time was becoming shorter for us, many thought came to dance in my mind. Giving him another chance by trying again, maybe he wouldn't leave me this time. But one glimpse on Takashi's eyes was enough to know that none of those thoughts would ever become true. He wouldn't come back, he wouldn't return to normal, he wouldn't live.
Takashi was keeping my hand still to his chest, locked inside his, and I could feel his heart racing like mad. I gulped, sending a knot down to my throat as my fingers moved to the gun, getting ready for the next move. Takashi nodded, approving my act.
"I always loved you, from the first time you stepped in that damn cell. You brought light in my darkness and filled my empty life..." He whispered in my ear and pulled back.
"Saga I..." My words died before they could get out of my mouth. My vocal chords were broken, unable to make a right sound, but I tried again. "Saga I lo-"
"So you still like that name..." He laughed softly, talking over my word. "No need to say it, I know... I always knew..."
I nodded collecting whatever strength I could as I stretched my hand, targeting his chest steadily.
"Goodbye for now..." My words sounded more like a hoarse sound. I made sure to imprint his proud figure in my mind, to remember it forever.
I did a mental countdown, inhaling and exhaling in each number, forcing myself to finish what I started. Forcing me to do something so cruel, even for a person like him...
"We'll meet again..." were his last words before the bullet struck his heart, before the white T-shirt was painted red sucking the blood quickly. And Takashi, the man I loved a windy night in a dark and moist cell, was a small curled figure in mere seconds, hanging in my arms lifeless... And that was my limit. Every emotion that was frozen till that moment melted at once, transforming in to a river of tears in my eyes. I plopped on my knees, dropping the gun on the floor, screaming and crying as I kissed him all over his face, his hands, hugging him, struggling to give back the warmth he was losing. My tears were running on his cheek and neck, creating crystal paths on the pale body. From the start I knew this would hurt, but there I was, unable to handle the pain I was preparing myself for. I closed my eyes and held him close, whispering how much I loved him, though it was useless anymore. I did what I should, but instead of completion I felt even more emptiness. There was nothing left to do, no life to continue. I had nowhere to go except prison, and I preferred death over a life without him.
I let his corpse rest in my lap gently and I took the gun from the floor. I sang a small prayer for Takashi and I and I closed my eyes as I felt the cold metal filling my mouth. Once again I followed the same ritual, counting down before I would fire for the last time.
BANG!!!
And death won't do us part anymore...
*****
So,hello everyone again and happy easter too! xD I hope your days are joyfull, well I am with fever but except that I am fine,relaxing xD
I know i was late a bit due to some studying but here it is finally!Well, i didn't post the one i wanted for 19/4, sorry my little but i promise to make this the best birthday present ever!!!!! xD
So,angst this time, I tried something new... And oh I love the scene where Tora kisses Saga's wrist, my totally fav! :3
Comments are allways apreciated :3