Fic: The President's Dilemma 2/3
Title: The President's Dilemma Pt. 2
Characters: Jon Stewart, "Stephen Colbert", Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, Craig Ferguson
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: A few curses? Plus mentions of Glenn Beck and Bill O'Reilly
Summary: Jon Stewart, in a reality where he is the president, faces a difficult decision that affects our country, our freedom, or more specifically, Stephen Colbert.
Author' Note: This is my first fanfic in this community so comments would be extremely helpful!
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Previous Parts: 1
The Oval Office- Evening
Jon and Jimmy Fallon are seated on opposite couches, both eating a slice of Stephen's pumpkin pie. "Stephen can really bake a great pie!" Jimmy exclaimed, as crumbs gathered around his mouth as he dug into his slice of pie.
Jon thought about whether or not to tell Jimmy that Stephen didn't actually bake the pie but decided against it. They had more serious matters to attend to.
"Jimmy," Jon began, shifting in his seat. "Can I ask you a question?"
Jimmy glanced at Jon's worried expression and hoped that the question wasn't too difficult. "Yeah?"
"What do you think of Stephen?"
Jimmy released a breath he didn't realize he was holding. Great, a question he could answer. Well, not exactly.
"I can't honestly answer that until August," Jimmy said.
"What?" Jon asked.
"Stephen and I are having a feud on who has the best ice cream recipe. We are currently Best Enemies Forever for Six Months. So officially I hate him," Jimmy explained.
Jon was slightly reeling from the news. There was a feud in the White House and he didn't know about it? What else didn't he know about? "Why don't I know about this?" he asked.
Jimmy shrugged. "Because it's stupid. Stephen started it anyway."
Jon knew this was getting nowhere. He needed to know Jimmy opinion of Stephen now.
Jon sighed and said, "Honestly, what do you think of Stephen?"
Before Jimmy could answer the door flew open and Conan O'Brien ran into the room.
"Jon, I need you to review these bills for tomorrow..." Conan paused and looked over the plates of half eaten pie and Jon's slightly frustrated expression. "Am I interrupting something?"
"No, no, in fact, I have to ask you a question. Please, sit down," Jon said.
Conan sat beside Jimmy on the couch, and stole some of Jimmy's pie. "Hey!" Jimmy yelled.
"As the Chief of Staff, what do you think of Stephen?" Jon asked.
"Colbert?" Conan asked. "I think he is an arrogant wimp. And a bit crazy. A bit like Glenn Beck."
"I always thought that he was like Bill O'Reilly," Jimmy said.
"Guys," Jon said, beginning to get annoyed, "Stop comparing Stephen to former presidents and answer the damn question: Do you like Stephen Colbert?"
Conan and Jimmy glanced at each other and said at the same time, "No."
"But he's kind of funny when he's mad," Jimmy added.
"And he makes a great pumpkin pie," Conan said.
Jimmy turned and grinned at him. "I know, right?"
"Well, thanks for that extremely helpful conversation," Jon said sarcastically.
"Sorry Jon," Conan said apologetically. "Stephen is probably a decent person inside, despite the fact that he is arrogant..."
"And thinks liberals are communists...," Jimmy added.
"And is generally an unpleasant person...," Conan said.
"And practically everyone hates him...," Jimmy said.
"And he shouts in your face when you say the slightest thing anti-conservative...," Conan said.
"Alright, I get it!" Jon said in between giggles, "Stephen's a really messed up person!"
"But he's your messed up person. you guys are great together," Jimmy said.
"Yeah, he is...," Jon said thoughtfully. Despite their different views, Stephen and Jon have stuck together through thick and thin. And by the looks of it, Jon is the only person Stephen hasn't pissed off recently. Jon wondered what would happened if he unleashed an angry Stephen upon the nation after he fired him. It wouldn't end well for anyone. Maybe he should consider keeping Stephen here, to minimize the damage control he'll have to do later.
***888***888***
Washington D.C.,
The White House,
April 10, 2014
Hallway- Late Morning
Jon and Stephen walked quickly down the hall, away from the Oval Office. Most of the hallway was littered with portraits of Stephen, because Stephen insisted that it made him "feel at home." Jon would have protested but he had a cold that day and didn't feel up to it. Beside them was Jimmy Fallon, who was telling them their schedules for the day.
"Jon, you have a meeting with the Chief of Staff at noon, you also have to go to a charity event at two- by the way, have you rewrote your speech yet? I saw the rough draft and it really needs work...," Jimmy said.
Jon groaned. It looks like today will be a busy day. As usual. Jimmy turned to Stephen.
"Oh and Stephen, you have a manicure at three."
"Yes! Finally," Stephen cheered as Jon rolled his eyes. Stephen showed Jon his fingers. "These nails have really gotten long have they?"
They all turn a corner and bumped into a very nervous looking Jimmy Kimmel.
"Jon! Thank goodness I found you!" he said.
"Hey Other Jimmy," greeted Stephen. "What's up?"
"Why am I called 'Other Jimmy'? Why isn't he called that?" Jimmy K. said, pointing at Jimmy F.
"Because I came first," Jimmy F. said.
Before Jimmy K. could respond, Jon said to him, "Jimmy, what are you worried about?"
"I have a press conference in thirty minutes and I have no idea of what to say!" Jimmy K. explained.
"Just go out there and answer the questions like a good press secretary," Jon advised.
"I know, but they're going to ask about that crisis in Iraq and I know that's an uncomfortable topic so what do I do?"
Jon thought for a moment. "Uh..."
"Just tell them the truthiness," Stephen blurted out.
"The what?" Jimmy K. asked.
"The truthiness. Tell them what you feel is going on, not what is actually happening," Stephen explained.
"But what if they call me out on it?" Jimmy K. said.
"They haven't caught me yet and I've been doing it for years," bragged Stephen. "The trick is to blend a few facts with it. They never suspect a thing."
Jimmy F. whispered to Jon, "Isn't that just lying?" and Jon nodded.
"Uh, thanks Stephen," Jimmy K. said finally. "I'll try it out. Can't be worse than telling the truth anyhow."
"How about if you get caught?" Jimmy F. asked.
"The worse that could happen is that I lose my credibility," Jimmy K. said. "Like I haven't lost that already. Well I have to go," he said before running down the hallway.
"Good luck!" Jimmy F. called out.
"Remember, Other Jimmy," Stephen yelled, "Use your gut, not your brain!"
"Do you think this is going to go well?" Jimmy F. asked Jon.
"Nope, not at all," Jon responded.
Stephen overheard this and said, "What? Don't you trust me?"
"Well, by what you just said, most of the time you're lying," Jon said.
"I don't lie, I speak from my gut!" Stephen protested.
"...That's the same thing," Jon said hesitantly.
"No it's not!" Stephen yelled, "My gut speaks the truth- iness."
Jon sighed as Jimmy giggled and Stephen looked at the both of them in confusion.
"What?"