Crack Time
oocEric: Godric dies, and since Pam likes cats, my Eric went "maybe a cat would be nice company ;_;"
oocEric: and -- I don't remember how -- he acquires a kitten, which is actually Godric reincarnated, which communicates through a Ouija board
oocEric: which is what freaks him out
oocEric: because at some point he has it out and it starts spelling out HI I AM GODRIC on the board
oocSookie: nudging the ouija board pointer around with his little kitten paws
oocEric: and Eric feels all awkward about having to get Godric neutered and change his litter and stuff like that.
oocEric: HOW DO YOU TAKE YOUR MAKER TO THE VET, I ASK YOU
Godric: YOU HAD ME NEUTERED?!
Godric: I am never speaking to you again.
Eric: I didn't need a ton of baby kittens all sired by you.
Eric: It's irresponsible.
Eric: [scritches!]
Eric: I have salmon-flavored cat treats.
Godric: [tries not to purr] But, But-!
Eric: Caaaaat treats.
Godric: Stop trying to distract me! ...Salmon?
Sookie: Cat/nip/
Eric: And you have a fluffy little bed. And catnip.
Godric: ...I STILL WANT MY BALLS BACK.
Eric: The vet probably got rid of them!
Godric: [cries]
Eric: [scritches!]
Eric: [pulls out a laser pointer!]
Godric: [trying really hard not to be distracted by it] ;;
Sookie: ohmahgawd what a cute kitteh!
Eric: [waves the pointer around]
Eric: Don't touch him, he bites.
Godric: I DO NOT
Sookie: *cuddles the little kitteh up into her cleavage*
Godric: I ONLY BITE YOU BECAUSE YOU HAD MY BALLS CUT OFF
Godric: SEE? I WOULD ENJOY THIS SO MUCH MORE WITH BALLS!
Eric: No you wouldn't.
Godric: [still cuddles into her cleavage]
Eric: No catnip unless you behave.
Sookie: Adorable kitty
Godric: I'll pee on your best clothes.
Eric: It's Godric.
Eric: I'LL LOCK YOU OUT OF THE BEDROOM.
Godric: I'll pee on your important paperwork.
Eric: Or get a spray-bottle.
Eric: That's what Pam does. Sprays the misbehaving ones.
Eric: I just hope the ASPCA never shows up here when I'm disciplining you.
Godric: ...You're mean. I want a new owner.
Sookie: [cuddles him]
Eric: You don't get one.
Godric: Like Sookie.
Eric: You get me.
Sookie: you can't be mean to such a cute cat!
Eric: And I get fucking blood-bonded to a goddamned cat.
Eric: Sookie, you really don't understand.
Eric: Underneath the little face and fluffy fur, there is a cunning millennia-old intellect which does not sleep.
Sookie: *scritches between his ears*
Sookie: I know. I can hear him.
Godric: Sookie, he had me neutered! Can you believe that?
Eric: Isn't that... special.
Sookie: Well, there is a movement that says to care about your pets, you neuter or spay 'em
Godric: [purrs at the scritches]
Eric: Yes!
Eric: That's why!
Sookie: Gawd, you're cute.
Godric: But now I have a whole lifetime of no sex.
Sookie: I still have some cat toys left from my old cat.
Eric: [frowns]
Godric: ...What kind?
Sookie: Catnip mice, a little dangly thing for you to play with...
Eric: You don't get to run away.
Godric: I like catnip. And dangly things.
Eric: Like your missing balls?
Godric: ...I'm going to pee on everything you own, Eric.
Godric: All of it.
Sookie: ERIC!
Eric: I am going to spraybottle you like you can't even imagine.
Sookie: You're both awful to each other sometimes
Eric: I'm sure Pam has a kennel I can borrow.
Godric: I'll scratch you. I wonder what vampire blood does for a cat?
Sookie: O_O
Eric: Don't /even/.
Godric: You're planning to do awful things to me, and you had me neutered.
Godric: I deserve revenge.
Sookie: Aw!
Sookie: You two need to call a truce.
Eric: I wasn't going to do awful things to you until you said you'd pee on everything.
Eric: I neutered you to keep you from fucking every cat in heat for miles.
Sookie: Would that really be so bad?
Godric: Yes, thank you for reminding me I won't have any sex this lifetime.
Godric: And you were being mean
Sookie: aww
Eric: Cats don't live that long.
Godric: ...That's not terribly comforting.
Eric: You could be a mayfly.
Sookie: [CUDDLES]
Godric: [mewls pathetically] This sucks.
Sookie: [kisses the top of his furry little head]
Eric: Do you want me to send you into your next incarnation?
Sookie: ERIC!
Godric: See how mean he is? What did I ever do?
Eric: What??
Eric: I was being generous!
Eric: You might get balls in the next life!
Eric: Unless you're a woman.
Godric: [sighs]
Sookie: Women have non-literal balls.
Godric: Just get me some salmon while I come to terms with not having sex for at least the next years.
Eric: I need to get a tag for your collar.
Eric: [puts out a little salmon steak]
Godric: [perks up]
Sookie: [sets him down with a little kiss to the top of his head]
Godric: [omnomnomnom <3]
Eric: That's what I thought. [mutter mutter]
Sookie: [gives Eric a hug]
Sookie: Be nice to him. He has a lot to adjust to.
Eric: As if I don't?
Eric: I'm supposed to be taking my orders from a KITTEN.
Godric: [licking chops <3]
Sookie: [takes her hair down and dangles a ribbon for Godrickitty]
Godric: :D [playsplaysplays]
Eric: I thought cats were supposed to be affectionate.
Sookie: [cat-fishing!]
Eric: [wants to try cat-yodeling]
Godric: [caught the ribbon omg!] :D
Godric: [chews on it]
Sookie: [laughs and tries to tug it away]
Godric: [it escaped!] D:
Eric: You have lost more dignity than just your balls, old friend.
Godric: [goes for it again]
Sookie: [dangles s'more]
Godric: Oh shut up, this is ridiculously entertaining.
Eric: [takes the ribbon away from Sookie and tries cat-fishing]
Godric: [catches the ribbon, latches claws in] :D
Eric: ... yes, I can see that.
Godric: [cheeewwwss]
Eric: [little yank]
Godric: [still latched!]
Sookie: don't be rude to each other
Eric: I'm not, I'm playing with him.
Sookie: Let's not focus on the, ah, neutering thing so much
Eric: He'll get used to it.
Godric: [growls a little]
Godric: [still playing, though]
Eric: [dangle yank]
Godric: [won't let it get away this time!]
Sookie: [giggles] So cute.
Eric: [dangles it higher]
Sookie: I have a proper cat-fishing line at home. With a little catnip stuffed fish on the end.
Godric: [jumps for it!]
Eric: He seems entertained by this... [a little higher]
Sookie: [/giggle/]
Godric: [still jumping!]
Sookie: You are /so cute/
Eric: [dancing the ribbon around, just out of reach]
Sookie: [to Eric] There's more to jump for when there's catnip involved.
Sookie: [to Godric] Has he given you catnip yet?
Eric: He doesn't /need/ more motivation.
Godric: He has. I like it. [Juuuuuump~!]
Sookie: I bet you do.
Eric: [lets him catch it briefly]
Godric: [success!! latches claws in]
Sookie: awwww!
Eric: [YOINK]
Sookie: [is also ridiculously entertained]
Godric: D: [! it got away!]
Sookie: aw!
Eric: If you catch it, you can have another treat.
Godric: <3! [trying to catch it]
Eric: But you have to catch it.
Sookie: [reallly charmed by the two of 'em]
Eric: [dangle!]
Godric: [juuuuumps~!]
Godric: [flailing kitty paws]
Eric: [... lets him catch it]
Godric: [caught!] :D
Sookie: [laughs delightedly]
Sookie: I'll grab the treat
Eric: [scritches him]
Godric: [purrs!]
Sookie: Will you eat out of my fingers?
Godric: Sure!
Eric: Yeah, like you had to ask.
Sookie: [holds the treat in her hand for him]
Godric: [licks it up, omnomnom! <3]
Sookie: good cat!
Godric: [happy kitty] <3
Eric: [snickers]
Sookie: [scoops him up and cuddles him to her chest again]
Eric: [eyebrow]
Godric: [purrrrrrs]
Sookie: You are so cute!