Fic: A Struggle For the Presidency 1/?

[crackerscheese7]

Title: A Struggle For the Presidency

Characters: Jon Stewart and "Stephen Colbert", at least for this chapter
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: A few curses?
Summary: This is the story of Jon Stewart, senator of New York, and Stephen Colbert, senator of South Carolina and their challenging journey to change the world: By being the first Democrat-Republican

Comments

[kribban]

You have some tense shifts here, between present and past tense. I would suggest getting a beta who is good at spotting these kinds of things.

I really like how you portray Stephen here. He's lashing out at Jon and pushing him away when in reality all he wants is for Jon to bring him on board.

Jon smiled nervously and said, “Stephen Colbert, will you make me the happiest man alive and...be my vice president?”

LOL!

[sailorptah]

This is so adorable. Poor Stephen and his conflicting loyalties! I'm imagining the Senate minority leader taking him aside at some point and saying, "Now, remember, you're not supposed to talk to Democrats."

So much self-inflicted drama about Jon's dream-stealing versus Jon's worthiness for the job, too. It doesn't seem like Jon was thinking much about political feasibility by the end, just about how to make Stephen happy again. Which is at once sweet (going down on one knee, even!) and terrifying :D

Looking forward to more!