Badger's Guide to Depression, Part 1

[fairgoldberry]

I start this with the warning, that I am not a therapist, not a psychiatrist or counselor or psychologist. I have no more rigorous formal education in the human mind than ten or twelve hours of college psych could give me, and for the rest I speak from personal observation and experience, which are by no means comprehensive.

Depression's just

Comments

[skyflame]

3 and 7 right here (wacky sleep schedule and booze), plus elements of 5 (I finally vacuumed the place earlier in the week, although I still need to give the kitchen a good scrubbing) and 8 (my version is going into work late instead of completely blowing it off).

[fairgoldberry]

*hugs*

The sleep is really a big one for me. I stay up and stay up, watching old TV episodes on Netflix, till I just know work is going to be hell, then I go to bed, wake up late (I wonder why?) and am late to work.

I think, though, it's important that we can recognize these things and go, "Wait, you there, urge to watch three hours of Magnum, P.I. at midnight, I think you may be self-sabotage and not a secret fascination with Tom Selleck's moustache..."

Of course, eventually I hope you and I both get to the space where we can acknowledge the desire to self-sabotage and tell it to go fuck itself.

Much love,
Rowan

[herwickedness]

Non-depressed people just don't get it. It annoys.

[fairgoldberry]

It can annoy, but mostly it frustrates. I see my friends *wanting* to help, wanting to be there, and having literally no idea what the interior terrain of my head is like.

That's one of the reason I'm doing this, that trying to explain, "This is what it looks like to be me," hasn't worked, so I'm hoping, "here is a how-to guide for bad times on the inside of my head," will work better.

A lot of my non-depressed friends have responded to "I am not getting support that I NEED," with variations of "How was I supposed to know?" and "I don't know what you need because I don't understand what you're feeling."

And some of them *do* get it because they've supported people with serious depression in their lives, and they understand, "No, really, I can't call you if I need anything. I just CAN'T."

Much love,
Rowan

[ot_atma]

2, 3, 5, and 10 sound awfully familiar. Also 7 with, oddly, fingernail clippers.

One thing I see a lot of is that people who don't get it will say "X needs to just suck it up" (where X is someone who's been getting depressed). I feel this is in no way helpful. What can be said that is more to the point and more non-callous?

[fairgoldberry]

Anyone who's looking for a way of any sort to say, "X just needs to suck it up," non-callous or not, can fuck right the hell off. You're absolutely right that it's in no way helpful.

There's this attitude people give depressed people sometimes, that if they'd just 'get on with their lives' or 'get over it' that they'd feel better, and it's more than just annoying, it's dangerous. It can keep people from getting help or keep them from getting better.

If someone can't offer loving support, then he should stay silent. Things to say, if you're concerned, are "Hey, you don't seem like yourself. What's up?" or "Hey, is everything all right? You seem a little down lately?" Because, well, "I care about you" is a lot more helpful message than "Walk it off, sissy."

Much love,
Rowan

[rzep]

Oh yep I see quite a few that apply to me at the moment.

We've been doing some great workshops with the cast of the play about how to support people. It mostly boils down to being there and checking in every so often. I'm curious to see what your "what to do" list looks like.

[fairgoldberry]

I've been reading about your play, and it sounds interesting. And yeah, 'be there and check in every so often' is a really big part of it.

Much love,
Rowan

[fleabear]

I have also found some of the people who do not seem to understand are people who wrestle with depression themselves--it boggles my mind. I would think that they of all people would understand, but they don't.

[fairgoldberry]

Well, they understand, but they don't want to admit it. Because if they admit that they really do *know* what you're feeling, then they have to acknowledge it themselves, and there can be a lot of baggage there.

Much love,
Rowan