From Here To Infirmary - Chapter One | Hello, What The Hell Am I Doing Here?
Rating: PG-13
Genre(s): Drama, suspense, mystery, fantasy (slight), romance, chaptered
Pairing(s) In Overall Story: Ruki/Kai
Pairing(s) In This Chapter: NONE
Summary: The biggest thing we fear is the thing we need the most. It is only once we let ourself accept such that we find our fear gone and our hearts full.
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Ruki could feel his heart pounding, loud enough that the sound reverberated against his ears. Wedged between the red brick façade of a crumbling building and the wrought iron decrepit fire escape, his mind was running circles as his lungs were on fire. Each breath he sucked in and let out burned. His leg muscles were aflame and he felt his whole body shaking from how much stress it had been through. However, as he gulped, and caught light hold of the chaffing metal backbone that clung to the building, he realized he couldn’t remember how or when he had gotten there. He also didn’t know what he was running from or why; all he knew was that he had in fact been running. Hard.
He didn’t like the feeling one bit; the fact that he couldn’t remember what had happened made his heart pump even faster with blood, sending his body into overdrive. There was dread and hopelessness attached to every inch of his being, surely flooding him with its power before it would make his body explode from the sheer force.
There was a level of arrogance that came with his profession, and though he didn’t often flaunt it, he certainly was aware of the fact that he was famous. For the first time in his life, since he’d gained the success that he had, he wanted to throw himself out into the street and demand that someone help him. Though where the street was was something Ruki couldn’t place in his anxious state.
“Don’t be stupid.” A voice said sharply from further in the alley, the very same he’d found himself it. The whole area seemed darker than Ruki was prepared for as it was like an ominous gray blanket covered the natural colors of the world, making them appear darker and more sinister in nature. No longer was the place bright and possibly cheerful; and though he was almost certain it was a matter of his mind playing tricks on him, particularly as he found himself confused and lost and therefore very pessimistic about what was to come, he felt as if he were oppressed by the sheer tone the world had suddenly taken on.
“What?” He shot back in a voice so taunt and frantic that he squeaked. Annoyance shot through him at his vocal cord’s betrayal and Ruki reached up to rub at his throat, pushing hard against his skin as if that would stop his voice from repeating the same.
“I said don’t be stupid; don’t be stupid and pretend to misunderstand my words Ruki-san. You know very well what I mean.”
Ruki felt his body go tight and he involuntarily stepped backward, both confused and scared of whatever-or whoever-it was that spoke to him. Particularly as he hadn’t a clue what the words meant, no matter how the speaker insisted he did. The blood drained from Ruki’s cheeks, cooling his face rapidly and making his already fair skin go paler. The fact that mere moments before, he’d considered using his fame to save himself from some fate he didn’t even know he was trying to escape now eluded him and he was struck dumb that someone would know his name at all.
The intruder stepped forward so some of the dim, hazy light that fought for life in the opaque alley washed over him. He was hunched, somewhat, with a hat situated on his head comfortably and odd, bulgy clothes which seemed both far too big and awkwardly too small all at once. It was heavy brown and coarse material, like that of a burlap sack, though a smile shined from under his hat’s brim. “You seem alarmed. Why?” There was a hint of irony in the man’s words, a fact he surely was aware of.
Ruki was speechless, though he didn’t want to be. He wanted to demand answers, immediately; but the man spoke again before Ruki had the chance to interrupt him. “Don’t be stupid.” He said again, lifting his head so that his eyes crested from under the brim of the hat and the two locked gazes. The pale face under the hat was strikingly familiar, but Ruki couldn’t place it and he was frantically racking his brain to remember where he’d met this man before. The other merely smiled widely, almost dangerously, from the ominous angle beneath the hat.
“Why do you keep saying that?” Ruki demanded his brows coming together in sudden sharpness and irritation.
“And he gets flustered.” The man said in an amused, light-hearted tease. He moved closer and Ruki fought the urge to move back. A laugh played on the other’s voice which only irritated Ruki more. “It will do you well to learn patience, Ruki-san. I say it because you’re being stupid and I’m trying to prevent it, to help you from it. Save you perhaps even.” His head tipped up and he glances at the gray sky thoughtfully.
Thick clouds concealed the sun, or moon-it was difficult for Ruki to tell what time of day it was. The light, however, shone through the thick haze of the fluffy gathered rain drops. Ruki felt as if it reflected the emotions running through him-he felt like he was thinking through a hazy screen, or a thick cloud, that had descended upon him without his permission and now he had to decide if it was the sun or moon that awaited him on the other side.
“It’s Akira.” Ruki’s head snapped back down to the man and discovered that he was looking directly at him again. He hadn’t even realized his eyes had followed Akira’s northward. “Though I’d prefer it if you’d call me Aki.” A fact that was something that he already knew, though Ruki could not explain why or even understand; just like the shape and familiarity of Aki’s face was familiar, so was the sound of Aki’s name.
Ruki’s head hurt from how bewildered he was; but he hadn’t the chance to truly reflect on it before, from the corner of his eye, he spotted something move in the alley way. He visibly jumped in his spot, his knees buckling slightly under the weight of his body as he swayed to keep his balance. Pressing himself firmly against the brick wall, he felt annoyance flood him as he heard Aki’s laugh mock him. Ruki swung on the man who had moved further forward. “There’s something there.” The singer insisted dumbly.
“There’s something everywhere Ruki-san; you’re liable to have a heart attack before the day is out and if that’s the case, I’d appreciate it if you’d get on with it. It would be easier if you’d lie still while you recover rather than be up and about. I’m positive you will recover; this you must trust me on. However, I suspect it will not be as easy as that-you’re already a handful.” Aki laughed, his voice echoed against his own throat and danced off the building walls between them.
“Recover…? From what?” He demanded of Aki, harsher than he intended. His eyes moved to his body for a moment before he shook his head, further confused by Aki’s words. “I’m fine.”
Aki’s head dipped and he bent near to the ground; the awkward material around his body shifted and Ruki was certain that he was deformed from the way it clung to his body at strange angles. His face was hidden below the hat as he ran his fingers along the ground. He lifted them so he could look at the bits of gravel and dirt on them; Aki was still carefully appraising them when he spoke. “Ah, my dear Ruki-san; that’s where you are wrong. But you can continue to believe so, in fact I would implore you to do so. Because you wouldn’t be you if you didn’t deny such a thing. As for what you will recover from…” his hand dipped back down and, what Ruki assumed was a shrug, his shoulders drew up and dropped again, “life, perhaps?” His head turned up to Ruki and the eerie smile crossed Aki’s face again. “That is up to you, ne?”
Ruki opened his mouth to retort, to voice every bit of irritation he had in the confusing words that came from Aki, but the man cut in before he could. “Don’t be stupid Ruki-san. Just take what I give you and allow yourself a moment to digest it. You ask too many questions-just think for a moment. You already know the answers.”
The singer felt a small frown cross his face and his eyes narrowed in on Aki for a moment before he turned on his heels to try and find a way through the narrow opening between the building and the escape. He, however, didn’t move more than a step before he heard a skittering of something across the ground and he took a quick step back. Ruki felt Aki’s hand catch his back as he had run into the other man, turning around to see Aki standing directly behind him. A smirk was spread across Aki’s face, which was still hidden slightly by the hat he wore, and Ruki swallowed hard.
“There might be many somethings everywhere, but this one is here now and I don’t intend to stay for it to strike. You must know - how do I get out of here?” Ruki asked quickly, the sharpness of his voice was the biggest indication of his fear. He was frustrated with the dread he felt; the darkness that loomed behind-and the sounds it held-were enough to make his heart pump wildly beneath his chest.
The smirk seemed to grow across Aki’s lips and he nodded his head-and therefore the top of his hat-towards the open space beyond where they stood; the same space where the noise had come from. “You claim to be fine-and yet the smallest bit of fear ails you. Don’t be stupid-just move.” Aki told him again; Ruki felt his jaw tighten and it took all his effort to keep himself from shouting at the infuriating man before him.
Ruki stepped around Aki, giving his head a hard shake so that his hair moved like a disturbed pile of feathers. “I value my life a great deal-there has to be another way. A…a safer way.” He told Aki; he wasn’t sure why he couldn’t bring himself to pass through the darkness, but he knew that he would much rather climb the fire escape than cross through the rest of the alley into an abyss that could hold danger. It was an irrational fear and it was, perhaps, the irrationality of it that made him so very anxious and frustrated with the fear in the first place. But fright itself was something that couldn’t be explained, something that couldn’t be stopped. He was stuck in a continual loop as he tried to convince himself to muster the strength to combat it.
“And I’m fine-I don’t feel sick.” Ruki added in a huff as he ran his hand across his forehead, frowning at the wetness of it. He was certain the sweat that dotted his forehead came from his aggravation and nerves, which was all the more reason to be irritated by the man in the hat. “I’m fine.” Ruki mumbled to himself as he ran his hand on the brick wall, his eyes moving to where the ladder of the fire escape was. He was a short man, certainly too short to jump to reach the first rung alone. “Are you going to help me?” Ruki snapped after a moment, his eyes flickering over to where the disfigured man was.
Aki stood still where he was, a smug smile on his face as he closely watched Ruki as it was clear the man was trying to come up with an alternative to his dilemma. “The longer you choose fear, the longer you are stuck here. Remember that, Ruki-san-it’s up to you to use it. But by all means-continue to idly search for an escape. It’s quite amusing…” Ruki saw a flash of the man’s eyes before his head fell forward again, the brim of his hat concealing most of it. “And good thing you are well-I forget, is it normal to be as pale as you are? Or your heart, I am sure it’s beating fast-is that normal too? You’re…shaking, Ruki-san. Surely a sign that everything is well.”
Ruki only managed to notice, when Aki pointed it out, that he had balled his fists up to keep them from shaking; even his knees felt slightly weak and he swallowed hard as his eyes flickered towards Aki. “I’ll prove it-get me out of here and take me to a doctor. They’ll show you that I’m fine. I am fine.” Ruki insisted though he was starting not to believe his own words. But he couldn’t admit that entirely to himself let alone to the strange, rather irksome man.
“And his ignorance lingers another day.” Aki teased with another distant laugh. “Clearly today is not the day we wish to learn, is it Ruki-san? Come on.” Though his words were full of disappointment, the lingering smirk hadn’t left Aki’s lips. The man took hold of Ruki’s sleeve and tugged him forward, forcing the man closer to the space between the wall and escape, the very same that worried Ruki in the first place. “Nothing in the dark can hurt you unless you let it-remember that.”
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“Are you going to go in there?” Reita’s eyes lifted and fell on Aoi who had spoken to him. They were seated by one another, in chairs with little cushion and against the white wall of the bland hallway. Across the hall was an open door, exposing the room beyond. The bassist had his fingertips pressed over his mouth as if it would shield him from the sick and sad feeling that he felt radiate from his stomach out to the rest of his body. The whole atmosphere of the area was bleak, at best, and the sterile walls around them certainly didn’t make Reita or Aoi feel any happier.
Reita’s eyes flicked back through the open doorway where Ruki’s body lay under a thin white sheet. His entire body seemed to blend into the ivory color, his hair and pale skin camouflaged and it sickened Reita. He was unaware that Ruki could ever look so lifeless and still be breathing as he was.
“The doctor said he might wake up; but he might not. I wish they could tell us more. We…shouldn’t have let him push himself this far Aoi.” Reita responded stoically, in a distant tone. His finger tips had fallen away from his lip and he let his hand drop softly against his thigh. Yet Reita made no move to actually stand and cross over the threshold to enter the room.
“It was never our choice, was it? No one could have stopped him…I don’t think I could be stopped if it were me either. It could have been any one of us. But Reita - you didn’t answer my question; are you going in there?” Aoi asked more slowly, but firmly in his words. He waited patiently for his friend’s answer, though he was fairly certain he already knew the answer.
Reita’s eyes alone moved to the other man and he shook his head so that long blonde spears of hair fell into his eyes. “No. I can’t.” His eyes moved back to Ruki’s body, appraising his friend a moment longer as if it would ensure that the bedding still rose and fell with each breathe Ruki took. The sound of the machines attached to him made Reita uneasy and secure all at once. As they beeped in a steady pattern, it meant that their friend was still alive and therefore there was reason to be comforted. With his eyes settled on Ruki, he directed his words at Aoi, “Neither are you - that’s why you were hoping I’d go in there, ne? So he’s not alone.”
Aoi’s head dipped down, confirming what Reita said. He finally sighed, piercing through the temporary silence of the hallway. “Kai and Uruha will be here soon. Hopefully someone will come soon so he doesn’t have to be in there alone. He looks so…small under all that.” Reita turned away and let his hands come back to his face but he nodded. They sat silently again, Reita mentally agreed with Aoi’s words while they both reflected on the amount of strength and courage they would need to walk in and expose themselves to Ruki’s sickly state.
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Authors' Note
Mandy & Jackie: Hi!! This story is supposed to act as a buffer between our usual magic heavy chaptered pieces--though our next Gazette one will in fact be VERY big on magic. ^_^ Those of you who know us may already know its sort of our forte to do that.
But! Those of you who don't, we say hello and we hope you can trust us. :D We like to play tricks, put in clues, keep you in the dark, and we're crazy about twists. We hope you're ready for that, even if in a small dose (as this will be a smaller scale story). Please trust us!! We say it a lot, we will continue to say it so long as people continue to read. :D
We promise everything will come full circle and make sense in due time. Thank you for reading!!! We hope you enjoyed this beginning enough to follow us further!!