Life Behind a Shadow - NC17
Title: Life Behind a Shadow
Rating: NC-17
Author: majistrix
Summary: Dean or Buffy? Faith will have to decide.
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of this.
Spoilers: Just assume everything for both BTVS and Supernatural Season 1.
Author’s Notes: Part two of this chapter will be posted tomorrow. Thanks for reading!
Chapter 4
The halls of the house were like halls in all the really old houses Dean had ever seen, too narrow with odd angles and darkened corners, ready to pull you in and keep you. Gloomy halls meant for ghosts, Dean thought, the sound of his heavy footfalls echoing along the hallway.
Dean left Sam and Dawn in the library. Sam was so absorbed by what he was showing Dawn he didn’t even notice Dean had left. It was as though the hundreds of volumes that lined the walls devoured the last of the day’s light leaving the room feeling smaller than it was. The room felt like something more intimate for them, a safe place to nurture their curiosity.
The two formed an instant bond, happy to find someone who shared their love of learning.
On the other hand it only increased the feeling of being suffocated. It made him feel a claustrophobic. Provocative thoughts of jealousy and confusion were growing in his mind crowding out anything else. The walk began as a way for him to clear his head but as he traveled farther away from the library he only felt more lost.
His lack of understanding of Faith and their relationship, at the moment, was like a road familiar in the day that becomes strange and foreboding at night. He could no longer find his way with her and the closeness she shared with the vampire made him feel like he had the final confirmation, not that he had lost Faith but that she was never truly his at all.
Dean had actually forgotten about her in the year after their first meeting. What memory of her remained was severely limited by his self-centeredness and by the heavy painkillers the medics had given him.
So when an incredibly hot woman came up to him in a bar, in the middle of nowhere in Nebraska and challenged him to a game of pool like they were old drinking buddies he was wonderfully surprised. He eventually recalled who she was-she’d beaten the crap out him after all and she still had that great butt-but Dean still couldn’t remember Faith’s name. It didn’t matter though because as much as they flirted with one another, drinking pint after pint of beer and a few games of pool Dean knew he was getting laid.
They didn’t make it to the Impala. Instead she pulled him off to the graveyard of rusted out trucks that was behind the bar. The little bit of blood in his head still allowing his brain to function registered amazement in how fast she managed to free both of them from their jeans, slip a condom on his dick, bend herself over the corroded hood of a busted up Ford and have him inside of her.
Dean had been really drunk that night but even after being that pissed his mind couldn’t toss aside the memory of the sensation when he first felt those muscles of hers tighten around him. It woke him up from his loose limbed stupor like throwing ice cold water on a sleepwalker.
Faith had toyed with him that night. What Dean had thought was going to be a good hot quick fuck was that and more. He’d been with girls who were able to take charge and Dean liked it but the experience of being with those other girls had nothing on this. She’d let loose a teasing giggle as she pounded back into him, stunning him with her control.
“You still with me?” Dean remembered her asking. He could still see clearly in his mind that taunting look Faith threw over her shoulder after the second, no, the third time she’d taken him to close to having a mind blowing orgasm only to back off. Each time she took the edge off after he’d climbed to the precipice of cumming his brains out the feeling got more intense. Dean’s breathing had become erratic and his heart felt like it was gearing up to beat right the hell out of his chest. He thought she might actually fuck him to death.
Dean didn’t care.
Dean came hard, when she finally let him, and he had to scramble to keep himself upright, his hands moving off of Faith’s hips to claw on the rusted top of the car they were screwing on.
The next morning at breakfast Dean couldn’t stop grinning at the brownish scratches on his hands. He wished Sam wasn’t such a wuss when it came to hearing raunchy stories because he had a hell of a story to tell.
Dean was still in his own world, day dreaming and trying to figure out how to bring up what happened without ruffling his brother’s moral feathers, when he heard a smoky voice ask if they didn’t mind an unexpected guest joining them for breakfast.
Dean looked up to see Faith, hot as hell in her leather motorcycle gear, slide into the opposite booth and hold her hand out to Sam to reintroduce herself. There was no need because Sam remembered her unlike his brother. Faith laughed at the difference. She made Sam laugh too, telling him how Dean was so drunk the night before that couldn’t have remembered his own name and probably didn’t remember hers until Sam said it. She left out the sex part but gave Dean a knowing wink before proceeding to steal a slice of bacon off of his plate.
Dean was more than happy to see her again, something that he normally didn’t feel about his one night stands. Faith instantly fit into their group like she’d been there all along. So when Faith asked if she could ride with the men to wherever they were headed next, neither man objected.
Dean smiled to himself as he recalling how easily their flirting heated up again as the three of them left the diner.
Dean tossed the keys to the Impala to Sam and followed Faith to where her motorcycle was parked. Faith slithered onto the seat making Dean have a short flashback of how she her body rocked and rolled the night before.
The front of his jeans feeling a little snugger, Dean stepped closer to her reaching out to finger the collar of Faith’s jacket.
“You know it’s going to be colder up there.” Dean said through a slight grin. He trailed his hand down from the collar along the jacket’s zipper brushing over Faith’s breast.
“Where?”
“Bridgeport, Michigan. A little town outside of Saginaw. Looks like they might have some Banshees.” His hand moved further down sweeping past the top of Faith’s pants coming to rest on her thigh where his light touches resumed.
“You going to be warm enough in this?” Dean asked.
“Fine here ain’t I?” Faith answered, her breath coming out in white puffs in the cold Nebraska air. She continued to look up at Dean even though Dean’s hand was making its way further up her thigh. “Besides,” Faith said spreading her legs a little more, “I got more than enough heat to keep things blazing.”
Dean could feel that heat coming off of her as his hand made slowly made its way towards the hot center he remembered from the night before.
“That so?” Dean said. He stopped his hand just short of where he knew she wanted it. “Well, you let me know if that’s not enough.”
Faith raised an eyebrow. She licked her lips, her expression turning into a smirk when she suddenly shut her thighs, trapping Dean’s hand. She slowly rose up in the seat making Dean’s hand rub across the seam of her pants
They were face to face. Faith could feel the cold bursts of air from Dean’s breath, which had quickened in an instant.
“Thanks but I think I’ll be able to handle it.” Faith replied suddenly releasing Dean’s hand. She sat back down and revved the motorcycle’s engine and rode away to where the Impala was parked. Dean watched aroused, just from that bit of contact, as she talked to Sam for a second getting the directions before roaring off towards the road that lead out of Stapleton and connected to I-80.
That’s how it started.
In the seasons of their relationship, the beginning was a hot summer. A climate so intense that the only thing Dean could focus on was the feeling of his mind and body exposed to Faith’s scorching passion.
The mornings where Dean couldn’t tell whether the scratches and bruises on this body were from her or the latest demon they’d killed. His surprise, fright and anticipation after finding out that her desire got fiercer after a kill. The blissful almost out of body experience he had every single time she wrapped her mouth around him. Faith’s perilous strength tempered specially to make him ache.
The first couple of months with her were a whirlwind of fighting and fucking and he was more than happy to be caught up in it.
But like all things that time came to an end. Summer passed and Dean fell.
If asked, Dean wouldn’t be able to give the exact moment when things changed but, if pressed, he would suppose it was the time that they’d tried to have a quickie in a storeroom at the Natural History museum in Cincinnati. Long and strange story short, they got bored on a stake out hoping to catch some demons stealing artifacts. Time ran on and it looked like the demons weren’t going to show so they decided to kill time in the best way possible.
Dean was tumbling towards an orgasm, his eyes closed, lost in the sensation of being with her when Faith’s moans suddenly turned into astonished laughter. He opened eyes and was startled to see Faith blushing, a hand over her mouth, trying and failing to stifle her chuckles. She laughed harder when she saw the confused look in his eyes. Faith feebly raised a hand and shook her head in a gesture that said “It’s not you.” and then pointed weakly behind Dean.
A hirsute and anatomically correct male Neanderthal mannequin was getting an eyeful. They’d tipped him over in their rush to get horizontal and he was now leaning on a small box.
His loincloth had ridden up, the small club he was holding was uncomfortably close to Dean’s butt and the heavy browed look on its face was one of curiosity.
Faith guffawed. “You want to ask him to join in or should I?”
Dean couldn’t help but laugh too. “Hey I don’t do that shit.” Dean retorted.
“The pegging or the guy?” Faith teased.
Dean shot Faith an annoyed look and pinched her side. “Both.”
Faith leered at him and replied, “You don’t know what you’re missing,” and gave Dean’s butt a squeeze in return.
“Nah.” Dean said staring down at her glowing dimpled face, starting to move his hips to a slower rhythm they’d been distracted from. “I’m not missing anything.”
They ended up keeping Mr. Neanderthal company an hour longer than they’d planned. On the drive back to the motel, Faith dozed while Dean stole glances at her from time to time.
It had been over two decades since his mother died. They’d passed the two year anniversary of his father’s death. Sam had finally come back but his presence was tenuous. He’d only come back because he was lost and angry. Once they’d killed the demon that ripped apart their lives, Dean knew Sam wouldn’t stay.
That night in the museum wasn’t the first time he and Faith had made love but it was the first night that Dean allowed himself to wrestle with that niggling fear of her leaving that cropped up when she got really hurt or during the times they’d had some stupid fight.
And if Dean was being honest with himself he would also admit the jobs where he and Faith pretended to be an actual couple or the couple of times they’d had to pretend they were husband and wife were more agreeable than he realized.
They’d stopped being just fuck buddies or friends with benefits a long time ago.
Dean continued down the hallway finally meandering into a large training room. He paused there remembering regarding her in the passenger seat that night and noticing, not for the first time, the vampire bite on the left side of her neck.
All the times when he rested beside her and had seen that scar silver in the morning light or when his tongue had slipped along its contours, it had reminded him who this woman was and the things she’d fought against and survived. He knew for all her vulnerability, the walls she could put up and the facades she presented, that foundation of strength was absolutely real.
And that scar also reminded him that this brave strong woman had chosen to be with him when her natural inclination was to roam.
That remnant of some past fight, a struggle that would have killed anyone else, swept away his fears and made him swell with pride for her and himself and the possibilities they could have.
But that was then.
Now it was winter and Dean found himself shivering slightly by a window in a strange room he’d wandered into, staring at the snowflakes coming down.
He now knew who marked Faith with that bite and that no matter what fantasies of shared sacrifice and triumph he’d spun in his mind, the reality was different. He didn’t know who this vampire was or what he meant to Faith but she was somewhere with him and their kid.
If Dean’s heart hadn’t been so battered from earlier overwhelming losses it might have been able to produce tears.
But crying wasn’t the Winchester way. Dean felt his family slipping away so Dean got angry. Pissed right the fuck off and determined to stop it.
What kind of man was he to sit back while this happened? Or father? His father certainly wouldn’t have put up with this shit.
And he killed vamps and things a hell of a lot worse every day.
He’d lost so much to things he couldn’t control he’d be damned if what he had with Faith was going to be added to the list.
Dean reasoned that all he needed to do was get Faith alone and away from here.
Get her back to the life they’d been building. Then he could show her that she didn’t need to run or be afraid. She could trust in him and trust in herself.
Forget the people here, whoever they were and whatever they wanted her for. If they were so important and so beneficial she wouldn’t have been so emotionally fragile when they’d met again and she wouldn’t have stayed with him and Sam for so long. And true friends sure as hell don’t have lie to get you to see them.
Whoever these folks were they weren’t her people.
Dean turned around and marched back in the direction he came with a new plan. Get back to the library, pry Sam away from the girl, have Sam get their stuff together while he got Faith and maybe kicked the vampire’s ass and then get the hell out of here. No, definitely kick the vampire’s ass Dean thought.
Though he was emotionally and physically tired, Dean, motivated, increased his pace, in a single minded pursuit to find Faith.
All that plotting in his head wasn’t necessary though. Faith found him first.
She crashed into him, knocking him to the floor. The millisecond’s glance he got of Faith’s face was enough for him to see she was clearly angry and shaken. Her face was drawn and there were tears falling onto her cheeks.
Dean’s back hit the floor hard. Wincing he turned over to see those heavy shit-kicking boots of hers first step over his body and then continue down the hallway.
Dean called out to her but Faith stomped on without even a glance back towards him.
“I would just leave her if I were you.” yelled a female voice behind him.
He stopped and turned to see Willow, gently guided by Kennedy moving towards him.
“Angry slayers generally aren’t receptive to anything you have to say.” Willow informed him. “It’s all anger and brooding. And sometimes ice cream but the kitchen’s that way.” She finished pointing her thumb behind her.
“You did this.” Dean said pointing over his shoulder to where Faith had been. He growled at the two women, “What did you say to her?”
“We told her about what’s going on here and that we needed her help.” Kennedy answered giving Dean a little shrug.
The little shrug made his anger soar to new heights. “I don’t know what it is you people are fucking doing here but leave me, my brother and my girl out of it. She left? Good. We’re out of here anyway.” Dean started down the hall in the direction Faith had taken.
“Your girl?” Kennedy laughed which stopped Dean in his tracks. “Please. You think you’re protecting her or something?”
Kennedy steadied Willow and got in Dean’s face. “I don’t care what kind of minor-league bullshit you and your brother do, but your girl has been slacking.
She’s shook up because for the last year she’s been playing around with you. You’re worried about her getting hurt? You outta be.”
Kennedy moved closer, her mouth besides Dean’s ear. “You’ve made her soft and you know it.”
Kennedy pulled back and now she and Dean were eye to eye again. “And she knows it. What you just saw is the result.”
Dean’s fists clenched. Part of him wanted to swing at her even though he knew it wouldn’t be much of a fight. He thought about doing it anyway. He’d taken his share off ass-kickings before but she was a Slayer.
He could hear Kennedy cracking her knuckles as she stood there wearing a mocking grin, waiting for his response. The bitch wanted to him to lose it.
Dean was practically hyperventilating, trying to keep his anger down. He managed to do it somehow and after taking a deep breath he looked past Kennedy and spoke to Willow.
“Where is she?” he panted.
“What?” Willow asked back confused.
“Since you two seem to know so much about her. Where would she go, if she’s angry?”
Willow thought back to that first year in Ohio. Faith pretty much kept to the training room or the cafeteria. She hardly stayed in her bedroom and when she did it seemed only to briefly change clothes or to catch a quick nap before patrol.
The only real disagreements she had with anyone were the quick and cruel break up with Robin and the simmering one she’d always had with Buffy. There were no big blow-ups though. Faith hadn’t gotten close enough to anyone for that.
“Honestly, I’m not sure but, really, you should leave her alone for a second. “ Willow gave Dean a sympathetic smile, “You know how she gets.”
Dean smiled himself. He did know and Willow was right. But that didn’t make the urge to go to Faith and get her away from this hellhole any less.
He stepped past Kennedy and stood in front of Willow.
“Look, I just want to get her out of here in one piece. Whatever is making her run now is what was making her run when she came to us. I just know she’s not happy here.”
“You think she’s happy with you?” Kennedy asked behind him.
He turned to look at the slayer. “Yes. She’s better off.”
Kennedy raised an eyebrow, “That’s not what I asked you. Two different things.”
Dean struggled to reply right away. He was happy most times. Sam never seemed happy but that’s what having a big brain did to you. And Faith?
She had her moods. She could turn from being bright and smiling, to being frustrated and angry as a wasp, quick, if you pushed the right buttons. And with all that energy and strength she could stay that way for a good while.
That kind of scared Dean at first - it had turned him on too - but he eventually recognized that was just the way she was. Besides, the angry sex was good. So there!
Faith got angry the way all women sometimes got angry. So what? No need to make a scene out of it.
The broken woman that rushed past him minutes before was something different. He had only seen her like that one other time and that was a while ago and had nothing to do with him.
So yes, little miss bitch, she was better off with him. And that might not be the same as being happy but it sure as hell was better than anything she or the rest these people had to offer.
“The difference doesn’t matter if you all make her fucking miserable. You just tell your boss that we’ll be out of here ASAP.” Dean told Willow.
Dean then lashed out at Kennedy. “And I swear to God, don’t any of you try to contact her again. You care about her so much then stay the hell away from her.”
Dean stood in front of Kennedy for a second, returning the sneer she’d given him before, challenging her to say something. Satisfied he’d finally shut her up he pivoted and made his way down the hall to find his girlfriend.
The two women stood still and watched him leave.
Kennedy shook her head sadly. She returned to Willow’s side so they could finally get to their room, shut the door and keep the crazy people and their issues at bay for a few hours.
Kennedy resumed leading Willow down the corridor but there was one thing that Dean said that still buzzed through her brain bothering her.
“Who the hell is our boss?” Kennedy asked Willow puzzled.
“I think he meant Giles.” Willow looked back with the same expression.
“Giles?” Kennedy cackled, an embarrassing snort coming out of nowhere. “I don’t think you can call yourself the boss if most of your “employees” can throw you across the room.”
Willow rolled her eyes and gave Kennedy a tired look, “Sweetie, there’s more to defining relationships than throwing people all over the place.”
“Since when?” Kennedy grinned back at Willow. “I’m just saying Giles isn’t the alpha dog around here.”
“And who is?”
Pulling the other girl closer, Kennedy gave Willow a hungry look and a teasing smile. Gently biting the other girl’s earlobe she grunted out, “Grrrrrrrrrrr,” shaking her head side to side like a puppy with a toy.
Willow laughed all the way to their bedroom.