explain the night, 7/9
title: explain the night
fandom: harry potter
characters/pairings: remus/sirius, james/lily
rating: PG
summary: this is the entire story of how remus and sirius realised they love each other. remus pov.
chapter seven.
‘I’m going,’ said Remus, getting up to leave.
Remus, Peter, James and Lily had been sitting at a table outside a café for nearly an hour.
Sirius had contacted them via the Floo Network, telling them to go there instantly, because he had big news.
Remus had not intended to go at first. He felt that if Sirius wanted to play games - and being ignored for three weeks straight and then having to jump because Sirius wanted him to, qualified as a game for Remus - he was allowed to do so, but he would not participate in them. Yet in the end, James and Lily had dragged him to that little café, where they had been sitting and drinking wine, enjoying the summer sun.
‘Oh, come on, Moony. He’ll be here,’ James said comfortingly. ‘I’m pretty interested in what the big news is, myself.’
‘Yeah well, see if I care,’ Remus snapped.
‘Remus,’ Lily intervened. ‘Relax.’
‘I am relaxed, I am completely, totally, utterly relaxed.’
‘That’s nice to hear then,’ James said again. ‘Now shut up and sit down.’
‘All right,’ he answered, sinking back into his chair. ‘I just can’t see why I am here, that’s all.’
‘Because you’re our friend. Because you’re his friend,’ Lily said. ‘And because he wants his friends to hear this big news first.’
‘Sounds like a good reason to me.’ Peter laughed as he gestured the waiter to refill his glass.
‘If I’m such a good friend, why hasn’t he talked to me in three weeks,’ Remus spat. ‘I mean, we live in the same apartment and he managed to avoid me for three weeks. And when he called me before, he just said, ‘Moony, café, now.’ That doesn’t sound too friendly to me. Rather impersonal, is what I’d call it.’
‘He said the same thing to us,’ Lily said while eyeing James to nod. ‘He was just in a rush, that’s all.’
‘Oh yes, that’s why he’s an hour late,’ Remus said, getting up once again.
‘Remus, sit. Besides -’
Remus knew James was getting angry; it wasn’t often that he used his real name.
‘- it’s not as if you were keen to talk to him, is it? You started all this ignoring, so don’t you dare complain now.’
‘What?’ Remus huffed. ‘I never-’
‘Yes, you did.’
Remus looked at Lily and Peter for help, but Lily was busy trying to flatten James’s hair (something she long ago found out was useless) and Peter was watching the sun filter through the deep red colour of his wine.
‘Fine.’
He sat back down, staring at his glass, trying his best to ignore the others. Peter had closed his eyes, enjoying the sun as much as he possibly could and James and Lily were acting like the happy newlyweds they were.
‘All right there? Prongs, Lily. Wormtail,’ Sirius’ voice snapped him out of his reverie. ‘Moony.’
Remus felt his heart sink.
He clearly doesn’t want me here.
‘I hope I didn’t keep anyone waiting. I feel asleep on the couch.’ He coughed a few times. ‘I think I’m coming down with something.’
Remus had to admit, Sirius did look horribly pale. But not even that could stop him from looking incredibly gorgeous.
‘We were just having a drink, Padfoot, just having a good time,’ said James jovially. ‘So, fess up. What’s this big news you’ve got?’
‘Yes, Padfoot, tell us!’ Peter encouraged him.
‘Well…’ Sirius shot Remus a weird look.
Even though he continued to cringe inwardly, Remus tried to keep perfectly still, tried not to acknowledge Sirius’s presence. Even when it was clear he had failed at that, he kept an even face, acting as if he wasn’t at all interested in that big news.
‘I was planning on telling only Remus at first, but then I thought - Sirius lapsed into a fit of coughing. ‘We’re friends, right? You’ve all got a right to know and I’m sure you’re glad for us.’
Remus’s resolve lay shattered. Telling only him? Happy for us? What was going on? He fought the beginnings of hope inside him with every piece of his rational mind. Surely, Sirius could not have fallen in love with him, but then… who’s the us? And why only tell him?
‘Stop beating around the bush, Padfoot!’ James smiled. ‘Want some wine?’
‘No thanks, I think that if I eat or drink anything right now, it will all just come right back out,’ Sirius said and coughed again. ‘But all right. D’you remember Jill?’
‘That’s the girl you brought to the wedding, isn’t it? The drunk?’ Lily asked.
‘Yes, her,’ Sirius suddenly glowed with pride. ‘We’re moving in together.’
Lily’s mouth fell open, Peter nearly fell out of his chair and James looked positively outraged. Remus felt awful.
‘That’s why I wanted to tell you first, Moony,’ said Sirius apologetically. ‘This means I’m moving out.’
‘What?’ James practically yelled. ‘Are you - I mean, you’re not joking?’
‘Why would I be joking about something as important as this?’ Sirius asked, frowning. ‘To be honest, I had expected a completely different reaction.’
‘What did you expect, then?’ James said, looking quite angry indeed. ‘How long have you been seeing this girl, two months?’
‘And a half!’
‘And you’re moving in together? Sirius, you don’t even know this girl.’
‘Nice thing for you to say,’ he answered in between coughs. ‘You and Lily decided to get married after dating for one year.’
‘That’s something completely different!’ Lily interrupted furiously. ‘We were and still are in love and everyone knew that. You didn’t even bother to tell your best friends you were still seeing her and you didn’t even care enough for her at the wedding to help her when she was sick.’
‘I was -’
Sirius had started his defence, but Remus cleared his throat loudly.
‘I - er… Well, I think I’ve, I've stayed long enough,’ Remus said in a very hoarse voice, while frowning and staring at the sidewalk. ‘I’m - I’ve got… books I need to get - get back to the library today so, er…’
He drew in a long breath, swallowed hard and he tried to focus on his glass, while nodding at it.
‘Congrats, Sirius.’
‘At least someone is happy for me,’ Sirius said, apparently completely oblivious to what was going on. He coughed again.
‘Remus - Lily started, but Remus ignored her.
‘Come by to get your things whenever you want,’ he said, while getting up, his eyes lowered. Still not looking at anyone, he walked away.
Stupid Remus. Expecting he’d fall in love with you. Very stupid indeed.
Remus knew, though, that he could repeat that to himself for hours, but it wouldn’t make him hurt less.
*
‘Nice work, Sirius,’ Lily said furiously, while crossing her arms and leaning back.
‘What?’ Sirius asked, as he collapsed in Remus’s now empty chair, looking fairly awful indeed.
‘Didn’t you just see Moony leave?’ James asked, shooting him a look of pure anger.
‘You heard the man, he had books to get back to the library,’ he answered.
Both Lily and James rolled their eyes.
‘For someone who’s been called the brightest student at Hogwarts, you really are thick, Padfoot.’
‘I’m sick,’ Sirius moaned.
Peter, who had been quiet the entire time, had gone quite pale. ‘Yes, I think I should go home too. Yes.’
‘You’re right, Wormtail,’ James agreed. ‘We’re going as well.’
‘And you’re leaving me here, all by myself?’ Sirius grinned, but pulled a face right after as if he might vomit.
‘Fat chance, I want to have a word with you,’ James said, with a look that didn’t even show the least bit of compassion.
‘Me too,’ Lily said.
‘Apparate to our place,’ James said, while throwing some Sickles onto the table. ‘Now. See you around, Wormtail.’
And with a faint pop, the four of them Disapparated.
*
‘Remus?’ he heard someone call. He’d only been home a few minutes and had sped into the kitchen to get some tea and chocolate.
He hurried out to see who was Flooing him. He was very surprised to see Mary stare up at him from out of the fire.
‘Mary,’ he said, a bit at a loss. He’d half expected never to hear from her again. Merlin knows he’d try his best to avoid people who’d kicked him out of their house. ‘It’s been a while. How are you?’
‘Fine. Busy,’ she said absently. ‘Full moon’s coming up and all. How are you?
Can I get back to you on that?
‘Great,’ he said with a smile. ‘Thank you.’
A rather awkward silence fell. Remus looked around the living room as much as possible to avoid eye contact. When he did catch Mary’s eye, he just smiled politely and hurried to examine his nails or the carpet again.
‘Well -’
‘Listen -’
Both of them smiled and then they went through the old “you go first, no you”-conversation. In the end, they just wound up staring at the ceiling or floor in silence again.
‘Okay, Remus, I’m not in the most comfortable of positions here and I’ve only got a fifteen minute break, so I’m going to get this over with.’ Mary sighed. ‘I’m really sorry about what happened. I shouldn’t have drunk so much.’
‘It’s okay,’ Remus said quickly.
‘No, it wasn’t,’ she said. ‘But it happened anyway.’
‘I’m sure that -’
‘But it’s not that because I was drunk, that I didn’t mean it,’ she continued. ‘I really like you, Remus. You’re a fantastic man.’
Remus didn’t really know how to reply to this.
‘I can’t believe no one ever told you before. I can’t believe you’re not married yourself,’ Mary rambled on. ‘And I would’ve told you earlier, but - To be honest, I didn’t think it was safe and I wasn’t really sure when Sirius was home or not. He’s not, is he?’
She bit her lip and tried to look past Remus into the living room.
‘No,’ Remus answered. ‘No, he isn’t. And he won’t be here in the future either.’
‘He’s moving out?’
‘Yes,’ he said, gloomily. ‘Or rather, he’s moving in with Jill.’
Mary let out a strangled noise, she looked baffled.
‘Sirius?’ she gasped. ‘With Jill?’
‘That’s what he told us,’ Remus answered, trying to smile.
‘Impossible,’ Mary said.
‘Why?’
‘Well,’ she started. ‘I don’t know Sirius all that well, but I don’t really think he’s the guy for… Jill.’
‘He seems to think he is,’ Remus said. ‘And I guess that’s what matters.’
‘I guess so.’ Mary sighed. ‘I just never… Well, I just never thought of him as the kind of guy for any girl, really.’
‘We are still talking about Sirius Black, right?’ Remus asked, rather shocked.
‘I guess you’re right,’ Mary said awkwardly. ‘Anyway, I’ve now apologised so I can finally ask you if you want to come up to Cardiff this weekend or something.’
Again, Remus didn’t know what to say. That would be right after the full moon. He wouldn’t be up to it then. He didn’t feel like spending a weekend talking about werewolves and refusing a rather nice girl. All he wanted was to sit around and mope and hit Sirius for being such an idiot.
‘You mentioned it at the wedding, so I thought maybe - And it’s only Monday today, so you’ve still got five days to decide.’
‘Well, Mary, that’s -’ Remus said. ‘That’s very nice of you and I would love to, of course, but - with Sirius moving out and everything, I’d like to maybe see if I can help and talk to him, because I’m not sure he’s thought it all over and -’
‘Well, I don’t see how you -’ Mary started, but suddenly her eyes widened as if she’d understood something. ‘Oh. Yes, I see. Like that.’
Remus was utterly confused about what had just happened. He must have missed a vital part of the conversation.
‘In that case,’ she continued. ‘I won’t waste either your or my time any longer. I hope you two have a nice life.’
She smiled and vanished out of the fire before Remus had even realised she'd said “you two” and not “you too”.
*
Sirius hadn’t properly Apparated into the Potter’s living room, but James had already started yelling at him.
‘What, in the name of Merlin, were you thinking?’
‘If only I had a clue what you are talking about,’ Sirius said gloomily. ‘D’you have any idea what you just made me go through, Apparating here? You’re lucky I didn’t ruin your carpet.’
‘Moving in with some girl you don’t even know the last name of?’
‘I do know her last name!’ Sirius said.
‘A girl we only saw once, at our party and she was drunk even before it had properly started!’ Lily continued.
‘Listen, I have no idea why you two are so angry about this,’ said Sirius, while leaning against the mantelpiece, looking as if he was fighting to keep the contents of his stomach put. ‘But I like this girl. I thought you of all people would understand.’
‘Liking and loving are two completely different things, Sirius!’ Lily shouted. ‘I love James. I like you, that doesn’t mean we have to move in together.’
‘Well, maybe that’s something very obvious to you, but I actually do have trouble finding someone I like enough to consider moving in with. And I get the feeling she likes me too.’
‘She likes you for the same reason every girl likes you, Sirius,’ James yelled, while slamming his fist down onto the table. ‘Why can’t you see that? You used to.’
‘What reason is that incidentally?’ Sirius shouted back, coughing uncontrollably. ‘Why do girls like me?’
‘Because you’re Sirius Black!’ Lily rarely raised her voice and that was good thing, because she could be quite scary. ‘Because you’re good-looking and rich, because you’re from a pure-blood family, because you were popular at school, because you were good at everything you ever did. It only has to do with your reputation, not with who you really are.’
‘I didn’t see you have a problem with it when James fell for you without knowing you.’
‘Leave us out of this!’ James yelled. ‘This is about you, Sirius! Why are you so intent on making the wrong choices? Do you like hurting people?’
‘Talk about overreacting!’ Sirius huffed, but then he fell silent and seemed to think a while before speaking again. ‘So you think I can do better? Because I have looked all over the bloody place, James, and it's always about my reputation. I'll just have to settle and at least this girl tries to be somewhat of an adult about it.’
‘That's rubbish and you know it!’ Lily said.
‘Go on.’ Sirius had got quite angry himself. He’d turned a rather violent shade of red from all the shouting and coughing. ‘I’m listening!’
‘Are you really that blind?’ she asked. ‘Or don’t you want to see?’
‘No, I am that blind,’ Sirius said, throwing her a daring look. ‘I’m waiting.’
When neither of them answered him, he added, ‘Go on! I didn’t get yelled at for nothing. So bloody tell me.’
James, who had been massaging his temples, threw an arm into the air as his head snapped up. ‘Remus, of course!’
‘James!’ Lily hissed.
There was a ringing silence. Sirius had a look of extreme bewilderment on his face.
‘Remus?’ He muffed over to the couch and slowly sank onto it. ‘Our Remus?’
Lily sighed and threw James an angry look before dropping herself next to Sirius. ‘Do you know any other Remuses?’
Sirius stared into the fire, without as much as blinking. The shocked look on his face still hadn’t changed.
‘How - how long? How long have you known?’
‘Looking back,’ James said, ‘I think we’ve always known. But Remus told me in sixth year. I - I don’t know how long he… well, before that.’
Sirius tore his eyes away from the fire and looked at Lily in a very hurt way.
‘And you? How long?’
‘Seventh year. I found out myself, Remus never told me.’
A cough and a very long silence followed. ‘But so what if he likes me?’
‘I don’t think you fully understand. He doesn’t just like you, Sirius,’ James said. ‘He - well… Let’s just say he’s never felt something like that before -’
‘Sure, he has.’ His best friend waved his hand impatiently, looking to James and Lily for confirmation. ‘He’s liked loads of girls at school back in -’
‘Sixth year? Seventh?’ Lily asked. ‘No, he hasn’t. To my knowledge, he’s only ever really liked someone and this isn’t just liking. He loves you, the way I love James.’
Sirius was quiet for a while, looking as if he might run off for the toilet any second.
‘And none of you ever thought it was necessary to inform me? You never thought for a moment I deserved to know?’
‘He made us promise, Padfoot.’ James sighed. ‘We couldn’t tell you.’
‘Promises like that are made to be broken, James,’ he said angrily. ‘You should’ve told me.’
James sighed again.
‘Maybe we should’ve -’
‘No!’ Lily sounded outraged. ‘Remus came to us in trust. He trusted us not to tell anyone and I don’t know what they taught you about friendships, Sirius, but I’ve always been told that true friends don’t abuse each others’s trust.’
‘What about my trust then?’ Sirius yelled. ‘What about me, who’s living with the man, who has been in the common showers with him at school, who slept in the same bloody room as him?’
‘Now, Padfoot,’ James started. ‘Remus has always been in perfect control of his emotions, he’s never tried anything.’
‘If anyone had a hard time, it’s him,’ Lily added.
Sirius sighed tiredly and rubbed his eyes.
‘That’s four years,’ he said. ‘That’s four bloody years. Was he ever going to do something about it?’
‘We’re talking about Remus, Sirius,’ James said with a half-smile. ‘Of course he wasn’t going to do anything about it.’
‘Prat.’
‘Who? Me?’ James asked, holding his hands up in surrender.
‘No, not you,’ Sirius rolled his eyes. ‘Remus.’
There was a moment of silence and then Lily shifted uncomfortably.
‘You won’t tell him, right?’ she asked.
‘What do you mean, won’t tell him?’ Sirius grunted. ‘Are you planning on keeping it a secret forever?’
‘I’m planning on keeping it a secret until Remus sees it fit to tell you,’ Lily replied calmly.
‘Well, I’m not.’
‘What?’ Lily yelped. James looked horrified.
‘I can’t see what the big deal is,’ Sirius went on. ‘It’s like you said, he’s never tried anything, right? So why keep quiet?’
‘Because he thinks it’ll ruin your friendship,’ James whispered.
‘But it won’t!’
‘Listen, that’s easy to say when he’s not around,’ said James. ‘Besides, I know Remus, he’ll feel uncomfortable when he knows you know. Not to mention Lily and I will be in big trouble.’
‘So please don’t tell him,’ Lily finished.
‘All right, I won’t tell him.’ Sirius swallowed. ‘Now, would you mind if I used your bathroom?’
fandom: harry potter
characters/pairings: remus/sirius, james/lily
rating: PG
summary: this is the entire story of how remus and sirius realised they love each other. remus pov.
chapter seven.
‘I’m going,’ said Remus, getting up to leave.
Remus, Peter, James and Lily had been sitting at a table outside a café for nearly an hour.
Sirius had contacted them via the Floo Network, telling them to go there instantly, because he had big news.
Remus had not intended to go at first. He felt that if Sirius wanted to play games - and being ignored for three weeks straight and then having to jump because Sirius wanted him to, qualified as a game for Remus - he was allowed to do so, but he would not participate in them. Yet in the end, James and Lily had dragged him to that little café, where they had been sitting and drinking wine, enjoying the summer sun.
‘Oh, come on, Moony. He’ll be here,’ James said comfortingly. ‘I’m pretty interested in what the big news is, myself.’
‘Yeah well, see if I care,’ Remus snapped.
‘Remus,’ Lily intervened. ‘Relax.’
‘I am relaxed, I am completely, totally, utterly relaxed.’
‘That’s nice to hear then,’ James said again. ‘Now shut up and sit down.’
‘All right,’ he answered, sinking back into his chair. ‘I just can’t see why I am here, that’s all.’
‘Because you’re our friend. Because you’re his friend,’ Lily said. ‘And because he wants his friends to hear this big news first.’
‘Sounds like a good reason to me.’ Peter laughed as he gestured the waiter to refill his glass.
‘If I’m such a good friend, why hasn’t he talked to me in three weeks,’ Remus spat. ‘I mean, we live in the same apartment and he managed to avoid me for three weeks. And when he called me before, he just said, ‘Moony, café, now.’ That doesn’t sound too friendly to me. Rather impersonal, is what I’d call it.’
‘He said the same thing to us,’ Lily said while eyeing James to nod. ‘He was just in a rush, that’s all.’
‘Oh yes, that’s why he’s an hour late,’ Remus said, getting up once again.
‘Remus, sit. Besides -’
Remus knew James was getting angry; it wasn’t often that he used his real name.
‘- it’s not as if you were keen to talk to him, is it? You started all this ignoring, so don’t you dare complain now.’
‘What?’ Remus huffed. ‘I never-’
‘Yes, you did.’
Remus looked at Lily and Peter for help, but Lily was busy trying to flatten James’s hair (something she long ago found out was useless) and Peter was watching the sun filter through the deep red colour of his wine.
‘Fine.’
He sat back down, staring at his glass, trying his best to ignore the others. Peter had closed his eyes, enjoying the sun as much as he possibly could and James and Lily were acting like the happy newlyweds they were.
‘All right there? Prongs, Lily. Wormtail,’ Sirius’ voice snapped him out of his reverie. ‘Moony.’
Remus felt his heart sink.
He clearly doesn’t want me here.
‘I hope I didn’t keep anyone waiting. I feel asleep on the couch.’ He coughed a few times. ‘I think I’m coming down with something.’
Remus had to admit, Sirius did look horribly pale. But not even that could stop him from looking incredibly gorgeous.
‘We were just having a drink, Padfoot, just having a good time,’ said James jovially. ‘So, fess up. What’s this big news you’ve got?’
‘Yes, Padfoot, tell us!’ Peter encouraged him.
‘Well…’ Sirius shot Remus a weird look.
Even though he continued to cringe inwardly, Remus tried to keep perfectly still, tried not to acknowledge Sirius’s presence. Even when it was clear he had failed at that, he kept an even face, acting as if he wasn’t at all interested in that big news.
‘I was planning on telling only Remus at first, but then I thought - Sirius lapsed into a fit of coughing. ‘We’re friends, right? You’ve all got a right to know and I’m sure you’re glad for us.’
Remus’s resolve lay shattered. Telling only him? Happy for us? What was going on? He fought the beginnings of hope inside him with every piece of his rational mind. Surely, Sirius could not have fallen in love with him, but then… who’s the us? And why only tell him?
‘Stop beating around the bush, Padfoot!’ James smiled. ‘Want some wine?’
‘No thanks, I think that if I eat or drink anything right now, it will all just come right back out,’ Sirius said and coughed again. ‘But all right. D’you remember Jill?’
‘That’s the girl you brought to the wedding, isn’t it? The drunk?’ Lily asked.
‘Yes, her,’ Sirius suddenly glowed with pride. ‘We’re moving in together.’
Lily’s mouth fell open, Peter nearly fell out of his chair and James looked positively outraged. Remus felt awful.
‘That’s why I wanted to tell you first, Moony,’ said Sirius apologetically. ‘This means I’m moving out.’
‘What?’ James practically yelled. ‘Are you - I mean, you’re not joking?’
‘Why would I be joking about something as important as this?’ Sirius asked, frowning. ‘To be honest, I had expected a completely different reaction.’
‘What did you expect, then?’ James said, looking quite angry indeed. ‘How long have you been seeing this girl, two months?’
‘And a half!’
‘And you’re moving in together? Sirius, you don’t even know this girl.’
‘Nice thing for you to say,’ he answered in between coughs. ‘You and Lily decided to get married after dating for one year.’
‘That’s something completely different!’ Lily interrupted furiously. ‘We were and still are in love and everyone knew that. You didn’t even bother to tell your best friends you were still seeing her and you didn’t even care enough for her at the wedding to help her when she was sick.’
‘I was -’
Sirius had started his defence, but Remus cleared his throat loudly.
‘I - er… Well, I think I’ve, I've stayed long enough,’ Remus said in a very hoarse voice, while frowning and staring at the sidewalk. ‘I’m - I’ve got… books I need to get - get back to the library today so, er…’
He drew in a long breath, swallowed hard and he tried to focus on his glass, while nodding at it.
‘Congrats, Sirius.’
‘At least someone is happy for me,’ Sirius said, apparently completely oblivious to what was going on. He coughed again.
‘Remus - Lily started, but Remus ignored her.
‘Come by to get your things whenever you want,’ he said, while getting up, his eyes lowered. Still not looking at anyone, he walked away.
Stupid Remus. Expecting he’d fall in love with you. Very stupid indeed.
Remus knew, though, that he could repeat that to himself for hours, but it wouldn’t make him hurt less.
*
‘Nice work, Sirius,’ Lily said furiously, while crossing her arms and leaning back.
‘What?’ Sirius asked, as he collapsed in Remus’s now empty chair, looking fairly awful indeed.
‘Didn’t you just see Moony leave?’ James asked, shooting him a look of pure anger.
‘You heard the man, he had books to get back to the library,’ he answered.
Both Lily and James rolled their eyes.
‘For someone who’s been called the brightest student at Hogwarts, you really are thick, Padfoot.’
‘I’m sick,’ Sirius moaned.
Peter, who had been quiet the entire time, had gone quite pale. ‘Yes, I think I should go home too. Yes.’
‘You’re right, Wormtail,’ James agreed. ‘We’re going as well.’
‘And you’re leaving me here, all by myself?’ Sirius grinned, but pulled a face right after as if he might vomit.
‘Fat chance, I want to have a word with you,’ James said, with a look that didn’t even show the least bit of compassion.
‘Me too,’ Lily said.
‘Apparate to our place,’ James said, while throwing some Sickles onto the table. ‘Now. See you around, Wormtail.’
And with a faint pop, the four of them Disapparated.
*
‘Remus?’ he heard someone call. He’d only been home a few minutes and had sped into the kitchen to get some tea and chocolate.
He hurried out to see who was Flooing him. He was very surprised to see Mary stare up at him from out of the fire.
‘Mary,’ he said, a bit at a loss. He’d half expected never to hear from her again. Merlin knows he’d try his best to avoid people who’d kicked him out of their house. ‘It’s been a while. How are you?’
‘Fine. Busy,’ she said absently. ‘Full moon’s coming up and all. How are you?
Can I get back to you on that?
‘Great,’ he said with a smile. ‘Thank you.’
A rather awkward silence fell. Remus looked around the living room as much as possible to avoid eye contact. When he did catch Mary’s eye, he just smiled politely and hurried to examine his nails or the carpet again.
‘Well -’
‘Listen -’
Both of them smiled and then they went through the old “you go first, no you”-conversation. In the end, they just wound up staring at the ceiling or floor in silence again.
‘Okay, Remus, I’m not in the most comfortable of positions here and I’ve only got a fifteen minute break, so I’m going to get this over with.’ Mary sighed. ‘I’m really sorry about what happened. I shouldn’t have drunk so much.’
‘It’s okay,’ Remus said quickly.
‘No, it wasn’t,’ she said. ‘But it happened anyway.’
‘I’m sure that -’
‘But it’s not that because I was drunk, that I didn’t mean it,’ she continued. ‘I really like you, Remus. You’re a fantastic man.’
Remus didn’t really know how to reply to this.
‘I can’t believe no one ever told you before. I can’t believe you’re not married yourself,’ Mary rambled on. ‘And I would’ve told you earlier, but - To be honest, I didn’t think it was safe and I wasn’t really sure when Sirius was home or not. He’s not, is he?’
She bit her lip and tried to look past Remus into the living room.
‘No,’ Remus answered. ‘No, he isn’t. And he won’t be here in the future either.’
‘He’s moving out?’
‘Yes,’ he said, gloomily. ‘Or rather, he’s moving in with Jill.’
Mary let out a strangled noise, she looked baffled.
‘Sirius?’ she gasped. ‘With Jill?’
‘That’s what he told us,’ Remus answered, trying to smile.
‘Impossible,’ Mary said.
‘Why?’
‘Well,’ she started. ‘I don’t know Sirius all that well, but I don’t really think he’s the guy for… Jill.’
‘He seems to think he is,’ Remus said. ‘And I guess that’s what matters.’
‘I guess so.’ Mary sighed. ‘I just never… Well, I just never thought of him as the kind of guy for any girl, really.’
‘We are still talking about Sirius Black, right?’ Remus asked, rather shocked.
‘I guess you’re right,’ Mary said awkwardly. ‘Anyway, I’ve now apologised so I can finally ask you if you want to come up to Cardiff this weekend or something.’
Again, Remus didn’t know what to say. That would be right after the full moon. He wouldn’t be up to it then. He didn’t feel like spending a weekend talking about werewolves and refusing a rather nice girl. All he wanted was to sit around and mope and hit Sirius for being such an idiot.
‘You mentioned it at the wedding, so I thought maybe - And it’s only Monday today, so you’ve still got five days to decide.’
‘Well, Mary, that’s -’ Remus said. ‘That’s very nice of you and I would love to, of course, but - with Sirius moving out and everything, I’d like to maybe see if I can help and talk to him, because I’m not sure he’s thought it all over and -’
‘Well, I don’t see how you -’ Mary started, but suddenly her eyes widened as if she’d understood something. ‘Oh. Yes, I see. Like that.’
Remus was utterly confused about what had just happened. He must have missed a vital part of the conversation.
‘In that case,’ she continued. ‘I won’t waste either your or my time any longer. I hope you two have a nice life.’
She smiled and vanished out of the fire before Remus had even realised she'd said “you two” and not “you too”.
*
Sirius hadn’t properly Apparated into the Potter’s living room, but James had already started yelling at him.
‘What, in the name of Merlin, were you thinking?’
‘If only I had a clue what you are talking about,’ Sirius said gloomily. ‘D’you have any idea what you just made me go through, Apparating here? You’re lucky I didn’t ruin your carpet.’
‘Moving in with some girl you don’t even know the last name of?’
‘I do know her last name!’ Sirius said.
‘A girl we only saw once, at our party and she was drunk even before it had properly started!’ Lily continued.
‘Listen, I have no idea why you two are so angry about this,’ said Sirius, while leaning against the mantelpiece, looking as if he was fighting to keep the contents of his stomach put. ‘But I like this girl. I thought you of all people would understand.’
‘Liking and loving are two completely different things, Sirius!’ Lily shouted. ‘I love James. I like you, that doesn’t mean we have to move in together.’
‘Well, maybe that’s something very obvious to you, but I actually do have trouble finding someone I like enough to consider moving in with. And I get the feeling she likes me too.’
‘She likes you for the same reason every girl likes you, Sirius,’ James yelled, while slamming his fist down onto the table. ‘Why can’t you see that? You used to.’
‘What reason is that incidentally?’ Sirius shouted back, coughing uncontrollably. ‘Why do girls like me?’
‘Because you’re Sirius Black!’ Lily rarely raised her voice and that was good thing, because she could be quite scary. ‘Because you’re good-looking and rich, because you’re from a pure-blood family, because you were popular at school, because you were good at everything you ever did. It only has to do with your reputation, not with who you really are.’
‘I didn’t see you have a problem with it when James fell for you without knowing you.’
‘Leave us out of this!’ James yelled. ‘This is about you, Sirius! Why are you so intent on making the wrong choices? Do you like hurting people?’
‘Talk about overreacting!’ Sirius huffed, but then he fell silent and seemed to think a while before speaking again. ‘So you think I can do better? Because I have looked all over the bloody place, James, and it's always about my reputation. I'll just have to settle and at least this girl tries to be somewhat of an adult about it.’
‘That's rubbish and you know it!’ Lily said.
‘Go on.’ Sirius had got quite angry himself. He’d turned a rather violent shade of red from all the shouting and coughing. ‘I’m listening!’
‘Are you really that blind?’ she asked. ‘Or don’t you want to see?’
‘No, I am that blind,’ Sirius said, throwing her a daring look. ‘I’m waiting.’
When neither of them answered him, he added, ‘Go on! I didn’t get yelled at for nothing. So bloody tell me.’
James, who had been massaging his temples, threw an arm into the air as his head snapped up. ‘Remus, of course!’
‘James!’ Lily hissed.
There was a ringing silence. Sirius had a look of extreme bewilderment on his face.
‘Remus?’ He muffed over to the couch and slowly sank onto it. ‘Our Remus?’
Lily sighed and threw James an angry look before dropping herself next to Sirius. ‘Do you know any other Remuses?’
Sirius stared into the fire, without as much as blinking. The shocked look on his face still hadn’t changed.
‘How - how long? How long have you known?’
‘Looking back,’ James said, ‘I think we’ve always known. But Remus told me in sixth year. I - I don’t know how long he… well, before that.’
Sirius tore his eyes away from the fire and looked at Lily in a very hurt way.
‘And you? How long?’
‘Seventh year. I found out myself, Remus never told me.’
A cough and a very long silence followed. ‘But so what if he likes me?’
‘I don’t think you fully understand. He doesn’t just like you, Sirius,’ James said. ‘He - well… Let’s just say he’s never felt something like that before -’
‘Sure, he has.’ His best friend waved his hand impatiently, looking to James and Lily for confirmation. ‘He’s liked loads of girls at school back in -’
‘Sixth year? Seventh?’ Lily asked. ‘No, he hasn’t. To my knowledge, he’s only ever really liked someone and this isn’t just liking. He loves you, the way I love James.’
Sirius was quiet for a while, looking as if he might run off for the toilet any second.
‘And none of you ever thought it was necessary to inform me? You never thought for a moment I deserved to know?’
‘He made us promise, Padfoot.’ James sighed. ‘We couldn’t tell you.’
‘Promises like that are made to be broken, James,’ he said angrily. ‘You should’ve told me.’
James sighed again.
‘Maybe we should’ve -’
‘No!’ Lily sounded outraged. ‘Remus came to us in trust. He trusted us not to tell anyone and I don’t know what they taught you about friendships, Sirius, but I’ve always been told that true friends don’t abuse each others’s trust.’
‘What about my trust then?’ Sirius yelled. ‘What about me, who’s living with the man, who has been in the common showers with him at school, who slept in the same bloody room as him?’
‘Now, Padfoot,’ James started. ‘Remus has always been in perfect control of his emotions, he’s never tried anything.’
‘If anyone had a hard time, it’s him,’ Lily added.
Sirius sighed tiredly and rubbed his eyes.
‘That’s four years,’ he said. ‘That’s four bloody years. Was he ever going to do something about it?’
‘We’re talking about Remus, Sirius,’ James said with a half-smile. ‘Of course he wasn’t going to do anything about it.’
‘Prat.’
‘Who? Me?’ James asked, holding his hands up in surrender.
‘No, not you,’ Sirius rolled his eyes. ‘Remus.’
There was a moment of silence and then Lily shifted uncomfortably.
‘You won’t tell him, right?’ she asked.
‘What do you mean, won’t tell him?’ Sirius grunted. ‘Are you planning on keeping it a secret forever?’
‘I’m planning on keeping it a secret until Remus sees it fit to tell you,’ Lily replied calmly.
‘Well, I’m not.’
‘What?’ Lily yelped. James looked horrified.
‘I can’t see what the big deal is,’ Sirius went on. ‘It’s like you said, he’s never tried anything, right? So why keep quiet?’
‘Because he thinks it’ll ruin your friendship,’ James whispered.
‘But it won’t!’
‘Listen, that’s easy to say when he’s not around,’ said James. ‘Besides, I know Remus, he’ll feel uncomfortable when he knows you know. Not to mention Lily and I will be in big trouble.’
‘So please don’t tell him,’ Lily finished.
‘All right, I won’t tell him.’ Sirius swallowed. ‘Now, would you mind if I used your bathroom?’