The Patriots Keeper Part 3/?

[meteorprime]

Thank you for all of your wonderful comments!

Part Three! Is there gonna be actual story progression in this chapter? Who knows!
Apologies for any mistakes as this is un-beta'd.

Also: Disclaimer! I've done ZERO research!
Description: America has devolved into a fascist state. New York is a hell-hole centred around a tower that houses a mythical

Comments

[kribban]

You know the most cruel thing Jon could do is to not paint the symbol on his wall and let the Eagle fly around every night looking for it.

Poor Jon! Urgh, this world is not very nice. He needs the Eagle to be his personal bodyguard!

[meteorprime]

That would be cruel! I think it'd be crueler if he painted it wrong (Stephen would probably throw a fit mid-air and fall out of the sky)

[sailorptah]

Ugh, poor Jon. Stephen isn't the cuddliest, but he will try.

Very intrigued by the ending. Does this mean there was a point when Stephen was reading -- long, complicated works, no less? On the other claw hand, he's missing a bunch of simple vocabulary and concepts -- the word for "lips", the way mirrors work. (Not knowing about TV is less of a mystery, if most of his reading featured an LotR-type level of technology.) Still a puzzle.

A note on grammar: you keep writing things like “Paint in white.” He croaked. It should be “Paint in white,” he croaked. Same with dialogue that's followed with he says.

Jon might have been risking trouble going to see Stephen, but they can't come after him if Stephen's the one coming to see him...right? (If only you could count on a dystopian fascist state to be that logical.) And of course there's no guarantee other people will react to Stephen as well as Jon has. Excited but worried to see Stephen venturing out into the real world...

[meteorprime]

'A note on grammar: you keep writing things like “Paint in white.” He croaked. It should be “Paint in white,” he croaked. Same with dialogue that's followed with he says.'

Thanks! I'll fix that- Grammars not my strong point!

I think the reason I didn't want Stephen knowing every word for every body part or object is that normal human people write for normal human people and so we don't have to completely describe what things are and label things in our fiction. I explained that poorly, what I mean is I didn't think that at any point would it say in LOTR 'Aragorn put his finger to his lips (which were the things around his mouth). Stephen will probably know the word but not always what it corresponds to.

[themistoklis]

This is such an interesting story. I'm so curious about Stephen's background and what's going to happen to them now that Jon won't be coming in every day. It seems like Stephen would be pretty easy to track, given the giant bird man flying thing. Hopefully Jon won't get in too much trouble, or maybe Stephen's favoritism towards him will protect him somehow. Interested to see more!

[count_nickula]

This gets ever-more intriguing!

Love Jon's bloodied, but unbowed attitude, and Stephen's reaction to his reflection.