It's absurd...

[faith_delivers]

We are all crazy. This is the first axiom of the human condition. We believe, however, that we must present a sane face to other people. As a result, we spend an inordinate amount of time constructing this persona and implementing it in everyday life. The time and energy that are poured into our desperate attempts to come off as not, in fact,

Comments

[liminalliz]

I think this is true. And I think this is one of the reasons why I absoltuely love and adore nostalgia_lj who is BRILLIANT and... clinically CRAZY. Her imbalances are infectious and fascinating and wonderful.

Plus, all us fandom people are certifably nuts.

[yesisaworld]

Plus, all us fandom people are certifiably nuts.

True - but only within the confines of LJ communities, messageboards, and the like. The incident of, say, one of us going insane over a Matrix poster at the cinema (anywhere public, really, in the presence of non-fandom folks) is considered behavior which merits a good number of disapproving frowns, courtesy of those who do not appreciate Teh Squee.

What kind of crazy are they?

[faith_delivers]

Right- exactly. On LJ, or even in RL with fandom-friends, we can allow ourselves to be crazy in that ONE, specific way because it's acceptable, lauded, and most certainly *expected*.

I think the insanity I'm trying to refer to is way more deep down. The kind of thoughts that would scare the living daylights out of most other people if they knew we had them. The deepseated obsessions and desires and loves and hates that we suppress or water down or continually wrestle with because they are profoundly unacceptable in society.

Does that make sense?

[yesisaworld]

'course it does.

It's just that I was wondering who the "most other people" could be. I mean, if everyone's crazy, then everyone's got obsessions and desires and loves and hates. Who, then, is left over to be so disapproving of a universal madness? Society's made up of people - real, live, human beings - so how can those same people not accept all the things that make a human, well, human? And if we can't accept those things because they're scary.. can't we learn to live with scaring people, and getting scared in return?

On second thought, probably not. That's what you meant by "shunning each other's company", yeah? Sad.

[llamrei]

It's finding out each others' craziness that makes people able to be friends. If we all showed our inner craziness to the world, what's the point of getting to know people? The fact that you only have a certain group of people that you can be that way with is what makes it special.

[faith_delivers]

On the one hand, I understand you perfectly.

On the other... aren't there some facets to your "insanity" that you're unwilling to show most anyone, on the chance that they'll be repelled in some visceral way? Not the splendid craziness of fandom, but the inexplicable insanity of expectations. Of relating to other people. Of *want*.

Heh... I don't want to be a Freudian, but maybe I'm starting to sound like one.

[yesisaworld]

I'll be honest and admit I've been sitting here for an hour and a half, trying to come up with a halfway decent answer to any of those questions you've posted. Ehm. The thing is, "crazy" is too big an idea for me to swallow. It's what we all are, though there will always be those who refuse to acknowledge this fact for whatever reason, and I'm pretty much content to leave it at that, most days.

: shrugs :

[faith_delivers]

Kaks... I love you. I love how you think so deeply about things. You should be an academic - you'd totally dig the intellectual labor, I think. Or part of you would anyway.

"It's what we all are, though there will always be those who refuse to acknowledge this fact for whatever reason"

My question is: doesn't that unwillingness create some kind of problem? If insanity is honesty (as I think I'm suggesting it is, in perhaps its most brutal form), then when some people refuse to acknowledge it, hypocrisy/double standards/deceit, etc. *happens*.

But then again, I think I also believe that human beings hurt each other by virtue of existing. So maybe there's no possibility for true "happiness" - in this world, anyway. I guess I'd just prefer if everyone were honest while they were being discontent.

[yesisaworld]

human beings hurt each other by virtue of existing.

Too true.

I guess I'd just prefer if everyone were honest while they were being discontent.

I would too, really. But try not to dwell on it too much, because doing so will just make you sad. Realizing that we can't all be honest is honesty in itself, and that's enough for now, yeah? Time to return to the simpler things, like fanfiction and Buffy and LJ and Lisa. Forget for the moment how the bigger picture is just too BIG for us to fix, and settle for.. I don't know, eating ice cream. Eating ice cream may not be the universal solution, but you sound as if you could do with a scoop of chocolate-flavored goodness, right about now. We have time enough to worry about madness some other day.

:: hugs ::

[thewishverse]

I think if we were all free in our utopian society to express our craziness maybe we wouldn't be so afraid of each other. I think the fear of others' lunacy, comes from the insanity we connect to inside ourselves. If we lived in a world where there was no stigma the fear would be redundant.

I can't really imagine that society, but I am grateful for livejournal. At least there's a little haven in my life to be myself with my plethora of contradictions and to make friends with equally diverse and seemingly contradictory traits.

[faith_delivers]

LJ rocks.

But we still feel guilty when we start to scratch the surface, don't we? Most of the time? We hide the truly intense posts behind cut-tags and regret sticking them up after the fact.

One kind of insanity is all right, here... but the other kind is still somehow taboo. Except with respect to our closest friends/confidantes.

Do you agree? Does that make sense?

(Also... I still need to beta parts 2 and 3 of your fic. I'm sorry that I haven't gotten to it yet! Things have been really intense for a while here, and they don't show signs of letting up until the semester's out... but hopefully in late May I'll be back in business. Have you posted any of it, yet?)

[thewishverse]

But we still feel guilty when we start to scratch the surface, don't we? Most of the time? We hide the truly intense posts behind cut-tags and regret sticking them up after the fact.

Yes!! I thought this was just me, but I guess not. I'm constantly worrying about what I post and that it's too intense and not fun and frivolous enough.

One kind of insanity is all right, here... but the other kind is still somehow taboo. Except with respect to our closest friends/confidantes.

Do you agree? Does that make sense?

Completely!! Not sure what we do about it but that is certainly how I feel.

Thanks for bringing up this topic!!

Have you posted any of it, yet?)No not yet. Now I have my brand spanking new alternate account I think it may be time to post chapter one. Really don't worry about not getting back to me yet about the other chapters. I may post them before the end of May anyway, depending on how chapter one goes down (in which case I'll let you know). Seriously don't worry about it. I get how infuriating it is when life gets in

[wholesomelymid]

Silly insanity is fine with me. I certainly hide that around RL people most of the time, but on LJ and in fandom it seems to be okay.

Obessessions I'm beginning to be able to deal with.

But honest insanity? Scary insanity? I feel like that sometimes because...I spend a lot of time looking at the world and analyzing it's strengths and weaknesses. Our weaknesses as people, as Americans, as capitalists, as women, as whatever. I personally feel insane when I see those weaknesses in myself, weaknesses and flaws that I supposedly fight against (selfishness and greed and such), and don't feel moved in that moment to correct them. I feel hypocritical in those moments. And I probably end up forgetting all the times that I've been selfless and kind and a decent human being, because the faults just seem more intense than the collective good.

Maybe that isn't insanity, but I don't know what it is. It's dark. It's not something I enjoy feeling.

Are you doing okay, Katie?